神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E04

Part 4 April 2, 2020, 11:35 a.m.

Did I ever tell you
我的吉米内假德大赛黑历史
the story of my Jimmy Jabs humiliation?
没有今天你才跟我开始聊天
No. You pretty much never talked to me till today.
那是在2009年开场仪式上
Well, it was 2009, it was the opening ceremonies
我激动得不行
and I couldn't be more excited.
我甚至专门为比赛做了头发
I even got my hair styled just for the event.
查尔斯点燃我吧
Charles, flame me.
比赛还没开始我就出局了
I was out before the games even began.
如果回到当初我还是会做同样的事
But I wouldn't change that moment for the world
因为我意识到就连火苗
because it made me realize that not even flames
也不能让我化为灰烬
can grind me down to dust.
"总有我们的归属因为我们容光焕发"[电影歌♥词]
There is a place for us, for we are glorious.
你果然是胡须女
You are the bearded lady.
我们都是胡须女
We are all the bearded lady.
现在扪心自问有什么事你一直想做
Now ask yourself what have you always wanted to do,
-但是又怯于去做呢 -唱歌♥
- but were too scared to try? - Sing.
-什么 -我一直想在大家面前唱歌♥
- What? - I wanna sing in front of everyone.
可以这位女士
Okay, little lady,
你赶紧开开嗓
you get that voice warmed up
因为过会儿你要在闭幕式上表演
because you are doing the closing ceremonies.
我不行我都没有准备
I can't. I haven't prepared.
我都不会唱你那些歌♥
I don't even know the song.
欢迎来到演艺圈机不可失失不再来
Welcome to show business. It waits for no one.
一个小时后轮到你上场
You're on in an hour.
迪亚兹我想通了为什么你这么想赢
So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win.
我黑进了你的日程表
I hacked your work calendar.
日程表本来就是公开的
Those calendars are public.
系统里每个人都有权限可以看
Everyone on the system has access.
是我黑进去的我是黑客
I hacked it. I'm a hacker.
总之你14天前就休假过了
Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago,
然而这次你又想得到一天假期
and yet, you already want another day off?
非常奇怪除非你有独一无二的
Odd, unless you need it for a unique,
一生只有一次的事
once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.
或许是要向你女朋友乔瑟琳求婚
Perhaps a proposal to your girlfriend Jocelyn.
-什么 -你们已经交往一年了
What? You've been dating for a year,
你们互相见过父母了
you've met each other's parents,
你还刚做了美甲
and you just got your nails done
就为了向她递出求婚戒指
to present her with a ring.
-乔瑟琳跟我分手了 -什么
Jocelyn broke up with me. What?
我想请一天假只是为了一个人待着
I want the day off so I can sit alone
听死亡重金属把我的思绪调整好
and listen to death metal and get my head right.
那你为什么要做美甲
But what about my nail polish solve?
做美甲会让我有片刻的愉悦感
Getting my nails done made me feel better for a second.
你这是故意给我摆迷魂阵呢吧
This is a trick to throw me off.
我敢说你的生活一定非常幸福美满...
I bet things are better than ever and you--
你还真在哭啊
You really are crying.
欢迎来到我最虐的发明
Welcome to my most sadistic creation.
纠缠在一起的延长线噩梦
The tangled nightmare of extension cords
此前就放在我们的储物柜里
that lives in our supply closet.
你们的任务就是解开你那个灯的电线
Your mission is to untangle your lamp's cord,
把它插♥进♥去
plug it in,
然后站在小推车上慢慢将自己拉过去把灯打开
and then pull yourself to it on your dolly and turn it on.
好极了希契科克的兴♥奋♥剂♥开始失效了
Oh, nice. Hitchcock's coming down from the speed.
我有机会赢
I have a chance.
怪胎们开始吧
Freaks, begin!
杰克
Jake!
那是什么鬼
What is that?
抓住上面那根然后扯最下面那根
Grab the top one and yank the bottom one!
谢天谢地你是这个意思
Oh, thank God that's what she meant.
不过如果你想玩什么新"花样" 我愿意献身
Although, I'm open to whatever you wanna try.
开始了
Here we go.
迪亚兹我想跟你道歉
Diaz, I wanna apologize.
我不跟你说话
I'm not talking to you.
艾米成功了
Oh, oh, Amy, it worked!
-"啪啪啪"成功了 -什么才不是
- The banging worked! - What? No!
好了
Here we go.
上啊
Go.
找到
Gotcha.
你永远追不上我的
You're never gonna catch me.
好了我成功了
Yes, I did it!
希契科克要输啦
And Hitchcock's gonna lose!
罗莎和霍特一定会打败他的
Rosa and Holt are gonna beat him.
罗莎停下我放弃
Rosa, stop. I give up.
我希望你知道我为窥探你的私事充满歉意
I want you to know I'm sorry for prying.
你去赢吧享受你今天的假期
Win this thing, and enjoy your day off.
如果你希望有个朋友陪你坐着
And if you ever want a friend to sit with you
默默地听死亡重金属
and silently listen to death metal,
我一直都在
just know I'm always here.
好啊我想这样
Okay. I'd like that.
什么不要你们两个怪胎在干什么
What? No! What are you freaks doing?
我们要退出比赛
We're leaving the competition.
有些东西比竞赛游戏更重要
Some things are more important than a game.
不才没有等等你们去哪儿
No, they're not! Wait, where are you going?
别走啊我们需要你们...
Don't leave! We need you to--
天花板跟我到底有什么仇
Why does the ceiling hate me?
我不明白
I don't get it.
你一开始为什么要打这个赌
Why did you make this bet in the first place?
我也不知道
I don't know.
泰瑞一直说什么我变成熟了
Terry kept saying all that stuff about how I matured,
我开始担心我成为无趣的成年人了
and I got worried I was becoming a boring adult.
你才不是无趣的成年人
You are not a boring adult.
不我就是
No. I am.
你想知道我之前
You wanna know why
争取一年不处理文书工作的真正原因吗
I really wanted that year of no paperwork?
那样的话如果我们真的怀上孩子
It's so if we did get pregnant,
我就有更多时间来帮忙带孩子了
I would have more time to help with the baby.
-好暖心 -不别这么说
- Aww. - No, save your "Aww."
我不配
I don't deserve it.
我只是个无趣的负责的家伙
I'm just some boring, responsible guy
即将失去我们的车
that's about to lose our car.
你现在还是相当不负责的
You're still pretty irresponsible.
你只是身为我的妻子故意这么安慰我而已
You're just saying that 'cause you're my wife.
不我没有
No, I'm not.
昨天你把我们家烟雾报♥警♥器里的电池拆下来
Yesterday, you took the batteries out of our smoke detector
给你的大嘴巴鲈鱼摆饰用
to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass.
-你注意到了 -是啊
- You noticed. - Yeah.
-在不是什么好情况下发现的 -是啊
- In a bad way. - Yeah.
起来吧赢得这个赌约
Now get up, and win this bet.
-你可以做到的 -没错你说得对
- You can do this. - Yeah, you're right.
-我的确可以做到 -是啊
- I can do this. - Yeah.
好吧或许我做不到
Yeah, I maybe can't do this.
游戏的终局已经到来
The time has come for the grand finale,
障碍赛
the obstacle course.
这一定会超级难
This is gonna be rough.
事实证明服用一堆乱七八糟的药
Turns out, taking a ton of random pills
对身体真的很不好
is really bad for you.
全身上下都疼
Everything hurts.
是啊我有50%的几率会死
Yeah, I'm like 50/50 gonna die.
各就位预备震撼我吧怪胎们
On your mark, get set, dazzle me, freaks!
首先你们必须穿过跨栏障碍带
First, you must make your way past the barricade hurdles.
跨过栅栏后
After the hurdles,
你们必须从恶心的堵塞的水池中
you must fish a dollar coin out of our gross,
捞出一枚一美元硬币
clogged-up sink of nightmares.
你们要用这钱买♥♥个热狗
You use that money to buy a hot dog.
在将整个热狗吃完后
After you eat the entire dog,
你们要回到休息室
you'll return to the break room,
你们要从培训海姆立克急救法
where you must extract an olive
使用的假人喉咙中弄出一个橄榄
from the windpipe of a Heimlich practice dummy.
你怎么什么都用嘴啊
Why are you using your mouth for everything?
第一个坐上马戏团团长宝座的人就是赢家
The winner will be the first person to sit in the Ringmaster's throne.
有个惊喜的反转哦