神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S07E07

Part 3 April 2, 2020, 11:36 a.m.

No, this is on you, Jake.
-你必须做出选择 -那不公平
- You need to make a choice. - That's not fair.
你们两个都想去
You both want to go
但我不想伤害你们中的任何一个
and I don't want to hurt either of you.
也许我不必伤害你们
But maybe I don't have to.
我可以让命运伤害你们扔硬币决定吧
I can let fate hurt you. We'll flip a coin.
泰瑞你要正面还是反面
Terry, call it in the air. Heads or tails.
都不要
Neither.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
你是把我的硬币折起来了吗
Did you just fold my quarter in half?
命运玩死人
Fate's a bitch.
你自己做选择
You make the choice.
我想让你知道我永远都不会折你的硬币
Just so you know, I would never bend your money.
-是啊因为你做不到 -没错我做不到
- Yeah, 'cause you can't. - Correct, I cannot.
没人能做到他是怎么做到的
No one can. How did he do that?
这些促生育药物让我出汗
Now these fertility drugs are making me sweat.
-看着明显吗 -不明显
- Is it noticeable? - No.
明显
Yes.
我以为我们要撒谎
I thought we were gonna lie to her
因为看着实在让人太难受了
because it's so upsetting to look at.
告诉我在哪个房♥间办追悼会就好了
Just tell me what room the memorial is in.
我们没多少时间布置了
We don't have a lot of time to set up.
说到布置
About that.
昨天在你们劝我举办一场庄重的仪式之前
Yesterday before you convinced me to hold a respectful service,
我已经告诉他们我想要什么样的房♥间了
I sent some instructions for how I wanted the room to look.
我们可能要做一些调整
We may need to make some tweaks.
她死了
-好多气球拱门啊 -我知道
- So many balloon arches. - I know.
这些都要撤走好了
It all has to go. Okay!
大家我们有活要干了
Everyone, we have work to do.
两小时后
深切缅怀
-好点了吗 -好多了
- Better? - Much.
但我想说
But to be clear,
第一种布置方式很牛逼
the first version was dope
让我一生都尊敬你
and you have my respect for life.
不好意思
Excuse me.
这里是梅德琳·斯芭婆的追悼会吗
Is this the memorial for Madeline Wuntch?
是的这里是梅德琳·斯芭婆的追悼会
Yes, this is the memorial for Madeline Wuntch.
光是提起她的名字就让我眼含热泪
Just saying her name brings tears to my eyes.
为什么因为她的心是洋葱做的吗
Why, because her heart was made of onions?
不好意思你说什么
Excuse me?
梅德琳·斯芭婆
Madeline Wuntch
是蛞蝓和肛♥门♥结合起来的生物
was what you get when you cross a slug with an anal fissure.
我们穷尽一生试图想毁掉对方
We spent our entire lives trying to destroy each other.
我是她真正的宿敌
I was her one true nemesis.
不
No.
你好啊杰克
Hey there, Jake.
折了你一枚25美分硬币让我感到很内疚
I felt bad about folding your quarter in half,
所以我给你一枚新的
so I got you a new one.
谢谢但这不是25美分的啊
Thank you. But that's not a quarter.
你说得对
Wow, you're right.
这枚是1883年
That happens to be an 1883
卡森城铸币局银元几乎完好无损
Carson City silver dollar in near-mint condition
和这个纪念盒子是一套
complete with commemorative case.
这个能值138美元
That's gotta be worth $138.
这样吧你收下
You know what? Keep it.
真是耻辱
Shame.
耻辱泰瑞斯·杰弗兹耻辱
Shame, Terrence Jeffords, shame!
你可能还没看出来杰克
You probably didn't realize this, Jake,
但那位警督是想贿赂你
but the lieutenant over here is trying to bribe you.
是啊他也没藏着掖着啊
Yeah, I don't think he's hiding that.
-我没藏着 -那我也不藏着
- I am not. - Well, neither am I.
这是200美元的支票
Here's a check for $200.
又一枚银元
Another silver dollar.
我加到276美元了
Ooh, looks like I'm up to 276.
这是77美元的支票
Well, here's a second check for $77.
-我再加1美元 -我再加四枚
- I am up one dollar. - Four more.
你有多少枚银元啊
How many silver dollars do you have?
要多少有多少
As many as it takes.
这本支票簿才开到304号♥
Well, this checkbook is only on 304,
我可以开一整天支票
so I can write checks all day long.
这样吧压上我的表
Well, you know what? Here's my watch.
-把这个警徽融了 -够了
- Yeah, melt this down. - Enough!
我受够了被你们夹在中间
I'm tired of being stuck in the middle of this.
你们自己决定票应该给谁然后告诉我
You figure out who gets the tickets and tell me.
那样应该够你们忙一阵了吧
That should keep them busy for a little while.
杰克我们想好怎么解决这个问题了
Hey, Jake, we've decided how to settle this.
我们要在拳击台上一决雌雄
We're gonna duke it out in the ring.
什么
What?
那个人在撒谎
That man is lying.
我不相信斯芭婆还有一个死敌
I don't believe Wuntch had another rival.
我能从她的眼睛里看出
I saw it in her eyes.
她只对我一个人有恨意
She only had hate for me.
-你在嫉妒吗 -当然了
- Are you jealous? - Of course I am.
我全心全意地鄙视她
I despised her with my entire being
她却只给我她一部分的鄙视吗
while she was only despising me with a fraction of hers?
长官你本来已经进步很多了好吗
Sir, you were doing so well, okay?
别让这件事扰乱你
Don't let this rattle you.
你在腋下垫了海绵吗
Are you wearing sponges in your armpits?
如果你有更好的方法吸汗
If you have a better way to soak up sweat,
我洗耳恭听
I would like to hear it.
你要去哪儿
Where are you going?
去查清楚到底有没有第三者
To find out if there was another man.
你叫亚当是吗
So, um, Adam is it?
我问是因为梅德琳从没提起过你
I only ask because Madeline never mentioned you.
有意思因为她跟我提过你
Interesting, 'cause she mentioned you to me,
-她称你为友人 -友人
- as a friend. - Friend?
你是不是把"恶"说成"友"了
I think you added an "R" to the word "Fiend."
不我确定是友人
No, I'm sure it was friend.
只看语境的话
I mean, based on context alone,
也不会说某人是我最亲近的恶人啊
I wouldn't say somebody was one of my closest fiends.
也有可能
Oh, you might.
我们的关系非常紧张
We had a very contentious relationship.
她永远都不会原谅
She never forgave me
我在德瑞克·基特面前让她难堪[明星棒球选手]
for embarrassing her in front of Derek Jeter.
我让她在艾力克斯·罗德里格斯[明星棒球选手]
Well, I embarrassed her in front of A-Rod
和珍妮弗·洛佩兹[明星]夫妇面前难堪
and J.Lo together.
这15年来我一直把她的祛皱面霜换成酸奶油
For 15 years I replaced her anti-wrinkle cream with sour cream.
我把她的乳糖酶药片换成糖豆
I replaced her Lactaid pills with Tic Tacs.
这个死蠢货拉裤子拉了几个月
Dead moron was crapping her pants for months.
她曾黑进我的网飞账户
She hacked into my Netflix account
循环看电影《新成长的烦恼》
and watched the "Lizzie McGuire" Movie
就为了毁掉我的影片推荐
on repeat to ruin my algorithm.
她派我去保护
She made me guard that doctor
一位染上埃博拉病毒回到纽约的医生
who came back to New York with Ebola.
长官你们要不要小声点
Sir, maybe you want to keep it down.
-还有人... -那个巫婆毁了我的生活
- There's people-- - That witch ruined my life!
她把我从警监降职成了普通警员
She demoted me from captain to uniformed officer.
八年前她把我从军队彻底踢了出去
Eight years ago she had me kicked off the force entirely.
你才不是她最大的死对头
You were not her greatest rival,
证据就在这里
and the proof is right here.
你好亚当
Hello, Adam.
我或许快死了
I may be dying
但我把你在缅因州的小屋烧掉了
but I burned down your cabin in Maine.
你是我唯一真正的死对头
You were my one true rival.
看到了吧
There you have it.
我对她来说什么都不是
I meant nothing to her.
斯芭婆那只蟑螂果然脚踏两条船
That cockroach Madeline was two-timing me!
哪儿都没看到霍特
No sign of Holt anywhere.
我知道那很重要
I know that's important,
但你这身衣服我真的无法装没看到
but I don't think I can just breeze past the outfit,