雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2017）

A Series of Unfortunate Events S03E05

Part 5 July 20, 2020, noon

小波德莱尔们啊
Oh, the Baudelaires.
让他们离开是我这辈子最大的错误
Letting them go was the biggest mistake of my life.
我不该任由那个自称是医生的男人
I shouldn't have let that man who said he was a doctor
险些砍下他们的脑袋
nearly cut off their heads.
我们只需要等到周四
We just have to wait till Thursday.
到时所有这些不幸事件都会结束
That's when all these unfortunate events will be over
我也能回到我真正挚爱的身边了
and I go back to the real love of my life.
我们是在逃离了
We met at a support group
可怕伴侣的人的互助小组认识的
for people who have escaped horrible partners.
他也收到了JS的电报但他不能来
He got a telegram from J.S. too, but he couldn't be here.
他在伐木场忙呢
He's busy at his lumber mill.
我也有爱人了
Well, I have someone too.
她也收到了电报但她也不能来
She also received a telegram, but couldn't make it either.
她因为抢银行入狱了
She's in prison for bank robbery.
JS说过所有
Well, J.S. did say that everyone
见过小波德莱尔们的人都受邀了
who's ever met the Baudelaires was invited,
所以这倒也合理
so that makes sense.
打扰我收到了一封JS的电报
Excuse me. I have a telegram from J.S.,
但如果你不说出他的名字我不能把电报给你们
although I can't give it to you until you give me his name.
是她的名字 JS是个女人
You mean her name. J.S. is a woman.
我以为他是个船长呢
I thought he was a sea captain.
哎呦呦
Well, well, well.
这是什么情况啊
What do we have here?
我好像穿得太过隆重了
I fear I'm overdressed.
是血
It's blood.
你在这儿呢礼宾员我有重要工作要你做
Ah, there you are, concierge. I have an important job for you.
我需要你帮我把这挂在598房♥间外面
I need you to help me hang this from the window of room 598,
但我们务必要小心
but we must be careful.
它非常粘任何粘在上面的东西
It's so sticky that anything it touches
都会立刻被困住
becomes instantly trapped.
是捕蝇纸吗
Is it flypaper?
是但我们的麻烦不是苍蝇而是鸟
Yes, although our problem is not flies. It's birds.
你要我把捕蝇纸
You want me to hang flypaper
挂在酒店窗外好抓鸟吗
out of the window of a hotel room to trap birds?
这好奇怪
That seems strange.
有时候看似奇怪的只是大计划的一部分
Sometimes what seems strange is really part of a larger plan.
我能信任你吗礼宾员
Can I trust you, concierge?
如果我能信任你的话
If I can trust you.
你也知道
As you know,
戴纽蒙特酒店大堂里的钟发出的钟声
the noise made by the clock in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement
很像一个词
sounded a lot like a word.
这个词描述了帮忙
This word described Klaus Baudelaire
把捕鸟纸挂在五楼外的克劳斯·波德莱尔
as he helped hang a strip of birdpaper outside the fifth floor.
好奇怪我肯定我听到了敲门声
That's odd. I could've sworn I heard someone knock at the door.
你在这儿呢
Oh, there you are.
我两分钟前按铃的
I rang two minutes ago,
而这正是从三楼
which is exactly the amount of time it takes
到大堂所需的时间
to get from the third floor to the lobby,
所以你没迟也没早
so you're neither early nor late.
这家酒店的礼宾员可真矮
My, the concierges are short in this hotel.
我完全不知道你在说什么
I have no idea what you're saying.
我要去954房♥间的餐馆参加重要会面
So I have a very important meeting in the restaurant in room 954,
但我的秘书杰奎琳·席斯卡搬去了温尼伯
but my secretary, Jacqueline Scieszka, moved to Winnipeg,
我的另一个秘书我都不知道她的名字
and my other secretary, whose name I never learned,
她今早突然辞职了
well, she quit abruptly this morning.
所以你有任何秘书经验吗
So, do you have any secretarial experience?
太好了跟我来
Excellent! Follow me.
你让我联想到了我认识的一个幼童
You remind me of a toddler I know.
显然你不可能是她
I mean, obviously you can't be her.
一个幼童怎么会在酒店
I mean, why would a toddler be working at a hotel
做礼宾员呢
and as a concierge?
我肯定是太想看到熟人了
Oh, I just must be hungry for a familiar face.
你们好我是服务员拉里
Hello, I'm Larry Your-Waiter.
希望你们想吃印度菜了
I hope you're hungry for Indian food.
954房♥间按图书馆目录
In room 954, which is the library catalog number
是印度和南亚区
for India and South Asia,
我们骄傲地烹调各种印度菜肴
we're proud to serve a wide variety of Indian dishes.
这一地区的烹饪历史很有趣
The culinary history of the region is quite fascinating.
我就要一杯牛奶
I'll just have a glass of milk.
你不想拓展文化视野吗
Don't want to broaden your cultural horizons?
不了谢谢我害怕外国人
No, thank you. I'm afraid of foreigners.
一杯牛奶马上上来
One glass of milk coming up,
还会为小姑娘拿点可以咬的东西
and something to bite for the little lady.
我发誓我在哪里见过那个服务员
I swear I've seen that waiter somewhere before.
这太奇怪了
It's the oddest thing,
这间酒店里到处是熟人
but this hotel is positively packed with familiar faces.
你就是JS吧
Ah, you must be J.S.!
叫我斯尼奇
Call me Snicket.
雅克·斯尼奇我们从没见过
Jacques Snicket. We've never met.
我们当然是没见过
Oh, you're most certainly right we've never met.
我或许会忘记名字但我从来记不住脸
I may forget a name, but I never remember a face.
看啊一个小孩子
Well, lookee here. A small child.
作为正直读书还喘气的公民
As an upstanding, book-reading, still-living citizen,
我很喜欢孩子我非常喜欢他们
I sure love children. I love 'em so darn much.
我对孩子的喜欢程度都令人不安了
It's frankly kind of disturbing how much I love children.
所以我绝不会让你离开我的视线
Which is why I am not going to let you out of my sight.
这其实是我秘书
This is actually my secretary.
严格讲她是个礼宾员
Well, technically, she's a concierge.
我们开始吧
Shall we get started?
你获得我要的东西了吗
Did you procure the items I requested?
我说"获得" 尽管用个常见的词就行了
I said "procure," when a perfectly normal word would do,
因为我是雅克·斯尼奇
because I, Jacques Snicket,
我是个喜欢显摆的讨厌的万事通
am an insufferable know-it-all who likes to show off.
-我读过你的电报 -我署名为JS
- I read your telegram. - Which I signed J.S.
你署名为JS 是的
Which you signed J.S., yes.
那绝对就是我的姓名缩写
Which are definitely my initials.
那绝对就是你的姓名缩写
Which are certainly your initials.
如你所求
And as requested,
我收集了一切我能找到的波德莱尔案资料
I gathered everything I found in the Baudelaire case,
包括所有能让奥拉夫伯爵获罪的信息
including all the information that could incriminate Count Olaf.
太好了给我吧
Super. I'll just take that.
然后我又想作为银行家我不能不负责地
Then I thought I'd be remiss in my duties as a banker
呈递不完整的资料
if I handed an incomplete file.
毕竟你要求我拿出一切的
After all, you requested everything.
所以我做了一番调查知道我发现了什么吗
So I did some digging, and do you know what I found?
什么
What?
一切
Everything.
我翻阅了上千份文件
I combed through thousands of documents
直到找到了所有
until I found each bit evidence
与波德莱尔案相关的证据
that could relate to the Baudelaire case.
-好无聊啊 -多谢夸奖
- How tedious. - Compliment taken.
银行就像图书馆
A bank is a bit like a library,
但我们不喜欢别人翻阅
although we don't approve of people browsing.
我把一切收集起来后得出了惊人结论
And once I gathered it all up, I came to a shocking discovery.
你应该多出门活动吗
That you have to get out more?
这份资料不仅仅是一整套晦涩文件
This file is more than a collection of esoteric documents
记录了几个孩子的不幸生活不是的
chronicling the unhappy lives of several children. No!
当它们汇集到一起便成了不公全史
When taken together, it forms a complete history of injustice,
其中包含了一个邪恶坏人他奸诈的女友
as demonstrated by a wicked villain, his treacherous girlfriend,
和各种心存好意但却没用的权威人士
and various well-meaning yet ineffectual authority figures
他们在这个过程中都有意无意地帮助了他
who help him, intentionally or unintentionally, along the way.
我甚至自己起了个标题
I even gave it my own title.
我称之为《不公全史》
I call it, The Complete History of Injustice
或《对财产的可憎贪欲》
or Odious Lusting After Fortunes.
坡先生这真是令人震惊的发展
Mr. Poe, this is a shocking development.
我保证会保护好那份文件
I promise to keep that file safe,
否则我就不叫雅克·斯尼奇
or my name isn't Jacques Snicket,
一个绝对还没死的自大烂好人
a pompous dogooder who is definitely not dead.
-这不是文件本身 -什么
- This isn't the file. - Beg your pardon?
这只是索引文件太大我的箱子装不下
This is the index. The file was too big for my briefcase.