壕滑人生（2017）

Loaded S01E02

Part 5 June 28, 2021, 12:39 p.m.

坐吧你要直接开始么
Take a seat. Did you want to jump straight in?
这是谁 - 这位是伦敦最好的肿瘤学家
What is this? - This is the top oncologist in London.
他基本就是肿瘤学家中的刘易斯·汉密尔顿(三届F1世界冠军)
He's basically the Lewis Hamilton of oncologists.
呃也不是说我们有官方排名之类的东西
Well, you know, it's not like we're officially ranked or anything.
他会给你仔细检查钱我付
He's going to look you over and it's all on me.
好吧我懂了
Right, I see.
你倒挺大方啊 - 嘿我乐于奉献
This is big of you. - Hey! I love to give.
别想博诺了我就是长胡子版的曼德拉
Forget hipster Bono, I'm the bearded Mandela.
我要治好你的癌症
I'm going to take care of your cancer.
在我们开始前
Before we get into this,
能谈谈你现在的诊断结果么 - 肺癌
can we talk about your current diagnosis? - Lung.
非小细胞肺癌四期
Non-small cell, stage four.
那请问你是 - 远处转移
And would you happen to...? - M1B.
我那堆病历都没随身携带
I've got all the shit somewhere, not on me.
我并不知道我会被
Didn't know I was going to be ambushed
刘易斯·汉密尔顿肿瘤忍♥者埋伏
by Lewis Hamilton oncology ninja.
显然我假定你已经知道了预后
And obviously, I'm assuming you've had a prognosis.
好吧接下来要怎么办
All right. So, what do we do?
你要告诉他好消息么还是我告诉
Do you want to tell him the good news or can I?
不幸的是防滑小子你的钱在这上没用
Unlucky, skid mark. Your money's no good here.
我还需要进一步检查
I'd need to look deeper into it.
严格来说这不算我所说的标准问诊
This isn't strictly what I'd call a standard consultation.
朋友我们不想要常规的化疗
Mate, we don't want the regular chemo.
我们要最顶尖的最好的化疗
We want the premium shit, the primo chemo.
当然我不会让你白忙的
Obviously, I'll make it worth your time.
好吧你是在贿赂肿瘤学家么
OK, so you're bribing an oncologist?
如果你朋友刚刚说的是真的的话
If what your friend here is telling me is true...
不是我朋友
Not my friend.
那我很抱歉能做的事已经不多了
Then, sadly the options are very limited.
我假定你已经经历过一回了
I'm assuming you've been down this road.
我肯定能做点什么
There must be something I can do.
显然月球上有个大激光器
Apparently, there's a big laser on the moon.
如果你飞上去
And if you fly up there
让激光正好沿着你的阴♥茎♥射出来
and fire it right down the tip of your penis,
你就会长生不老
you get to live forever.
那我什么都做不了么
So, there's nothing I can do?
其实有件事你可以为我做
Actually, there is one thing you could do for me.
你可以把我送到这个地方
You could send me there.
瑞士一家很好的安乐死小诊所
Nice little euthanasia clinic in Switzerland.
我在猫途鹰上找的
I looked it up on TripAdvisor.
显然早餐还不错
Apparently, the breakfasts are lovely.
这边伙计
This way, lads!
诶你们这帮混♥蛋♥ 欢迎加入乐队
Right, you total, utter bastards, welcome to the band!
那我们就像是你自己乐队的翻唱乐队
So, we're like a covers band of your own band?
我以前的乐队我们不是翻唱乐队是分乐队
My old band, and we're not a covers band, we're like an offshoot.
别担心我们还是会演那些歌♥的
Don't worry, we'll still play all the hits.
<萨克斯战争> <社会不保险> <高盛吞了我的孩子>
Saxophone Warfare, Social Insecurity, goldman Sachs Ate My Baby
然后嘛
and then after that,
我想我们可以即兴 - 即兴另算啊
I thought we could just jam. - Jamming's extra, man.
为什么即兴另算
Why is jamming extra?
呃唱那几首歌♥
Well, playing through songs,
就是单纯的唱对吧
that's just, like, playing, isn't it?
但即兴就是创作了
But jamming, that's creating original content.
好吧行
All right, fine.
但之后最后我们可以一起玩
But then, at the end, I thought we could hang out
闲聊扯淡互相吐个槽之类的
and chat shit and take the piss out of each other.
行那要多长时间
Right, and how long is that going to take,
闲聊扯淡
the chatting shit thing?
不知道啊 20分钟吧
I don't know, 20 minutes.
行那和即兴一个价
OK, well, that will have to be at the same rate as the jamming.
对吧因为就像是即兴对吧
Yeah, man, because it's like jamming, isn't it?
但是是说出来的
But with talking.
行加到发♥票♥里
All right, add it to the invoice.
但现在咱们燥起来
But for now, let's just rock out with our cocks out.
她人很好是吧 Casey
She's great, isn't she? Casey?
我说是她就
I mean, she's like...
但她很酷我喜欢她的嘴
But she's cool. I love her mouth.
是个难对付的主
Certainly a formidable lady.
你只是要学着怎么和她交流
You just have to work out how to handle her.
你不能直视她
You can't go head-on.
她就像太阳
She's like the sun.
不能直接盯着
You can't stare straight at her
但你也不能直接躲开
but you can't flinch away either,
因为她会像老鹰一样把你眼睛叼出来
because then she'll peck your eyes out like a hawk.
自信点 - 嗯
Just be confident. - Hmm.
我会的好吧我会自信的
I'll just do that, shall I? I'll be confident.
对就是这样 - 我刚刚是在自嘲
Yeah, exactly. - I was being sarcastic.
好吧面对我
All right. Come at me.
对我说你是个大人物
Tell me you're a big deal.
好的噢我真是个大人物
All right. Oh, I'm such a big deal!
你看我
Oh, look at me.
我真是个大人物
I'm a really big deal.
哈喽请问我能和总统通话么
Hello, can I speak to Mr. President, please?
这里是大人物先生
Mr... Mr. Big Deal speaking.
你好好说
Do it properly.
唔我真是个大人物
Ooh! I'm a really big deal.
别说唔 - 我真是个大人物
Lose the ooh. - I'm a really big deal.
别强调"真是" - 我真是个大人物
Lose the emphasis on really. - I'm a really big deal.
别瞪眼睛
Don't widen your eyes.
我真是个大人物 - 再自信点
I'm a really big deal. - Bit more confident.
我真是个大人物 - 大点声
I'm a really big deal. - Bit louder.
我真是个大人物
I'm a really big deal!
我能说
Can I just say,
我鸡皮疙瘩都起来了么
goose bumps over here?
豆大的鸡皮疙瘩
Goose bumps the size of molehills.
等等
So, hold on.
我刚刚说的是平时自嘲的话
I just say the things I normally say sarcastically,
只是不是自嘲
just not sarcastically?
我真有是个有趣的人
I'm a really interesting person.
天啊真的有用
My God, it works!
我觉得我可能加入全世界最无聊的乐队了
I think I might be in the most boring band in the world.
不可能因为我没加入
Well, you can't be because I'm not in them.
算了当我没说我很有趣的
No, scratch that. I'm quite interesting.
就是特别无聊特别枯燥的气氛
It's just a very dry vibe, a very arid, arid vibe.
你们得把玩具收起来好不好它们不能出现在这
You need to tidy up your toys, OK? They cannot be out here.
气氛是买♥♥不来的是吧
You can't really buy a vibe, can you?
你可以买♥♥个铁琴
You can buy a vibraphone.
我告诉你我觉得
Tell you who I thought would
谁会是个好的乐队经纪人
make a bloody good roadie for a band?
Shane Warne(澳洲板球运动员)
Shane Warne.
他幽默搞笑肩背结实轶事够多
Funny bloke, good strong back, plenty of anecdotes.
摩托车武士刀还有街机
The motorbikes, the samurai swords, the arcade games,
都要放到车♥库♥
they all need to go in the garage.
我们要在这办个派对就明天晚上
We're having a party, here. Tomorrow night.
有成年人要过来这些东西一点都不能让他们看见
I'm having grown-ups over, and they cannot see any of this shit.
我们得看上去庄重可靠
We need to look serious and worthy.
还有噢我的天啊那是真的金块么
And, oh, my God, is that an actual chunk of solid gold?
派对为什么
A party, for what?
为了Abi的男朋友慈善晚会
Abi's boyfriend. The charity thing.
好吧为什么啊
Well, what's that for?
为了踩的 Watto 行不大人就会这么做
It's for walking on, Watto, OK? This is what grown-ups do.
他们会买♥♥地毯不会买♥♥武士刀
They buy rugs. Not samurai swords
不会买♥♥金块和小小摩托车
or ingots or tiny methods of transport!
Young先生给了我这个
Mr. Young gave me this.
尊严安乐死诊所 - 嗯他想要我结束这一切
Dignitas. - Yeah, he wants me to end it all.
让他人道地结束之类的
Have him humanely destroyed, or whatever.
他不是匹马 Leon
He's not a horse, Leon.
他是个人 - 噢哥们这可是大事
He's a person. - Oh, man, that's huge!
出于好奇问一句这要多少钱
And it's how much, out of interest?
杀死原来的老师要多少钱 - 一万
How much does one pay to kill one's old teacher? - Ten grand.