爱卡莉（2021）

iCarly S01E09

Part 3 Nov. 26, 2021, 6:48 p.m.

if I wasn't all hopped up on Calm Sand.
谢谢你卡莉
Thank you, Carly.
我的面前要不是成功的彼岸
I am standing on the precipice of total success
要不就是失败的深渊
or absolute failure,
是你促使我向前迈出这一步
and you're pushing me over the cliff.
哈珀我遇到了大♥麻♥
Harper, I have a huge prob...
你穿得像个普通人
You're dressed as a normie.
别看我
Look away.
这身聚酯棉布带来的痛苦在我皮肤上肆虐
The pain of this polycotton blend against my skin
直接把我心中的痛苦反映出来了
is a direct reflection of the pain I feel inside.
我很遗憾但是你的痛苦
I'm really sorry. But your pain,
就和这件衣服一样会缩水褪色
like that shirt, will shrink and fade.
相信我你还会遇到更多机会
I promise. You'll have other opportunities.
是啊再失败一次的机会
Yeah, other opportunities to fail.
这件T恤骗我
This shirt is a lie!
它还是打折店里卖♥♥的
And it's from an outlet.
没事的现在事情还不是最糟的
Well, things could always be worse.
我很讨厌人们尝试激励你的时候
I hate when people try to cheer you up
来一句现在事情没那么糟
by saying, "Things could be worse."
除非你知道一个具体的人
Unless you know a specific person
这个人的情况更糟这样的话和我八卦
for whom things are worse, in which case, dish.
是弗雷迪
It's Freddie.
噢可怜人全都说给我听
Aw, poor guy. Tell me everything.
我能感觉到我的情绪已经在治愈了
I can feel my emotional healing already.
我让他弄一个副业
I told him to get a side hustle,
然后他把所有积蓄花在沙子上了
and he spent his life savings on Sand.
如果他卖♥♥不出去然后永远和他妈困在一起
What if he can't sell it and he gets stuck with his mom forever,
岂不是都是我的错了
and it's all my fault?
是啊这个听起来很不错 -等等
Yeah. That's the good stuff. - Wait.
我可以帮他卖♥♥出去
I can help him sell it.
我有三百万订阅者
I have three million subscribers,
而且沙子很不错
and Sand is amazing.
有救了
The day is saved.
我要接着做我的颈部按♥摩♥了
I'm going back to my neck massager.
这个生物在月光下现出了真身
"The creature revealed itself in the moonlight.
是一条有男孩十倍体积的龙
A dragon ten times the boy's size."
就像一条巨大的陆地鱼
A dragon is like a giant land fish,
但没有你酷甜甜圈
but not as cool as you, Donut.
既然我们已经整理好您的笔记本电脑
Now that we have your laptop sorted,
我能给您介绍一下这款您好
can I interest you in a supplement to... Hello?
听着米莉森特
Look, Millicent, it's great
你在你的新宠物身上花这么多时间这很好
that you're spending so much time with your new pet.
不好意思甜甜圈是我的女儿
Um, excuse you? Donut is my daughter.
别忘了你的作业和家务就行
Just don't forget about your homework and your chores.
我会糊弄好的就像寻常的有工作的妈妈
Oh, I'll juggle it all. Like working moms everywhere.
嘿
Hey.
沙子的情况怎么样
How's it going with the Sand?
很棒卖♥♥了一件给斯宾塞
Great! Sold a case to Spencer.
开门红还有谁吗
That's a start. Anyone else?
现在还没有你也知道主要就是在接触一些人
Uh, not yet. You know, mostly just putting out feelers.
把消息传出去做一些品牌营销
Getting the word out. Branding.
求人
Begging.
他让我给我的校车司机发短♥信♥
He made me text my bus driver.
不用再求人了
Well, beg no more.
我们在爱卡莉上卖♥♥沙子
We're gonna sell Sand on iCarly.
没事我不是什么英雄
No, stop, I'm no hero.
看起来我要扩展到一个很大的市场了
That seems like I'd be expanding to a much bigger market.
是啊会很棒的我们甚至可以做测评
Yeah! It'll be great. We can even have testimonials
你我和斯宾塞来做
from you and me and Spencer
只要他别在洗澡的时候哭就行
if he ever stops crying in the bath.
我们很快可以回本的
We'll make your money back in no time.
没错
Okay, sure.
我和你说我要再进一些沙子的货来准备
You know, I'll order more Sand so I'm ready.
等一下我的意思是卖♥♥掉你现有的存货
Wait, I-I just meant to sell what you already have.
你知道什么是真的聪明人吗
You know what's really brave?
稳妥行事
Playing it safe.
不你说的没错
No, you're right.
扩张完全是明智的
Expanding is totally the right call.
妈我要贷款
Hey, Mom! I need a loan!
你的大学基金要没了甜甜圈
Well, there goes your college fund, Donut.
她会拿奖学金的
She's getting a scholarship.
是的一张销♥售♥表
Yeah. A sales chart,
人们打电♥话♥进来一整套电视购物的东西
people calling in-- the whole QVC shebang.
我们还会做测评
We'll even do testimonials.
我来我经典的猫头鹰语
I'll do my classic owl speech.
你觉得你可以哭出来吗
Do you think you could cry?
没问题
Oh, no problem.
这东西就像皮克斯
This stuff is like Pixar.
哈珀你确定不要来点沙子吗
Harper, you sure I can't offer you some Sand?
他们有一款Z世代级别的信心版本哦
They have one for Gen Z-level confidence.
没有什么能让我打起精神
Nothing's gonna cheer me up.
特别是当每个人的生活
Especially when everyone else's life
都进行得如此完美
is going so perfectly.
我刚刚成为了北西雅图区高级钻石销♥售♥员
I just made VIP Diamond Salesperson for North Seattle District.
你们敢相信吗
Can you believe it?
北西区的高钻销♥售♥
VIPDS for NSD!
而且我还得到了这个棒呆的沙子滑行车
Plus, I got this awesome Sand Scooter.
我觉得不好笑
This is not fun for me.
我以为你只卖♥♥出了一件
I thought you only sold one case.
没错但那给我积累了5万磨砂币
I did. But that netted me 50,000 bonus Sand Coins,
我可以用它买♥♥更多沙子牌
which I used to buy more Sand.
噢我要发财了
Oh, I'm gonna be rich.
所以我辞职了
Which is why I quit my job.
你辞职了你不能辞职
You quit your job? You can't quit.
你下有小上有老啊
You have a daughter to support and a mother to placate.
勇敢的沙子弗雷迪要不受束缚地飞跃了宝贝
Brave Sand Freddie leaps without a net, baby!
我已经为这场爱卡莉沙无前例的推销活动做好准备了
I am so ready for this iCarly Sand-sational Sales event!
今天他有了轮子明天他就会上天
Today, he has wheels. Tomorrow, he'll fly.
是啊飞入债务里
Yeah, fly into debt.
我花了一分钟终于想清楚这件事了
It took me a minute to figure it out,
沙子绝对有猫腻
but Sand is shady.
这是传销
It's an MLM.
啥
Nuh-uh.
那是什么
What is that?
传销
Multilevel marketing.
是一个金字塔结构
It's a pyramid scheme.
公♥司♥让你购买♥♥假冒产品的库存
Companies get you to buy inventory of phony products
你卖♥♥不出去因为它们没有效用
that you can't sell 'cause they don't work,
所以你脱身的唯一方法就是招募更多的销♥售♥员
so your only way out is to recruit more salespeople.
我都是从我最爱的播客节目里学来的
I learned all about it on my favorite podcast,
《骗子皇后》
Scam Empress.
这和我们现在做的不一样
That's not what's going on here.
他们以低价礼物吸引销♥售♥员
Hmm. They keep sellers interested with cheap prizes,
还有华丽的头衔和没有用的假货币
fancy titles and worthless fake currency.
看看看啊全中
Check, check and ch-check.
你说传销产品是假的但是沙子是有用的
You said MLM products are bogus, but Sand works.
我很镇静斯宾塞很体贴
I'm calm, Spencer's sensitive,
弗雷迪太勇敢了以至于他不明智地辞职了
and Freddie's so brave he inadvisably quit his job.
如果没事了的话
Now, if you'll just excuse me,
我还要准备一场沙无前例的推销活动
I have a Sand-sational Sales event to prepare for.
我现在满脑子都是沙子了现在还在那里
I've got my head in the Sand, and it's staying there.
还有人做给金鱼的婴儿背带
They make baby carriers for goldfish?
易集网上做什么的都有
They make everything on Etsy.
显然你没有看我的档案
Clearly, you didn't check my registry.
我不相信档案谁也别告诉我怎么购物
I don't believe in registries. No one tells me how to shop.
我给自己点一杯黑咖啡
Well, I'll take a black coffee for myself
一杯海藻茶给她
and a seaweed tea for her.
我给你一份苹果汁
I'll give you an apple juice
再向你传达一下我们对非顾客类动物的零容忍♥政策
and a pass on our zero-tolerance policy for non-service animals.
行吧我自己喂她
Fine. I'll feed her myself.
你到底来这儿干什么