含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E01

Part 9 May 7, 2021, 2:45 p.m.

来一口吗
You need a bump?
我今晚想上台
I want to go up tonight.
"地窖"都是你的时间随你挑
The Cellar's yours. Name the time.
我不去"地窖"
Not The Cellar.
我要上主舞台
The Main Room.
你是谁
What are you?
你说什么
Excuse me?
我根本不知道你到底是谁
I have no idea what the fuck you are.
我是个喜剧演员
I'm a comedian.
你的特色是什么
What are you?
你很有趣这点我认同
You're funny, I give you that.
菲利斯·迪勒我知道她的特色
Phyllis Diller, I know what she is.
琼·里弗斯我也知道可你呢
Joan Rivers, I get, but you?
我完全不知道
No clue.
你根本毫无特色
You're all over the map.
没有独特的视角
No point of view.
你很性感可这不是加分点
You're sexy, which is not a plus.
你的笑话观众能听进去一半就不错了
They don't hear half your jokes 'cause
因为他们光顾着看你的奶♥子♥了
they're so busy staring at your tits.
所以你就会有些难过
So you go a little blue.
可你不难过的时候就一副
And when you don't, you're all
大惊小怪的婊♥子♥样
"Aw, shucks and cow shit."
我完全不知道你的女性视角是什么
I have no idea what your female perspective is.
根本没有什么女性视角
There is no one female perspective,
就和没有所谓的男性视角一样
just like there is no one guy perspective.
我们跟他们不一样亲爱的
We're not them, honey.
你想上《今夜秀》
You wanna go on The Tonight Show?
是的
Yes.
那就让我来帮你
Let me help you, hmm?
找到能引起女性共鸣的切入点
Find a voice that women can relate to.
我有能引起女性共鸣的切入点
I have a voice women-- that women relate to--
把注意力集中在咱们女人都经历过的事上
That sheds light on our mutual experiences, huh?
然后我就让你上主舞台
Then I'll put you on The Main Stage,
前面正中♥央♥的位置
front and center,
就在我和卡森旁边
my right hand to Carson.
考夫曼跟卡琳一样吗
Is Kaufman like Carlin?
克莱恩和普莱尔一样吗
Is Klein like Pryor?
你没懂我的意思
You're missing my point.
可是他们都能上你的舞台
Yet they're all up there on your stage.
为什么到女人身上就要区别对待
Why is it any different for women?
我也有实力只要你给我证明自己的舞台
There is room for me too, I just need your stage to prove it.
等你准备好再说吧
When you're ready.
有传言说《今夜秀》会暂时
Word has is The Tonight Show's gonna be
停止让年轻的喜剧演员上节目
laying off young comics for a while.
因为...
That the...
关于科雷死亡真♥相♥的一些谣言
rumors surrounding Clay's death
让他们开始进行重新考量
has them rethinking things.
你想表达什么
Your point?
《洛杉矶时报》明天会采访我
The LA Times is doing an interview with me tomorrow.
他们想让我澄清一些事情
They want me to set the record straight
关于科雷关于他的死
about Clay, about his death...
事情的真♥相♥
the truth.
那真♥相♥是什么
And what is the truth?
看你想我怎么说
You tell me.
至少我现在知道你是什么人了
At least now I know what you are.
各位越战马上结束了
Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.
意味着什么呢
That means what?
意味着征兵也要结束了
Yes, the draft is coming to an end.
太好了喜剧演员们可以从加拿大回来了
It's so nice. Comedians are coming home
因为他们都是些娘炮对吧
from Canada, 'cause they're pussies, right?
他们可不是以勇敢出名的
Ugh, they are not known for their bravery, man.
是以什么出名的呢跟我一起说出来
They're known for what? Say it with me.
巨根没人跟我一起说吗这就怪了
Big penises. Nobody said it, that's weird.
后面的那位女士是说了"不"吗是我妻子啊
That's a "no" in the back? Is that--yeah, that's my wife.
你怎么...等等那不是我妻子
How are you--oh, wait, that's not her.
我开玩笑的我妻子做手术的时候
I'm just kidding. She didn't make it
没挺过来死了你好吗
through surgery, she's dead. How are you?
可以帮我拿一下这个吗
Ugh, I just--gonna-- I'ma need you to hold this.
就放在你的双峰之间就好
Just put it between your breasts, that's fine, um.
我等下再拿回来很好
I'll come get it later. Great, so...
我们都痛恨战争
Man, we hate to fight.
我们随便拿什么东西都能做出面白旗来不是吗
We'll make a white flag out of anything, right?
黑旗都能让我们给弄成白的
We'll make a white flag out of a fuckin' black flag.
你觉得自己在做什么凯茜
Where are you in all this, Cass?
你讲的那些关于一个来自得州温克的单身女孩的笑话
All those jokes about being a single gal from Wink, Texas.
他♥娘♥的♥一个酒保都能讲笑话
Fuck, the bartender can tell jokes.
发自内心的笑
Real laughter...
是情感的宣泄
It's cathartic.
那是当真实的你或是观众真实的自己
It's the current that moves through an audience
被揭露的时候
when some truth about who you are,
观众身上会感受到的一种电流
about who they are, is revealed.
凯茜你得走出去伸出手臂
Come on, Cass, you gotta go out there and put those arms
拥抱你灵魂里最肮脏的部分
around that messy part of yourself and just...
走上那个舞台
Get your ass on that stage.
想明白你要说的是什么
Figure out what it is that you have to say,
打开一条通道
open a vein, and...
把该说的说出来
fuckin' say it.
就到这了我是萨利·帕特森谢谢大家
That's it, I'm Sully Patterson, thank you guys!
掌声送给萨利·帕特森
Yeah, give it up for Sully Paterson, a...
一位名副其实的战争英雄
genuine war hero right there, man.
接下来的表演绝对不容错过
Coming to the stage next right now is a real treat.
这是她在主舞台的首秀
It's her first time on The Main Room stage,
说实话也他们是时候了
and quite frankly it's about motherfucking time.
请掌声有请外表出众
Easy on the eyes, and funny as hell,
又极具幽默的凯茜·菲德尔
give it up for Cassie Feder!
大家好呀
Hey, y'all.
没错我来自得州
Yes, I am from Texas.
我们那里都这么说
We do say "y'all."
在得州这就是
Y'all's actually Texas shorthand for
"我们会打死你们一个不剩"的简称
"We will shoot you, all of you."
你们知道在得州做单身女孩
You know what's great about being a single gal
有什么好处吗
in Texas?
就是可以在卡车里做羞羞的事
Is making out in pickup trucks.
姑娘们你要是没跟花一下午
Girls, you have not lived until you find yourself
看他爸的牛交♥配♥的
in a lip lock with a farm boy
农场男孩亲过嘴那就是白活了
who spent his afternoon watching his daddy's cows hump.
你们有没有被人生捉弄过
You ever have life pull a trick on you
而你事先毫无预料
that you just did not see coming?
你就那么走着
You're just walking along,
开心地傻乎乎地结果突然
all happy and stupid, and wham.
你还没有反应过来人生就
Without you even realizing it, life just
给了你当头一个闷棍
bends you over and tucks it straight up your ass?
我最近失去了一个朋友
I lost a friend recently.
其实是前男友
An ex-boyfriend, actually.
天啊
Man...
我曾经那么爱他
Did I ever love him.
他是意大利人皮肤黝黑
He was Italian and swarthy.
他有一双
And he had these, um,
蓝色的大眼睛
these big blue eyes.
倒不是说他不是个混♥蛋♥ 因为他有时也很混♥蛋♥
And not that he couldn't be a dick too, 'cause he could.
赶快把她弄下来
Get her the fuck off the stag--
干嘛这是要干嘛
What? For what?
我在这里
Here I was,
我这个从得州温克来的犹太人
this Jew from Wink, Texas.
让我来给你们讲一讲
Let me just put that in perspective for you.
整个温科的犹太人
There's more Jews at a Walt Disney dinner party
还没迪士尼晚宴上的犹太人多
than there are in all of Wink.
我遇见了我的前男友
And I met my ex, and, man,
我从一开始就被打败了
I was just overmatched right from the start.
要是第一次约会你就给吹了那男人的萧
You know you are overmatched when you end up