含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here
第一季
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含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here S01E01
Part 3
May 7, 2021, 2:45 p.m.
你老婆会觉得你是在外面有人了
your wife will think you're seeing another woman?
食屌♥逼
Cocksucker.
"食屌♥逼" 又一个有意思的词
"Cocksucker." Another gem.
让我猜猜 你是学文学的吧
Let me guess. Lit major?
还是说你是在跟我
Or is this just a game
玩一个游戏 咱俩开始说你认为
where-- where you and I blurt out hobbies
你妈和我的共同爱好
you think your mother and I share?
你死定了 傻♥逼♥
You're dead, asshole.
我可不这么认为 你个小鸡♥巴♥
I don't think so, you fucking hard-on.
卢 你来帮我搞定这家伙吧
Hey, Lou, you want to take care of this guy for me?
-卢 -卢他妈不在
- Lou? - No fucking Lou.
-卢 -他不在
- Lou? - No Lou.
我♥操♥
Fuck me.
Z好像有麻烦了
I think Z's in trouble.
你能不能集中注意力 凯柔
Would you focus, Carol?
要我老实说
'Cause if I'm being honest,
你现在这水平可不咋样
you're doing kind of a subpar job here.
就跟我左手撸的水平差不多
Okay, it's like I'm jerking off left-handed.
相信我 兄弟 你肯定不想这么做
Trust me, pal, you don't want to do this.
-相信我 -为什么不呢
- Okay, trust me. - Yeah, why the fuck not, huh?
我可跟你说 我是哮喘患者
Full disclosure, I'm asthmatic.
-我有哮喘 -操 操 操
- I have asthma. - Shit, shit, shit.
就跟用酒瓶打人一样 太娘炮了
It's like hitting a guy with fucking glasses, it's cowardly.
再说 南方大汉打一个少数族裔
Plus, a fucking guy from Southie beating up a minority,
实在是没什么原创性
it's not a lot of points for originality.
是吗
Yeah?
幸亏凯柔的手掌糙得跟卡车司机似的
You're lucky that Carol's got palms like a fucking teamster.
走吧 我们得在两小时内赶到洛根
Come on, we gotta be at Logan in two hours.
谢谢大家 大家今晚表现很好
Thank you. You've been a great crowd.
凯茜 我们来谈一件显而易见的事吧
So, Cass, should we talk about the elephant in the room?
-不是说你 拉尔夫 -闭嘴
- Not you, Ralphie. - Shut the fuck up.
-什么事 -快说
- That being? - Come on.
看到你前男友坐上沙发
It didn't singe your sissy a little
是不是逼都快着火了
seeing your ex-boyfriend get the couch?
不好意思 我可不是十岁小孩
Sorry, but I'm not ten.
-可你是个人 -没错
- Yeah, but you're human. - Exactly.
所以我不会那么卑鄙
Thus I can transcend pettiness
可以真正地为别人高兴
and actually be happy for someone
不让它对我和我的职业生涯产生影响
without it reflecting back on me and my career.
她刚刚是说了"所以"吗
Did she just say "thus"?
她刚刚是说了"职业生涯"吗
Did she say "career"?
去你们的
Fuck you guys.
你可真会瞎掰 我就是嫉妒了
You're full of shit. I'm jealous.
我现在坐在这里就在想这件事 都快气炸了
I'm practically shitting blood sitting here thinking about it,
你也应该这样
and you should be too.
每有一位喜剧演员成功
Every other comic's success,
每进行一场成功的演出
every set he kills,
每一位墨菲 约翰尼
every Merv, Johnny,
或是他妈的蒂娜·萧尔的演出
or Dinah-fucking-Shore appearance
每一场别人的喜剧演出都是另一个
another comic makes is one more
我们没得到的机会
that we didn't get.
每一次欢笑都应深深刺痛你们的眼睛
Every laugh should feel like a sharp poke in your fucking eye.
如果没有 那就滚蛋吧
If it doesn't, get the fuck out.
因为你根本不够在乎
'Cause you don't care enough.
说得没错
There it is.
-知道吗 -讲得太棒了
- You know what? - Fantastic.
简直就是凌晨两点半发表的
That's a motherfucking two-thirty in the morning
励志演讲啊
pancake speech right there.
去你的 去你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck you. And fuck you.
兄弟 如果你是同性恋 我现在就给你吹♥箫♥
Oh, man, if you were queer, I would just suck your dick right now.
说得太好了
So beautiful.
知道吗 我要来真的了
You know what? I'll do it.
-让我来 我要上了 -含屌♥吧你
- Let me in there. I'm going in. - Get that dick.
能不能有一晚上让我安静地吃块土豆饼
Can I just enjoy my plate of latkes one night
不用看着你俩假装互口
without you two pretending to blow each other?
-服务员 -买♥♥单
- Waitress! - Get the check!
买♥♥单 赶紧的 买♥♥单
Check!?Hurry?the?fuck?up,?check!
为什么你非要搞得场面如此难堪
Why you gotta make this ugly?
打电♥话♥叫救护车
Call an ambulance.
?Please don't frown at me?
?When you could smile?
?Our eternity is just a while?
?Don't you know?
?That later on?
?We're going to sleep a million years?
你觉得有朝一日我可以登上主舞台吗
Do you think I'll ever play The Main Stage?
我在和你说话呢
Hey, I'm talking to you.
搞什么飞机啊 凯茜
What the fuck, Cass?
拜托
Come on.
干嘛
What?
-我只是问问而已 -你看到我在忙的吧
- I'm just asking. - Well, you see what I'm doing.
就一会 就一会好吗
No--but-give me a-- give me a minute, okay?
我才刚用舌头画了三遍字母表
It's my third time through the fucking alphabet down there.
抱歉我这么事妈
I'm a delicate flower, sorry.
这是我人生无法挽回的20分钟
That's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
没错 但你真的想要回那20分钟吗
Yeah, but do you really want 20 minutes of your life back?
一针见血
Touché.
我需要你给点意见
I need your opinion.
如果你要问的是要含谁的屌♥
If the question is, who do you have to blow
才能把自己搞上主舞台
to get in the main room,
那你就上错车了
you're in the wrong fucking car.
我知道是戈尔迪
I know, it's Goldie.
她一直和我说要我多说点适合女性的笑话
She keeps telling me I have to do more "women appropriate" shit.
那是什么玩意
What is that?
让我讲特百惠和项圈什么的吗
What, like jokes about Tupperware and ring around the collar?
你觉得呢
What did you think?
戈尔迪会白白送你上主舞台吗
Goldie's just gonna build you a ramp to The Main Stage?
现在是能人当道 可不是什么狗屁慈善事业
It's a meritocracy; it's not a fucking charity event.
是啊 你说得容易 你是男人
Yeah, it's easy for you to say. You're a guy.
你可以畅所欲言
You can say whatever you want.
戈尔迪没欠你什么 知道吗
Goldie doesn't owe you shit, okay?
你没能登上主舞台是因为你还没准备好
You're not in the main room because you're not ready,
别用"男人就很容易"的套路来为自己开脱
and don't give me that whole "easy cause you're a guy" cop out.
你可不止这点本事
You're slightly better than that.
我的天 你吓到我心脏病都要犯了 拉尔夫
Jesus Christ, you gave me a heart attack, Ralph.
怎么了
What's up?
下车
Get out of the car.
什么
What?
妈的一辆巴士
A fucking bus.
把马路当高速公路开
They act like it's a goddamn freeway out there.
抱歉
Sorry.
我们该做点什么
We should probably do something,
悼念一下他
some kind of memorial.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
我凌晨三点嗑了两剂迷幻药
I dropped two hits of blotter around three in the morning.
我还有点...
I'm still a little--
还有点缓不过来
still just a tiny bit fucked up.
这真是很可怕
This is terrible, though.
请继续策划悼念科雷的活动吧
Let's go on with our memorial arrangements for Clay, please.
超明显的 不是吗
It's noticeable, isn't it?
几小时后我会去机场接科雷的父母
I'm picking up Clay's parents at the airport in a couple hours.
我可以问问他们
I can ask them if they're open
愿不愿意举办一场纪念仪式
to having a ceremony or something.
我♥操♥你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck. Jesus!
滚到外面候着 埃迪
Wait out-fucking-side, will you, Ed?
我嗑药之前怎么会知道科雷会死
I didn't know Clay was gonna die when I took the shit, obviously.
走吧 走吧
Come on. Come on.
我这时候应该在照顾我外甥
Should be babysitting my nephews now.
-赶紧的 -我们每周六都看《魔法龙帕夫》
- Come on. - We watch H. R. Pufnstuf on Saturdays--
儿童电视节目
你知道我说的是什么 萨利
You know what I'm talking about, Sully.
知道 迷幻药和当保姆
Yeah, man, acid and babysitting.
并不需要解释
It's?pretty?self-explanatory.
说得太对了
含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here
剧集 | 含笑台上（2017） | 导航列表