含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E09

Part 6 May 7, 2021, 2:49 p.m.

We're having lunch with them tomorrow.
-他们知不知道... -不知道
- What do they know about-- - Nada.
你干净得就像铁皮人的老二一样
You're as straight as the Tin Man's dick,
如果有人想知道的话
as far as anyone's concerned.
能帮我个忙吗
Can you do me a favor?
我还欠你个人情
God knows I owe you one.
我知道你最近经历了很多
I know you're going through a lot of shit,
戒毒女朋友的事
getting cleaned up, girlfriend,
但我需要看到一个
but I need to see a little bit more
比我眼前这个更有斗志的你
than what's standing in front of me.
你能做到吗
Can you manage that?
明白了老大
You got it, Chief.
很好
Excellent.
你之前见过萨利吗
You seen Sully before?
见过
Yes, I have.
你能停下吗
Can you stop?
我们屁♥股♥贴屁♥股♥已经够难受的了
It's bad enough we have to touch asses,
但还要摩擦的话那就更糟了
but when they rub, it's too much.
我该不该打给他们
Should I just call them?
天啊
Jesus.
我们已经谈过这个了
We've been through this.
他们可能正在处理更重要的事
They're probably dealing with more important things
而不是你两句台词的活儿
than your two-line part.
他们明天可能会打给你
They'll probably call you tomorrow.
是啊在你搞砸以后
Yeah, most likely to say "No, thanks"
他们很有可能会说"不了谢谢"
after you put the kibosh on it.
-你说什么 -就是你
- Excuse me? - You.
你让我的这份工作泡汤了
You unmanifested this job for me.
你这像话吗
That's not a word.
我所做的所有努力
All my hard work manifesting
全都打了水漂
just...down the toilet
多亏了你负能量队长
thanks to you, Captain Negative.
我要轮两个班
Well, I worked a double shift,
我听够了你那套美好世界的言论
so I'm too tired to listen to your goo-goo universe talk.
是是是说得好像我要是丢了这份工作
Yeah, right, like there's not part of you that'll be happy
你不会窃喜一样
if I don't get this job.
我们的屁♥股♥都没碰着
Our asses aren't even touching.
你屁♥股♥散发出来的负能量
It's just all the negativity in your ass,
就像是一块磁铁
it's like a magnet sucking all the positive energy
吸走了我屁♥股♥散发的正能量
I've been manifesting out of my ass.
罗恩
Ron...
你就没想过如果你得不到这份活
did you ever think that if you don't get the job,
是因为你都没努力去争取吗
it's because you didn't do anything to earn it?
你说的这些正能量的废话没有任何意义
You didn't manifest anything with your positive bullshit.
你小子运气好拿到了试镜机会
You got lucky. You got an audition.
如果事情没照你预期那样发展
And now if it doesn't go your way,
你只会怪这怪哪的
you want to point fingers,
怪我害你没有拿到那份角色
claiming that somehow I caused you not getting the part?
如果你没拿到那角色
If you don't get the part,
是因为还有人比你更适合那个角色
it's because there was somebody fuckin' better for the job.
他妈的就这样习惯就好
End of fuckin' story. Get used to it.
你俩
Hey! You two!
要么闭嘴要么结婚吧
Either shut the fuck up or get married!
滚犊子
Fuck off!
慢着你想要我的克里斯
Wait, you want my Chris?
就一个晚上
Just for one night.
我会给他二十块
I'll pay him 20 bucks.
就是去喜剧表演的
It's for a comedy bit.
一场前卫的喜剧表演
An avant-garde comedy bit.
怎么你要拿我儿子开涮还是怎么的
So, what, you're gonna make fun of my son or something?
不不不
No, no, no.
绝不会我保证
Never. I promise.
他会拿我开涮的
He's gonna make fun of me.
你好啊老大
How you doing, Chief?
-吃无花果饼吗 -好啊来一个
- Figgy? - Oh, yeah, I want a figgy.
-好 -参加过校园文艺表演吧
- Cool. - Been in a school play, right?
参加过吧
I think so.
好不错
Yeah, cool.
-什么事 -听好
- Yeah? - Yeah.
等你见到尼克
When you see your Nick,
麻烦让他去死吧
you can tell him to go fuck himself.
等等
Hold on.
我找支笔
Getting a pencil.
他怎么了
What'd he do?
我们本来约好今天跟迈克·道格拉斯的人见面
We had a meeting with the Mike Douglas people today.
他只需要露个面就行
All he had to do was fucking show up.
可他压根儿没来
Instead, no-show, and I'm stuck
给了我一个措手不及害我像个傻♥逼♥一样
with my dick in my hand, looking like an asshole.
你就没想出个理由吗
You couldn't come up with an excuse?
或许我高估了你作为经纪人的实力
Maybe I overestimated you as an agent.
真好笑去你♥妈♥的♥
Ha-ha-ha. Fuck you.
你得像其他人一样老实排队去
You're gonna have to get in line like everybody else.
臭婊♥子♥
Fucking cunt.
我像亲属吗
I look like family?
我只知道你妈想马上把车处理掉
All I know is, your mom wanted it out, pronto.
你能签字吗我要走了
Can you sign? I got to get going.
听着塞翁失马对吧
Look, fucking thing's cherry.
他显然是想给你
He obviously wanted you to have it,
何不好好享受
so why not enjoy it?
他辛勤劳动的成果
Fruits of his labor and shit.
是吗
Yeah?
没问题
Of course.
好
Okay.
谢谢
Thanks.
好多谢来电
Yeah, thanks for calling.
不但我确实很享受性♥爱♥
Uh, no, but I do enjoy sex.
真的
I really do.
但我最享受的是女人的叫♥床♥声
But what I enjoy most is the sound of a woman having sex.
她的呻♥吟♥和吼叫
Her all moaning and loud.
然后我
And me,
拿杯子紧贴着墙偷听
with a cup pressed against the wall, listening.
多谢各位
Uh, well, thank you.
在座的各位都很热情活泼
You've been a very, uh, lively crowd.
祝您有个美好的夜晚
Have a good night.
埃迪
Eddie.
没有胸脯肉了
We're out of the brisket,
只有鸡汤和米饭
and the soup is chicken and rice.
我不是来这吃饭的
Oh, I didn't come here to eat.
我是来为我借用的段子付你钱的
I came here to pay you for the joke I used.
-是抄袭 -抄袭
- Stole. - Stole.
也是来给你开价的
And to make you an offer.
你这人很幽默
Now, look, you're a funny guy,
我希望你能给我写更多段子
so I want you to write more stuff for me.
只要是我用上的都会付你钱
Now, I'm gonna pay you for everything I use.
一条段子五块钱
5 bucks a joke.
我想想吧去你♥妈♥的♥
Well, let me think about it. Fuck you.
好吧
Okay.
你要是想通了
Look. If you get over yourself...
这是我的名片
Here's my card.
好
Okay.
你要配合我的演出
So you're gonna help me out with my act,
但不能让人知道你是托儿
but nobody can know that you're helping.
-得保密 -没错
- It's a secret. - Exactly.
-你知道什么叫"诘问"吗 -不知道
- Do you know what heckling is? - No.
就是喜剧演员在台上时
It's when a comic's up on stage
你冲他说些刁钻刻薄的话让他难堪
and you say mean shit to him to fuck with him.
你说了俩脏话
That's two swears.
抱歉
Sorry.
你是想要我冲你说刻薄的话
So you want me to yell mean things at you?
对但都是假的
Yeah, but it's all pretend.
等我一开始说话你就立马冲我吼