含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E06

Part 6 May 7, 2021, 2:47 p.m.

想想吧
Think about it.
如果你选择另一条路你会在做什么
What would you be doing if you'd chosen another path?
中学二年级教师
Second-grade school teacher?
生五六个孩子
Popped out a half-dozen kids?
在30岁的时候上吊自杀
Hang yourself at 30?
你选择了这条路
You chose this path.
除了祈祷好运静观其变就没别的了
Nothing to do now but cross your fingers and see what happens.
跟着黄色砖路走
Follow the yellow brick road.
跟着黄色砖路走
Follow the yellow brick road.
谢谢你
Ah, thank you.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我可以接受这样
I could do this.
奔波在路上稳定收入
Open road, steady paycheck.
是啊这是个不错的
Yeah. It's a nice...
平静的死亡
peaceful death.
就像是一个煤矿工在
Like a coal miner falling asleep
最后一丝氧气被抽出塌方矿洞时睡着
as the last bit of oxygen is sucked out of the cave-in.
是啊最起码你家里有妻子和孩子
Yeah. At least you got a wife and kids to go home to.
-真正的生活 -我开始
- A real life. - You know, I'm starting
觉得真正的生活有些过誉了
to think real life is overrated.
那是因为你不记得单身的感觉了
That's 'cause you don't remember what it was like being single.
我记得会有更多的口♥活♥
I remember there was a lot more blowjobs.
什么你结婚后就不会被吹了吗
What, you don't get blown when you're married?
只在假期才有
Just holidays.
现在我能过父亲节了这还不错
Well, now I have Father's Day. That's nice.
所以基本上是如果没有邮件
So, basically, if there's no mail,
你就能被吹
you get a blowjob.
我开始讨厌平静了
I'm starting to hate the fucking quiet.
就好像我们等一整天就为那15分钟
It's like we wait all day for these 15 minutes.
然后可能去坎特尔回家看电视
Then maybe Canter's, home, television,
吃一碗麦片
bowl of cereal.
打肥皂泡冲洗重复
Lather, rinse, repeat.
你疯了吗
Are you insane?
你知道我平均拉屎时间为45分钟
You know my average shit takes 45 minutes
是因为那是我唯一独处的时间吗
'cause that's my only time alone?
我五分钟就完事了
I'm done after five minutes,
剩下的时间就是叹气
and the rest is just sighing
看《读者文摘》
and Reader's Digest.
是吗昨晚我一边穿着短裤
Yeah? Last night, I ate Spaghettios
用平底锅吃意大利面一边看
out of the pan in my boxers while watching
《两傻大战科学怪人》
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
那天我去西尔斯百货看冰箱
I went to Sears to look for refrigerators.
我头晕到得在户外家具上躺一会
I got so dizzy I had to lay on the patio furniture.
那里有个服装模特
There's a mannequin with, you know,
手里拿着烤肉钳站我旁边
barbecue tongs next to me.
我们穿着一样的裤子
We were wearing the same pants.
怎么咱俩刚才这五分钟里
What, did we both just sprout vaginas
都长出了阴♥道♥吗
in the last five minutes?
咱们都变得有些啰嗦了对吧
We did get a little chatty, didn't we?
发生了什么是啊
What's going on. Yeah.
-我想我知道为什么 -什么
- I think I know why. - What?
-转过来 -你干什么
- Yeah. Turn around. - What are you doing?
你这是干什么
What the fuck are you doing?
天啊
God!
这衬衫老兄
That shirt, man!
凯茜给你的
Cassie got it for you.
把咱们睾丸变成子♥宫♥了
It's turning our testicles into ovaries.
这样好多了对吧
Is it better? Yeah?
是啊我不得不承认这让我
Yeah. I got to admit I kind of feel like
想要谈谈昨晚的比赛然后当众吐痰了
talking about last night's game and spitting in public.
看到没
See?
那鬼东西被诅咒了
No, that fucking thing is cursed.
我他妈讨厌想念她的感觉
I fucking hate that I miss her.
我知道
I know.
但是...
But...
吹吹风也不错
the breeze is nice.
是啊
Yeah.
汉堡店
大沃利的弄堂小店
我们可以点餐了
Hey, uh, we are actually ready to order.
-嗯 -我们要四份
- Oh. Yeah. - Yeah. We'll just have
你们家美味的奶酪汉堡谢谢
four of your delightful cheddar burgers, please.
好的不想听听特色菜吗
Okay. You don't want to hear the specials?
-不用了 -特色菜
- Nah. - Oh, specials.
这家特色菜都挺棒的有什么
They always have great specials. What are they?
今晚是黄油酱龙虾尾
Well, tonight, it's lobster tails
配烤土豆只需9.95块
with drawn butter and baked potato for $9.95.
我觉得来点美味的
I-I-I-I think the delightful
奶酪汉堡就够了
cheddar burgers will work out--
-我要龙虾尾 -我也要
- I'll have the lobster tails. - Oh, me too.
我们能不能再看看菜单
Can we just look at the menus again?
没问题
Uh, yeah, sure.
给
Here you go.
谢谢
Thank you.
有什么事吗
Can I help you?
你好我是凯茜·菲德尔
Hi. I'm Cassie Feder.
我是来上节目的
I'm here to do the TWA show.
拉尔夫派我来的
Ralph sent me.
你是个女的
You're a woman.
所以有阴♥道♥
Hence the vagina.
有什么问题吗
Is that a problem?
你来都来了
Well, you're here now.
之前有做过吗
You ever done one of these before?
没这是第一次
Nope. First time.
好好享受大场面吧
Well, enjoy the deep end of the pool.
十点上场
You're on in ten.
他妈的龙虾尾
Fucking lobster tails?
我们就25块就她们那两只龙虾尾
We got 25 bucks. Just their fucking lobster tails alone
就要花掉20块
are gonna put us at 20.
我知道啊她们之前一直说
I know, I know. Just the way they went on
奶酪汉堡好吃我还以为没问题的
about the cheeseburgers, I just thought it was a done deal.
简直是乱来
You know, this is complete bullshit,
你老是这样
and you do this all the time.
不才不是我是那个混♥蛋♥服务员
No, it's--no, it's not my-- it's the fucking waiter, man.
都是他突然说有什么龙虾尾
He blindsided us with those fucking lobster tails.
老兄你真是坑死我们了
Dude! You totally fucked us.
-什么 -我们只有25块
- What? - We had 25 bucks,
点四个奶酪汉堡刚好
which is perfect for four cheeseburgers,
但你非得说什么龙虾尾才9.95
but then you totally fucked us
把我们坑惨了
with your $9.95 lobster tails.
抱歉不知道这能不能让你们好受点
Sorry. If it's any consolation,
但龙虾尾真的很好吃
they're really good.
不让我们好受的是四个奶酪汉堡
No. Any consolation would be four fucking cheeseburgers.
你能不能帮点忙
Look, is there anything you can do
让我们看起来不会那么像废物
to help us not look like losers?
他非常需要找个人上♥床♥
He really needs to get laid.
我的老二现在就像拔了顶针的手榴弹一样
Right now, my dick is like a grenade with the pin pulled out.
我们有个辣翅挑战
Uh, well, uh, there's our hot wing challenge.
在15分钟之内吃完一桶辣翅
Eat a bucket of our hot wings in 15 minutes or less,
-就算我们请 -不要钱吗
- and they're on us. - As in free?
她们吃的你们还是得付
You still got to pay for the girls' food,
但这是最好的选择了
but it's the best I can do.
-好吧行 -好
- Yeah, okay. Okay, yeah. - Okay.
-来两份 -15分钟吗
- Two orders. - Fifteen minutes?
嗯不过先提醒你们
Yeah. Just be warned, though:
真的非常辣
they're really fucking hot.
能有多辣啊
Yeah, I mean, how hot can they be?
这里有多少当母亲的讨厌自己的孩子
How many of you mothers in here hate your kids?
没人吗我不是说对丈夫的那种厌恶
Nobody? I'm not talking about husband hate.
而是有一些小小的嫌弃
I mean more like a kid-sized portion of disdain.
听我说我不讨厌做母亲
Now, listen. I don't hate being a mother.