含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E02

Part 3 May 7, 2021, 2:46 p.m.

Since when did Midnight Special start doing showcases?
从我请一位制♥作♥人过来
Since I got a producer to come and see
看你们当中有没有人能上全国电视开始
if one of you assholes is ready for national television.
凯表演期间不准提供食物给观众
Kay, no food in the audience during the showcase, huh?
你是想让他们喝得多醉
How drunk do you want 'em?
我想让他们专注喜剧表演
I want them focused on the comics,
而不是他们的奶酪棒是不是够热
not whether or not their cheese sticks are hot enough.
什么鬼
What the fuck?
就这样这就是时间表
This is it? These are the times?
有什么问题吗
Is there a problem?
有啊为什么要让我第一个上
Yeah, why you got me going first?
我要在大家点酒的时候吸引他们的注意力
I got to compete with the drink orders.
我宁可开场也不要做最后一个
I'd rather open than close.
你这不是收场而是重头戏
You're not closing, you're headlining.
不过就那堆屁话不如该是什么就是什么
Okay, that load of crap. Let's call it what it is.
我是最后一个上台就跟游♥行♥结束后
I'm going last--I'm like the guy sweeping up
跟在大象屁♥股♥后面收拾残局的那个人一样
after the elephant at the end of the parade.
不行盖比在拉尔夫之后上
No, Gabe's going after Ralph.
让他跟在大象后头收拾残局
He's sweeping up after the elephant.
戈尔迪
Goldie,
为什么我不在节目单上
why am I, uh, not on the list?
萨利我需要你来当主持人
Sully, I need you to emcee.
什么我拒绝拜托这也太扯了
No, what? No. Come on, that's total bullshit.
你知道我和他们一样优秀
You know I'm just as good as these guys.
我们谈过这件事
We've talked about this.
你的15分钟节目还不够紧凑
You don't have a tight 15 yet.
你基本上都是在活跃气氛
You're mostly crowd work.
我可以把节目做紧凑
I can do a tight 15.
我说的是"还不够" 我知道你可以
I said "yet." I know you can,
你将来也能做到只是现在还不行
and you will, just not now.
-都没问题了吧 -还有一个问题
- Are we done here? - Uh, just one question.
我和盖比要给比尔热场吗
Do Gabe and I have to blow Bill, too,
还是只把舞台准备好就行
or just set the stage for him?
什么意思
Your meaning?
我的意思是我们给他热场
Meaning, we warm him up,
然后比尔就可以坐收渔翁之利
and Bill here reaps all the benefits.
我的时间段又不是最好的盖比的才是
I don't have the best spot. Gabe does.
-才不是 -明明就是
- No, I don't. - Yeah, you do.
我的时间段是大家去上厕所的时间
I got spot where everybody goes to the bathroom
因为他们没有下酒菜只能干喝酒
because they don't got food with their drinks.
盖比膀胱可不是这么运作的
Hey, Gabe, that is not how a bladder functions.
闭嘴吧埃德加
Shut up, Edgar.
我是犹太人你是墨西哥人
I'm Jewish, you're Mexican,
自然而然我比你
which automatically makes me closer
里做医生更近一点
to being a doctor than you.
算了我还是说句好听的吧
But if it's any consolation, I will defer to you
要是在高速公路旁卖♥♥橘子的话我绝对听你的
with any questions about selling bags of oranges by the highway.
瞧瞧你们
Listen to you guys.
跟一群长舌妇一样都他妈给我闭嘴
You sound like a bunch of hens. Shut the fuck up!
如果你们对安排有任何不满
If you don't like where you're placed,
阿耳弋斯和长耳鹿
you know that Argus or Mule Deer
很高兴取代你们中的任何一个人
would be happy to take any one of those spots.
我们只是在说俱乐部里可不可以
We're just saying, shouldn't it be some sort of pecking order
根据先来后到来决定地位啊
based off time put in at the club?
我们当然有分主次尊卑
Oh, there is a pecking order.
我主你们次
It goes me, you.
你们都有安排了娘们儿们滚吧
You got your lineup, ladies. Out.
真♥他♥妈♥扯淡
That's some bullshit.
以后你自己发牢骚的时候别带上我们
Stop saying "we're just saying," when it's you just saying shit.
说得好像你很喜欢这个演出顺序似的
Oh, like you like this lineup?
要不就是这些人字迹全部一样
Now, either all these guys have the same handwriting,
要不就是有人给他的朋友们报名了开麦夜
or somebody signing their friends up for open mic.
真希望我能找到那家伙让他也帮我报个名
Wish I could find that guy and tell him to sign me the fuck up.
我也是这么想的
I was the exact same way.
之前我每周都在那份名单上
I was on that list every week
看看现在
and now look at me.
我可以随时登上主舞台
I got the main room whenever I want it.
只要是在收场前十分钟就好
As long as it's ten minutes before closing.
戈尔迪叫你去她办公室
Goldie wants to see you in her office.
慢着戈尔迪想见我怎么可能
Wait, Goldie wants to see me? Why?
她说她挺喜欢你的鞋子
She said something about liking your shoes.
我的鞋子
My shoes?
慢着真的吗
Wait. Really?
去找她就好
Just go see her.
感觉像是要是去校长办公室那种地方
Well, I feel like I'm going to the principal's office
有点吓人
or some shit now.
多希望我手里有个苹果能送她[示爱]
Wish I had an apple to give her.
戈尔迪不收苹果她只送苹果
Goldie doesn't get apples. She gives them.
像夏娃那样我懂了
Like Eve. Got it.
或是像《白雪公主》里的巫婆
Or the witch in Snow White.
想怎么死你自己选
Pick your poison.
怎么了
Yep?
你想见我
Hey, you wanted to see me?
进来吧
Oh, hey, come in.
我看到你那晚的演出了
Caught your act the other night.
是吗
Yeah?
挺有趣的
Funny.
谢谢那晚挺艰难的但我觉得...
Thank you. I mean, it was a rough night, but I thought--
那手工活的故事是真的吗
That handyman bit-- is it true?
是真的
Yeah.
我认为最好的喜剧
I mean, I think all the best comedy
应以现实生活为核心
comes from a core of reality--
很好如果你有兴趣的话
That's great. I have some work for you at the the house
我想你在这里工作
if you're interested.
好好好当然有兴趣
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of... of course.
很好
Great.
周一清晨
Monday morning, bright and early.
阿尼会把地址给你
Arnie'll give you the address.
好的
All right.
要是想继续过
So we need jobs if we're gonna keep
窝身于橱柜吃着偷来的零食
enjoying this extravagant lifestyle
这样颓靡的生活我们就得去工作了
of living in a closet and eating stolen snack food.
你有什么门道吗
Do you--do you know of anything
或者你工作的地方有没有什么路子
or maybe something at your work or...?
没有吧
Not really.
没有
No.
但我可以打听打听
I can keep my ears open, though.
你在哪...
Where you--
你具体是在哪工作...
where do you work, again, exactly...
我也想去你那里工作
that I would like to work also?
斯蒂芬霍拓思·蒙特霍尔制片公♥司♥
Stefan Hatos-Monty Hall Productions--
我们制♥作♥了《交易玩家》
the people who do Let's Make a Deal.
我现在是个接待员
I'm an usher currently,
但我希望以后能成为奖品展示司仪
but I'm hoping to one day be a presenter.
那有什么要求吗
And what would that entail?
假设蒙特在告知选手
So say that Monty is telling a contestant
他赢了一台冰箱
that they won a refrigerator.
在杰阐述全部细节的同时
When Jay is giving all the details,
凯柔·梅里尔她这人真是我见过最好的人
Carol Merrill, who is the nicest person in real life,
她会把奖品拿出来就像这样...
she presents the item, like so...
你觉得怎样
What do you think?
我觉得...
I think...
我觉得你该把手臂抬高点
I think you got to raise your arms up higher,
因为冰箱...
because the freezer...
才是大家真正在意的东西
that's what people really care about.
这样吗
So like...?
完美
Perfect.
比尔你今晚准备了什么笑话
Bill, what material you doing tonight?
你看了不就知道了
Why don't you watch me and see?
我只是觉得你不能说你最擅长的话题真是可惜了
I just think it sucks you can't do your A stuff.
流产是个好题材