含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E03

Part 4 May 7, 2021, 2:46 p.m.

加进我的表演里面
put it in my act,
观众们就会站起来为你默哀了
and get standing condolences from the crowd.
我觉得你的表演需要很大的勇气
Hey, I-I thought what you did took a lot of balls.
你的题材真的很棒继续加油吧
And you're definitely on to something, so keep it up.
是啊还是有很好笑的点的
Yeah, that was some... pretty cool stuff.
谢谢你们
Thank you, guys.
我有个想法
Here's a thought.
不如你把你那两分钱[建议]给服务生当小费吧
Why don't you save your two cents for your waitress' tip?
别这样比尔
Oh, come on, Bill.
大拇指汤姆和他的基佬姑妈也有发言权呀
Tom Thumb and his gay aunt have the floor.
让他们接着说吧
Let 'em talk.
不好意思你在《愤怒的葡萄》里演的谁来着
I'm sorry, who were you in Grapes of Wrath again?
怎么可能《愤怒的葡萄》讲的是白人的故事
No, Grapes of Wrath was the one about white people.
他应该是抵♥制♥"葡萄"的人吧
I think he was the one boycotting the grapes.
圣经中葡萄意指主耶稣的人♥民♥ 亦具有希望和富饶之意
没错没错
Right, right.
我只知道这里面有葡萄
I just knew grapes was in there somewhere.
有什么好笑的马倌
What's so funny, stable boy?
你说什么
Pardon?
难道你不是戈尔迪的新马倌吗
Aren't you Goldie's new stable boy?
我有好多问题想问你呢
I have so many questions for you.
大部分都有点性暗示
Uh, most of them laced with sexual innuendo.
好了埃德加别这么混账
All right, Edgar, don't be a dick.
我才不混账
I'm not being a dick.
我只是想知道到底有什么好笑的
I just want to know what's so fucking funny.
埃德加如果你真想知道的话
Well, um, Edgar, if you really want to know,
我刚刚想起来我♥干♥♥你♥老母的那次
I was just thinking about the time that I fucked your mom.
等等我有和你说过
Wait, did I ever tell you about
我之前干过你老母吗
the time that I fucked your mom?
我把她干得爽到你外婆都高♥潮♥了
I fucked your mom so hard your grandmama came.
我当时把屌♥插得那么深
There I was, balls deep in your mother's coffee stain,
远在四千英里外的瓜达拉哈拉市
and 4,000 miles away in Guadalajara,
你外婆直直得倒在了豆田里
your grandmother just collapses in this bean field,
喊着我的名字高♥潮♥着
screaming my name and coming so hard
飞蛾都吓得从她那蔫了的黑木耳里飞了出来
that moths fly out of that shriveled up, Grey taco.
其实我也不是完全确定
Now, I don't know this for sure,
因为那时我还在你妈家后入干得正起劲
'cause I'm still back at your mom's, fucking her from behind,
就和她当年操驴
like the donkey she used to fuck
换游客手中的巧克力一样起劲
while tourists threw Chiclets at her.
那个时候她无休止的呻♥吟♥分散了我的注意力
Right now, I'm distracted by her endless screams
她一直叫喊着自己有多想被♥插♥屁♥眼♥
of how she wants it in the ass,
尽管她知道我们六小时前就把润滑油给用完了
even though she knew we ran out of lube like six hours ago.
但我会解决困难啊
But I'm a problem solver.
所以我开始把她的奶水给挤了出来
So I just start to milk those endlessly lactating tits
淋在我的大雕上
all over my ski pole,
这样就足够润滑了
thus providing the necessary lubricant that she desires.
我就那样一直使劲地捅你♥妈♥的♥菊花
And I just drill your mom so hard in the ass
连她嘴里最后那颗牙都让我给搞掉了
that I knock out the one remaining tooth left in her head,
爽到她来的时候从她那个名叫阴门的糖果彩罐里
making her come so hard that a shitload of inedible hard candies
喷出来了好多好多硬糖
just shoot out of that pi?ata she calls a pussy,
喷得主卧的地板上到处都是
all over the dirt floor of her master bedroom.
埃德加这就是我笑的点
And that, Edgar, is what I found to be funny.
干嘛
What?
我是在想是该跟他干一架
Trying to decide whether or not I should fuck him up
还是该买♥♥杯奶昔和他一起喝呢
or buy a milkshake with two straws.
因为他把你妈干出翔了
'Cause he fucked the shit out of your mama.
你们可以点单了吗
You guys ready to order?
那啥那啥
You know what? You know what?
给这几个屌♥毛点份炸薯条
Order of fries for these motherfuckers right here.
一起来吃炸薯条
French fries all around.
?I been in the right place?
?But it must have been the wrong time?
?I'd of said the right thing?
?But I must have used the wrong line...?
我好像把钱包落在厨房♥里了
Think, I, uh, left my wallet in the kitchen.
?Head is in a bad place?
?And I wonder what it's good for?
?I been running trying to get hung up in my mind?
?Got to give myself a good talking to this time?
?Just need a little brain salad surgery?
?I got to cure my insecurity?
?I been in a wrong place?
?But it must have been the right time?
老爸回来了
Daddy's home.
?I been in the right vein?
为什么宝宝可以在烛光下打饱嗝而不是我
Why does the baby get burped by candlelight and not me?
停电了
The electricity's been shut off.
不是吧
Seriously?
才寄了两封警告信就停了吗
After only two threatening letters?
可能第三封被夹在那堆东西里面了
Maybe the third's - in that pile over there.
我本想着看看那里面有啥的
I've been meaning to take a look at that.
早知道我就多拿棍子戳几次了
I just want to poke it with a stick a few more times.
抱歉贝茨我会想办法解决的
I'm sorry, Betz. I'll figure something out.
我想把我那份秘书的工作找回来
I think I can get my secretary job back.
他可以睡在我办公桌旁边
He can sleep right by the desk.
你想和妈妈一起去上班吗
You want to come to work with Mommy?
-不想吗 -你以为这是查尔斯·狄更斯的小说吗
- Not really? - No, what, are we in a Charles Dickens novel?
你觉得我们需要多少钱
How much do you think we need?
一周还需要40块
Another $40 a week.
-想吃肉的话就要50块了 -好吧
- Fifty if you want meat. - Okay.
我应该可以找罗杰谈谈
Think I can talk to Roger
在仓库里多上几个小时的班
and grab a few more hours at the warehouse.
-可以吗 -可以
- Yeah? - Yeah.
你真的很有耐心像个圣人一样
You have the patience of a saint, you know that?
-萨利 -怎么了
- Sully. - Yeah?
照顾好我们可以吗
Take care of us, okay?
如果你渴望去照顾...
If you got a hankering to take care of that...
为什么虾这么好吃
Why are shrimp so fucking delicious?
它们就是好吃就这样
They-they are. End of story.
我在想什么啊
What was I thinking?
就是这样了吧
And... that's it.
吃个虾就把我赶出来了
Fucking blackballed for eating shrimp.
我受够了
I am done.
虾
Shrimp?
你做得很好
You're doing great, okay?
继续吧
Just go back down.
麦姬
Hey, Maggie?
你是墨西哥人对吧
You're Mexican, right?
我妈是亚洲人
My mom's Asian.
可你在你♥爸♥那边的血缘也算是半个保姆喽
But you're part cleaning lady on your dad's side, right?
他是菲律宾人
He's Filipino.
菲律宾人
Filipino?
这他妈要我怎么吐槽
What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
幸亏你有一半中国佬血统
Thank God you're half-chink or
不然我们就真聊不下去了
we'd have nothing to talk about.
我不喜欢你的表演
Your act makes me uncomfortable.
是他说的不是我
He said it, not me.
这招够贱吧
That's why it's smart.
种族歧视的是木偶
It's the puppet who's racist.
犹太佬和乡巴佬进了家便利店
So a Jew and a hick walk into a convenience store...
这些全都是你们偷的
You steal all that?
只吃方便米饭是要死人的
Man does not live on Rice-A-Roni alone.
外面可有三十几度呢
It's 90 degrees out.
我们当然知道
Oh, we know.
我觉得香肠应该已经捂熟了
I think the sausages are ready to be served.
抱歉打断了你的表演斯蒂夫
Sorry to interrupt your act, Steve.
求你别重新演了
Please don't start over.
没关系你们今晚可以来"地窖"
Oh, it's okay, you can always stop by later
看完我的表演
tonight, catch it in The Cellar.
不可能他是认真的吗
No. He serious?
不是吧阿尼这混♥蛋♥都能去"地窖"
Come on, Arnie, this asshole gets The Cellar?
我们来了六周了他妈的才上台了两次
We've been here six weeks. We've been up fucking twice!
他能去"地窖" 可你都不能保证我俩
He gets The Cellar. You won't even guarantee us
能去开麦夜表演我说
Open Mic spots? I mean, look,
我不是有意冒犯斯蒂夫和他挫到爆的木偶
no offense to Steve and his regressive sock puppet,
可是他们真的很烂他妈的烂透了
but they fucking suck, they really fucking suck.
罗恩说得没错他真的很垃圾
Ron's right, man. He fucking blows.