含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E07

Part 2 May 7, 2021, 2:48 p.m.

Sorry, everybody.
前几天晚上我和一个女孩出去约会
So I was out with this girl the other night.
现在这是什么情况
What the hell's going on in here?
罗维斯疯了
Lovis flipped out.
估计是犯了什么门卫综合症吧
Must be some kind of doorman syndrome.
那天然气价格呢
How 'bout those gas prices, huh?
那又是怎么一回事
What's the deal with that, huh?
不不不
No--no, no!
罗恩去看门
Ron. Take the door.
尼克森...
Nixon was--
-我吗 -那是你的名字吧
- Me? - That's your name, right?
对我只是没想到你会知道我的名字
Yeah, yeah, no, I-I just didn't know that you knew it.
和你聊天很愉快
It was great catching up with you.
现在赶紧滚去看门吧
Now grab the fucking door.
三年了我他妈当了三年的门卫
Three years, three years I worked that fucking door!
遵命
Yes, ma'am.
戈尔迪让我...你有没有...
Goldie told me... Did you--
-罗维斯够了 -你很棒了
- Lovis, it's cool! - You did good.
去你♥妈♥的♥瞎扯淡去你♥妈♥的♥
Fucking bullshit! Fuck you!
赶紧滚吧你个傻狗
Now get your fucking ass out!
阿尼
Arnie.
戈尔迪让我来看门
Goldie told me to watch the door.
她知道我的名字哎
She knows my name.
还真是让人激动呢
Ooh, stirring.
看门得穿T恤
You watching the door, you need a T-shirt.
你穿什么码
What size are you?
中码
Medium.
我们只剩小码了
Oh, we only have smalls.
那你还问个屁
Why the fuck did you ask?
这叫礼貌傻缺
It's called common courtesy, douchebag.
好吧
All right.
给罗恩拿件大码的
Give Ron a large shirt.
那绝对是最诡异的一次性♥交♥了没有之一
That is the weirdest sex ever, the weirdest sex, okay?
女士们我不希望你们误会我的意思
Now, ladies, I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way,
可你们真的都他妈疯了吧
but y'all are fucking crazy.
总想把我们男人摸个透
Always trying to figure us men out.
你以为我是在开玩笑
You think I'm playing?
肯尼迪中枪的时候他老婆跳上了后备箱
When JFK got shot, his wife jumped on the trunk of the car
美国第35任总统
去够他崩开的脑浆
and grabbed his brains.
我们都死了你们还要知道我们在想什么
Even when we dead, y'all wanna know what we thinking.
猪湾事件吗不不
Bay of Pigs? No.
肯尼迪执政时期美国反古巴运动的第一个高峰
古巴导弹危机
Cuban missile crisis?
没兴趣
Not interested.
玛丽莲
Marilyn.
那个婊♥子♥
That bitch.
我知道他一直惦着你
I knew you was in here somewhere.
等到了家你看我不整死你
You're in some shit when we get to the house.
我来自波士顿
I'm from Boston originally.
我爸开了一间男装店
Uh, my father owned a men's shop.
波士顿是体育文化圣地体育名城
Big sports town, Boston. Big sports town.
波士顿红袜队和纽约洋基队知道吧
Red Sox, Yankees. You know?
均为美国职棒大联盟美联东区的棒球队
竞技体育中最伟大的一时瑜亮
One of the great rivalries in professional sports.
我爸很讨厌洋基队
Uh, my father, he hated the Yankees.
知道吗
You know?
按顺序来说我爸最讨厌的东西就是
The-the thing my father detests most, in order,
洋基队纳粹分子
are the Yankees, the Nazis,
还有不合身的西装
and ill-fitting suits.
我爸对人们的穿着要求非常高
Um, my father's very critical of-of how people dressed.
我们每次去芬威球场看红袜对洋基的比赛
In fact, when we go to see the Sox play the Yankees
我爸都会骂洋基队队员
at Fenway Park, my father would often direct his insults
不是骂他们打得烂
at how the Yankees players looked in their uniforms
而是骂他们衣服丑
rather than the players themselves.
哎曼托
Hey, Mantle!
洋基队外野手米奇·曼托
曼托
Mantle!
你简直丑得像坨屎
You look like shit out there!
合适的护肩应该是平滑的
A well-fitted shoulder should lie flat
应该和肩骨同宽...
and be the same length as the bone und--
你还好吗先生你是要走了吗...
You okay, sir? You-you need to walk or...
谢谢聆听
Thank you.
合适的护肩应该是平滑的
A well-fitted shoulder should lie flat
应该和肩骨同宽
and be the same length as the bone under it!
你那衣服的肩缝
And should meet the sleeve of the uniform
也该在你肩膀头那儿
right where your arm meets your shoulder!
你个蠢货
Ya bum!
上菜
Pick up.
好了谢谢大家
Okay. Thank you.
感谢你们表现这么老实
You've been a very well-behaved audience.
要再来点吗好的
You good over here? All right.
嗨需要续杯吗还是...
Hey, would you guys like some refills, or--
好吧
All right.
-需要续杯吗 -脱因咖啡
- Would you like a refill? - Decaf.
好的
Okay.
笑话挺搞笑的
Funny stuff.
我尽力了
Uh, yeah, doing my best.
我是肯尼·维西
Kenny Vesey.
我是埃迪·赛德尔
Eddie Zeidel.
慢着你是...
Wait, are you, uh,
你是肯尼早间节目的那位肯尼吗
are you Kenny In The AM?
肯尼
Kenny!
天啊老哥
Holy shit. Man.
我从波士顿来到这里之后
I-I listen to you all the time since I've, uh,
每天都有听你的演出
since I've been here from Boston.
我是洋基队的球迷
I'm a Yankee fan.
但我还是要控制住自己的拳头
But I'm gonna fight every instinct I have
给你点像样的小费
and still leave you a decent tip.
我要替我的这两份工作感谢你
Well, my hand-to-mouth existence thanks you.
说真的哥们...
No, seriously, man, uh...
那天你和克莱恩讲的笑话
You and Klein the other day.
实在太搞笑了
It was so funny.
我和波比在纽约打拼的时候就认识了
Jesus, I've known Bobby since our New York days.
我们...
Yeah, we did, uh,
也在好多咖啡店讲过笑话
did a lot of coffee shops together.
-这样啊 -不过说真的
- Right. - Seriously though.
你的笑话挺好的
Funny shit.
尤其是收场语
Especially the closer.
还"收场语"呢
"Closer," huh?
不就是下台给人倒咖啡吗
More like segue to pouring coffee.
别放弃
Well, keep at it.
也许以后我们会邀请你上节目
Maybe one day soon we'll have you on.
这个给你
You know what? Here.
谢谢红袜队把贝比·鲁斯卖♥♥给我们
Thanks for Babe Ruth.
美国职棒史上1920、30年代的洋基强打者
也谢谢你们带来《别啊纳内特》
And thank you for No No Nanette.
歌♥舞电影
我没法向你形容CMA
I can't tell you how anxious CMA is
有多想和你合作
to get into the Nick Beverly business, huh?
真的
Seriously.
我哪有那么厉害
Yeah, I'm more of a, uh,
不过就是自得其乐罢了
mom and pop operation right now than a business.
我们能捧红你尼克
We launch careers, Nick.
真的我们就是干这个的
Seriously, that's what we do.
除此之外
Look, as a side note,
我也提供其他服务尼克
I'm a full-service agent, Nick.
只要你开口要多少管够
You say jump. I say how high?
玻利维亚货劲不大
Bolivian. Not so much as a footprint.
我不碰这玩意儿
Yeah, not much of a coke man,
不过还是多谢你的好意
but a lovely gesture nonetheless.
行
Cool.
只要记得
Just know,
无论你有多苦