含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E08

Part 2 May 7, 2021, 2:48 p.m.

"The Unbelievable Power of Believing."
7块95
$7.95. Oh.
你知道这些钱能买♥♥多少独角兽吗
Do you realize how many unicorns you could have bought with this?
读完这本书以后我就被《交易玩家》给炒了
After I read this book, I got fired from "Let's Make a Deal."
听起来好像你读完这本书以后
Well, it sounds like you read this book
出门就迎头一兜鸟粪
and then something shitty happened to you.
被《交易玩家》炒掉
Getting fired from "Let's Make a Deal"
是宇宙赐予我的礼物
was a gift from the universe.
只要你相信自己会遇上好事就一定会遇上
If you believe that good things will happen to you, then they do.
那你要怎么解释和阿尼滚床单
How do you explain sleeping with Arnie then?
是啊宇宙还给你准备了什么
Yeah, what else does the universe have in store for you,
除了肝炎之外
besides hepatitis?
行吧如果你们不相信信仰的力量
Right, okay, fine, if you don't believe in believing,
那是你们的损失
then it's your loss.
埃德加埃德加·马丁内斯
Edgar? Edgar Martinez?
我是你怎么才来
Yeah. What took you so long?
不像我身后那位凶神恶煞的大叔
Unlike Uncle Hitler behind me,
我已经憋了三天没拉屎了
I've been holding a shit for three days.
我看过了你的卷宗
I've reviewed your case file and...
你应该翻供
...you should turn state's evidence.
你让我告密想都别想
You mean snitch? No fucking way, man.
我可不是告密的小人
I ain't no snitch.
确实不是可你是毒品走私贩
No, you're a drug trafficker,
违法跨境偷运毒品
and transporting drugs over state lines
如果罪名成立会判至少九年的
means if found guilty, you're facing a minimum sentence
有期徒刑
of nine years in prison.
好吧你要找的人叫卡洛斯·门多萨
All right, the guy you're looking for is Carlos Mendoza,
江湖人称"大嘴"
goes by Big Chewy in the street.
他住在巴克利北大道727号♥
His address is 727 North Barclay Avenue,
三号♥室他还有同伙是他的堂兄弟
Apartment 3. He also works with his cousins,
圣地亚哥和胡安·迪亚哥
Santiago and Juan Diego.
他们养了一条斗牛犬
They have a pit bull,
不过不用怕它是瞎的
but don't worry, it's blind.
你都不用记下来吗
Are you writing this down?
你看到埃迪没
You seen Eddie?
上一个亲了我就跑的男人
'Cause the last guy who kissed me and ran away
至少知道等中场休息之后
at least had the decency to come back
再回来把我♥干♥上一顿
and push me in the dirt after recess.
那天晚上是不是发生了什么
Did--did something happen the other night?
这就奇怪了我跟埃迪聊过
Because--that's weird, I talked to Eddie,
他对那天晚上发生的事只字未提
and he didn't mention anything about--about the other night.
你的演技可真烂
Wow, you're a terrible actor.
很烂吗
It was that bad?
嗯我都想重来让你再演一遍了
Yeah, I'm tempted to re-enter and let you try that again.
你在看什么书
What's with the book, man?
凯茜我厌倦了住在衣橱里的日子
Cassie, I'm tired of living in a closet.
上不成妹子得不到票子
Not getting laid, not getting paid.
我曾经是那么的盲目
I mean, I've been blind,
可这本书却赐予了我光明
and this book has given me sight,
它教会我只要有信念就一定能成功
because if you can believe it, you can achieve it.
就是这么简单
It's all in there.
真是让我大开眼界了
That's actually pretty impressive.
等你看完记得借我看看
I'm gonna have to borrow this when you're done.
你看到第几章了
What chapter are you on?
12.
第12页可是...这12页书
Page 12, but...those 12 pages
浓缩了所有改变人生的哲理哲学
are chock full of life-changing information.
你好请问需要什么
Excuse me, can I help you?
我们想找个卡座
Yeah, just grabbing a booth.
让埃迪给我打电♥话♥
Tell Eddie to call me, okay?
好很抱歉先生
Yep. Uh, I'm--I'm sorry, sir,
我们目前暂时没有空余的卡座
we actually don't have any booths available at the moment.
那这个位子怎么空着
Well, what about this one right here?
真抱歉这个座位是预留给...
Oh, no, I'm sorry. That--that booth is reserved...
格兰特总统的
...for President Grant.
格兰特总统一百年前就死了
President Grant died 100 years ago,
他不会介意的
so I don't think he'll mind.
好吧那杰克逊总统呢
Okay. Uh, how about President Jackson?
他也挂了他要是来了我们会让座的
Also dead, but we'll move if he shows up.
来吧宝贝坐吧
Come on, honey, have a seat.
先生
Sir, uh,
您知道我是在暗示您给钱吧
you know that I'm--I'm talking about money, right?
我当然知道
Amazingly, yes.
是我说的太夸张了吗我本来想先说林肯的
Did I start too high? I was gonna start with Lincoln,
可是转念一想
but then I was like,
"谁会坐为林肯预留的座位呢"
"Seriously, who wants to sit in a booth reserved for Lincoln?"
继续努力吧小伙
Yeah, another time.
不知道这是谁寄来的不过不管是谁
Not sure who it's from, but whoever it is,
这人脾气可不小
they're puckered up.
阿尼这个节目打乱了我的计划
Oh, hey, Arnie, this show is chewing up my schedule.
我需要你帮忙打理一下俱乐部的事情
I'm gonna need you to step up around here--
安排表演名单不只是"地窖"和开麦夜
set the lineup, not just for the Cellar and Open Mic,
还有主舞台
Main Stage too.
主舞台
Main Stage?
这是我的荣幸
Oh, I'm honored.
我想让您知道只要您觉得有必要
And please know that whatever additional responsibilities
无论您想让我承担怎样的额外职责
you might find necessary on my part
来帮助您维持统治我都在所不辞
to keep your empire running... are welcome.
您给句话就行
Just give the word.
冷静墨索里尼维持正常运作就行
Easy, Mussolini, just keep the trains running.
你好亲爱的
Hey, honey.
我能和你私下聊几句吗
Can I talk to you alone?
好阿尼正准备走
Yeah, Arnie was just leaving.
对没错我要走了
Oh, yeah, right. I'll go and, uh,
得去安排主舞台的表演阵容
I just gotta set the lineup for the Main Stage.
我知道自己没资格说什么
I know it's probably not my place to say anything,
不过你有没有读过草稿
um, but have you read the sketches?
因为我有点担心"小波比"的那个梗
I mean, 'cause I'm worried that the Little Bo Peep one
可能...
might be...
有点...烂
...kinda...lame.
不是烂
It's not lame.
是彻头彻尾的垃圾难以理喻
It's fucking horrible, goddamn offensive.
我还以为是我没看懂
Ohh. I thought I just didn't get it.
怎么会是那些编剧不懂
Ho, ho, the writers don't get it.
两个母胎老处♥男♥
I mean, it's two guys never been laid
在那儿瞎写女人的心思
writing their idea of what a woman might say.
就算你告诉他们你的逼是横着长的
If you told them your twat was horizontal,
他们也不会说什么
they wouldn't argue.
我在想我们可以把它改成
Okay, because I was thinking, maybe we could change it
《小波比秀》
to "The Little Bo Peep Show,"
那些爷们以为是性♥欲♥表演跑过来看
And men show up thinking it's gonna be this sexy peep show,
结果玻璃后面的女孩却
but instead, the girl behind the glass
穿着夸张的戏服不露一寸肌肤
is wearing this ridiculous dress, not showing any skin,
因为她希望被人们当正经女演员看待
because she wants to be taken seriously as an actress,
《小波比》是首儿歌♥ 讲一个牧羊女丢了羊羔的故事
演她羊丢了的的独角戏
doing her one-woman show, about her wayward sheep.
不如你来试试重新编剧吧
Why don't you take a swing at rewriting it?
真的吗
Really?
我可以吗
I can do that?
为什么不行
Why not?
反正我是执行制片人
I'm Executive Producer.
是啊
Yes, you are.
我就问他 "你有什么目的"
So I said to him, I said, uh, "So what's your angle?"
他说 "我为什么非得有目的"
Talking 'bout, "Why I gotta have an angle?"
我说告诉他 "因为...
I said, "Because
你就是这么个人啊废什么话呢"
you one angling motherfucker, that's why."
谁点了白人
Anybody order a white guy?
如果我请一个女孩喝酒说明我想上她
If I buy a girl a drink, it means I want to fuck her.
你帮我付清了酒钱还上了我欠的债
You paid for my entire haul of liquor, plus money owed.
我就老实说了巴顿我的床技可不咋地
Cards on the table, Barton, I'm not that good a fuck.
照你目前的经营模式来看确实不行
Not according to your current business model.
你想要什么