含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E09

Part 7 May 7, 2021, 2:49 p.m.

See, when I start talking, you immediately yell,
"烂透了"或是"滚下去"
"You suck!" or, "Get off the stage!"
或是别的你想说的难听话
Or whatever mean thing you want to yell,
然后一直冲我嚷难听的话
and then you just keep yelling mean things out
直到演出结束
until the end of the act.
阿尼这有什么好笑的呢
Arnie, why is that funny?
有个叫安迪·考夫曼的家伙
Well, there's this guy named Andy Kaufman.
他真的很有才
He's a real genius.
他就这么走上台搞怪
He just comes on stage and does weird stuff.
人们就好这口
People love it.
所以跟那个差不多
So it's like that.
一时很难解释清楚
It's, uh, complicated.
-我可以加一点 -太棒了
- I can add fractions. - Great!
看你明白我在说什么
So you know what I'm talking about.
绝对的
Definitely.
好极了
Fantastic.
这就是我和犹太女孩约会的原因
That's why I date Jewish girls.
说真的
Seriously.
我爱犹太女人真的
I love Jewish women. I do.
知道什么事压力最大吗
But you know what's a lot of pressure?
做一个白人唯一的黑人朋友
Being a white person's only black friend.
不不我是认真的各位
No, no, no. I'm being serious, y'all.
因为那样的话你就得习惯
'Cause it's like, you got to get used to
像某种能给他们脸上贴金的
being shown off like you're some possession
所属品一样任他们炫耀
that makes them cooler.
"对了这是我的梅赛德斯奔驰
"Oh, yes, this is my, uh, my Mercedes-Benz.
还有这是我最先进的音响系统
And this over here is my state-of-the-art sound system.
再看看你身后可别被吓到了
And if you look behind you-- don't get scared now--
那是我的黑人朋友拉马尔"
that's my black friend, Lamar."
"老兄我在搞你老婆"
"Hey, man, I'm a fuck your wife."
"他是不是很可爱"
"Isn't he delightful?"
在我做白人的唯一黑人朋友时
One thing I like to do when I'm a white person's
很喜欢做一件事就是...
only black friend is, I like to...
给他们误传信息
give 'em misinformation,
好逗逗他们
you know, just to fuck with 'em.
比如说 "知道吗当黑人的乳牙掉了
Say shit like, "Hey, you know, when a black person
恒牙就会在那个地方冒出来
loses a baby tooth, an adult tooth pops
然后当他们恒牙掉了
right into place, but then when they lose
一颗金牙就在这儿
that adult tooth, a gold tooth, right there.
冒出来" 就像是成长仪式
Just pops--" It's like a rite of passage.
笑一个兄弟
Look, smile, brother.
我告诉你了这可不是开玩笑
I told you. See, it's not a joke.
严肃点还有一个好玩的
Seriously. Another one-- ooh, another good one is
我喜欢说 "你知道为什么所有的黑人哥们
I like to say, "Hey, do you know why all black dudes,
喜欢戴着浴帽..."
like, wear shower caps in the--"
拜托给我五分钟
Come on, man. Give me five minutes.
帮兄弟一把你把我打断了
Help a brother out. You're cutting me off.
我在努力帮兄弟下台
I'm trying to help a brother off.
谢谢
Thank you.
亚当·普鲁托
Adam Proteau!
74年的喜剧好苗头
Comic to watch in '74...
如果你们没事可做的话
You know, if you ain't already got shit to do.
时间不等人
Time was up.
无论如何看看你们看起来很可口
Anyway, look at you. Looking delicious.
姑娘怎么样
Girl, what's up?
你还要忍♥受这种屈辱多久
Hey, how much longer you gonna put up with this disrespect?
听着孩子我的提议仍然有效
Now, listen, my offer is still good, son.
你明天晚上就可以在西奥多国王酒吧
You could be headlining tomorrow night
成为主角不会再有人
at King Theodore's, and ain't nobody
来打断你我敢打保票
gonna cut you off then. That's for damn sure.
怎么样要说点什么吗
What's the matter? You want to say something?
不我只是觉得目前我最好待在这里
No, I just think that it's best if I stay here for now.
不过要谢谢你真的很感激
No, but thank you, though. That's cool.
就是因为
Oh, this is just because, um,
戈迪上周在报纸上登了你的照片吗
Goldie got you a picture in the paper last week, huh?
自♥由♥出版社
Oh. Yeah, Free Press.
很荣幸知道你的照片将会
Good to know that your picture's gonna be
恩泽洛杉矶全城的底层鸟笼
gracing the bottom of birdcages all over L.A.
只有你一个人泼冷水
But you the only one shittin' on it.
再说戈迪给了我双倍时间
Meanwhile, Goldie gave me double time,
30分钟我觉得很不错
30 minutes, so I'm cool.
也给你双倍工资吗
Gives you double pay too?
看来她才是最大赢家啊
Seem like she gettin' the best of the deal.
你得到的只是在无人问津的报纸上登个故事
All you got is a story in a paper that nobody reads.
中国菜这是个狗咬狗的世界
Chinese food, though. It's a dog-eat-dog world, right?
我取笑中国人
I kid the Chinese.
其实我有个半血缘的中国兄弟
Actually, uh, I have a Chinese half-brother.
我们见面不多因为他一直在铁路上工作
I don't see him much 'cause he's been working on the railroads.
什么情况
What's going on?
阿尼不想让我们错过他的演出
Arnie wanted us to catch his set.
你有没有因为看到一群中国人
You ever go to a Chinese restaurant
在中餐馆吃东西就进那家馆子里去
just 'cause you see a bunch of Chinese people eating there?
为啥这个定律在其他事情上就不适用呢
How come that doesn't work with, uh, other things, right?
比如你去一个酒吧
Like when you go to a bar
看到那里全是酒鬼
and see that it's filled with alcoholics--
你就不会说 "那里有个醉鬼在角落里吐
You don't go, "Hey, there's a drunk puking in the corner.
也许我们该在那里喝几杯"
Maybe this is where we should get a few drinks."
-这太可怕了 -我知道
- This is awful. - I know.
不好意思我只是想确保大家都理解了
I'm sorry, I just want to make sure everyone gets the concept.
阿尼
Arnie!
阿尼跳舞了
Arnie's dancing!
不是跳舞搞什么鬼
Not dancing. What the fuck?
我说的话你一个字也没听进去吗
Did you not listen to one word I said?
你♥他♥妈♥什么毛病
What the fuck is your problem?
你觉得他有什么毛病
What do you think is his problem?
他是智障你个混♥蛋♥
He's mentally handicapped, you prick.
去你的你个四眼火腿三明治
Fuck you, you fuckin' four-eyed ham sandwich!
这是我和他的事
This is between me and him.
真是成熟啊去你的
Yeah, very mature. Fuck you, man!
吃屎吧你个融化的蜡笔
Eat shit, you melted crayon.
天啊
Holy shit.
-阿尼 -他在搞什么啊
- Oh, Arnie. - What is he doing?
这是真的吗还是我又吸了海♥洛♥因♥
Is this really happening, or am I back on heroin?
我老婆在起诉离婚我已经一周没见儿子了
My wife's filing for divorce, I haven't seen my son in a week,
我睡在拉夫尔的沙发上
and I'm on Ralph's couch, and I still
但我也不想和此时的阿尼互换
wouldn't trade places with Arnie right now.
去你的我有个姐姐
Fuck you! I have a sister
也有智力障碍混♥蛋♥
who's mentally disabled, asshole.
是吗我猜她也会在外面吹嘘你
Oh, yeah? I bet she fuckin' brags about you too.
我的妈埃德加你是这集
Oh, my God. Edgar, you're emceeing
《暮色地带》的主持人
this episode of The Twilight Zone.
快上台去
Get the fuck up there.
我嚷嚷"着火了"不是更简单吗
It would be easier if I yelled "Fire."
你知道吗你♥爸♥没中出你妈
You know what? Your dad didn't come in your mom,
相反他撒了泡尿
he pissed inside her.
对我就是个尿宝宝怪胎
Yeah, I'm a piss baby, weirdo.
滚出去
Get the fuck out of here!
我的天
Oh, my God!
-我绊到椅子腿了 -怎么回事
- I tripped on the chair leg. - What the hell?
真是抱歉
I'm so sorry.
掌声送给阿尼
Keep it going for Arnie.
不鼓掌也行
Or not. Or not.
我成功了我得到那份工作了
I got it. I got the job.
你成了
You got it?
是啊他们下午打来电♥话♥
Yeah, they called this afternoon.
我明天八点去试装
Um, I got to be in wardrobe tomorrow at 8:00.
我真为你高兴伙计
I'm-I'm really happy for you, pal.
谢谢
Thanks.
你为什么看起来不高兴
Why-- why don't you seem excited?
我不知道
I don't know.
就像你说过的那就是个小角色