含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E05

Part 1 May 7, 2021, 2:47 p.m.

《我为喜剧生》前情提要
Previously on I'm Dying Up Here...
他们在越南怎么不毙了你
How did they not shoot you in 'Nam?
那地方除了竹子啥也没有
There's nothing but bamboo over there.
你能躲在哪棵树后面日天日地日泰迪
What tree could you have possibly fucking hid behind?
我听说约翰尼有天晚上请瑞克斯去做客了
I heard Johnny had Rickles on the other night.
这我倒没听说
That's fresh.
这简直就是狗咬吕洞宾的最高境界
Can't get any more "dog bites man" than that.
这位是小闪
This is Sparky.
你觉得它不会想来好莱坞
You didn't think he would come to Hollywood
看看它的大明星兄弟
to see his big-shot brother?
它才不是我兄弟
He's not my brother.
我看不着气象播报员啊
I can't see the weather girl!
小闪
Sparky...
我是说你的经纪人应该给你找演出机会
I'm saying, your manager should get you gigs, and that's it.
而不是给你套上其他人的标签
Shouldn't be trying to fit you into somebody else's box.
有个做喜剧演员的女朋友真好
It's nice having a comedian as a girlfriend.
你以前可从没这么叫过我
You've never called me that before.
咱俩现在是这种关系了吗
Is that what this is?
我真是喜欢喜剧演员
Gotta love the comedian.
但说实话我还是希望你能说些女朋友会说的话
But to be honest, I was kind of hoping for the girlfriend.
你觉得喜剧不会长久
You don't think comedy lasts?
我们拥有更好的
We get something better.
我们拥有现在
We get the moment.
我们他妈的还活在当下
You know, we get the right-fucking-now.
你今晚心情还不错吗夫人
Are you having a good time, ma'am?
真的好你的表情可不是这么回事
Really? All right. Tell your face.
各位越战马上结束了
Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.
意味着什么呢
That means what?
喜剧演员们可以从加拿大
Comedians are coming home...
回来了
from Canada.
我小时候做了很多手工活
I used to do a lot of handyman work, growing up.
主要是因为我爸的工作就是...
Mostly because my dad was in the business...
搞破坏
of breaking shit.
那你们来这里干嘛
Well, what are you doing in here?
后备箱里的妓♥女♥可不会自己把自己埋了啊
That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself.
好了谢谢大家
All right, thank you, folks.
你们今晚...表现勉强过关
You've been a... slightly above average crowd.
我一直在关注水门事件听证会
I've been watching these Watergate hearings.
止不住在想你肯定比那个"腹黑婊"[指尼克松]
I can't help thinking how much better a president
更适合当总统
you'd have made than Tricky Dick.
我觉得自己就像是头守着食槽的猪
I feel like a pig at a trough
看他给我送上来这么多猛料
with all the material he's providing.
真是没救了
That's hell in a handbasket.
米奇你有火吗
Mitch, you got a light?
霍华德
Howard.
很高兴见到你你还好吗
Good to see you. How are you?
正享受着咱总统闹的这些笑话呢
Enjoying the Roman orgy of comedy that is our presidency.
很高兴你过来跟我们打招呼
Glad you stopped by to say hello.
霍华德这周会上我们的节目
Howard's gonna be on the show this week.
太好了
Wonderful.
很高兴你能回来
Thrilled to have you back.
最好把门给锁好
Better lock the door.
艾德来了
Ed's in the building.
操米奇我能跟你谈谈吗
Shit, uh, Mitch, can I talk to you for a sec?
抱歉霍华德我等下就把他还给你
Sorry, Howard, I'll have him back to you in a jiff.
我是说他上班喝酒的事
It's about his drinking at work.
天啊米奇霍华德·里驰
Jesus, Mitch, Howard Leetch?
上周是福斯特·布鲁克斯和尼普斯·鲁塞尔
Last week it was Foster Brooks and Nipsey Russell.
咱这是什么净捡别人不要的吗
What are we now, a fucking Dean Martin roast?
你怎么不跟佩托比斯摩消化药和卜卜米抱怨呢
Why don't you tell that to Pepto-Bismol and Rice Krispies?
去他的赞助商
Screw the sponsors.
我们是因为发掘喜剧新星出名的
We're known for discovering comics,
不是让观众知道谁还活着
not reminding the audience which ones are still alive.
我不在乎那孩子是不是走到了一架波音747前面
I don't care if that kid stepped in front of a Boeing 747.
把年轻的演员给我请回来
Get the young guys back.
迪士尼乐园怎么样
What about Disneyland?
迪士尼...迪士尼乐园怎么了
What about-- what about Disneyland?
你都不想见见米老鼠吗
Didn't you ever want to meet Mickey?
我想见米老鼠
I want to meet Mickey.
记不记得那个把米老鼠耳朵
Hey, remember that girl who lost her mouse ears
掉在了那个动的东西上的女孩
on that people-mover thingy?
她跳到轨道上捡耳朵
She jumped on the tracks to get them
错过了她的车直接跑了出去
and missed her car and ran out an exit.
她从九米高的地方掉了下去
She fell 30 feet,
必须得装上身体支架
had to be in a body brace.
还得在腿里面装根钢钉
She had a pin put in her leg.
赶紧吃完
Eat up.
我们一小时后要去见卖♥♥床垫那个人
We gotta meet the mattress guy in an hour.
你会为了一副耳朵跳下九米高的地方吗
Would you jump 30 feet for ears?
我为了比这更不值钱的东西
I have jumped a lot farther
跳下过更高的地方
for a lot less.
你知道在底特律我们都是靠管子来解决问题
You know in Detroit, the pipes can handle a man's business.
我连马桶塞子都没有
I don't even own a plunger.
是啊这显然是洛杉矶铅管业的问题
Yeah, it's obviously some sort of LA plumbing defect.
和你刚刚想要
It's got nothing to do with
冲下去的一窝小猪没有关系老爸
the litter of piglets you just tried to flush, Pop.
随你怎么说吧比利
Whatever you say, Billy.
我前两天在看《兔八哥》
You know, I was watching Looney Tunes the other day.
就那什么达菲鸭兔八哥还有一堆孩子
You know, Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, and the boys.
他们还有部讲黑人的动画片名叫
And they had this cartoon about black people called
《随着我的节奏舞动》
"Scrub Me Mama with a Boogie Beat."
我就在想布吉乐终于啊
And I thought, boogie beat? Finally.
一部有灵魂的关于我们的动画片
A cartoon about my people with some soul.
但这破玩意讲的是一堆黑人
But this shit was about a bunch of black people
住在一个叫做"懒惰镇"的地方
living in a place called Lazy Town.
首先
Now, first of all,
我们免费建造了这个国家
my people built this country for free
从1619年一直到...
from 1619 till about
昨天
hmm...yesterday.
要说谁有资格休息那应该是我们
So if anybody earned the right to take it easy, it's us.
我当时超生气因为我理解不了
I got so mad 'cause I was like, what?
又是在描写加深所有黑人都很懒惰的
Another racist depiction reinforcing the stereotype
这种固有印象
that all black people are lazy.
我本可以把它关上
Now, I would have turned that shit off
要不是我家电视机在屋子的另一头
if my set wasn't halfway across the room.
但我要为自己说两句我把我的懒人躺椅
But in my defense, I did have my La-Z-Boy recliner
设置成了义愤模式
set all the way back to righteous-indignation setting.
所以我既舒服又能发表自己的看法
So I was comfortable and making a statement.
你的样子可真颓废
You look like shit.
看来我不在的时候你变得更会说话了啊
I see somebody's been working on their people skills while I was away.
我听说你一直在参加花♥花♥公♥子♥巡演
I hear you been doing the Playboy circuit.
怎么样
How's that?
挺让人分心的
Distracting.
你跟他们聊过了吗
You, uh, talk to the fellas?
还没
Not yet.
科雷的事我很抱歉
Sorry to hear about Clay.
他是个好人
Good guy.
这就是人生不是吗
Such is life, right?
我能为你做点什么尼克
What can I do for you, Nick?
我要上《今夜秀》了
I got The Tonight Show.
真的吗
Really?
周三就上
I go up Wednesday.
你是怎么做到的
How'd you pull that off?
上周
Last week,
在新奥尔良的花♥花♥公♥子♥俱乐部工作
working the Playboy Club in New Orleans.
《今夜秀》工作组里米奇的一个星探
One of Mitch's scouts from The Tonight Show's
在那儿操一个兔女郎看到了我的表演
fucking a Bunny there, saw my act,
于是我今早就来到了洛杉矶
and I landed in LA this morning.
你的孙子一定会喜欢这个故事
Grandkids gonna love that story.
有很多人都在盯着你尼克
It's a lot more eyes on you, Nick.