含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E09

Part 1 May 7, 2021, 2:49 p.m.

《我为喜剧生》前情提要
Previously on I'm dying up here...
他快没气了叫救护车
He's barely breathing. Call an ambulance.
我冲着好多坟墓撒过尿
Of all the graves I've pissed on,
这次是最不让我兴奋的一次
this'd be the least satisfying.
你们在干什么
The fuck are you doing?
我怎么会有你这种儿子
You're a sad fucking excuse for a son!
你到底是怎么帮我打算的
What is your plan for me here?
我每晚在"地窖"的表现都很精彩
I'm killing it every night in the Cellar.
我要上主舞台
All right? I need the main stage.
-你想要什么 -一个生意伙伴
- What do you want? - A business partner.
如果你能把普莱尔撬来我的俱乐部
If you could get Pryor to play my club--
我说的是我们自己打造出一个普莱尔来
What I am proposing is that we build our own Pryor.
你不是想让我做你的经纪人吗
You want me to represent you?
那就带走你的妞好好检点下自己
You're gonna dump the broad, clean up your act.
我话就撂这了
That's my offer.
他想让我下周去
He wants me to audition
参加他的情景喜剧里的客串演员试镜
for a guest role on one of his sitcoms next week.
太棒了
Hey!
你这草稿写的确实不怎么好
The sketches, they're not exactly Shakespeare.
找了我手下的姑娘来重写
Got one of my girls to rewrite it.
你没有权利雇编剧
No, you don't hire writers.
除非得到我的许可
No, not without consulting me.
为什么你就是不肯妥协呢
Why can't you compromise on something?
因为那样我就会变成你
Because then I'd be you.
你今晚看得还开心吗夫人
Are you having a good time, ma'am?
真的你的表情可不是这么回事
Really? All right. Tell your face.
各位越战马上结束了
Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.
意味着什么呢
That means what?
喜剧演员们可以从加拿大
Comedians are coming home...
回来了
from Canada.
我小时候做了很多手工活
I used to do a lot of handyman work, growing up.
主要是因为我爸的工作就是...
Mostly because my dad was in the business...
搞破坏
of breaking shit.
那你们来这里干嘛
Well, what are you doing in here?
后备箱里的妓♥女♥可不会自己把自己埋了啊
That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself.
好了谢谢大家
All right, thank you, folks.
你们今晚...
You've been a...
表现勉强过关了
slightly above average crowd.
我为喜剧亡
/
生
第一季第九集
谢帕德和拜伦森抢夺发球
Sheppard and Berenson take the draw at center ice.
拜伦森抢得先机将球传给博格曼
Berenson wins the faceoff. Back to Bergman
博格曼大力将球传给贝利
who fires it up the boards to Bailey.
贝利将球捅入波士顿队的禁区
Bailey dumps it into the Boston end
奥尔和勒杜克冲向球场角落
as Orr and Leduc race to the corner.
拜伦森接近奥尔将球推向西姆斯
Orr dishes it to Sims as Berenson closes in.
西姆斯将球传给突破中线的奥莱利
Sims sends it up to O'Reilly who crossed the red line.
他将球传给突破卢瑟福德的防守
He headmans it to Sheppard who snaps one in on Rutherford
从其身体右侧突围出来的谢帕德
from the top of the faceoff dot to the right of Rutherford.
卢瑟福德将球打到边角
Rutherford deflects it into the corner
汤米·博格曼将球捞出
where Thommie Bergman digs it out
奥莱利将其狠狠地
and O'Reilly sends him into the boards
撞在了挡板上
with a bruising check.
现在玛考特来到了场中
Now Marcotte to center.
太爽了
Fuck yeah.
别吵了别吵
Shut up! Shut up!
妈的
Fuck.
什么事
What?
亚当·普鲁托
74年喜剧新星
-嗨乔 -怎么了
- Hey, Joe. - Yeah?
介不介意我把这些拿走
You mind if I take all these?
反正也卖♥♥不出去
I don't see a nickel from them.
那是你朋友吗
That a friend of yours?
不算是
Not really.
说不定哪天就会变成你呢
Maybe that'll be you someday.
好吧
All right.
嗨克里斯
Hey, Chris.
克里斯
Chris.
你最近好吗
How you doing?
感觉你好像少了点什么
Think you lost something here.
这才对嘛
There you go.
-太棒了 -给你的
- Cool. - That's for you.
谢谢你阿尼
Thanks, Arnie.
-照顾好自己 -回见了老伙计
- All right, take care. - Later, alligator.
西奥多国王俱乐部
怎么样你一句话都没说
Well? You ain't said nothin'.
我也说不好
I don't know.
有点想念这里以前的样子
Kind of miss the way it was before.
空空如也吗
Empty?
也许吧
Maybe.
至少那像我
At least it felt like me.
我跟你说件事情
Let me let you in on a little somethin'.
没有人想去一个像你的地方
Nobody wants to go to a place that feels like you.
亚当·普鲁托 74年喜剧新星
我勒个去
I'll be damned.
戈尔迪这是你做的吗
Goldie, you did this?
你说想要星星和月亮
You asked for the moon and the stars.
我就给你造了座火箭
We're building your rocket ship.
现在 "地窖"和主舞台一样抢手
Right now, the Cellar is as hot a draw as the Main Stage.
有了这份报纸就更会如此
It's gonna get even more so after this.
从今晚开始你的表演时间变成半小时
So starting tonight, you get 30 minutes.
没问题绝对没问题
I can do that. Yeah, I can do that.
你要是能45分钟笑点不断我就让你上主舞台
You work it to a tight 45, and we'll go Main Stage.
做主打吗
As a headliner?
只要你继续保持
You stay on course,
我保证让你在一年内登上"今夜秀"
I'm guaranteeing you Carson in a year.
我...一年内登上"今夜秀" 这也...
Well, f-- Carson in a year, that--
你在"地窖"好好干努力提升自己
You work my Cellar. You do your homework.
你发誓吗
Is that a promise?
发誓
Promise?
只有圣诞老人才会发誓
Santa Claus makes promises.
所以他才一直笑
That's why he's always smiling.
真正做出承诺的人从来不会笑
People who make guarantees never smile
因为他们知道那要付出多少努力
because they know how much hard fuckin' work it's gonna take.
我都不...都不知道该说什么了
I don't even--I don't-- I don't even know what to say.
我...谢谢你戈尔迪
I'm-- thank you, Goldie.
你觉得我这么做只是为了你
You think I did that just for you?
应该不是
Probably not.
我想把话说得很明白亚当
I want to be perfectly clear here, Adam.
世上有两种事情我永远不会做
There are two things I will never do.
一种给你吹耳边风
A, whisper in your ear,
而另一种是做事不为自己的利益
and B, do something that doesn't benefit me first.
你知道这让我变成了什么吗
You know what that makes me?
什么
What?
如今的女魔头
The devil you know.
大伙你们和新的对象约会的时候
Guys, you know when you're dating someone new?
谈的内容都很单纯很简单对吧
The conversation is simple. It's easy, right?
都是一些无害的小故事
You know, it's harmless back story.
比如你六岁的时候你的猫生了六只小猫
Like, oh, when you were six, your cat had six kittens?
厉害了
Neat.
焦糖苹果让你磕碎了牙
Oh, you chipped a tooth on a caramel apple?
真有意思
Wow, that is interesting.
这就跟看足球比赛差不多
It's the conversational equivalent of watching soccer.
无聊成一坨翔
It's boring as shit.
比尔在这儿干什么呢
What is Bill doing here?
大杀四方啊
Killing it.
是啊不然他应该在哪儿
Yeah, where else should he be?
你们没听说他爸的事情吗
Have you guys not heard about his dad?
-什么 -他昨晚去世了
- What? - He died last night.
-心脏病突发 -我♥操♥不是吧
- Heart attack. - Shut the fuck up.
-他姐姐打电♥话♥告诉我的 -靠
- His sister called me. - Fuck.