含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here
第一季
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含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here S01E03
Part 3
May 7, 2021, 2:46 p.m.
Right.
天啊 她是想我怎么样
Man, what did she expect me to do?
戈尔迪这里的喜剧演员排都排不下
Goldie's has more comedians than she has spots.
至少有一半时间你来这里
Half the time you call in,
凌晨一点之前都上不了台
you can't even get up until after 1 a.m.
你听着 这才不是并不公平
Look, it's not not unfair.
这是第十一条戒条
That's the eleventh commandment:
你不能在洛杉矶的其他喜剧俱乐部表演
you don't perform in other comedy clubs inside LA.
我是想帮你 但规矩就是规矩
I'd like to help you, but, hey, rules are rules.
这是你自作自受
Yeah, you made your bed.
泰迪那里有的是场次给我们表演
Teddy's, he's got spots all over the place.
你现在打电♥话♥过去
You-you could call in right now
都能拿到明晚九点的场次表演
and get up tomorrow night 9 p.m. on the dot.
再加上那个自助餐 我真操了
Plus the buffet, fuck.
那是啥意思 啥是自助餐
What does that mean? "Buffet"?
只要是喜剧演员 都可以享用免费自助餐
If-if you're a comedian, there's a free buffet.
等等 就是说你可以随便吃
Wait, like you can just eat?
没错
Yeah.
超美味的
It's delicious.
要是我们可以在泰迪那里表演 一周两次...
If we could do a spot at Teddy's, say, twice a week...
最多了
Tops.
这样我们就有个地方可以打磨我们的表演
That would give us a safe place to hone our stuff
等我们来这边的时候 我们的表演就会更加成熟
so when we come here, we're more polished, more rehearsed.
我们永远都会先来你这边演出
And you would always get first dibs.
永远 这是显然的
Always. Obviously.
我们只是想混口饭吃 我们不该因此而受惩罚
'Cause why would we be punished for wanting to eat, you know?
我这话不是对你说的
Uh, I'm not directing that at you,
我只是...只是想问一下
I just, uh, I'm-I'm just asking to ask.
惩罚你们
Punish you?
你们就是为了这个原因吗 你们被惩罚了
Is that what's going on here? You're being punished?
我有说"惩罚"吗
Did I say "punished"?
没人觉得自己是被惩罚了
No one feels punished.
我有 我觉得自己被惩罚了
I-I feel-I feel punished.
好了
All right.
咱们来重新考虑一下咱这食物金字塔
Let's review the food pyramid, huh?
最顶端 有普莱尔 普林兹
Up top, you got your Pryors, your Prinzes,
他们想去哪儿就能去哪儿
and they can go wherever they want.
这是他们自己挣得的
They've earned it.
那些只能上开麦夜的在我眼里连屁都不是
Open Mic-ers I could give two slim shits about.
但像你 你 你这样的喜剧演员
It's comics like you, you, you--
还有略逊一筹的你
to a lesser degree, you--
我会把时间来雕琢你们的技艺
the raw talent I give my time to,
培养你们
who I nurture,
让你们站在舞台灯光下
whose shadows I've sewn to their bodies?
这群不知感恩的混账东西
Those are the ungrateful bastards
要是他们去给我的"竞争对手"表演
I might take issue with if they're putting in time
我一定不会放过他们
with my "competition."
这个俱乐部是唯一能通往《今夜秀》的桥梁
This club is the only runway to Carson.
他们的人会来这里 而不是泰迪那里
His guys come here, not Teddy's.
米奇会来的是这里
Mitch comes here.
你们觉得我给他提供酒水食物
You think I comp his drinks and his food
听他叽叽歪歪
and his fucking bullshit
是为了让他们在人满为患的屋子里
so he can watch you "being punished"
看你们"被惩罚"
in front of a packed house?
戈尔迪 我们很感激你 非常非常感激你
Goldie, we're very grateful. Very, very grateful.
但是更多的俱乐部等于更多的曝光率
But more clubs equals more exposure
就会显得你这里的演出更众星云集
and the better our names look on your marquee.
这样我们也更容易挣到钱
And that gets us closer to some actual pay.
因为我们总归是
'Cause at some point, somewhere,
需要钱的
we need to get paid.
别想钱的事
Don't think about money.
我倒是不想
I-I don't.
只是我有个六周大的孩子 胃口大得要命
I just have a six-week-old that's a greedy motherfucker.
所以上帝才创造了主业这么个东西
Ah, that's why God invented the day job.
在他转交权位之前 还让他自己的亲儿子
Even made his own son build coffee tables
去造咖啡桌
before handing over the reins.
全美国每一个大学生在毕业前
Every college student across the USA
都会拼了命地工作挣钱
work their asses off until he graduates.
所有人都明白这个道理
It's understood.
这里是学校
This is a school.
哪所学校会给学生钱
What school pays its students?
我觉得你要是真想让我们回答
I feel like if you wanted the answer,
就不会把门打开了
you wouldn't have opened the door.
这里是所学校 比尔
This is a school, Bill.
这可不像是退伍军人法案啊
It's not like we here on the GI Bill.
桑尼和雪儿那份工作怎么样了 拉尔夫
How's that job with Sonny and Cher working out for you, Ralph,
我给你找的那份工作
the one I set up?
那个...
So...
咱们之间没事了吧
...me and you, we're-we're good
既然都已经谈开了
now that we-we talked?
你觉得呢
What do you think?
你为什么要把所有事情都搞成私人恩怨
Why do you have to make everything so fucking personal?
-私人恩怨 -这不过是交易 戈尔迪
- Personal? - It's business, Goldie.
就这样 这不过都是交易
That's all. It's just fucking business.
你要去哪儿
Where are you headed?
你要去哪儿
Where are you headed?
我要去凯茜那桌和她坐
Cassie's table to sit with Cassie.
好啊 我也是 我们都是同行
Yeah, great, me too, 'cause we're peers,
都是职业同行 她肯定也想我们和她坐
we're professional peers and she expects us to sit with her.
要是不和她坐就太不给面子了
It would be rude not to sit with her.
她的眼睛余光可是锐利得很
I mean, her peripheral vision's like a tractor beam.
-我同意 你先请 -你先请
- I agree. Après vous. - Après vous.
很高兴见到你
Good to see you.
我们坐到了儿童桌啊
We're the fucking kids' table, aren't we?
没错
Yep.
嗨 趁我还没忘 我想...
Hey, uh, before I forget, I just wanted to--
真没想到竟然花了这么久
Surprised it took that long.
简直就跟广岛核爆现场一样啊
That was the Hiroshima of bombing.
就算是换成三代以前的老人家
I mean, there's gonna be audience members
来现场看表演 他们也一样笑不出来
three generations from now that still won't be able to laugh.
你的表演和珍珠港的唯一区别
The only difference between your set and Pearl Harbor
就是它不是在周天早上
is that it wasn't a Sunday morning.
很高兴你们来的路上没浪费时间
Nice to know y'all had a productive ride over.
凯茜 在喜剧俱乐部别搞那些悲情戏码
Cassie, you don't do sad shit at a comedy club.
就和人们不会在儿童游戏中
It's the same reason they don't do
加入杀人游戏一样
Razor Blade Night at a Cubs game.
没错 人们来戈尔迪俱乐部是来找乐子的
Yeah, people come to Goldie's to laugh,
不是为了让你向他们灵魂的深井中掷一枚石子
not to drop a rock into the dark well of their soul
-看它泛起阵阵涟漪 -谢谢 西尔维娅·普拉斯
- then dissect the ripples. - Oh, thank you, Sylvia Plath.
美国著名女诗人
有人说我很勇敢 有人给了我个拥抱
Well, somebody called me brave, someone gave me a hug,
还有人患了淋巴癌
and somebody else had lymphoma.
如果在背后的嘲笑也算笑声的话
Well, if laughing behind your back counts,
你的表演就很成功了
you were a hit.
那晚的重点是
Well, the highlight of the night
戈尔迪指向茱迪·埃尔德
was when Goldie pointed to Judy Elder
说她代表着女性喜剧表演者的最高水平
as the high-water mark for female funny.
真是谢谢啊
Thank you.
如果茱迪·埃尔德上台的时候你能笑出来
If you're laughing at Judy Elder,
要么你就已经72岁了
you're either 72 years old
要么就是在看她爬楼梯
or watching her climb a flight of stairs.
大家好 我是茱迪·埃尔德
Hello, I'm Judy Elder.
你们想不想听一下
Would you like to hear my five best jokes
我那五个最搞笑的黄色笑话
that are somewhere in the general vicinity of sex?
-不想 -或者是当你完全靠在犹太人身上
- No. - Or how about 17 Jewish words that sound vaguely obscene
他们会说的那17个有点猥琐的词
if you lean into them with all your weight?
说真的
Seriously, though,
我倒是很想在她脱掉内衣的时候
I would like to be under those dairy giants
被她的大奶压在身下
while she removes her bra
死于她的泰山压顶
and then I just die in the impending avalanche.
那样我就可以把你的死写成笑话
Well, then I could write a joke about your death,
含笑台上（2017）
I'm Dying Up Here
剧集 | 含笑台上（2017） | 导航列表