含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E07

Part 5 May 7, 2021, 2:48 p.m.

What the fuck?
猫王
你♥他♥妈♥是搞什么
What the fuck was that?
我慌了嘛
I panicked.
不过就是带了点大♥麻♥
Now I'm gonna get screwed over
就把你吓成这样还顺便拖了我下水
because you panicked over a couple of fucking joints?
-调度台我是166号♥警员 -收到 166
- Dispatch, this is 166. - Copy, 166.
我拦截了一辆车里面有两个装了
We've intercepted a vehicle with two beanbag chairs
五千剂大♥麻♥的豆袋椅是否收到
stuffed with over 5,000 hits of THC, copy?
收到 166
Copy, 166.
现在你♥他♥妈♥的是真该慌了
Now is the time you should start motherfucking panicking.
我什么时候能见到希弗曼
Oh, when do I get to meet Silverman?
弗雷德真的很想来
Oh, you know Fred really wanted to be here,
可他得去一个...
but he had to give a speech
一个什么动物权利的活动上发言
at some, uh, some animal rights event.
实在抽不开身所以...
He couldn't switch it around, so...
你还没见过我妻子丽萨吧
And have you met my wife, Lisa?
丽萨亲爱的过来一下
Lisa, honey, come here, come here.
这位是戈尔迪
This is Goldie.
很高兴认识您
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
-您家可真漂亮 -谢谢
- Beautiful home you have. - Oh, thank you.
各位请听我说几句
Everybody, if I could have your attention please?
今晚的一位贵宾伊莱·戈希曼
One of our honored guests tonight, Eli Gershman,
和他美丽的妻子卡米尔
his beautiful wife, Camille,
想对大家说几句话有请卡米尔
would like to say a few words, so please. Camille?
谢谢
Thank you.
-有请 -谢谢你马蒂
- Please. - Thank you, Marty.
1961年我和丈夫的长子克里斯托弗出生
In 1961, our oldest, Christopher, was born.
我们想开一瓶香槟
We wanted to welcome him into the world
来庆祝他的诞生
toasting him with champagne.
可唯一的问题是伊莱那时刚刚创业
The only problem was we were flat broke
我们根本身无分文
after setting up Eli's practice.
幸运的是那一年
Fortunately for us, that was the year
我手中这香醇的美酒上市了
this delightful little vintage came out.
它就是布恩农场苹果酒
Boone's Farm Apple Wine.
现在时来运转我们也会回想起过去
So now, when good things happen, we remember back
那时的生活只需要爱和一瓶佳酿就已足够
to when love and a buck a bottle were more than enough.
敬我亲爱的丈夫伊莱
To my darling husband, Eli,
我们那三个优秀的孩子
our three wonderful children,
以及伊莱的事业伙伴戈尔迪
and Eli's formidable partner, Goldie.
祝贺
Congratulations.
祝贺
Congratulations.
喜事喜事啊
Delightful, just delightful.
大家请慢用
Everybody, let's eat.
快来我喝下的是整片星空
Oh, come quick. I'm drinking the stars.
酒的故事是真的
Look, the story with the wine was true.
我是想跟你说的
All right, and I wanted to share it with you.
只是隐去背后的缘由
Just--you know-- without the back story.
我不是傻子伊莱
I'm not an idiot, Eli.
我知道你我之间不过是个谎言
I know what we have is a lie.
可我们之所以能坚持这么久
But what makes it tenable:
是因为我们从来不会欺骗彼此
we don't lie to each other.
否则我真的不知道我们他妈的在干什么
Otherwise, I don't know what the fuck we're doing.
*I was sitting on a moonlight vision*
-你怎么会认识用那个喝酒的人 -我不认识
- How do you know who drank out of that? - I don't.
这就是人生的奥妙啊
Ah, sweet mystery of life.
就在刚刚喜剧圈又变小了
The comedy world just got smaller.
你要退休了吗
You retiring?
-他说的是"喜剧" -这样啊
- No, he said "Comedy." - Oh, right.
盖比太阳都落山了你不该找个
Hey, Gabe, it's past sundown. Shouldn't you be
什么犹太教堂为自己的混账忏悔吗
in a synagogue, atoning for being such a fucking dick?
这话够狠
Ooh, that's a good one.
到底怎么回事
So what happened?
西奥多国王俱乐部完了
King Theodore's done.
他家的酒水供应商不给他供酒了
Cut off by his liquor supplier.
不是吧
Mm, no shit.
你听说西奥多国王俱乐部的事了吗
Did you hear about King Theodore's?
听说了国王死了女王万岁
Yep, the King is dead; long live the Queen.
凯茜
Hey, Cass.
我看到业界对"阴♥道♥之夜"的评价了
I read about "Vagina Nights" in the trades.
你都不知道我替你有多开心
I can't tell you how happy I am for you.
我真的被你们的支持感动到了谢谢你们
Wow, guys, overwhelmed with the support, thank you.
凯茜你出逼了
Cassie, you were in the trades?
对 "女孩也幽默"也官宣了
Yeah, and Girls Are Funny Too is announced.
我的梦想成真了
It's, uh, it's actually happening.
苍天啊他们怎么不搞个男人版的
Christ, why can't they do a guy's version?
有啊那节目叫"今夜秀"
They do; it's called the fucking Tonight Show.
厉害了
Amen to that.
什么厉害
Amen to what?
"女孩也幽默"不过就是长了奶♥子♥的"黑鬼联盟"
Girls Are Funny Too is basically the Negro League with tits.
幽默就是幽默这才应该是唯一的考量标准
Funny is funny--that should be the sole determining factor.
不过如果你就是想做个二流的喜剧演员
But, hey, if you want to be a second-class comedian,
那就随你的便吧
then be my guest.
-他说得有理 -是吗
- He's got a point. - Oh, yeah?
如果有个"犹太人也幽默"的特别节目
So if there was a "Jews Are Funny Too" special,
-你不会参加吗 -是啊
- you wouldn't sign up? - Yeah, right.
如果有个"黑人也幽默"的特别节目
What, if there were a "Black Guys Are Funny Too" special
或者"四眼仔也幽默"的特别节目
or a "Guys With Glasses Are Funny Too" special or a
或者是"淡淡尿骚男也幽默"的特别节目
"Guys Who Smell Faintly Like Urine Are Funny Too" special,
你也不会参加吗
you wouldn't jump at it?
还好他说的是"淡淡"
It's a good thing he said "faintly."
老天爷啊
Man, biscuit!
周四早晨要不要来
Thursday morning. Are we a go?
好我会去的
Yeah, I'll be there, man.
那好你可以和我一起接听来电
All right, good, you could do the call-ins with me.
哎你偷了我的段子混♥蛋♥
Hey. You stole my joke, asshole.
抱歉你是谁
I'm sorry, who are you?
我是昨天在熟食店讲那个段子的
Oh, I'm the fucking waiter who told that joke
服务生你偷了我的笑话
at the deli yesterday, the one you stole
今早还在电台讲出来了
and said on your radio show this morning.
-记得吗 -哥们...
- Remember that? - Hey, pal...
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
你心里清楚
You know what you did.
这位是肯尼·维西
Kenny Vesey.
他是登上"今夜秀"的最年轻的喜剧演员
He's the youngest comic to do Carson.
"今夜秀"啊
Carson.
他干嘛要偷你在开麦夜上讲的段子
Why the fuck would he steal your open mic joke?
我不知道不如你问问他
I'm not sure, why don't you ask him?
得了吧
Come on, man.
他没偷
He didn't take it.
再说我们见过你的表演
Plus, we've seen your act.
谁会愿意从一堆屎里挑出爆米花来
I mean, who'd want to pick corn out of that pile of shit?
注意了伙计们
Look alive, guys.
埃迪你在罗恩后面上台
Eddie, you're up after Ron.
走吧
Let's go.
只要这混♥蛋♥在我就不上
Yeah, not with this jerk-off here.
这小破孩神经兮兮的
Fucking nerve on this little kid.
别理他他是个目中无人的小混♥蛋♥
Ignore him, man, he's an arrogant little asshole.
你怎么形容一个搭顺风车的墨西哥人
What do you call a Mexican hitchhiking?
被滞留了
Stranded.
下一位登台的人不需要介绍
This next guy needs no introduction.
弗雷茨女士们先生们
Fitzy, ladies and gentlemen.
有人想要亲笔签名的话
Uh, if anybody wants an autograph,
演出后他会在门口吐鸡尾酒酸果
he'll be outside vomiting up cocktail onions after the show.
我妈体型特别壮
So my mother's a big woman.
她是个不爱运动的人
Yeah, just-just not a fan of exercise.
还有一点酒瘾
Little bit of a drinking problem too.
我试过拉她去参加戒酒互助会
I-I, actually, I tried to get her to go to AA,
但当她听说要爬12级台阶就拒绝了
but she refused when she heard it had 12 steps.
她真的非常非常胖
She-she is really, really heavy.
她对我说她死了以后
She told me when she dies,
想要火化