含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E02

Part 1 May 7, 2021, 2:46 p.m.

《我为喜剧生》前情提要
Previously on "I'm Dying Up Here"...
来旅游的
Tourists?
喜剧演员从波士顿来的
Comics. From Boston.
这地方还行吧
What do you think of the place?
我们租了
We'll take it.
听着这个衣柜外面就是我的卧室
And listen, this is the closet to my room out here.
如果我和玛姬在里面...
So, if I'm in there with Maggie--
-玛姬是谁 -我马子
- Who's Maggie? - She's my girl.
对了你们离她远一点
By the way, hands off.
带孩子去了马戏团墨西哥马戏团[纠众滋事]
Took my kids to the circus, the Mexican circus.
你知道埃德蒙·希拉里是谁吗
You know who Edmund Hillary is?
他为了攀上巅峰赌上了一切
He risked everything to reach the summit,
当他终于站上了世界最巅峰
and when he finally stood on top of the world,
你知道他站了多久吗
do you know how long it was for?
15分钟
Fifteen minutes.
各位我想听科雷的表演
Guys, I'm trying to hear Clay.
-过来吧 -他坐上沙发了
- Come on over. - He got the couch.
我就是嫉妒了每一位墨菲约翰尼
I'm jealous. Every Merv, Johnny,
或是他妈的蒂娜·萧尔的演出
or Dinah fucking Shore appearance
每一场别人的喜剧演出都是另一个我们没得到的机会
another comic makes is one more that we didn't get.
这凌晨两点半的
That's a motherfucking
励志演讲可真♥他♥妈♥精彩啊
2:30 in the morning pancake speech right there.
操♥你♥妈♥ 也操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you, and fuck you.
你还没有反应过来
Without you even realizing it,
人生就给了你当头一记闷棍
life just bends you over and tucks it straight up your ass.
约翰尼也很难过但我觉得我们这段时间
Johnny feels bad, but I just think we need
需要再找一些已有名气的喜剧演员来表演
to book some more established comics for a little while,
看看效果如何
see how it all shakes out.
我他妈已经在开麦夜表演了一整年了
I been doing open mic for over a fucking year now.
你想上卡森的节目你得去混人脉啊拜托
You want Carson? You got to mingle for Christ's sake.
我说了我知道你是谁
I said I know who you are.
不如趁着最好的时候退出江湖吧
Why don't you quit while you're ahead, huh?
我需要去订间教堂吗
Think I should try to book a church?
不需要这里就是间教堂啊
Fuck, no. We're in one.
你今晚心情还好吧夫人
Are you having a good time, ma'am?
真的好你的表情可不是这么回事
Really? All right. Tell your face.
各位越战马上结束了
Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.
意味着什么呢
That means what?
喜剧演员们可以...
Comedians are coming home...
从加拿大回来了
from Canada.
我小时候做了很多
I used to do a lot of handyman work,
手工活
growing up.
主要是因为我爸的工作就是...
Mostly because my dad was in the business...
搞破坏
of breaking shit.
那你们来这里干嘛
Well, what are you doing in here?
后备箱里的妓♥女♥可不会自己把自己埋了啊
That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself.
好了谢谢大家你们今晚...
All right, thank you, folks. You've been a...
表现勉强过关啦
slightly above average crowd.
戈尔迪酒吧
?Let's get down now?
?I hear voices?
?I see people?
?I hear voices?
?Of many people?
?Oh, yeah?
?I hear voices?
?I see people?
他妹长得可丑了
His sister was so ugly
丑到人们去庆祝万圣节
people went out on Halloween,
都会打扮成她
dressed as her.
尼克森就是这么侮辱我妹妹的
That was Nixon insulting my sister.
?Oh, yeah...?
你来得可真晚啊
You cutting it close.
-抱歉抱歉 -来吧
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Come on.
?I see people?
?I hear voices?
现场有人喜欢魔术吗
Anybody here like magic?
?I hear voices?
好了接下来登场的这位
All right, coming to the stage next,
是我们开麦夜的常客
a regular here at the open mic,
请掌声欢迎亚当·普鲁托先生
give it up for Mr. Adam Proteau.
加油
Twinkle.
没错我是个职业的业余喜剧演员
Yes, that's right, I am a professional amateur.
我小时候做了很多手工活
I used to do a lot of handyman work growing up,
主要是因为我爸的工作就是...
mostly because my dad was in the business...
搞破坏
of breaking shit.
"妈的这吐司机是什么毛病"
"What the hell's wrong with this toaster?"
爸你在把它砸到墙上之前
Well, Dad, did you try to plug it in
有没有把接上电源
before you threw it against the wall?
我就那么一问就那么一问...
It's just a question. It's just a--
你是从哪儿又搞了一台吐司机的
Where the fuck did you get another toaster?
我爸以前真的什么都破坏
Like, my dad used to break everything,
不止是普通的物件是什么都破坏
not just normal stuff, everything--
器械啊
appliances,
电视啊
TVs,
法律啊
laws.
但是没关系
But it's okay, you know,
因为现在我什么都会修补了
'cause now I know how to fix everything.
我能修被踹坏的门
How to fix a door that's been kicked in.
我能填好墙上被打出来的洞
I can plaster up a hole that's been punched into a wall.
修好可能是我脑袋
Fix a pane of glass that my head
被按着砸穿的窗户玻璃
may or may not have been pushed through.
我唯一无法修补的
One thing I can't fix
就是我和我爸之间的关系
is the relationship with my dad.
来给我擦擦吧兄弟
How about a shine, my brotha?
"来给我擦擦吧"
"How about a shine"?
你说的是你的鞋还是你的屌♥ 先生
Okay, are we talking about your shoes or your dick, sir?
我的屌♥都是你妈来照顾的
Your mama took care of my dick.
我都会赏她五毛钱
I gave her 50 cents.
她一般都是按照长度每英寸收两毛五的
Well, seeing as how she only charges 25 cents an inch,
所以我估计不会像你这么骄傲地喊出来
I wouldn't scream out that dumb shit too proudly, you know?
要是你妈照每英寸二毛五收费
Now, if your mama sucked my dick
来吸我的屌♥
for 25 cent an inch,
她就有足够的钱送你去耶鲁哈佛
she'd have enough money to send your ass to Yale, Harvard,
和"闭上你的臭嘴"大学了
and Shut The Fuck Up School,
就在"我需要关注度"和"我的约会对象
which is on the corner of I Need To Be Noticed
认为我是傻♥逼♥"街的街角
and My Date Thinks I'm An Asshole.
你个傻♥逼♥
Fucking dick.
别跟他们较真
You can't let 'em get to you.
这是七张牌梭哈
This is seven-card stud.
牌面太小会让分数减半
Low spade in the hole splits the pot.
操我♥操♥
Shit, and shit!
天啊这游戏是看运气还是不给我机会赢啊
Jesus, is this a game of chance or no chance?
可别让太阳看到你痛哭流涕啊
Don't let the sun catch you crying, baby.
我听说约翰尼有天晚上请瑞克斯去做客了
So, I heard Johnny had Rickles on the other night.
这我倒没听说
That's fresh.
天啊可别把她给惹毛了
Oh, Christ, don't get her riled.
把我惹毛怎么会我很喜欢唐的
Get me riled? What? I love Don.
你最近给我打的那些电♥话♥
Yeah, doesn't exactly sound like all the calls
好像不是这么个意思
I've been getting from you lately.
你刚说别把她惹毛然后你就开始了
You say don't get her started, then you get her started.
拜托瑞克斯海科特
Come on, R-Rickles, Hackett,
厄文·科瑞教授我都很喜欢
Professor Irwin Corey, I love 'em.
可这简直就是狗咬吕洞宾的最高境界
But you can't get any more "dog bites man" than that.
我说过了我们会把孩子们请回来的
I told you. We're bringing the kids back.
杂♥志♥上一个月前就澄清了科雷的新闻
Oh, papers cleared Clay over a month ago.
麻烦你们多关注一下新闻行不行
Be nice if you guys could keep up with yesterday's news.
我们只是需要再多等些时日
We just need to leave the window open a little longer.
让他们来我这边吧
Send 'em our way.
我们很愿意请他们来《午夜特♥供♥》
We love the kids at Midnight Special.
我之前给你的制♥作♥人巴特曼打过电♥话♥
I tried calling your producer--Butterman.
说联♥系♥不上他
Yeah, said he can't be reached.
他去钓鱼了要走两个月
He's fly-fishing, for two months.
我们现在是在钓鱼吗
We're fly-fishing now?
这是入侵叙利亚的委婉说法吧
I think it's a euphemism for invading Syria.
谢谢你把这个颠倒的世界又正回来了
Thank you for making the world right side up again.
不管它是指代了什么