含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E08

Part 1 May 7, 2021, 2:48 p.m.

《我为喜剧生》前情提要
Previously on I'm Dying Up Here...
我看到你上"今夜秀"了你的接线员连话都说不好
I saw you on Carson. Your answering service could barely speak,
还挂了我的电♥话♥
and then she hung up on me.
我会给你一半的门票收入现金
I will give you half the door, cash.
他赌的是个瘾君子
He's betting on a junkie.
那你又能给什么是什么来着
And you're offering-- what was it again?
你有没有想过其实我并没有那么好
You ever think that maybe I'm not that nice a guy?
从没想过
Not for a second.
我们不是朋友
We're not friends.
你觉得我不被尊重
Uh-oh, you don't think I get respect?
怎么你觉得你成功了
What, you think you made it?
你觉得我会在乎
Think this sorry-ass bar you made
你这个破酒吧
or any of this mean shit to me?
我们更愿意认为自己是
We like to think of ourselves as courtesans,
接待尊贵顾客的交际花
here to entertain members of nobility.
巴顿居然没有告诉我
Can't believe Barton didn't say nothing
这里是个妓院
about this place being a whorehouse.
不用担心一切交给我来搞定
Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of everything.
他跟这事没有关系
He did not have anything to do with this.
如果现在放了你这事儿就当没发生过
If you're released now, it's like it never happened.
但他不能走
This offer doesn't extend to him.
我没意见
I'm good with that.
我现在没钱付你哥们
Can't afford to pay you right now, hoss.
不用已经付过了
No need. It's already paid.
谁是巴顿·罗伊斯
Who the fuck is Barton Royce?
你今晚看得还开心吗夫人
Are you having a good time, ma'am?
真的你的表情可不是这么回事
Really? All right. Tell your face.
各位越战马上结束了
Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.
意味着什么呢
That means what?
喜剧演员们可以从加拿大
Comedians are coming home...
回来了
from Canada.
我小时候做了很多手工活
I used to do a lot of handyman work, growing up.
主要是因为我爸的工作就是...
Mostly because my dad was in the business...
搞破坏
of breaking shit.
那你们来这里干嘛
Well, what are you doing in here?
后备箱里的妓♥女♥可不会自己把自己埋了啊
That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself.
好了谢谢大家
All right, thank you, folks.
你们今晚...表现勉强过关了
You've been a... slightly above average crowd.
我为喜剧亡
/
生
第一季第八集
1960年
佛罗里达州杰克逊维尔
救命
Help!
-来了来了 -没事了孩子妈妈来了
- Oh, here we go, here we go. - It's okay, baby, Mama's here.
又要开始了
Here we go.
你们两个就不能照顾好你们的弟弟吗
You two can't look out for your baby brother?
他们不是孩子了沃娜
Ain't no goddamn baby, Verna.
男孩就得多吃点苦
The boy needs some toughening up.
害他的人是你
You the one that's hurting him.
没时间和你啰嗦
I ain't got time for this shit.
你没事吧宝贝
You okay, baby?
他们说在摩天轮里会更好玩
They said it would be more fun than a Ferris wheel.
他们说
They said?
我没有办法一直陪着你所以你给我听好了
I ain't always gon' be here, so you listen up good, you hear?
这世上有两种人
They two kind of people out there,
聪明人和傻子
discerners and fools.
聪明人能分清别人说的话
Discerner know the difference between what people say
背后的真正含义
and what people mean.
而傻子...只听他们想听到的事
Fools...only hear what they want to hear.
你必须要分清这其中的差别
You got to know the difference out there.
听到了吗亚当
You hear me, Adam?
怎么分辨妈妈
How I know, Mama?
看他们的眼睛
You watch they eyes.
人的脸可以骗人但他们的眼神不会
A mouth smile easy, but not eyes.
我老婆的新丈夫比我更年轻更帅
So my wife's new husband is younger, better looking,
更有钱屌♥也比我的大...
better job, bigger dick...
...车也比我的好她为什么要离开我
...nicer car. Why would she leave me?
就因为我吃饭会吧唧嘴
Just because I made noise when I chew?
她在我床上舔他大屌♥的时候...
Well, she made noise when she chewed--
也会出声呢
his cock in my bed.
别啰嗦
Hey, keep it tight.
看到灯亮就赶紧滚下来
Haul ass offstage when you see that light.
我又开始约会了
I'm back in the dating world.
-可没人知道 -听着
- Nobody knows. - Man, look.
之前那晚的事是我不好
About the other night, I'm sorry.
是我的错与你无关
Okay, you were cool and I wasn't.
这种事情不会再发生了
It won't happen again.
灯亮还拖延时间是对下一位
It's disrespectful to the next comic
表演者的不尊重
when you running the light.
我不尊重谁了他妈的兰迪吗
Disrespect for who? Fucking Randy?
你不是说他还不如哑巴搞笑吗
Didn't you say he was as funny as a dick pimple?
兰迪在站上舞台之前在开麦夜表演了三年
Randy open mic'd for three years before he got down here.
他能走到这一步
You know, he didn't leapfrog
不是因为他做了几个架子
'cause he built some fucking shelves.
他应该得到尊重明白吗
That deserves some respect. You dig?
行吧随你怎么说黑鬼
Yeah. Whatever, nigga.
我警告你永远不要这样叫我
You don't ever get to call me that.
你♥他♥妈♥的下次要是再敢冲我翻白眼
And if you roll your motherfucking eyes at me again,
我就把你脑袋拧下来当球踢
your head is gon' be rolling after it.
听明白了吗
You understand that?
我到时间了请大家为我鼓掌吧
That's my time. Clap for me, please.
睁大你的狗眼看好灯
Mind the fucking light.
我知道你们在想什么
I know what you're thinking.
音乐喜剧《帕特里奇一家》中的角色
我看起来就像丹尼·帕特里奇
I look like Danny Partridge
被他妈踢出了乐队
if his mom kicked him out of the band.
会不会我有哪个亲戚
Wonder if there were some family members
试镜的时候被刷了啊
that didn't pass the audition, you know?
毕竟长江后浪推前浪嘛
Like, behind the long bus there's a little short bus.
可怜的帕特里克·帕特里奇就坐那儿想
Poor kid, Patrick Partridge, sitting back there wondering,
"为什么我不会摇手鼓
"Why can't I shake the tambourine
或是敲三角铁或是随便什么乐器"
or hit the triangle or something?"
听说你和罗伊·布伦纳一起吃了晚饭
I hear you're having dinner with Roy Brenner.
对
Yeah.
听说有人一直在念叨他
Somebody was harping in his ear.
我就想利用一下他的弱点
Thought I'd use the guy's pain.
告诉你一个布伦纳的小秘密
Little inside information on Brenner.
他不喜欢欲擒故纵
He doesn't like hard to get.
所以拜托你别再假装自己是在帮他了
So do me a favor and quit acting like you're doing him a favor.
你想要这个机会比所有人都想要
You want this. You want it more than anyone,
那就别放他走
so woo him.
我还以为该让他来拍我的马屁
Here I thought he was supposed to be kissing my ass.
你还有五分钟时间拯救你的事业
Your career's got about five minutes
不然它就会像皇帝的新装一样成为一个笑话
before it goes the way of the Emperor's new clothes.
现在所有的人都在竭尽全力
And right now, everyone is contorting themselves
不让你毁掉你自己
to keep you from fucking yourself up,
可如果你自己不改变的话
but it's all just piss in the wind
这一切都不过是徒劳无功
if you can't get out of your own way.
有建议吗
Any tips?
当然有
Yeah.
嘴里有东西的时候不要说话
Don't talk with your mouth full.
那根本算不上是吻
It wasn't even a kiss.
我就是拿自己的嘴砸了她脸一下
I mean, I basically punched her in the face with my mouth.
说不定她会还回来用嘴砸你的小妹妹
Maybe she'll even the score, punch you in your vagina.
你个混♥蛋♥
You're an asshole.
我就当是你的雌性激素在作祟
I'm gonna pretend that's the estrogen talking.
读读这书可改变了我的人生
Read this. Changed my life.
里面讲的全都是积极思维
It's all about positive thinking.
无意冒犯但你的生活是现在
No offense, but your life's kind of the only thing
唯一能让我对生活充满希望的了
that makes me feel positive about my life.
嗯真搞笑
Mm, that's very funny.
《信仰的力量》