含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E04

Part 2 May 7, 2021, 2:47 p.m.

就像前一分钟我还在候场
It's like one minute I'm on the schedule,
下一分钟我就失业了
and then the next minute I'm off.
你想要主舞台你已经得到了
You wanted the main stage. You got the main stage.
可你在主舞台的表演也不过就是差强人意
Not that you're doing a whole hell of a lot with it.
要是我能在凌晨一点半之前登台肯定会好不少吧
Well, it would help if I could get up before 1:30 in the morning.
对不起我知道规矩就是这样
I'm sorry. I know that's the drill,
但如果屋里只有十个人
but it's very hard to know what's working
你很难知道哪个梗能逗人发笑
when there's only ten people in the house.
听着我想在"地窖"举办一个
Listen. I've been thinking about doing a ladies' night,
女性之夜
in the Cellar.
只有女性喜剧演员登台
Just female comics.
给她们演出场地让她们发挥自己的价值
Give 'em a place of their own. Work out their stuff.
听上去像是后退了两步
That sounds like two steps backwards.
总比后退十步到停车场开车回家要好吧
Beats ten steps backwards out into the parking lot.
听着亲爱的你觉得我可以放任你
Look, sweetie, how many times do you think
在我的主舞台上搞砸多少次
I'm gonna watch you eat it on my main stage?
这会对你有好处的
It'll do you good.
你绝不会这样对男的
You'd never do this to the guys.
得了吧你的胸还没发育
Please. My bra was in ashes
我的胸罩就已经堆尘了
while you were still waiting for the tit fairy to show up,
所以别和我来"解放女性"那一套
so don't give me that women's lib spiel.
实话说我都不知道你在抱怨什么
Honestly. I don't see what your beef is.
你在主舞台上的时间比其他喜剧新人都要多
You get the time on the main stage any new comic gets.
我想得到和男新人一样的待遇
I want what every new guy comic gets,
演出时间固定偶尔能在周末登台
which is a steady schedule and the occasional weekend.
周五凌晨两点也行
At least on Friday night, 2 a.m.,
那时候还有很多客人
there still is a good crowd.
我和你说吧
I tell you what.
你在"地窖"的女性之夜演出
You do ladies night in the Cellar,
我就把周五午夜的主舞台交给你
I'll give you Friday, midnight, main stage.
戈尔迪我不想被踢去
Goldie, I don't want to be relegated
一个二流俱乐部夜场
to a second-class night of comedy.
-因为你就该和男人们待一块 -是的
- Because you belong with the guys. - Yes.
-因为你成为了他们当中的一员 -是的
- Because you're one of them now. - Yes.
亲爱的就因为他们在你面前放屁
Sweetie, just because they fart in front of you
并不意味你能成为男人中的一员
doesn't make you one of the boys.
你只是他们不再想上的妞而已
You're just the chick they don't want to fuck anymore.
现在距离
Now just four days away
被称为《雌雄争霸赛》的
from the so-called
网球比赛仅剩四天了
"Battle of the Sexes" tennis match,
五度成为温布尔顿网球公开赛冠军得主的
wherein five-time Wimbledon champion
比丽·吉恩·金将对阵波比·里格斯
Billie Jean King will play Bobby Riggs,
这位自称是沙文主义者的55岁男运动员
the 55-year-old self-professed male chauvinist
曾夺得美国少年网球大赛的冠军
and former U.S. Junior champion.
但此役的关键是它有可能会影响到
But what's at stake here is potentially the future
西奥多俱乐部
妇女解放运动的未来
of the women's liberation movement.
但如果比丽·吉恩·金可以打败...
But if Billie Jean King can pull off the upset--
正统剧评
-你好 -别挂
- Hello? - Yeah. Don't hang up.
赌20块你的每通电♥话♥都是这句开场白
Twenty bucks say all your calls start with that.
有何贵干泰迪
What do you want, Teddy?
我只是想确认下
I just want to make sure that
我跟你的想法是不是一样
me and you are on the same page about something.
估计不会不过你先说
I doubt that, but go ahead.
有传闻说喜剧演员打算讨要工钱
There is talk that the comics are wanting to get paid.
我是不会给我的学员钱的
I don't pay students.
那敌人的敌人就是我的伙伴了
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
估计就是你那儿的迷你三明治
It's your free fuckin' finger sandwiches
害得他们动这脑筋了
that probably put the idea in their heads.
迷你三明治
Finger sandwiches?
就那破玩意儿
Oh, is that the inch?
我还看到过打个嗝引发雪崩的新闻
I read once where an avalanche was caused by a single belch.
对了趁你挂电♥话♥前跟你说个事...
Listen, before you slam down the receiver--
你前夫昨天来我这儿了
your ex-husband was by here yesterday.
他在找地方表演
He's looking for a place to go up.
给莫夫的制♥作♥人看看他还宝刀未老
Show some producer on Merv he's still got it.
所以呢
Yeah, so?
我让他去你那儿了
So I sent him your way.
我还诧异他怎么没先去找你
I thought it was a little strange he didn't come to you first,
然后我想起来你的暴脾气了
but then I remembered I've met you.
冷静点戈尔迪
Lighten up, Goldie.
他妈的就连中国都不定期要往我们这
Even fuckin' China throws us the odd panda
送那些奇怪的熊猫
every once in a while.
波比·里格斯
男人为王
The male is king.
男人至上
The male is supreme.
这点我说了好多遍了
I've said it over and over again.
我还是这么认为
I still feel that way.
女孩只适合打女子网球
Girls play a nice game of tennis for girls.
但她们要是和男人对战
But when they get out there on a court
就算是跑不动的55岁大叔
with a man, even a tired old man at 55,
那肯定也是够呛
they're gonna be in big trouble.
我会走到场上打出我波比·里格斯的风范
I'm gonna go out there and play the Bobby Riggs style of game.
反正只要我想打就能打得好
I know that I'm gonna play as well as I can play.
我跟我的经纪人说过了
Hey! I talked to my manager.
这周五他就带"莫夫秀"的人来
He's bringing the Merv guy by on Friday night.
你看看能安排我几点上台
What time do you think I could go up?
-我说了让我考虑 -有什么好考虑的
- I said I'd think about it. - What's there to think about?
你让我上台表演15分钟
You put me up. I do my 15.
放一段《我有一堆可爱的椰子》
Cue "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts."
我觉得这周五♥不♥行
I don't think Friday's gonna work out.
什么意思你能不能停一下
What do you mean? Hey, can you just stop?
抱歉
I'm sorry.
天啊
Christ.
我也不是那么一无是处吧戈尔
It wasn't all bad, was it, Gold?
毕竟你给我买♥♥过鞋对吧
Oh, we'll always have the shoes, right?
我现在这样你也有责任
Took two to tango.
-周五晚十点 -谢谢
- 10 o'clock Friday. - Thank you. Thank you.
-演完就走 -保证再也不出现
- And then you are gone. - You'll never see me again.
也不必来参加我的葬礼
You won't even have to come to my funeral.
那就太可惜了
Oh, that's a shame.
我可不想错过看到你死掉的模样
Hate to miss out on all that great parking.
这20块钱花得太值了
Best 20 bucks I ever spent.
我♥操♥他妈的
Jesus fucking Christ.
居然能喊这么响
I mean, how loud can you be?
这简直是在拿她的逼当扩音器了
That's, like, feedback from her vagina.
就像是哥斯拉的屌♥卡在了...
It's like Godzilla got his dick stuck in his--
这他妈的垃圾玩意儿
Fucking piece of shit!
不准这么说你妈
Don't talk that way about your mom.
真没想到埃迪和白虎托妮搞上了
I can't believe Eddie's with Toni the Tiger.
有啥好惊讶的她不是"谐星操手"吗
What's the surprise? She's a chucklefucker.
她是什么谐星...
She's a what? A chuckle--
操手她们只和喜剧演员搞
Fucker. Groupies who only fuck comics?
你居然没听过"谐星操手"
Haven't you ever heard of a chucklefucker?
抱歉我完全没听说过这什么
Sorry, no, this whole "women fucking comics"
-只和喜剧演员搞的女人 -托妮很有名的
- concept is foreign to me. - Toni's notorious.
她品过的喜剧演员的鸡比好莱坞免费诊所里的还多
She's seen more comic dick than the Hollywood free clinic.
-这梗好 -她操谁并不重要
- Good one. - That she's a chucklefucker is not the issue.
重点是她是个疯子这才是问题所在
It's that she's insane. That's the issue.
她们是有个群体的
Chucklefuckers are a club staple.
麦姬也是
Maggie's a chucklefucker.
-我不是 -好吧
- No, I'm not. - Okay.
我得替麦姬说几句我看过你的表演
In Maggie's defense, I've seen your act.
她最多也就只是操稍微有点好笑的演员罢了
She's a "slightly amusing" fucker at best.
真的吗
Oh, really?
我好像掉了什么东西
Oh, I think I lost something.
找到了
It's... right there.
-等等不不不 -快说
- Wait. No, no, no. Look. - Okay. Come on.
你知道他像谁吗
You know who he looks like?
我来猜猜不会拍马屁的人吗
Let me guess. Somebody not very flattering?
你长得就像我剃了毛只留了鬓角的蛋蛋