含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E01

Part 6 May 7, 2021, 2:45 p.m.

stay up till the ass crack of dawn,
熬夜到天亮
waiting to see them.
他们的灵魂正饱受煎熬米奇
These are tortured fucking souls, Mitch.
我...
I j...
我还以为我们聊的是喜剧
And here I thought we were talking about comics.
你想要人才
You want genius?
就来这里
You come here.
你想在全国电视上
You want Catskill
看人玩猫或是一群绿衣服小傻♥逼♥
or some green kid shitting walnuts
玩什么狗屁核桃那就再见
on national television, zay gezunt.
戈尔迪巨星制♥造♥者
Goldie, the kingmaker.
没错
Damn straight.
你知道他们能从我这得到什么吗
And you know what they get from me,
知道他们为什么不去其他地方吗
these kids, they don't get anywhere else?
都这对宝贝的功劳
These babies, huh?
他们都是吃我的奶长大的
I nurse these fuckin' kids.
他们依赖我只有等我同意他们才会走
They latch on and don't let go till I tell them when.
所以他们去上你节目的时候
So, when they go on your show,
一定会惊艳全场
they knock it out of the fucking park!
这叫信任米奇
It's called trust, Mitch.
他们相信我我说他们准备好了
They trust that when I know they're ready,
他们才是真正准备好了
that's when they're ready.
等到那个时候你就等着打脸吧
And that's when I call you fuck-tards.
好吧我们都知道
Okay, look, we both know those other shows
那些小子根本不在乎其他节目
don't mean shit to these kids.
他们只在乎约翰尼的节目
It's Johnny or nothing.
我们不如给赞助商一点时间
So why don't we just let the sponsors
让他们冷静冷静
have a little time to let their pants dry
我再看看能帮什么忙
and then I'll see what I can do.
是啊我们也要手牵手
Yeah, we can all hold hands
给世人买♥♥一剂毒品
and buy the world a fucking Coke, too.
那也是值得的多漂亮一对奶头
Not for nothing, nice tits.
你♥他♥妈♥这么久才识货
Fuckin' took you long enough.
所以...
So...
你们觉得这地方怎么样
What do you think of the place?
这他妈不就是一间破橱柜吗
I think we're standing in the middle of a fucking closet.
这里连一张床都放不下更别说两张了
I mean, you can't put a bed in here, much less two.
是啊但这里能放下两张睡袋
Yeah, but you can fit two sleeping bags right here,
而且你们还能使用厨房♥ 浴室
plus you got access to a full kitchen, shower,
厕所全都差不多能用呢
toilet, all semi-functional.
那行吧
We'll take it.
你♥他♥妈♥认真的吗
Are you fuckin' serious?
我们得找个地方凑合一下
We need a place to crash.
好
All right.
你们得先预付租金现金60块
Need the rent up front. Sixty bucks cash.
我的钱...我的钱不够...
I'm not gonna, uh, I'm not gonna--
你有多少说吧
What do you got? Just say it.
-我只有11块钱 -就说你有多少吧
- I got--I got 11--11 bucks. - Just say what you have.
把那十块钱给我
Just give me the ten.
-你确定 -确定
- You sure? - Yeah.
好了听好规矩
All right. Rules.
你们要和另外三个人一起住
You live with three other people now, okay?
所以得把食物贴上你们的标签
So you got to put your name on your food.
如果食物上没有标签
If you don't have your name on your food,
那别人就可以吃
then it's up for grabs.
-好 -标签
- Okay. - Labels.
还有别碰我的蛇别以为
Also, don't touch my snake, and don't think
喂它们就是在帮我忙懂吗
you're doing me any favors by feeding him, okay?
蛇在哪里在这里吗
Where--where's the snake? The snake's in here?
听着这是跟我房♥间相连的橱柜
And listen, this is the closet to my room, out here,
-如果我跟玛姬在那里 -玛姬是谁
- so - if I'm in there with Maggie-- - Who's Maggie?
她是我的妞对了别打她的主意
She's my girl. By the way, hands off, okay?
如果我跟玛姬在这里缠绵
If I'm out here with Maggie, screwing,
你们就得等我们完事
you gotta wait till we're done.
你们完事时候的那种混合了
And what exactly does that cocktail of degradation
堕落与自我厌恶的声音会是什么样
and self-loathing sound like when it's finished?
是呜咽声还是一声枪响
Sobbing? A single gunshot?
也许是酒醒之后一句醉醺醺的
Probably just a groggy "Where am I?"
"我这是在哪儿"
after the ether wears off.
老天你们就凭空想出了这些吗
God, do you guys just come up with this out of the thin air?
真了不起
It's amazing.
好好待在壁橱里吧
Enjoy your closet.
我靠
Fuck me.
那是个猫砂盒吗
Is that a fucking cat box?
是啊
Yeah.
那个...
Well, uh...
我是不是该...
guess I should just...
好吧
uh, all right.
大家都靠后站
Everybody stand back.
你们得把那个东西拿下来
Okay, well, you gotta take that down.
我他妈的说真的
I'm fuckin' serious.
别说脏话亚当
Language, Adam, please.
"脏话" 没搞错吧
"Language"? Really?
这里有人是从城外来的吗
So anybody here from-- from out of town?
你今晚心情还不错吗夫人
Are you having a good time, ma'am?
真的好你的表情可不是这么回事
Really? All right, tell your face.
我是墨西哥人没错
I am Mexican. That's right.
我长得像...托尼·奥兰多
I look like, uh, Tony Orlando
和托尼·奥兰多
had a baby
生出来的娃
with Tony Orlando.
关于墨西哥的那些传说
What is it about Mexicans--
我希望都不是真的不过事实如此
I wish this didn't happen, but it's true.
墨西哥的没错到现在还是句脏话
Mexican, right, is a dirty word still.
在随便一个词前面加上"墨西哥的" 就不是好话了
You say "Mexican" before anything, it sounds bad.
比如说我这里有大♥麻♥
Like, for example, uh, I got some reefer.
我这里有墨西哥大♥麻♥
Got some Mexican reefer.
不谢了
No, thank you.
我带孩子去了马戏团
Took my kids to the circus,
墨西哥马戏团[又意纠众滋事]
the Mexican circus.
这他妈什么鬼
What the fuck was that about?
带他去看了小丑
Took him to see a clown,
墨西哥小丑[又意偷渡客]
the Mexican clown.
孩子们快看那是小丑普托
Hey, kids, look, it's Puto the Clown.
我去解个手
I gotta take a piss.
想让我用我的大屌♥做个动物气球吗
Want me to make a balloon animal with my wiener?
我得去和戈尔迪商量科雷追悼会的事
I gotta talk to Goldie about Clay's memorial.
听着是我搞砸了
Look, I fucked up, okay?
我是个反♥社♥会♥混账自恋狂
I'm an antisocial asshole, a narcissistic douche bag.
你准备道歉的时候再来找我
Let me know when you get to an apology.
等等打扰一下
Excuse me. Excuse me.
你好科雷的朋友
Oh, hey, Clay's friend.
-对我叫埃迪 -我叫凯茜
- Yeah, Eddie. - Cassie.
我想为之前的事道歉
Look, I-I just--I wanted to apologize for earlier.
不用那事我很抱歉...
No, I'm sorry about that--
不不不拜托别
No, no-no-no-no, please, don't.
我是说两个不速之客突然出现
I mean, a couple of bums show up,
还想占用你男友的沙发
trying to crash on your boyfriend's couch--
不他不是我男友
No, he wasn't my boyfriend.
他曾经是我男友
He was my boyfriend.
我们在一起了两年
We were together for two years,
不过早就结束了而且...
but it's been over for a while. And...
我现在想要照顾他父母还要...
...I'm just trying to take care of his parents and get...
你真是...真是个好人
No, that sounds-- that sounds really nice of you.
我们找到地方住了
We found a place.
那很好
Oh, good.
是啊在阿尼家
Yeah, yeah. Arnie's.
那可不怎么样
Oh, that's not good.
其实还挺棒的我们...
It's great, actually, it's, uh,
就住在壁橱里
it's a closet, is what it is.
不过风景挺不错的
It's got a wonderful view, though.
就当做是一种演出的地方