含笑台上（2017）

I'm Dying Up Here S01E10

Part 5 May 7, 2021, 2:49 p.m.

Drink?
我明白泰迪
I get it, Teddy.
你想让大家都看到你
You want to be on everybody's radar,
可现在你是我的敌人了
but now you are on my radar,
那对你来说可不是一件好事
and that is not a fucking place you want to be.
我搬来洛杉矶是因为大家都说
I moved to L.A. because everyone told me,
"那里很安逸"
"Hey, it's laid-back."
这可不是我挑起的
I didn't start this.
是你和你那爱幻想的搭档
You did, with your fancy fucking partner.
但是你把它变成了地盘大战戈尔迪
But you turned it into a turf war, Goldie.
就是你干的
Oh, yes, you fucking did.
没错你说得对
Yeah. And you're right.
没错我一方面被那混♥蛋♥拖累着
Yeah, I'm stuck with that asshole on one side of me
另一方面又被你和另一个混♥蛋♥纠缠着
and you, another fucking asshole, on the other side,
可我还是走到了这一步
and here I am.
如果你不是来跟我交好
So, if you're not gonna be sociable
跟我喝几杯
and have a drink with me,
那请滚出我的俱乐部
you can get the fuck out of my club.
你的俱乐部
Your club.
这笑话可真好笑
Now, that's a funny fucking joke.
他妈的这就是我的俱乐部
Goddamn right it's my club.
广♥告♥牌上还有我的名字
There's my name in neon.
你就给我守好这个脱衣舞俱乐部
You stay down here at the shit end of the strip
让那个老鸨离我的孩子们远点
and keep that pimp the fuck away from my kids.
-不然怎样 -不是怎样是何时
- Or what? - Oh, not what. When.
你该多留心一下跟谁在上♥床♥ 泰德
You should be a little more careful who you get into bed with, Ted.
对了
Hey, FYI...
我偷偷瞄了一眼
I took a little peek.
三号♥绝对没问题
It's number three all the way.
真的
Seriously.
老实讲我约会很多次了
Honestly, I have been on hundreds of dates.
还从没问过哪个女的
I have never asked a woman once,
"如果你能化身为一个派
"If you could be any kind of pie,
你想成为哪种派"
what kind of pie would you be?"
尼克我知道这不合你意
Nick, I know this isn't what you had in mind.
是吗
Yeah. Huh?
我们是在重建桥梁
We are rebuilding a bridge here,
不只是要连接你和你未来的追求者
not just between you and potential suitors,
还要连接你我
but between you and me.
约会游戏是体面的戏码哥们儿
Dating game is a decent gig, man.
很多年轻的喜剧演员和演员都想参加
A lot of young comics and actors want this.
玛西娅·布雷迪上周也参加了
Fucking Marcia Brady was on last week.
没错这都是为了曝光度
Yeah. It's all about exposure.
真的
Seriously.
-好 -好了
- Yeah. - All right.
选三号♥是吗
So number three, huh?
要不是有点痤疮疤痕她可以说是九分美女
She'd be a nine if it wasn't for the slight acne scarring.
你一定会很棒的
You're gonna kill it.
你看到整个设计都是红色了吧
You see how the whole thing is red?
我喜欢我喜欢红色
I love that. I want--I want that red.
我喜欢那些戏服
I love those costumes.
最好全都在海报上体现出来
I want a lot of that in the posters.
好了你来控制灯光海报要仰拍
Anyway, you get this light, and I want them shot from below.
我要让大家仰视她们
I want to--I want to look up at them.
打扰一下马蒂
Excuse me, Marty.
凯茜瞧瞧你
Cass, look at you!
怎么这么漂亮啊宝贝
You look great, honey.
等我找到裤子你再看吧
Oh, well, wait till you see me once I find my pants.
两位麻烦你们先离开一下吧
Guys, would you excuse us for a second?
谢谢
Thank you.
怎么了小凯有什么要帮忙的吗
What's up, Cass? What can I do for you?
马蒂
Oh, Marty.
他们又加了个剧本
They've added another sketch.
对卡车司机的剧本我知道很搞笑
Yeah, the trucker sketch. I know, it's hilarious.
怎么了
What about it?
已经有八个剧本了
Well, that's eight sketches now
每个有五分钟一共就是四十分钟了
at five minutes apiece, so that's 40 minutes.
加上广♥告♥时间
Add in commercials and that leaves
那单口喜剧的时间就只剩五分钟
about five minutes for stand-up.
每个女孩只有一分钟可是之前告诉我们
That's one minute per girl, and we were told
-每人有五分钟的表演时间 -好
- we were each gonna get about five minutes. - Okay.
-那我们这么办 -好
- Here's what we're gonna do. - Okay.
你就对着镜头甜美地笑笑
You're gonna smile pretty into the camera,
读你的台词
you're gonna read your lines,
计算时间就交给我吧
and I'll take care of the math, okay?
好了如果你不介意的话我要放开你的手
So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna let go of your hand
去干活了
and go do my job.
你最好也去干♥你♥自己的活
I suggest you do the same.
好吗
Okay?
-倒数开始 -王八蛋
- Hey, the call went up. - Piece of shit.
约会游戏
三号♥女嘉宾
Bachelorette number three,
如果你能化身为一个派你想成为哪种派
If you could be any kind of pie, what kind of pie would that be?
应该是草莓大黄派吧
Probably strawberry rhubarb.
二号♥女嘉宾
Bachelorette number two,
如果我们在一座荒岛上...
If we were on a deserted island...
抱歉我得再问问三号♥女嘉宾
Sorry, you know, I'm gonna go back to bachelorette number three.
三号♥ 为什么是草莓大黄派呢
Number three, why a strawberry rhubarb pie?
因为我这人有一点点甜
Well, because I'm a little bit sweet
又有一点点酸
and a little bit sour.
好的
Okay.
不明白笑点在哪但...
I don't know why that's funny, but--
等等
Hold on.
不这个混♥蛋♥
No, you motherfucker.
三号♥单身女我还有一个问题
Bachelorette number three, uh, another question for you.
-你喜欢嗑药吗 -停
- How do you feel about drugs? - Cut!
你说什么
I'm sorry?
嗑药海♥洛♥因♥ 大♥麻♥ 迷幻药
Drugs, you know, heroin, pot, lsd,
-就是那些东西 -停止录像
- That sort of thing. - Stop recording.
我们反正就要去阿卡普尔科了
We are going to acapulco after all,
日落时分在海滩边散步很美好
and, yes, while sunsets and walks on the beach are nice...
-放点音乐 -等我们摆脱了
- just play the music. - Oh, after we ditch
那个护花使者我不介意咱们进一步发展
that chaperone, I wouldn't mind kicking it up a notch.
明白我的意思吗
You know what I mean?
挑个好时辰去开房♥ 看看我们...
Find a hotel by la hora, see if we--
走吧来个保安
Let's go. We need security.
-抓着他 -我走了我走了
- Grab him. Grab him. - I'm going. I'm going.
好那走吧
All right, let's go.
-三号♥ -你没搞错吧
- Three. Seriously? Huh?
晚安大人物你♥他♥妈♥个蠢货
Good night, john-boy. You fucking schmuck!
有时候我有点甜
Sometimes I'm a little bit sweet.
有时我有点酸
Sometimes I'm a little sour.
你没觉得对此有些夸大其词了吗
You don't think you're overblowing this a bit?
这比击垮你还要费力气
It's gonna take more than that to take you down.
你才是关键
You're an institution.
对过去你也没能在布朗德比餐厅
Yeah. Used to be you couldn't get a reservation
预定上位子
at the Brown dDerby, too.
你怀念过往日吗米奇
You ever miss the old days, Mitch?
当然
Yeah.
我24岁第一次遇见你时是什么样子
What was I, like, 24 when I first met you?
图茨绍尔餐厅的女招待
Hostess at Toots Shor's place.
那时真美好
Yeah, it was good times, huh?
看来到了我这年纪
Seems like when you reach my age,
更多的是回忆而非期望了
there's a lot more to look backwards on than forwards.
我有什么能帮你的
How can I help?
我要终止西奥多国王俱乐部引起的叛乱
I need to stop this king theodore revolt.
我要你把我手下的一位演员
I need you to put one of my kids
弄上《今夜秀》
on the tonight show.
比尔·霍布斯这周五
Bill Hobbs, this Friday.
我总是对不可能之事充满热情
I have always been a big fan of the impossible.
还要两杯加冰的威士忌
I still need two more whiskies on the rocks.