熟女镇（2009）

Cougar Town S05E06

Part 2 Dec. 8, 2020, 10:53 p.m.

but then a bunch of losers invaded my yard,
不过后来一大♥波♥白♥痴♥入侵了我的院子
and I changed my mind.
于是我改变主意了
Are you even physically able to not be snarky?
你是不是生理上遏制不住要毒舌
I am, if I'm not surrounded by idiots,
我能克制只要周围没有白♥痴♥
which is almost never.
不过这几率几乎为零
Okay, prove it.
好吧证明给我看
If you can be not snarky for one whole day,
如果你能有一天不毒舌
I'll get rid of all this stuff I bought at the yard sale today.
我就把今天庭院买♥♥卖♥♥的所有东西丢掉
Last five yard sales.
近五次庭院买♥♥卖♥♥的东西
Deal. But if you lose,
成交但是如果你输了
you have to wear this inflatable sumo suit.
你得穿这件充气相扑服
Deal.
成交
Hey, Jules.
茱尔斯
How's the, uh, suction on this vacuum?
这吸尘器的吸力如何
When I turn it on, it makes a loud noise.
我一打开它就会有很大的噪音
So I'd say good and sucky.
所以我得说优质而吸力强[讨厌]
I'll take it. All right.
那我买♥♥了好嘞
Hope you love how much it sucks.
但愿你能满意这货的吸力[讨厌]
You told me that vacuum barely works.
你告诉我那个吸尘器几乎没用
Well, I decided to focus on the "Works" part
于是我决定把重心放在"用"上
and ignore the "Barely."
顺便无视"没"
That's just good salesmanship.
这只是优秀的销♥售♥技巧
I just got crapped on by a bird!
有鸟屎掉在我身上了
No, Jules. That was karma.
不茱尔斯那是报应
You just got crapped on by karma.
是报应降临到你头上了
Oh, would you stop it, Laurie?
别扯淡了劳里
There's no such thing as kar...
报应是不存...
Birds fly in flocks, okay?
鸟是成群结队飞的
That's how it works.
所以才会这样
I'm not getting any poop.
我就不会沾到屎
Ahoy, landlubber.
喂旱鸭子
Look what I got at the yard sale for $5.
看看我五块钱买♥♥到了啥
Don't I make a great sea captain?
我像不像伟大的船长
Stern! Jib! Scurvy.
船尾艏三角帆下流吧
You look like a guy wearing funny clothes.
你只像个奇装异服的货
What if I talked like this?
要是我这样说话呢
There's a perfect storm coming.
暴风雨就要来啦
Park the car in harvard yard.
把车停到哈佛园里
Oi, mate!
喂伙计
Come here. There's a storm on the brew.
过来有一场风暴就要来啦
You start sellin' fish sticks?
你开始卖♥♥鱼条了吗
Dad, I think I know
老爸我想我知道
why you haven't spread grandpappy's ashes.
你为什么没把爷爷的骨灰撒掉了
You start thinking about how embarrassing it is
他提出了此等疯狂的要求
to be descended from a man
而你作为他的后代
that would make such an insane request,
觉得这太丢人了
And you're worried about how that reflects on you,
并且担心对你会产生影响
and that maybe that says something negative
或许这会对你的形象
about who you are as a man--
产生不良的影响
Damn it, Travis, I'm afraid of roller coasters!
该死的崔维斯我怕坐过山车
Why do you keep torturing me?
你为什么要一直折磨我呢
Didn't see that coming.
这倒是意料之外啊
Okay, I got $43 in cash money
我有43块纸币
and an assload of change.
还有一大袋零钱
It's like a weapon.
这玩意像个武器
I could take out a bear!
我可以打败一只熊
Great haul. I couldn't sell anything.
大富翁我什么都卖♥♥不出去
What were you selling?
你都卖♥♥的啥
Oh, the usual --CDs, dead wife's shoes,
寻常的东西唱片亡妻的鞋子
used scalpels, forceps, surgical masks.
用过的手术刀镊子和手术口罩
Come on, Tom. Sometimes you just don't think.
拜托汤姆你就是太笨了
You might've boned the sale,
也许你没卖♥♥出去东西
but at least you didn't jank your karma by lying to everyone.
但起码你没有因为骗人而遭报应
There's no such thing as karma, because if there was,
报应是不存在的因为如果真的有
I wouldn't be celebrating with this bottle of bubbly.
我现在就不可能拿这瓶香槟庆祝了
Tippi, no!
蒂比不
I'm not even gonna say anything.
我什么也不说了
Okay, you know what? I am.
好吧我还是忍♥不住要说
That was karma!
那就是报应
We are gathered here to celebrate
我们今天聚在这里
the tragically short life of big tippi.
悼念"大蒂比"悲惨而短暂的一生
Oh, god. It just gets harder every time.
天呐跟它们告别越来越艰难了
Come here.
过来
Look, I know we go through this pretty much every year,
我明白每年我们都要经历很多次这种事
But, uh, this is insane.
但这有够扯淡的
Big Tippi is family.
"大蒂比"是我们的家人
So zip it, Captain Crunch.
你给我闭嘴嘎嘣脆船长
Big Tippi,
"大蒂比"
You were the best thing to come out of Los Angeles.
你曾是洛杉矶最棒的产物
Except for the fake Academy Award I got
除了我之前收到的
for best supporting lover.
伪奥斯卡"最佳伴侣奖"之外
There is no greater tragedy
没有比给自己的红酒杯送终
than outliving your own wine glass.
更残忍♥的悲剧了
When did you learn to play the bagpipes?
你什么时候学会吹风笛的
Middle school band.
参加中学乐队的时候
A friend told me it would help me get girls.
一朋友告诉我这是泡妞神器
Turned out it really wasn't a friend.
实验证明他压根不是我的朋友
More like a clever bully.
不过是个狡猾的恶霸
So sorry about Big Tippi, Jules.
我对大蒂比的遭遇深表遗憾茱尔斯
What a terrible accident.
真是场让人悲痛欲绝的意外
This was no accident.
这才不是意外呢
This was karma.
这是报应
Your wrestler friend from Tampa?
你那个在坦帕市的摔跤选手朋友吗
No.
不是
No, I lied, and now the universe is pissed at me.
不我说谎了现在老天爷生我气了
Laurie, please help me get the universe to like me again.
劳里帮我重获老天爷的青睐吧
At least you're honoring Tippi's memory
至少你能祭奠蒂比
And not wussing out because you're afraid of a loop-de-loop.
而不是被疯狂圈圈飞车吓得直打退堂鼓
Ordinarily, I'd be machine gun snarking this moment.
通常我会用毒舌机关枪完爆你们
That's just about the saddest game of penny can
这绝对是我见过的
I've ever seen.
最悲伤版的扔硬币罐
So you're afraid of roller coasters.
原来你害怕坐过山车
Ever since I was a little kid.
从小就怕得要死
You know, I just can't stand those big, loopy rickety...
我就是受不了那些摇摇欲坠的大圈圈
Dad, I think I know what to do about Grandpappy Cobb.
爸我知道该拿科布曾爷爷怎么办了
What, throw him in dumpster and forget the whole thing?
怎么办扔垃圾桶里当没这回事吗
Nope.
不是
You're gonna get over your fear of roller coasters.
你要克服对过山车的恐惧
Sorry, son. I just can't.
抱歉儿子这我真做不到
Not even for a good man like Grandpappy Cobb.
即使是为了科布爷爷这大好人也不行
He taught me the difference between a sea lion and a seal.
他教会我如何分辨海狮和海豹
The ears, Trav.
要看它们的耳朵小崔
Ears.
看耳朵就知道了
He deserved better.
他值得更好的祭奠
And that's why I'm gonna help you beat this thing.
所以我要帮你克服这种恐惧
Yeah? How?
是吗怎么帮
Technology.
用高科技
I'm gonna die! Stop the ride!
我会死的快停下来
You're doing great!
你做得很好哦
Trav, I'm gonna die! Please!
小崔我要死了快停下
Hey, hon.
嗨亲爱的
How's your day of no snark goin'?
不能毒舌的一天过得可愉快啊
I am managing. Oh, that's great,
还能应付太好了
'cause I got some stuff I wanna show you
因为我想让你看看
that I got from the yard sale.
我从大卖♥♥场新淘的宝贝
How do you like my pink fuzzy bathrobe
你喜欢我这毛茸茸的浴袍
and my 1970s era
以及这副20世纪70年代
wacky Elton John glasses?
埃尔顿·约翰同款搞怪眼镜吗
I...
我...
Love... I love it.
喜... 我很喜欢