脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S03E11

Part 2 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:32 p.m.

保佑一下下咯
Just a little blessing.
够了我非亲手割了它不可
That's it! I'm gonna saw this thing off myself.
别这样我的孩子
Don't do that, my son.
谁在说话? - 是我耶稣
Who said that? - It is I, Jesus.
我希望你将我的脸于众人面前展示
Now, I want you to show my face to the people.
拨开你的双腚传播教义
Spread the word by spreading your cheeks.
随您吩咐我的主
Whatsoever thou sayeth, my lord.
多谢啦简版耶稣变♥声♥器♥app
Thank you, Jesus voice app lite version.
此梗出自圣诞老人hohoho 英语中ho亦指妓♥女♥
因此有人提议hohoho改为hehehe或hahaha
吼吼吼
Where my hos at?
撒旦闺蜜帮机车会所
不该停车看看情况吗?
Shouldn't we check that out?
想找死就去菜鸟
Not if you want to live, rookie.
现在为止还没有警♥察♥能清剿撒旦闺蜜帮
No cop has ever been able to take down the Satan's Bffs.
那你是怕这些家伙咯?
So you're afraid of those guys?
说话小心点 Williams 我可是警力中的佼佼者
Watch your mouth, Williams. I'm the toughest cop on the force.
如果我真没胆局长会把这个发给我?
If I wasn't, you think chief would've given me this?
头警
我去啊
Oh, man.
只能再当十分钟警♥察♥了让我做点牛X的事
I've only got ten more minutes as a cop. I want to do something cool.
最后这项任务对你再合适不过 Williams
I've got the perfect last assignment for you, Williams.
去给我买♥♥份咖啡再买♥♥支热狗
Eh, go buy me a coffee and a hot dog.
傻缺Briggs
Stupid Briggs.
滑雪面罩不错嘛 - 举起手来猪头
Cool ski mask. - Hands up, pig!
卧♥槽♥
Holy crap!
Briggs 你还在打盹?
Briggs, you taking a nap?
刚我胖老婆发了条紧急短♥信♥ 此人我爱她爱得要死
I just got an urgent text from my fat wife, who I love very, very much.
说她在店里被绑♥架♥了
She's in that store being held hostage.
不然就是她闻到香肠了
Either that or she smelled sausage.
毕竟她手指太粗打错字在所难免
It's hard for her to text with her fat [Bleep] fingers.
什么? 我刚把Williams派进去了
What? I just sent Williams in there.
Williams? 给殡仪馆打电♥话♥吧
Williams? Somebody call the funeral home.
让他们准备一副超大号♥棺材和一桶黄油
Tell 'em to get a king-sized casket and a tub of butter
好把老婆的大屁♥股♥塞进去
to squeeze her fat ass in there.
还是收回命令吧局长
Better cancel that order, chief.
Williams 我的胖老婆你救了她谢天谢地
Williams, my fat wife-you saved her. Thank god.
很高兴能在当警♥察♥的最后几分钟做点有意义的事
Glad I could do something right during my last few minutes as a cop.
Williams 只要你乐意尽管来褐丘警署就职好了
Williams, you have got a job on the Hazelhurst PD as long as you want it.
一看到她的吃相我就欲♥火♥焚身
Ooh, I get so horny watching her eat.
在此我衷心感谢Steve Williams的英勇举动
I'd like to thank Steve Williams for his act of bravery.
这个人救了我的胖老婆
This man saved my fat wife
她刚吃光了我们的甜甜圈现在已经晕糖了
who seems to be in a sugar coma after wiping out our doughnuts.
因此我很荣幸...
And so it gives me great pleasure
任命Steve Williams做我们的新头警
to name Steve Williams our new top cop.
但我才是头警
But I'm the top cop.
把手环给我 Briggs 把手环给我 Briggs
Give me the bracelet, Briggs. Give me the bracelet, Briggs.
不胜荣幸啊
What an honor.
我老爸肯定骄傲死了
My dad would be so proud.
Steve 不得不说我们真被震撼了
Steve, I have to say that we're impressed.
被你的成就不是被你的手环 - 是啊那玩意儿太基了
By your accomplishment, not by your bracelet. - Yeah, that's super gay.
我们回去会想你的哥们 - 我也想这样说但是...
We're gonna miss you at the park, man. - I'd say the same, but...
头警可没有时间品味人间忧愁
top cop doesn't have time for human emotions.
撒旦闺蜜帮机车会所发生多起枪击
Multiple shots fired at satan's Bffs Motor Club.
可能为谋杀
Possible 187.
看来我们的新头警有得忙了
This sounds like a job for our new top cop
是不是被那些飞车党吓怂了啊
unless you're scared of a few bikers.
没有
No.
Williams警官绝对会给这些谋杀犯当头一棒
Officer Williams will get the 411 on that 187.
我才不会对这些飞车党胯下留情呢
I'm not afraid to 69 a couple of bikers.
警♥察♥行话
Police talk.
千万别把这胖娘们摔着了
Don't drop that beautiful fat bitch.
她是我灵魂伴侣
She's my soul mate.
且看我白花花腚沟之间的全能之神
Behold, the almighty in my tighty-whities.
我的天啊
Santa maria!
注意了意志薄弱的羔羊们
Attention, weak-minded sheep.
别忘了购买♥♥"痔稣"牌T恤和午餐盒
Don't forget to buy your jeez-ass T-shirts and lunch boxes.
上万民众大部分都是墨西哥人
Thousands of people, mostly Mexicans
不远万里只为前来朝拜这颗圣人痔疮
have made the pilgrimage to see this holy hemorrhoid
他们中一些人大部分都是墨西哥人称其为"现世奇迹"
what some, mostly Mexicans, are calling a modern-day miracle.
教皇殿下人们都成群结队地朝拜去了
People are flocking to see it, your excellency.
带他来见我那是啥?
Bring him to me. What is that?
哦您喜欢吗? "个性印品"订制的
Oh, you like it? Cafe Press.
美国定制♥服♥务网站
给我帮您买♥♥了个鼠标垫
Here, I got you a mouse pad
还捎了个侍童充气娃娃
and an altar boy love doll.
撒旦闺蜜帮机车会所
打扰一下
Excuse me.
我接到报♥警♥电♥话♥说这里可能发生了凶杀?
I got a disturbance call about a possible murder?
我就是来告诉大家没关系的可以原谅拜啦
I just came to say it's okay. We forgive you. Bye.
你知道上次来这儿的条子是什么下场吗?
You know what happened to the last cops that came in here?
你这样盲目地杀戮你妈妈会怎么想?
How would your mother feel about this mindless killing?
你直接问她好不好?
Why don't you ask her?
我知道该怎么弄这条子了
I know what we should do to this cop.
撸死他 - 你特么傻吧 Rodney?
Jerk him off. - What the [Bleep], rodney?
撸他有什么好处? - 教他做人啊
Why would we do that? - To teach him a lesson.
你想教他啥?
What lesson?
只要是男人进来咱"撒旦闺蜜帮"就帮他撸一管?
That satan's bffs give handjobs to every dude that comes in here?
那咱俩达成共识了? - 闭嘴 Rodney
So we're on the same page? - Shut up, rodney!
给这小子来一趟"飞沙走石"吧
We're gonna give this guy a dirt slide ride.
嘿听起来好好玩
Hey, that sounds fun.
一点都不好玩啊
This isn't fun.
等等停停下我有重要事情
Wait, wait, stop, stop. It's important.
啥重要事情?
What's so important?
我... 我得回我车上一趟
I-I need to run to my car for a second.
忘记拉手刹了
I forgot to set the parking brake.
少来我们才不吃这一套
Yeah, we're not gonna fall for that.
我们要弄死你猪猡
We're gonna murder you, pig.
他跑哪去了?
Where'd he go?
不是我想放马后炮啊
I don't mean to be an asshole
要是采用"撸管计划"就不会有这档子事了
but this wouldn't have happened if we'd went with plan j-o.
快来膜拜痔稣
他从天上来下凡到腚间
你也能当痔稣
表情超赞
Looking great.
50美刀不谢自尊什么的估计你也用不着了
That'll be 50 bucks and all of your self-respect.
我何等卑微却能亲睹您的真颜
I'm not worthy to look upon your face.
我爱您痔稣
I love you, Jeez-ass!
想必您就是先知大人Woody Johnson吧
You must be the prophet, Woody Johnson.
对咱可是在奉天行事呢
Yup, doing god's work here.
我是教皇大人派来的
I've been sent here by his holiness, the Pope.
圣座他想核实一下您的痔疮是否真是神迹
The pontiff wants to verify your hemorrhoid as a true miracle.
大人要求您马上随我一同回梵蒂冈一趟
He requests that you come with me to the Vatican at once.
听见没 Malloy?
Did you hear that, Malloy?
咱们要去梵蒂冈觐见教皇喽
We're going to the Vatican to meet the Pope.
我看这不是个好主意吧
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
你没读过丹•布朗的那些烂小说吗?
Haven't you ever read any of those horrible Dan Brown novels?
《达芬奇密♥码♥》《地狱》的作者
别傻了这主意好得很
Don't be silly. It's a great idea.
嘿红衣主教大人怎么去呢? - 教皇专机走着
Hey, Cardinal, how are we getting there? - To the pope jet.
教皇明早会第一时间接见您进行审查流程
The pope will meet you first thing in the morning for the vetting process.
如果万事顺利的话您的痔疮会被鉴证为神迹
If everything goes well, your hemorrhoid will be verified as a true miracle.
要是不顺利会怎样?
And what happens if it's not?
根据圣经法典
Well, according to biblical law
撒谎的假见证人必须受到惩罚
a false witness who breathes out lies must be punished.
惨了
Oh, shit.
我才不担心呐
I'm not worried
这可是百分百的真货对吧 Malloy?
'cause this 100% real, right, Malloy?
真得就像圣经里那些故事一样
As real as every story in the bible.
作为圣座大人的宾客
As guests of his excellency
请务必不要拘束
I urge you to make yourselves at home.
你们这是干嘛?
What are you doing?
就是觉得你们的天花板需要翻修一下了
Oh, I just noticed that your ceiling needed some restoration.
我了个擦这是约柜啊
Holy crap, the ark of the covenant.
恶搞夺宝奇兵第一部《夺宝奇兵之失落的约柜》
瞧好了 Malloy