脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S03E11

Part 1 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:32 p.m.

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版

一派安静祥和还没有活儿
Nice and quiet with no work to do.
哥就喜欢这样
Just the way I like it.
太无聊了
It's so boring here.
我精心练过的打击犯罪技巧都用不上
All my finely tuned crime-fighting skills are going to waste.
终于有情况了
Finally, a little action.
不许动你这个混球
Freeze, you piece of shit!
我就是扔歪了这就捡起来
I just missed the trash can. I was about to pick it up.
请勿乱扔垃圾
闭嘴混♥蛋♥
Shut up, scumbag.
我们这里出现了371-261号♥情况
We've got a, uh, 371-261.
你抓了一个强♥奸♥臭虫的?
You got a litter bug rapist?
你还是个强♥奸♥犯啊?
Oh, a rapist too, huh?
让我来公正摆平此案
Proceeding with extreme prejudice.
Steve
Steve!

脆莓公园
♢ 白云苍狗 ♢ 偏执绝非过错
♢ 井脑湿 ♢ MaxPayen999
♢ 旗木联合译制
老爸你是这个公园里抓获罪犯最多的林警
Dad, you busted more criminals in this park than any ranger.
我也要努力让你骄傲
I'll find a way to make you proud
塑身裤
从现在开始
Starting now.
从现在开始
Starting now.
算逑了
Ah, [Bleep] It.
真恶心什么味啊?
Gross. What's that smell?
那个... 我已经五天没洗澡了
Uh, it's been about five days since I took a shower.
啊? 为什么啊?
What? Why?
下周要去看妇科医生我可不想便宜了他
I'm going to the gyno next week, and I want him to earn his money.
你怎么了 Woody?
What happened, Woody?
又去菊花对着寻欢洞了吗?
You been backing up to glory holes again?
没有我特么犯痔疮了
No, I got a goddamn hemorrhoid.
感觉菊花像是在被刀割一样
Feels like I'm taking it up the ass from a ginsu knife.
又到了...
Now it's time once again for...
脆莓犯罪报告时间
The brickleberry crime report.
又来?
This again?
我以为痔疮就够我菊花受的了 [眼中钉]
I thought my hemorrhoid was a pain in the ass.
园里...
There is...
没有犯罪
No crime to report.
狗血铺垫+屎一样的结局你和M.奈特•沙马兰有得一拼
Haven't seen that much buildup for a shitty reveal since every M. Night Shyamalan movie.
印度籍美国导演多次提名金酸梅最差导演奖
什么也不发生又不是我的错
It's not my fault nothing ever happens here.
这里是国家公园就应该很无聊
It's a national park. It's supposed to be boring.
想玩什么花样当警♥察♥去呗
If you want some action, go be a cop.
没准我会呢
Maybe I will.
警局的人都特喜欢我
They love me down at the station.
我也喜欢你哥们但人家绝不会收你当警♥察♥的
I love you, buddy, but there's no way they'd let you be a cop.
别难过 Steve 你就是蠢点罢了
Don't feel bad, Steve. You're just stupid.
我才不蠢 - 是嘛?
I am not stupid. - Oh, yeah?
那上次你从僵尸末世中"拯救我们"是怎么回事?
Well, how about the time you "saved us" from the zombie apocalypse?
你干啥啊?
What are you doing?
我们拍电视剧呢你个傻X
We're filming a tv show, you idiot!
想得美 Woody
Nice try, Woody
我是不会再接受这种形式的付款了
but I don't take that form of payment anymore.
什么? - 好吧 Woody 最后一次
What? - All right, Woody. Last time
但下次开始你得和其他人一样开支票
but from now on, you write a check like everyone else.
不你个神经我是犯痔疮了
No, you lunatic, I've got a hemorrhoid.
怎么不早说呢 Woody? 害我在兴头上没了性致
Hmm, why didn't you say so, Woody? Nobody likes a cocktease.
你就赶紧看病吧疼死我了
Just hack this thing off. It's killing me.
好嘞 Woody
Sure thing, Woody.
我这就手起刀落把痔疮割下来都不等你喊... 上帝啊
I'll chop this rhoid off faster than you can say-- Jesus Christ!
不真有那么糟糕吗?
Oh, no, is it that bad?
不是你这痔疮上有一张上帝的脸
No, you have the face of Jesus Christ on your hemorrhoid.
天啊我这个主教派教♥徒♥可不能碰那玩意
Oh, no, this episcopalian's not touching that thing.
别犯傻了这就是个巧合
Don't be silly. It's just a coincidence.
你得给我切了啊大夫
You got to cut it off for me, doc.
我能坐不下屁♥股♥了
I can't even sit down.
我绝不会犯亵渎罪 Woody
Oh, I would never commit blasphemy, Woody.
你赶紧滚回家坐到上帝脸上去吧
Now, go to your goddamn house and sit on the face of Jesus.
警署
我破门而入朝那俩瘾君子打光了我枪里的子弹
So I kicked the door in and emptied my Glock into those two crackheads.
你都没给人家念他们的权利吧
So I guess you didn't read them their rights.
当然念了念了他们的悼词
Sure, I did. Their last rites.
Williams 你特么来这儿干啥?
Williams, what the hell are you doing here?
我抓了个嫌犯
I made an arrest.
那个变♥态♥居然在林子里拉屎
Sick bastard was shitting in the woods.
帮你们把他拘留起来了
I put him in a holding cell for you.
不
Oh, no!
我在想帮你们办点案子啥的
I was hoping you guys could put me on a few cases.
最近公园里也没什么事
Things have been kind of slow at the park.
可以啊
Oh, sure.
那你去找Pierce局长吧
Why don't you go talk to chief Pierce?
他最喜欢别人在他的爱好时间打扰他了
He loves it when people interrupt his hobby time.
多谢提点 Briggs
Thanks for the tip, Briggs.
Pierce局长 - 我在织布呢
Chief Pierce! - I'm looming here.
抽奖
我也想当警♥察♥ 老爸
I want to be a cop, daddy.
好啊儿子写个名字放进抽奖箱万一中了呢
Well, son, put your ticket in this raffle, and maybe you will.
孩子们想当一天的警♥察♥吗?
嘿你干什么呢?
Hey, what are you doing?
帮我家孩子们填奖卷呢
Just filling these out for my kids.
你有多少孩子啊?
How many kids do you have?
150?
150?
我老婆的桃花洞跟破口水床一样潮湿
My wife's vagina looks like a popped water bed.
嘿我还没吃完呢
Hey, I wasn't done with that.
你留着吧
Keep it.
真不敢相信镇上没一个大夫敢动我屁♥股♥上那个肿耶稣
I can't believe that no doctor in town would operate on my mushrooming messiah.
一群宗教狂看啥都像上帝
Bunch of religious kooks seeing Jesus everywhere.
水渍烤面包片现在又轮到我的菊花了
Water stains, burnt toast, now my balloon knot.
神的做法是你无法理解的
The lord works in mysterious ways.
你把我那张取名圣人痔疮的菊花照发到医疗网上有啥回信没?
Did you find out anything on Webmd with that picture you took of my so called holy hemorrhoid?
没但已经有7000转发了
No, but it's already got 7,000 retweets.
啥? - 淡定我标签打你名字了
What? - Calm down. I tagged you.
上帝啊快让我看看他
Jesu Christo. Let us see him.
你要干啥大姐?
What are you doing, lady?
别朝我菊花做礼拜啊
You can't worship my turd gutter!
能够有幸当一天小警♥察♥的人是...
And the winner of our little cop for a day is
Steve Williams
Steve Williams.
跪舔吧败寇们
Suck it, losers.
我的天呐
Jesus Christ.
好吧大家给小警官Williams来点热烈的欢迎吧
All right. Everybody give little officer Williams a warm welcome.
谢谢各位不胜荣幸
Thank you. It's an honor.
Briggs 打住吧
Briggs, cut it out.
就凭这枪今天派你和Williams搭档共事
Just for that, Williams will be your partner for the day.
但但是... - Briggs 这是命令
Yeah, but--but, chief. - Briggs! That's an order.
来吧搭档我们去打击犯罪
Come on, partner. Let's go fight some crime.
告诉我你为谁卖♥♥命 - 我来招呼他
Tell me who you work for. - Let me handle this.
干啥? 我们不是在玩"好警♥察♥ 基警♥察♥"的把戏嘛?
What? I thought we were playing good cop gay cop.
看我撬开他的嘴
I can break him.
没套套没绑带连蒙汗药都没有?
No rubbers, no duct tape, no roofies?
这算哪门子野炮套装?
What kind of rape kit is this?
这又是什么鬼?
Hmm, what is that?
耶稣耶稣
Jesus! Jesus!
求求你保佑我的病子吧
Please, bless my sick child.
上次见到这么多墨西哥人尖叫还是公交车票涨价的时候
I haven't seen this many screaming Mexicans since bus passes went up.
还不都怪你 Malloy
This is your fault, Malloy.
你就大大方方给他们看呗
Why don't you just show it to them?
不我绝不会让任何人看我那不忍♥直视的痔疮
No, there's no way I'm showing my disgusting hemorrhoid to anybody.
已经买♥♥好药膏准备把它压下去了
I bought this cream to shrink the bastard.
痔疮药膏
噢耶稣基♥督♥ 我的上帝
Oh, jesu Christo. Dios mio.
我的上帝耶稣基♥督♥
Dios mio. Jesu Christo.
我的上帝
Dios mio.
耶稣基♥督♥
Jesu Christo.
我了个草
God damn it!