脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S03E09

Part 2 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:32 p.m.

I burn a lot of calories having sex.
自己打手♥枪♥能消耗热量吗?
Does it work if it's with yourself?
不能
No.
像我这样的混球一定混到没朋友是吧?
I don't have friends 'cause I'm an asshole, huh?
头发长见识短老子交到一个比我混球一百倍的家伙做朋友
See what you know, I made a friend who's a bigger asshole than me!
Daniel Tosh?
Daniel Tosh?
本剧制片人兼Malloy配音
谁? 他是哪根葱
Who? Never heard of him.
不我的好基友是地球上最牛X的人物:
No, my B.F.F. Is the coolest guy on the planet:
Todd Ford市长
Mayor Todd Ford.
真的吗 Woody? 他又贪污又瘾君子
Really, Woody? He's a corrupt drug addict.
他不是瘾君子
He's not a drug addict.
拿到嗨药咯
I got the drugs!
给我给我快给我
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
千万不能让这些冰♥毒♥流到街头上去
We've gotta keep this meth off the street.
我没事
I'm all right.
他没事的昨晚我都这样搞过三次了
He's fine, I had to do this three times last night.
感觉嗨翻天了
I feel awesome!
我是不是又挂了?
Did I die again?
"我是不是又挂了?" 爱死这哥们了
"Did I die again?" I love this guy!
搞得我都想当市长了
Makes me want to be mayor.
话说今晚有何节目?
So, what are we doing tonight?
有的我要和一些达官显贵的朋友们去打牌
Ooh, yeah, me and some high-powered friends are playing poker
不过这种赌局对你来说可能筹码太高
but it might be a little too high-stakes for you.
开什么玩笑? "筹码高"可是我的中名
You kidding? High-stakes is my middle name.
好吧 Woody 既然你坚持
All right, Woody, if you insist!
♪ 今晚就让我们嗨翻天吧 ♪
♪ We're going to party tonight! ♪
脆莓野生动物保护区
记住整个族群的延续就全靠你们俩了
Now remember, the continuation of your entire species depends on this.
开始吧把爱猛烈地做起来吧
Here we go. Let the banging begin.
你好
Hello.
算了省省吧休想让我♥干♥这货
Nope. No way. I am not [bleep] that.
你不能走啊
You can't leave.
你们族群就靠着你们俩交♥配♥来延续了
Your species depends on the two of you mating.
是啊 Malloy 她也不赖的
Yeah, Malloy, she's not that bad.
是啊她看起来像个影星呢
Oh, yeah, she looks like a movie star.
美国老牌男影星
弹珠眼有如史蒂夫•布西密龅牙有如...
Steve Buscemi's eyes and the teeth of...
还是史蒂夫•布西密
Steve Buscemi.
去你大爷的弃牌
God damn it! I fold.
自打恶补过《衰姐们》第一季后
I haven't seen this many unnecessary folds
我就再没见过这么多不必要的蜜♥穴♥了 [弃牌]
Since I binge-watched season one of Girls.
你看起来是个猎人对吧 Ford?
So, you're a bit of a hunter, eh, Ford?
我确实喜欢猎杀野兽
I do love big game hunting.
只可惜这附近没有能让我游猎的地界
It's too bad there's no good place to do it around here.
是啊天杀的奥巴马把珍奇异兽都弄到非洲去了
Yeah, [bleep] Obama, Putting all the good animals in Africa.
不管怎么说谢谢邀我来把你们的钱都赢个干净朋友们
Anyway, thanks for inviting me and letting me take all your money, fellas.
还有你布鲁斯•詹那
And you, Bruce Jenner
前美国运动员奥♥运♥冠军多次整容
你要么是个盖世丑男
You are either a very ugly man
要么就是个绝色美女 - 谢谢你
Or a very attractive woman. - Thank you.
布鲁斯是输牌太多输成不男不女的
Actually, Bruce lost a lot of poker games.
最开始他赌"输了就穿裙子"
The first bet was "wear this dress,"
后来赌"输了就吃雌激素药" 然后就一直这么输赌下去
and then it was "take these estrogen pills," and so on and so on.
你乐意让这手牌来得更刺♥激♥些吗 Woody?
Would you care to make this hand a little more interesting, Woody?
来啊来啊我是说... 来看看咯
Yes! Yes! I mean...Eh, maybe.
你想和我赌什么?
What do you have in mind?
我知道你做梦都想当市长
Well, I know your dream job is to be mayor.
不如这样如果你赢了你就当市长?
How about, if you win, you get to be mayor?
如果我赢了脆莓公园就是我的
If I win, I get control of Brickleberry.
这样真的好吗?
Oh, I don't know.
怎么了 Woody? 蛋都吓碎了嘛?
What's the matter, Woody? Got no balls?
想借我的蛋用不?
You want to borrow mine?
在格兰岱尔市的垃圾车里呢
They're in a dumpster in Glendale.
那么 Woody 你是选择拼一回呢
So, Woody, are you going to take the bet
还是不够胆做我的朋友呢?
Or are you not man enough to be my friend?
我出牌四个老A齐上阵
All right, I'm in! Four aces.
手气不错嘛但是你如何斗得过我的...
That's an impressive hand, but does it beat my...
同花顺?
Straight flush?
见鬼
Oh, shit.
居然因为同花顺把公园给输掉了
I lost the park to a straight flush!
矫情啥我老二都给一对基佬赢走了
Cry me a river. I lost my dick to a pair of queens.
喂我们有名有姓的好吧
Hello! We have names, you know.
一次
One.
好了我跳了绳还做了半个仰卧起坐
Okay, I jumped the rope, I did half a sit-up.
为啥就没减下去呀?
Why can't I lose weight?
这些时我吃的都只有这些年糕啊
All I've been eating are these rice cakes.
这些都是甜米饼蠢货
Those are rice krispie treats, dumbass.
早上好林警们
Morning, rangers!
昨晚我一不小心玩大发了...
So, I got a little overextended last night
在牌桌上把公园输给市长了换个话题
And, uh, lost the park to the mayor in a poker game. Moving on.
你做了啥?
You what?
别怨我我手头有四张老A
Don't judge me. I had four aces.
换成是你们都会这样做
All of you would've done exactly the same thing
因此你们在这事上和我的责任相同
So this is as much your fault as it is mine.
看吧 Woody 这就是为什么没人喜欢你
See, Woody, this is why no one likes you.
你以为他就因为这样才讨人嫌?
You think that's why no one likes him?
别担心啦公园不会有事的
Oh, don't worry about it. The park will be fine.
不会有什么变化的
Nothing's going to change.
能在自家后院猎杀野生动物再方便不过了
It's going to be so much more convenient to hunt them all in our own backyard.
这样也好
Well, this is great.
野生动物肯定能招来大批游客
All these wild animals are going to be a huge draw for the tourists.
呃 Woody
Uh, Woody
野生动物正在吃游客哎
The animals are eating the tourists.
我刚想到了一个帮你减肥的好方法
I just thought of a great way for you to lose weight.
真的?
Really?
我称之为"能特么跑多快就特么跑多快"减肥法
It's called running as fast as you mother[bleep] can!
最糟也不过是它们撕断了你的腿
Worst-case scenario, they rip your leg off.
腿没了正好减肥了
That's still losing weight!
谢啦好兄弟
Thanks, buddy!
Woody 你要怎么解决这摊子事?
Woody, what are you going to do about this?
你接受"草泥马"这个回答吗?
Hmm, would you accept "[bleep] you" as an answer?
不
No.
那行老子去找市长谈
Fine! I'll go talk to the mayor.
不好啦 Bobby 有犀牛
Oh, no, Bobby. Rhinoceroseses!
我早说我们不该玩"尤曼吉"的
I told you we shouldn't have played Jumanji!
电影《勇敢者的游戏》游戏棋游戏内容会成真这里恶搞了片中"万兽奔腾"的一幕
求你啦 Ford仔我们谈谈好么?
Listen, Fordles, can we talk?
部分其他林警... 当然不包括我...
Uh, some of the other rangers-not me, of course--
觉得你空运来的动物们正在...
Think the animals you flew into the park are
毁掉公园无稽之谈对吧?
destroying the place. Crazy, right?
告诉他们脆莓现在我说了算
Tell them I'm calling the shots at Brickleberry now.
如果真毁了也没啥大不了
If it gets destroyed, so be it
只要我可以猎杀动物
as long as I get to hunt down
用真汉子唯一该用的方式送它们上路:
and kill those animals the only way a man should...
嗑嗨大屠♥杀♥
High on crack!
那为什么你偏偏要在脆莓这样搞?
Yeah, but why do you have to do it at Brickleberry?
这比去非洲强多啦老子讨厌坐飞机
Well, it beats going to Africa. I hate flying.
还有那些皮包骨的大肚娃儿真是吓死我
And skinny kids with fat bellies scare me.
实为腹积水病症
我跟你想的一样
I know, right?
选个体型好吧既胖又瘦的死畸形们
Pick a body type, you fat skinny bastards.
我真庆幸当时发牌你一连抓起了两张A
I'm just lucky you picked up those two aces on the draw.
是啊如果我...
Yeah, if only I'd--
你怎么知道发牌时我抓了两张A?
how'd you know I picked up two aces on the draw?
等一下你出老千
Wait a second. You cheated!
哎哟不好啦搞政♥治♥的居然出老千?
Oh, no. A politician who cheats?
接下来会怎样?
What's next?
来个搞椰子的爱斯基摩人吗?
An eskimo that [bleeps] coconuts?
不好意思嗑太嗨了
Sorry, I'm very high.
可... 可我们是好基友啊
But--but we're best friends.
我们才不是你是个混球
We're not friends! You're an asshole!
我像玩婊♥子♥一样玩弄了你为的就是把公园搞到手
I played you like a bitch just to get my hands on that park.
咱开战了你现在是Woody Johnson不同戴天的仇人了