脆莓公园（2012）

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版

记好了 孩子们
Take it all in, kids.
这就是大自然和她的魅力所在
This is nature in all it's majesty.
欢迎来到脆莓公园
Welcome to Brickleberry.

脆莓公园
孩子们 我叫Steve Williams
Hey kids, I'm Steve Williams.
本月脆莓国家公园的最佳林警
Ranger of the month here at Brickleberry National Park
不要理会那个残疾小孩
Don't say anything about the amputee kid.
不要理会那个残疾小孩
Don't say anything about the amputee kid.
很高兴在此为你们这些残子军讲解
It's good to be here, speaking to the nub scouts.
好极了 现在气氛尴尬了
Oh, great. Now it's awkward.
这样好多了
That's better.
今天我要教你们如何生篝火
Today, I'll be teaching you how to build a campfire.
用打火石和铁棒
Using flint and steel.
这位女训导真漂亮 这肯定能迷倒她
Wow. That den mother is gorgeous. I bet this will impress her.
有时候有点不太好使
Sometimes it's a little tricky.
该死的
God damn it.
好吧 孩子们
Okay kids,
真正的野外生存者都会有备用计划
a true survivalist always has a backup plan.
里面还有点
There's still a little in there.
只有你才能防止森林...
Only you can prevent forest-
着火了
Fire!
别动
Hold still!
我来把火扑灭
I'll beat the flames out.
瓦纳多广♥告♥代理
我喜欢
I like it.
话说 你觉得这个月的最佳林警会是谁 Denzel?
So, who do you think will be ranger of the month this month, Denzel?
闭嘴吧 Steve
Shut up Steve!
我们都知道是你 大伙根本不在乎
We know it's always you. No one else gives a shit.
好吧 我猜还会是我
Well, I guess it is always me.
有图有真♥相♥
The photos don't lie.
十月 十一月 十二月 - 二月
October, November, December. - February.
没错 兄弟 黑人历史月也是我
That's right, brother. Black history month too.
你要是再不闭嘴 我会生气的
If you weren't so dumb, I might be offended.
最佳林警能让女士们为之疯狂
Being ranger of the month drives the ladies crazy.
就在今早 我见到一位性感又活力的女训导
Why, just this morning, I met this hot, young den mother.
活力? 老兄 老太太们才有活力呢
Young? Man, old chicks is where it's at.
她们甜美 忠诚 还可以把假牙拿下来
They sweet, loyal, and they can take out their teeth.
你是当真的吗? - 我是当真的
Are you being serious right now? - Yeah, I'm serious.
我上过很多骨质疏松的白人老太太
I've been in more old white women than osteoporosis.
怎么?
What?
她们跪舔啊 老兄
Gum job, man.
Malloy 我给你买♥♥了你喜欢吃的巧克力棒 小家伙
Malloy, I found those chocolate bars you like, little buddy.
这附近都没有卖♥♥的 所以你看 我得开车到...
They don't sell them around here, so, you know, I had to drive all the way to-
70%可可
70% cacao?
真完蛋 我敢肯定我说过最少要85%可可
That's weird, because I'm pretty sure I said a minimum of 85% cacao.
吃起来可能都一样的吧 我是说...
Well, they probably taste the same, right? I mean...
好吧 我去把这些退回去
Okay, I'll just return these.
早上好啊 Malloy 过得怎么样? - 你脑袋大得见鬼
Good morning, Malloy, How are you? - Your head is enormous.
别忘了是谁在你父母
Don't forget I'm the one who rescued you
被疯狂游客撞死之后收留你的
after some crazy tourist ran over both your parents.
林警指南: 安全驾驶
安全驾驶的关键在于...
"The key to being a safe driver-"
天呐 等一下 你们还活着
Oh, my god! Wait, you're both still alive!
我去找人帮忙
I'll go call for help.
擦
Shit.
好了 林警们 知道这是什么吗?
All right, rangers, do you know what that is?
魔鬼的鸡鸡吗? - 不是
Is that the devil's penis? - No!
这是我们公园今年的游客数量
It's our tourism numbers this year.
咱们公园现在一团糟
Our park is in a shambles.
发生了从离奇事故到犯罪率激增的所有烂事
We've had everything from freak accidents to crime waves.
就在上周一群游客被劫车了
Last week, a group of tourists got carjacked!
上周我也被"车撸"了
I got carjacked last week too.
帕金森病人的身体会不受控制的抖动
放松 美女 让你的帕金森做这事
Easy, girl. Let the Parkinson's do the work.
重点是犯罪率已经超出了控制
The point is, crime is out of control.
底特律黑人犯罪率较高
这是国家公园 不是底特律
This is a national park, not Detroit.
明白了 你是想归罪我们黑哥们咯?
Oh, I see. You all want to blame the brothers.
Denzel 我不会以种族论人
Denzel, I don't indulge in racial profiling.
真是你干的 我们就放心了
We'd all be safer if you did.
别担心 我雇了一个韩国便利店老板盯着他
Don't worry. I hired a Korean convenience store owner to follow him around.
公园里人少也许是件好事
Maybe less people in the park is a good thing.
我们可不想破坏生态平衡
We don't want to offset the balance of nature.
大伙都指着这个嬉皮士笑死她
Everybody point and laugh at the hippie.
老兄 大自然真该死
Man, f*** nature!
Malloy 你应该出去向游客们问好
Malloy, you should be out there greeting all those tourists,
因为这个星球属你最最可爱了
'Cause you're the cutest thing on the planet.
Malloy? 我们可不想让他和别人说话
Malloy? We don't want him talking to anyone.
他是个混♥蛋♥
He's a dick!
听你小声哔哔都一股肥♥逼♥味
Even your whispers sound fat.
你怎么能那么说?
How could you say that?
Malloy对我们是那么周到体贴
Malloy does so many thoughtful things for us.
是吗? 比如说?
Yeah, like what?
首先 他今天早上为我们做了可口的早餐
Like for starters, he made that delicious breakfast you enjoyed this morning.
艾滋病毒
别忘了他还为Denzel策划了惊喜派对
And don't forget, he planned that surprise party for Denzel.
惊喜
Surprise!
最后 再不好好经营公园
Bottom line, if we don't get this park in shape,
脆莓公园就会被关闭
they're gonna shut down Brickleberry!
所以 我决定再雇个人让公园重回正轨
So, I've decided to hire someone to help get this park back on track.
新林警? - 老太太 老太太 老太太
A new ranger? - Old lady, old lady, old lady.
是的 新林警 她曾是黄石公园的月度最佳林警
Yes, a new ranger. She was ranger of the month at Yellowstone.
月度最佳林警
Rangers of the month?
不好意思 我没管住我的阴♥道♥
Sorry, that's my vagina growling.
好吧 没事 我很高兴能和大家...
Well, okay, I'm really excited to-
我很...
I'm really...
高兴能...
excited...
和大家一起... - 你 你这个妖婆
Excited to work- - You, you're no den mother.
你肯定是来和我抢月度最佳林警的
You were here to take my ranger of the month title all along.
她看起来完全不想那样做 痴呆
That seems highly unlikely that that's what she's here for, you moron
你们还在管理站里养小熊?
You keep a bear cub in the ranger station?
是Steve把它弄过来的 但我负责养它
Well, Steve brought him here, but i raised him as my own.
他是头家熊
He's a house bear.
我从来没听过什么家熊
There's no such thing as a house bear.
他都吃些什么?
What is he eating?
这玩意能让他折寿好几年 Woody
This diet will take years off his life, Woody.
你应该用浆果 飞蛾和青草来喂养它
A bear cub's diet should consist of berries miller moths, and grass.
新来的小妞可真烦 - 原谅我 Malloy 是我不好
Well, the new girl's annoying. - Forgive me, Malloy. I failed you.
以后再不给你吃垃圾食品了 小宝贝
No more junk food for you, snuggly bear.
你敢夺人所爱 看我不以其人之道还治其人之身
You took away something I love. Now I will take away something you love.
看仔细了 亲爱的 你绝没机会戴上这个
Take a close look, honey, because you'll never get to wear it.
听着 我只想帮上点忙
Look, I just want to help the park,
而在我看来 我还有很多事情要办
and from what I've seen, it needs a lot of help.
我没空和你抢勋章 再说那是什么玩意
I am not here to take anyone's medal, or whatever that is.
看上去Steve有些竞争焦虑症啊
Sounds like Steve's afraid of a little competition.
没错 我也能赢这头衔
Yeah, I could win that title.
得了 我只是说说而已
Oh, man, I'm just kidding.
你们几个好好干吧 我去打个盹先
You crackers have fun working. I'll be taking a nap.
来吧 东金风
Come on, Tong King Pong.
看我做啥? 我又不能炒了他
What? I can't fire him.
我们是公务员 而他又是个黑哥们儿
We work for the government, and he's B-L-A-C-K.
无所谓
No, that's okay.
你要是觉得有能力跟我抢 那么就来试试吧
If you think you're man enough to take this from me, then game on.
别理他 顺带一提 我叫Connie
Don't mind him. I'm Connie, by the way.
你感觉到了吗?
Did you feel that?
恐怕我们的大姨妈一起来了
I think our periods just synchronized.
作为这里的王牌林警 Woody让我带你四下看看
Since I'm the top ranger here, Woody asked if I'd show you around.
通常我不会带骗子一道兜风的
Normally I don't give tours to liars.
我又不是骗子 - 我才不信
I'm not a liar. - That's a lie.
话说回来 那边就是脆莓湖
Anyway, down there is Brickleberry Lake.
上礼拜我还救出一个被摩托艇撞晕的溺水者呢
Just last week, I saved a drowning man that was knocked out by a jet ski.
Steve 请回答 Steve 我有好消息 - 说吧