脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S03E09

Part 1 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:32 p.m.

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版

Woody 你的结肠镜检查结果出来了
Woody, I have the results of your colonoscopy.
说实话大夫我得了屁癌了吗?
Be honest, doc. Do I have the ass cancer?
我就直说了吧 Woody
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Woody.
我发现了一些值得警醒的东西
I found something alarming in there.
不
No!
这个啊我不小心坐上面了
Oh, yeah, I accidentally sat on that.
是嘛? 这些也是吗?
Really? These too?
1978年冠军
好像有人在自己屁♥股♥里开甩卖♥♥会呢
Looks like somebody fell ass-first into a yard sale.
我是有条理的人嘛这叫"后♥庭♥风水学"
I just like to be organized. I call it bung-shui.
除了肠壁轻微撕裂
Besides some mild tearing
电影《查理和巧克力工厂》中制♥作♥巧克力的小矮人
还有一个我肯定是呜巴鲁巴小矮人的东西没能成功抓出来
and what I swear was an oompa loompa I was never quite able to get a hold of
你没啥事了
you're all clear.
真棒
Great.
现在把这些东西塞回我屁♥股♥ 我就走人啦
Now, if you'll kindly Return those things to my ass, I'll be on my way.
Woody 你麻醉劲儿还没过呢
Oh, Woody, you're still under the influence of the anesthetic.
我不能让你一个人开车回去
I can't let you drive yourself home.
我不是给了你好几个紧急联♥系♥人电♥话♥
I gave you a bunch of emergency contacts.
没给他们打电♥话♥吗?
Didn't you call 'em?
打了有四个是空号♥
Yes. I got four wrong numbers
三个直接挂了还有一个要"干我娘"
Three hang-ups, and a "[bleep] my mother."
她老人家都死三年了这事估计很困难
She's been dead for three years, so that would be difficult
但也不是没可能
But not impossible.
好吧你看怎么办吧
Okay. So what does this mean?
从医学角度来看? 你没朋友啊
Medically speaking? Well, you have no friends.
因为没人能来接你
And since there's no one here to pick you up
我只能撂倒你了
I'm going to have to put you down.
等下我就不能叫辆出租车吗?
Wait, wait! Can't I just call a cab?
这我倒是没想到
Hmm, I never thought of that.
看来我过去撂倒那么多人是多此一举了
Guess I didn't need to put all those people down after all.
天我都脸红了
Boy, is my face red.
开玩笑的我没感情的
Kidding! I can't feel emotion.
快放我出去
Get me out of here!
Tommy 闭嘴老实吹你的长号♥
Tommy! Shut up and play your trombone!

脆莓公园
♢ 白云苍狗 ♢ 偏执绝非过错
♢ 井脑湿 ♢ MaxPayen999
♢ 旗木联合译制
你这胸毛还真像烤焦的墨西哥卷肉馅呢
Wow, your chest hair really does look like burnt taco meat.
我就说嘛
I told you.
我下边的毛毛像奶酪丝呢
My pubies looks like cheese curls.
等下这些就是奶酪丝
Oh, wait, these are cheese curls!
等等不是
Oh, wait. They're not.
你们都把我说饿了
You guys are making me hungry.
嗨我是来找"毛茸茸性♥饥♥渴♥处子"的
Hi, I'm looking for the "hairy, horny, hung virgin."
好哎好哎好哎好哎
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
闭嘴 Connie 她是来找我的
Shut up, Connie. She's here for me.
你是头熊?
You're a bear?
你之前从没说过你是熊啊
You never mentioned that you were a bear.
你欺骗我 - 欺骗?
You lied to me. - Lied?
你可是看了同城网上的广♥告♥找上门的我没杀你算不错了
You answered an ad on Craigslist. You're lucky I'm not murdering you.
好吧我还是不约了
Well, we're not having sex.
那就谋杀
Murder it is.
♪ Malloy没有妹子约 ♪
♪ Malloy can't get laid! ♪
♪ Steve得了狂犬病 ♪
♪ Steve has rabies! ♪
我没...
No, I--
等一下真奇怪
Wait a second, that's weird.
Malloy 再咬一口这次使点劲
Malloy, bite him again. But harder this time.
啥?
What?
好棒咱们互相开吃吧
Yay! Let's eat each other!
我要吃Ethel
Dibs on Ethel.
有意思
Fascinating.
Malloy 你嘴里有四颗门牙
Malloy, you have four incisors.
你嘴里还有鸡♥巴♥味呢
And you have dick on your breath.
知道这意味着什么吗?
Do you know what that means?
你老爹来过了?
Your dad's in town?
不是这说明你是一种很稀有的熊
No, it means you're a rare breed of bear.
可能是这个族群最后一只活体
You may even be the last one alive.
多嘴熊
Ursus loquacious.
多嘴熊? 他在猎鹰队效力呢
Ursus Loquacious? He plays for the Falcons.
你们特么为啥都给我假电♥话♥号♥码?
Why the hell did you all give me fake contact numbers?
你们可真够朋友
Some friends you are.
朋友? 我们都不怎么喜欢你
Friends? We don't even like you.
为什么?
Huh? Why?
很简单你就一混球
Simple. You're an asshole.
睁眼说瞎话贱♥人♥
That's not true, bitch.
Woody 能给我换套新制♥服♥吗? 我又穿崩了一件
Woody, can I get a new uniform? I outgrew another one.
去你大爷的肥♥逼♥ 老子不会再掏钱给你买♥♥制♥服♥了
[bleep] you, lard ass. I'm not buying you another uniform!
减减肥或者最好在脑袋上开一枪一坨死肥膘的泼猴翔
Lose some weight, or better yet, blow your brains out, you fat tub of monkey shit!
说真的你们真觉得我是混球?
Honestly now, you guys really think I'm an asshole?
真不敢相信我居然一个朋友都没有
Oh, I can't believe I don't have any friends.
没人懂我
Nobody gets me.
再来一杯肉桂甜酒
One shot of goldschlager.
还以为地球上就我一人爱喝肉桂甜酒呢
I thought I was the only one who enjoyed goldschlager.
开什么玩笑
You kidding?
这可是12刀以内能买♥♥到最好的带金箔的烈酒了
This' the finest gold-flecked schnapps that money can buy for under $12 a bottle.
肉桂甜酒出产自瑞士酒瓶中含有24克拉金箔
有一回我喝了太多这玩意儿
One night, I drank so much of this stuff
一下从稀屎里淘出了80刀的金子
I panned my diarrhea, and I made $80.
这可能是我听过最牛X的事
That might be the most awesome thing I've ever heard.
Todd Ford市长
Mayor Todd Ford.
褐丘镇的瘾君子市长?
The crackhead mayor of Hazelhurst?
别听媒体瞎逼逼
Ah, don't believe the media.
那都是他们给我编的外号♥
They just gave me that nickname
因为我抽大♥麻♥停不下来
Because I smoke crack all the time.
Woody Johnson
Woody Johnson.
脆莓公园那个揍婊♥子♥的林警头头儿?
The whore-punching head ranger of Brickleberry?
谁说不能给自己编外号♥了?
And they say you can't give yourself a nickname.
酒保再来一杯
Barkeep, another round!
我兄弟说他要再来一杯
My friend said he wanted another drink!
我去你冷静点当心他报♥警♥
Oh, shit, you better chill out before he calls the cops!
我可是市长警♥察♥都是给我打工的
I'm mayor. The cops work for me.
今晚免单
Drinks are on the house!
敬我们开启了这段深厚友谊
To the start of a beautiful friendship!
警署
证物室
毒品证据
救火啊救火
Help! Help!
Malloy 有个天大好消息
Malloy, I have amazing news.
我做了一些调查结果发现...
I did some research and found out--
你并不是你们族群的最后一只
You're not actually the last of your species.
原来还有一只呢而且是母的哦
Turns out there's one more, and it's a female!
毁得不错啊 Connie
Way to step on my dick, Connie.
抱歉
Sorry.
我把那只熊引进到脆莓野生动物保护区了
I'm having the bear flown into the brickleberry wildlife sanctuary
好方便你们俩延续物种
So you can continue the species.
我看自己愿不愿意鸟你不愿意呢
Let me check to see if I give a shit. I don't.
知道这意味着什么吗?
You know what this means?
这意味着... - 你能和她滚床单了
It means-- - You get to have sex with her!
而且不止一次哦要滚到精尽熊亡呢
And not just once, as much as you possibly can.
该死 Connie - 抱歉
God damn it, Connie! - Sorry!
有点意思
Interesting.
跟我好好说说这"滚到精尽熊亡"的好事儿呗
Tell me more about this "having sex as much as I possibly can."
好吧
All right.
不过首先你要学一套复杂的交♥配♥仪式
Oh, but first, there's a complex mating ritual that you're gonna have to learn.
这样你要围在她身边绕七圈
Okay, now, you circle around her seven times
她的阴♥唇♥就会鼓胀起来
And her labia will become engorged.
没错
Check.
没见过这么操蛋的动物假扮派对
This is the worst furry party ever.
然后你开始低吼再一把抓住母熊的屁♥股♥蛋
And then you begin to growl and cup the buttocks of the female...
我可能要拉到熊服里了
I think I just lost my deposit on this bear suit.
我不明白 Denzel 为啥你一直这么苗条?
I don't get it, Denzel. How do you stay so thin?
我光做♥爱♥就消耗不少热量呢