恋爱手册（2014）

A to Z S01E02

Part 3 April 9, 2021, 4:39 p.m.

当我没问
Forget I asked.
并且这不只是因为他的手
And that's not just 'cause of his hands.
我去厕所亲自看了
I went to the John, and I saw it myself.
斯图你能不能
Stu, can you...
他下面像甘道夫的魔杖
He's got a Gandalf's wand down there.
-斯图你 -说真的
- Stu, you've got... - Seriously.
他应该给它起个昵称
He should have, like, a nickname for it.
比如那个小孩国王图坦卡蒙
Like Tutankhamun, the Boy King.
如果那是我的我一定能当上总统
If I had that penis, I'd be president.
斯图够了别说了
Okay, Stu, that's enough. That's enough.
我进了卫生间之后
The... the whole time I was in the bathroom,
这家伙就开始盯着我的裤裆
this guy was staring at my crotch.
我说嘿老兄
I'm like, "Hey, dude."
就像你在干什么你懂我的意思么
Like, "What are you doing?" Right? Like, know what I mean?
抱歉工作电♥话♥
Sorry. It's work.
- 好的 - 抱歉
- Oh, sure. - Sorry.
你好
Hello?
他的小贱♥人♥刚刚登陆了点评网站
Okay, so, his little tart just did a yelp check-in
在这个浪漫的法国餐厅
at this French place on Highland.
史黛菲你能说的简要点么
Stephie, I thought you were working on that brief tonight?
哦我的上帝
Oh, my God.
这女孩什么都评论
This girl writes a review about everything.
恩那个在威尔希尔的美国银行
Okay, so, bank of America on Wilshire...
史黛菲史黛菲史黛菲
Stephie. Stephie. Stephie.
好的分公♥司♥ 好的出纳员
"... good branch, nice tellers."
我的意思是她显然是个神经病
I mean, she's clearly psychotic.
安德鲁想干什么都可以好么
Andrew can do whatever he wants, okay?
这跟我没关系
I am out on my own thing.
我我不需要用软件追踪他
I-I don't need to app-stalk him.
但是你懂记得告诉我最新情报
But, uh, you know, keep me updated.
你不能带在那儿
You can't be there.
如果她看到你在那你会
If she sees you there, you're gonna...
等下闭上你的嘴
Wait. Shut your mouth.
闭嘴等等等等他们结账了
Shut up. Wait. Wait. They're paying.
真的八点一刻就结账
Really? At 8:15?
是的她看起来不太高兴
She looks unhappy. Yep.
他们正在往外走
Okay. They're... they're leaving.
哈哈
Ha ha!
耶没有身体接触
Yeah, no physical contact.
这个晚餐结束了
This dinner is a bust.
晚餐泡汤了
The dinner is a bust.
是么
It is?
你知道么因为我不知道规则是什么
Because I don't know what the rules are, you know?
我所知道的只是我想和塞尔达在一起
All I know is I want to be with Zelda.
但同时
But at the same time,
塞尔达和我才认识大约一个星期所以
Zelda and I just met like a week ago, so...
当然你不想把她吓跑
Of course. And you don't want to scare her off.
我印象深刻
I'm impressed.
事实的唯一原因是
Look, the truth is, the only reason
我想要参加这个约会
I wanted to go on this date
是为了让我的男朋友朗尼嫉妒
was to make my boyfriend, Lonnie, jealous.
哈
Ah.
哦
Oh.
你应该去找塞尔达
You should go to Zelda.
- 真的么 - 是啊
- Really? - Yeah.
呃你应该现在就走
Uh, you should go now.
- 现在 - 哦哦
- Now. - Oh. Oh.
谢谢你的是啊
Thank you for the... Yeah.
快走
Faster than that.
你好
Hello?
你认为自己是个程序员么
You call yourself a programmer?
嗯是啊
Well, yeah.
这个应用软件坏了
The app is broken.
等等什么问题
Wait, in what way?
我都没有一个赞
I've gotten zero taps.
显然有某种编码错误
Clearly there is some sort of coding error,
因此我现在应该阻止请求
because I should be gagging on requests by now.
我希望它明天是稳定的迪尼斯
I want this fixed by tomorrow, Dinesh,
或者你就失业了但是我
or you are out of a job. But I...
嗨怎么了伙计
Hey, what's up, guy?
你看到塞尔达了么
Looking for Zelda?
她在洗漱
She's just freshening up.
呃不是
Uh, no.
我只是我认为我记错地址了所以
I just... I think I have the wrong address, so...
好吧再见
Cool. See ya.
嘿那是谁
Hey. Who was that?
一个走错的
Wrong address.
让我来给你展示俯卧撑
Let me show you a diamond push up.
简直不敢置信
Can't believe it.
是啊
Yeah.
去她的公♥寓♥简直就是个糟糕的举动
It was a bad move going to her apartment like that.
我这么做是因为你说过那是一场糟糕的约会
I only did it because you said the date was a bust.
我喝醉了
I was drunk.
话说我给南希点了赞
And speaking of, I tapped Nancy
昨晚像是25次现在她已经不会在跟我讲话了
like 25 times last night, and now she won't talk to me.
她太美了
She's beautiful.
我什么都没了什么都没了
I got nothing now. I got nothing.
没有进展什么都没有
No traction, no nothing.
怎么做才能看起来更酷
What happened to playing it cool?
我不是一个榜样
I'm not a role model.
哦我的上帝塞尔达和那个家伙
Oh, my God. Zelda and that guy.
你认为他们
Do you think that they...
是的她
Yeah. That she...
是的
Yep.
房♥子的每个角落
All over the house.
哦不当然不是
Oh, no! Of course not.
迈克和我没有什么共同之处
Vanity rep Mike and I have nothing in common.
那为什么还让他回来
So why invite him back?
他买♥♥了座公♥寓♥ 需要一些文件证明
He's buying a condo and he needed some documents notarized
我能做证明所以他来了
and I am a notary, and so he came in...
然后空调吹掉了他的衬衫我明白
And the A/C just blew his shirt off. I got it.
不他对着厨房♥门做了很多的俯卧撑
No, he had done so many push-ups against our kitchen door
他出了很多汗
that he sweated through his Oxford.
哦
Oh.
然后可怜的安德鲁出现了而我
And then poor Andrew showed up and I...
可怜的安德鲁有自己的约会他很好
Poor Andrew had a date himself. He's fine.
这好痛苦像是我在身体上的疼痛
It hurts. I'm in physical pain.
来吧哥们把这些都抛到脑后
Come on, buddy. Just put it behind you.
虽然这需要很长的时间
It's gonna take a long time, though.
迪尼斯来我的办公室
Dinesh, my office.
祝贺你的团队迪尼斯
Congratulate your team, Dinesh.
这个漏洞似乎已经得到了修复
The bug seems to have been fixed.
很高兴能帮助你夫人
Glad to help, ma'am.
还有一件事
One more thing.
关于你的赞
About your tap.
你知道这不可能发生
You know that this can never happen.
是吧霍华德
Right, Howard?
那么从法律上说任何关系
Well, legally speaking, any relationship...
我不是说
I wasn't talking...
我的意思是我知道了
I mean, I get it.
我是一个有强大吸引力的女人
I'm a powerful and attractive woman
她的屁♥股♥兑现了她的口头支票
whose ass cashes the checks her mouth writes.
但你永远不知道
But you never know.
我也可以是个电影里那样漂亮受欢迎的女孩
I could be one of those pretty, popular girls in the movies
醒来并爱上了大号♥演奏家
who wakes up and falls for the tuba player.
也许你会成为一个互联网亿万富翁
Or maybe you'll become an Internet billionaire
就在那时我有一个职业规划
at the precise moment I'm having a career dip.
我的观点是不要放弃
My point is, don't give up.
嗯是的
Um... Sure.
谢谢
Thank you.