恋爱手册（2014）

A to Z S01E01

Part 3 April 9, 2021, 4:39 p.m.

真的有命运那就是离婚
into destiny, too... that and divorce.
所以你不相信命运吗
So you don't believe in destiny?
我相信一个人能找到证据来证明些什么
I believe that you can find evidence that proves anything.
这就是我的生活这是我的工作
That's what I do for living, that's my job.
我今天就做了这样的事
I did it today.
但是塞尔达听
But, Zelda, listen.
拜托这就像是
Come on. This is like the
一种人们向小孩讲的故事
kind of story that people tell their kids.
就像我的妈妈和爸爸
Like, my mom and dad...
哦所以我们要有孩子了吗
Oh, so we're going to have kids?
我不是这个意思
I wasn't...
我来买♥♥单
I'm going to get this.
哦不行
Oh, no.
不行不行不行
Don't. No, no.
抱歉我很抱歉
Sorry. I'm sorry.
对不起那没关系
Sorry, that was... okay.
那没关系
That's okay.
实际上我要走了
Actually, I'm going to go.
塞尔达等等
Zelda, wait.
稍微等一会儿
Hold on just one second.
这就像这是命中注定的
This was, like... this is meant to be.
注定什么
Meant to be?
不没有什么注定的
No, it's not.
因为我不是那晚你看到的那个女孩
Because I wasn't the girl that you saw that night,
我甚至没有银色长裙
and I don't even own a silver dress.
哦
Oh.
我想我们还是做朋友吧
I think we should be friends.
我会在办公园区看到你
I will see you at the office park.
这样吧
Tell you what, I'll get
我给你调一杯小马提尼路德金我请客
I'll get you a Martini Luther King Jr. On the house.
那会是怎样的呢
How would that be?
拥有所有的权利
All right.
鸡蛋拉斯图
Eggs a la Stu.
我是对的
I'm right about this.
你知道鸡蛋拉斯图的意思对吗
You know what eggs a la Stu means, right?
我走运了
I got lucky.
我会告诉你细节因为他们太漂亮了
And I'll spare you the details because they're pretty graphic.
穿银色裙子的绝对是她我很肯定
It was her in the silver dress, I'm sure of it.
她只不过是记错了
She just remembers it wrong.
女人们难道不知道自己穿的是什么吗
Don't women usually know what they wore to stuff?
那绝对是她斯图
That was definitely her, Stu.
这就像悬浮滑板似的
This is like the hoverboard thing.
- 不它不是 - 它就是
- No, it isn't. - Yes, it is.
不它不是
No, it isn't.
听起来就是像悬浮滑板
Starting to sound just like the hoverboard thing.
别再说悬浮滑板了它不是
Stop saying "The hoverboard thing". It's not.
悬浮滑板悬浮滑板
Hoverboard thing. Hoverboard thing.
不是悬浮滑板
Not the hoverboard thing.
二十年前
Twenty years ago,
九岁的安德鲁正在观看
a nine-year-old Andrew was watching the making
他第五喜欢的编造的电影
of his fifth-favorite movie.
悬浮滑板是一个依靠磁能悬浮的滑板
A hoverboard is a board that hovers on magnetic energy.
他们已经存在很多年了
And they've been around for years,
只是家长们还没有让玩具
it's just that parents' groups have not let the toy
生产商生产他们
manufactures make them.
但是我们搞到了一些
But we got our hands on some.
搞什么鬼？
What the heck?
这玩意儿搞哪门子鬼能跟塞尔达扯上
What the heck does that have to do with Zelda?
你个顽固
You're stubborn.
我爱你但是一旦你的脑子里有了一个想法
I love you, but once there's an idea in your head,
谁也没法让你舍弃它
there's no moving you off of it.
你就是太确定是塞尔达穿着那裙子
You're just so sure that it was Zelda in the dress,
就像你非常确定不让孩子玩
just like you're so sure that there was a conspiracy
悬浮滑板是一个阴谋
to keep hoverboards from children.
那就是一个阴谋
There was.
他都在电视上承认了
He admitted to it on TV.
斯皮尔伯格是在开玩笑
Spielberg was joking.
那是罗伯特·泽米吉斯
It was Robert Zemeckis.
哦所以他们都知道内情
Oh. So they're both in on it now?
我对此很确定
I'm right about this.
而且你知道么
And you know what?
我会证明它的
I'm going to prove it.
哦哪一个
Oh, which one?
悬浮滑板真的存在还是确实是塞尔达穿着那裙子
That hoverboards exist, or that it was Zelda in the dress?
都证明你想先让我证明哪一个
Both. Which one you want me to prove first?
悬浮滑板
Hoverboards.
那是条银色裙子
Silver dress it is.
我给你做了早饭
I made you breakfast.
这是史黛菲塞尔达在法学院的朋友
This is Stephie, Zelda's friend from law school.
她喜欢她男朋友喜欢的任何东西
She likes whatever her boyfriends like
并且给出交往建议
and giving relationship advice.
我觉得你非常喜欢他
I thought you really liked him.
对曾经是的
Yeah, I did.
现在也是但是你知道我们两个完全不是一条路的
I do. You know, but it turns out that we're way too different.
我生活在现实中而他相信命运
I live in reality and he believes in destiny
也许还有独角兽
and probably unicorns.
我只想说我跟很多与我不同路的人
I'm just saying that I go out with guys who are different
交往过而且我们过得还挺好
from me all the time and we get on just fine.
你周五晚上勾搭上一个爵士吹号♥手
You hooked up with a jazz trumpeter on Friday night
然后周六你戴着一个猪肉馅饼帽子
and by Saturday you were wearing a pork pie hat
听米尔斯戴维斯的歌♥
and listening to Miles Davis.
是的
Yes.
但是你讨厌爵士
You hate jazz.
我不讨厌爵士我只是没有了解过它
I do not hate jazz, I just never gave it a chance.
但是自从我遇到了猫男
But since I met Scatman.
猫男
Scatman?
猫男得梅因
Scatman Des Moines.
我觉得我真的能听进去你知道把它当作自己的事
I think I could really get into this, you know, make it my thing.
好吧也许是我太外向太圆滑了
Fine. Maybe I am too open-minded, too pliable,
太像一个性感的交际变色龙了
too much of a sexy social chameleon.
但是塞尔达我在尝试而这也是唯一能让你
But I am trying, Z. And that is the only way you are going
变得快乐的方式
to have a stab at being happy.
我很快乐
I'm happy.
我非常非常非常以及极其快乐
I am very, very, very, extremely happy.
我是塞尔达瓦斯科
Zelda Vasco speaking.
骗子没错我在和你说话
Liar. Yes, I'm talking to you.
我不明白你在问我们什么
I don't understand what you're asking us.
拜托用用你的专业知识迪尼斯
Just use your expertise, Dinesh.
钻研互联网长长的尾巴然后去证明
Dig into the long tail of the Internet and find proof
那个演出里穿着银色裙子的是塞尔达
that Zelda was there at the show and in the silver dress.
然后她就会
Then she's going to have
承认我们打算在一起
to admit that we were meant to be together.
她还会承认你是一个大蠢蛋
She'll have to admit that you're insane.
我不知道
I don't know.
你们相信么
Do you guys believe in the one?
是滴就像骇客帝国里的尼奥一样
Yeah, like Neo from "The Matrix".
不不像那个啥玩意儿里的尼奥像灵魂伴侣
No, not like Neo from the... like soulmates.
哥们这些是程序员好伐
Dude, these are programmers. All right?
他们只认逻辑跟数学
They only believe in logic and math.
-哦我全然相信-你确定
- Oh, I totally believe in it. - For sure.
当然如果你信那个的话
Of course, if you believe in the one,
你必须接受负面也存在这一事实
you must also accept the fact that the negative one also exists.
负面
The negative one?
想象一下你开始跟某人约会
Think about it, you start dating someone.
所有事情暂时都很完美
For a while things are perfect.
你去了漫展打扮成夜翼和星火
You go to Comic-Con dressed as Nightwing and Starfire.
我们的狼人在追赶新一代少年泰坦
From our Wolf man's run on "The New Teen Titans".
好滴
Okay.
但是之后事情发生了转变
But then things change.
他们做的事情开始把你逼疯
Everything they do starts to drive you nuts.