恋爱手册（2014）

A to Z S01E03

Part 2 April 9, 2021, 4:39 p.m.

然后我决定不
And then I decided, no, I'm going to do
我要小小的谷歌♥搜索一下
just the tiniest of Google searches.
两个半小时过后我
And then 2 1/2 hours later, I'm...
哦吼你开始对他满满好奇
Yeah, you went down the rabbit hole.
对我的天我很庆幸我这么做了
Yeah, and, my God, I'm glad I did
因为二十六岁的卡尔文迈尔森
because Calvin Myerson is 26 years old
已经结过两次婚了什么
and been married twice. What?
然后这是他第二任妻子
And this is his second wife.
她是哦不不不不不
She's... oh, no, no, no, no, no.
我得把这个关了
I'm shutting this down.
你需要些新鲜空气摄取些阳光
You need some fresh air, get some sunlight, you know.
你说得对
You're right.
但是这证明了你不了解一个人
But it just goes to show that you don't know anybody
直到你开始在网上挖掘他的信息
until you start digging around on the Internet.
你觉得那对夫妻总是不说话吗
Do you think that couple has always not talked?
还是他俩已经在一起很长时间了
Or have they just been together so long
他们没有可聊的话题了
they've run out of things to say to each other,
但是我们不会这样的
which makes less sense to me
因为我确定咱俩三十年后
because I'm sure if we're together in 30 years
我还是在喋喋不休
I'll still be gabbing on,
我这漫无边际的独白就是证据
as evidenced by this rambling monologue
我现在会乱说
which I will now wrap up.
不知道我有没有跟你说过我曾经
Did I ever tell you about the time
因为走路不遵守规矩而接到罚单的事情
I was ticketed for jaywalking?
没不过我想听听
No, but I'd love to hear about it.
我当时在帕萨迪娜过马路
I was in Pasadena and I was crossing the street
的时候收到了罚单
and I got... I got a ticket.
嗯
Mm-hmm.
你有什么有趣的
Do you have any funny
"我与警♥察♥吵了一架"的故事吗
"I had a run-in with the cops" Stories?
没有像你那样有意思的
None as hilarious as that.
那那些没那么有趣的呢
What about ones that aren't as hilarious as that?
-不 - 是吗
- No. - Yeah?
所以你认为这个不值得一说吗？
So you don't think this is worth mentioning?
警官，这是个误会
Officers, this is a big misunderstanding.
这是
What did...
那是我吗？ -是的
- is that me? - Yeah.
我不是故意的
That wasn't intentional.
不不不好吧
No, no, no! Okay!
你怎么能
How did you...
你是准备告诉我你那些"小秘密"
were you gonna tell me about your inner demons,
还是等我在我们度蜜月时
or was I gonna find out when you cut my air-hose supply
潜水发生意外后自己去找
in a supposed diving accident on our honeymoon?
你觉得我们会结婚啊
You think we're gonna get married?
好吧好吧
Okay, okay.
十年前我开车去奥克兰去看闪电队（圣迭戈主队）表演
Ten years ago I drove to Oakland to see my chargers play,
当我走出体育场的时候
and when I walked out of the stadium,
两个突袭者队（奥克兰的橄榄球主队）粉丝居然把芥末弄在
these two raiders fans were dumping mustard
我白色捷达的引擎罩上
on the hood of my white jetta.
所以我就向警♥察♥和两位粉丝发牢骚
So I complained to the cops, also raiders fans, it turns out,
因为我是第二个说的警♥察♥就把我带走了
because the second I started, they cuffed me, booked me,
然后扔掉了我的一箱泽玛汽水
and dumped out all of my zima, which was like a case.
你带着一箱泽玛汽水去参加掠夺者游戏
You went to a raiders game with a case of zima
在你白色捷达的后箱
in the trunk of your white jetta?
我没明白你想说明什么问题
I'm a little unclear what your issue is right now.
-你说谎 - 我只是还没告诉你
- You lied to me. - I just didn't tell you yet.
不遗忘了的假话还是假的
No, a lie of omission is still a lie.
对不起我没在约会时
I'm sorry I didn't lead with my arrest record
把我被拘留一星期的事情告诉你
a week into dating.
顺便问一句你怎么想的
How did you see that, by the way?
这些视频可不是随便可以找到的
Dash-cam videos are nonpublic records.
我请我们公♥司♥的一位员工
I called a man that our firm employs
在我无意间浏览你的
when I came across your...
嘿什么叫做"无意间"
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. "Came across"?
-是的 - 这视频可是要付费的
- Yeah. - You have to pay for those.
哇你可真是
Wow. You... you really...
不我可不是故意去找的
no, I did not go down the rabbit hole.
- 但是看起来就是 - 不我没有
- Well, it sure seems like it. - No, I didn't.
我当时在上网
I was surfing.
人人都有点小秘密不行吗
What happened to just having a little mystery?
噢天呐你是对的我
Oh, God, you're right. I'm... yeah.
你完全正确
You're totally right.
对那么
Yeah. So...?
- 我们没事了 - 没事了
- We're good. - We're good.
他们在劫难逃
They're doomed.
好
Good.
- 嗨安德鲁 - 嗨安德鲁
- Hey, Andrew. - Hey, Andrew.
早上好
Morning.
你和塞尔达一切都还好吗
Is everything okay with you and Zelda?
是呀我们看见你吃完饭走回来
Yeah, we saw you walking back from lunch
没有像幸福的情侣一样
and you weren't attached at the hip.
摸着对方的屁♥股♥
Which is the true indication of a happy couple.
我们没事
We're fine.
我们只是只是有点小问题
We're just, uh... we're just a little off
自从她找到这个隐蔽的视频
since she found this obscure video.
噢那个被捕视频
Ah, the arrest video.
你少女系的车被涂满芥末的时候
En your girly car got covered in mustard.
你们是怎么
How did you...
哦对了你们是电脑天才
oh, right, you're computer geniuses
双手闲着没事做
with too much time on your hands.
但我们的工作总是首要任务
But our work is always a priority.
因为我们热爱我们的工作而且我们的老板是个好领导
Because we love our jobs and our boss is a great leader.
- 我喜欢这两个人 - 莉迪亚我在担心
- I like those two. - Lydia, I'm concerned.
你太想知道人们是否在说你坏话
Your quest to find out if people are saying
只会让你痛苦
something bad about you can only lead to pain.
我妈妈过去总说
My mother used to say,
疼痛说明了软弱正在离开身体
"Pain is just weakness leaving the body."
听到这事我深表遗憾
I'm sorry to hear that.
知道吗我以为我了解塞尔达
You know, I thought I knew Zelda.
我猜我只是有点惊讶于
I guess I'm just, uh, a little surprised
她去翻我的黑历史
that she went digging up dirt on me.
就是这样
That's all.
听起来是个经典的投射
Sounds like classic projection.
没错她在调查你
Yeah, she was looking you up
因为很明显她自己有什么瞒着你
because she's obviously hiding something herself.
我不认为她隐瞒了什么好吗
I don't think she's hiding anything, okay?
我是说很明显你无从得知
I mean, there's obviously no way to know f...
你在做什么
what are you...
塞尔达不是填过详细的调查表吗
didn't Zelda fill out that detailed questionnaire
在加入壁花网的时候
when she joined Wallflower?
是啊但她已经不是会员了
Yeah, but she's not a member anymore.
噢我的钥匙掉了
Oh, I lost my keys.
为什么你觉得我们还留着
Why... do you think we still have it?
我们还留着吗
Do we still have it?
还在找钥匙
Still looking for my keys.
弄丢他的钥匙
Losing his keys is no reflection
可不是他完美工作绩效的体现
on his typically excellent job performance.
这就对了我找到了
There we go. I found them.
- 你在和谁说话 - 给你
- Who were you talking to? - Here you go.
伙计说真的我很好
Guys, honestly, I'm fine.
谢谢你但我不需要这个
Thank you, but no thank you.
好吧
Fine. Mm.
我们只是把它放在这儿以防万一你改变主意
We'll just leave it here in case you change your mind.
我向你保证不会
Well, I promise you I won't.
我爱我们的工作
We love our jobs.
同时史黛菲仍在苦恼找对象的事
Meanwhile, Stephie's quest for Mr. Right continued.
混♥蛋♥
Wanker...
混♥蛋♥
Wanker...
噢真正的混♥蛋♥
Oh! Actual wanker.
然后
And then...