恋爱手册（2014）

A to Z S01E10

Part 3 April 9, 2021, 4:41 p.m.

- Oh, rough. - How about Steph?
她嘛昨晚都没回家所以
Well... she didn't come home last night, so...
在配对部门中
In the matchmaking department,
我觉得我们的击球率为百分之五十
I'd say that we are batting .500.
看看你都会用棒球术语了
Look at you, talking baseball.
我的天
Oh, my goodness.
你就在那里别动
I'm gonna call it right here.
你跟约瑟夫进展神速
Things went well with Joseph
因为你提的鞋子是
because you are carrying your shoes
装在万豪酒店干洗袋里的
in a Marriott dry cleaning bag.
做得好
Well done.
跟我们说说细节
Give us the details. Yes.
除非我在这里让你不好开口
Unless you're uncomfortable with me being here,
那我晚点再问泽尔达细节
in which case I'll get the details from Zelda later.
不用不用
Oh, no, no.
我想让你们听听事情经过
I want you to hear this.
老实说约瑟夫和我有种
Um, so Joseph and I are experiencing a connection
我跟别人从来没有过的契合感
like I've never felt with anyone else before, if I'm honest.
我们喝了几杯小酒
And we had a couple of drinks,
然后他说 "你想跟我回酒店吗"
and he says, "Do you wanna come up to my hotel room?"
一般我不会答应
Which I don't usually do.
你知道的我一般不答应
You know I don't usually do that.
但这次我们度过了这么美好的夜晚
But this time, we were having such a wonderful night,
我想
that I think...
好如果你请我在你的婚礼上发言
Okay. If you're asking me to speak at your wedding,
我愿意
the answer is yes.
等我说完我醒了
Hold that thought. I wake up,
他不在了而这...在床头柜上
he's gone, and... this is on the nightstand.
他以为我是妓♥女♥
He thought I was a hooker.
什么
What?
没错 420美金
Yep. $420.
你为什么拿回来了
Why did you take it?
那我就应该留给打扫房♥间的
I'm supposed to leave this for housekeeping?
我才不干我整晚超努力的
Screw them. I worked all night.
小菲也许他只是留了打的的钱
Steph... maybe he was just leaving money for the taxi.
打的去哪拉斯维加斯
A taxi to where, Vegas?
拉斯维加斯嫖♥娼♥合法
我不知道
I don't know.
你对他暗示了什么
Did you say anything to him
让他以为她是...你懂的
that may have implied that she was a... you know?
没有没有我只是说她是个好律师
No! No! I-I just said she was a good lawyer.
你会喜欢上她的她很漂亮开放
You're gonna love her. She is classy, open-minded.
她很胜任她的工作
She's amazing at her job.
我是说她总是能帮她的客户脱罪[爽翻]
I mean, she always gets her clients off.
史黛菲
Stephie.
不听着我不要再约会了
No, look, that's it for me and dating,
我能接受这现实
and I'm fine with it.
实际上这真是解脱
In fact, it's actually quite liberating.
我也许会学花样射击
I might take up trick shooting,
去县城赶个集去哪旅个游
take it around county fairs, travel a bit,
你明白的变得真正拿手
you know, get really good at it.
我只值这样的生活没事我很好
And this is the kind of life I deserve... It's fine, I'm cool with it.
巴托卡瓦斯基
Bartokowski.
真高兴昨晚能见到你的女伴
So nice to meet your lady last night.
我一直以为你是孤独终老
I had pegged you as a live-alone,
被鸡骨头呛到
choke-on-a-chicken-bone,
最后被猫啃食尸骨星人
get-eaten-by-your-cats type.
所以和她好好交往吧
So hold on to that one.
我会的
Will do.
斯图很难受
Stu's taking it pretty hard.
史黛菲也没好到哪里去
Stephie's not doing much better.
她来了
Here she is.
看哪我的人字拖
Oh, look, my flip-flop.
你找到了
You found it.
好棒哦
Yay, me.
至少她穿得相当舒服
Well, at least she's dressed more comfortably.
不管怎样我们在配对这件事上糟透了
Either way, we suck at matchmaking.
公平地说
Well, to be fair,
约瑟夫没有好好回答问卷调查
Joseph did misrepresent himself on the questionnaire,
而这让整个算法失效了
and that completely voids the entire algorithm,
是这样重点是
you know -- you know what? The point is,
我们需要陪在朋友身边
we need to be there for our friends.
完全赞同
I couldn't agree more.
话说斯图走了
Uh, FYI -- Stu is gone.
我晚点再打给你
I'm gonna call you back.
早退
Leaving early?
对今天过得太糟了
Yep. Had a crap day.
我也是
Me, too.
我还是没找到史黛菲
Hey, I still can't find Stephie anywhere.
斯图也不在这我不知道...
Yeah, Stu's not here either. I don't know what's --
天呐约瑟夫刚进来
Oh, boy. Joseph just walked in.
我觉得我要跟他打一架
I think I'm about to get in a fight
然后我的饭碗没准就丢了
and then probably lose my job.
我应该到窗边目睹这一切发生吗
Should I come to the window and watch?
你还是乖乖去找史黛菲吧
I think you should stay and look for Stephie.
对
Right.
这是你为了上♥床♥付的臭钱
Here's your dirty money that you used to pay for sex!
-不是我们之间 -没为任何事付钱
- No, not -- not between us. - Not -- not paying for anything.
我知道这听上去... 是给一个朋友
I get how that -- it was for a friend.
我上♥床♥根本不用付钱
I mean, I don't have to pay for sex.
怎么回事
What is happening?
准备好受我一拳
Prepare to be punched!
你要揍我不对
Oh, you're gonna punch me? No.
你才是应该被揍的那一方
You are the one who's gonna get punched.
为什么我要被揍
Why am I gonna get punched?
因为你让我跟一个小偷相亲
Because you set me up with a thief!
所以她又是妓♥女♥又是小偷
So she's a hooker and a thief.
安德鲁你安排他跟一个妓♥女♥相亲
Andrew, you set him up with a hooker?
本公♥司♥早就不提供这种服务了
This company does not do that for clients anymore.
不她不是妓♥女♥
No, she's not a hooker.
只是他以为她是妓♥女♥
He just thought she was a hooker.
好那就好
Okay, super.
我没有
No, I didn't.
我只是提早离开去买♥♥早饭
Look, I just left early that morning to get breakfast,
等我回来的时候她就不在了
and then when I came back, she was gone.
而且她偷走了我放在床头柜上的420美金
And she has stolen the $420 I had left on my nightstand,
所以我就报♥警♥了
and so I called the police.
你为什么带这么多现金
Why did you have so much cash out?
是他们给我的每日出差津贴
It was on the per diem that they gave us,
而且其实也没有很多
and it's actually not a lot of cash.
一旦你把差旅和食物费计算在内
I mean, once you take into account travel and food.
我不用跟你们解释好吗
You know, I don't owe you all an explanation, okay?
对对你不用解释太不可思议了
No, no, you don't. This is amazing.
我是说抱歉...
I-I mean, I'm sorry about all of -- um...
我要打电♥话♥给史黛菲她会很安心
I'm gonna call Stephie. She's gonna be really relieved.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢
Thank you.
詹妮弗
Jennifer.
其实你用不着打字
Oh, actually, you don't need to type.
这和工作无关
This is not work-related.
要是事关斯图那就没什么好说的
If this is about Stu, there's nothing to talk about.
好他伤心极了
Okay. He's heartbroken.
可他对前任还余情未了
But he's still obsessed with his ex.
不不
No. No.
史黛菲不是他的前任好吗
Stephie is not his ex, okay?
我可能是个嫉妒心重占有欲强又偏执的人
I may be a jealous, possessive, paranoid person,
可那贱♥货♥想要抢我的男人
but that bitch is trying to steal my man.
听着我保证
Listen, I promise you,
你没必要嫉妒好吗
you do not need to be jealous, okay?
他们俩之间不会再有火花了
Nothing is ever going to happen between them again,
永远不会
like... Never.