恋爱手册（2014）

A to Z S01E01

Part 1 April 9, 2021, 4:39 p.m.

让我来给你讲讲一对情侣的故事最棒的故事之一
Let me tell you the story of a couple, one of the greats.
安德鲁是个很男人的男人他喜欢运动和利亚姆尼森的电影
Andrew is a guy's guy, he likes sports and Liam Neeson movies.
但是他也有另一面
But Andrew has another side.
他父母的浪漫主义遗传给了他
Andrew's romanticism grew directly from his parents.
他的母亲在他很小的时候就去世了
When he was young, his mother died.
从那以后他把的父母视为最完美的夫妻
And ever since, he's held his parents up as at perfect couple.
他在网上交友公♥司♥工作并热爱
He works for an Internet dating company and is passionate
帮助别人找到幸福
about helping others find happiness.
然而安德鲁仍是单身一人
Yet Andrew is still alone.
嗨开胃小菜
Hi. Canape?
塞尔达是个很女生的女生她喜欢修脚
Zelda is a girl's girl, she likes pedicures
和主题鸡尾酒会
and themed cocktail parties.
同时热爱做一个律师
And she loves being a lawyer.
在这里谁是无辜的受害者呢
Who is the innocent victim here?
答案就再你们面前白纸黑字
The answer is in front of your face in black and white.
对于塞尔达法律制度提供了秩序和管制
For Zelda, the legal system offers order and control,
是她长大所渴望的
which growing up she craved.
在学校度过美好的一天亲爱的
Have a good day at school, honey.
她并不责备她妈妈
She doesn't blame her mom,
但是恋爱楷模很难找到
but relationship role models were hard to find.
所以当有约会时她就开启防御模式
So when it comes to dating, her defenses are way up.
她也单身一人，就像安德鲁一样
And like Andrew, she is also alone.
今天安德鲁和塞尔达将会相遇
Today is the day Andrew and Zelda will meet.
安德鲁·洛弗兰德和塞尔达·瓦克斯将约会八个月
Andrew Lofland and Zelda Vasco will date for eight months,
三周五天加一小时
three weeks, five days, and one hour.
这个电视节目会全方位记录
This television program is the comprehensive account
他们从头到尾的关系
of their relationship from A to Z.
我想给你们读一读今天早上放在
I want to read you all a little something that came
我桌子上的东西
across my desk this morning.
这是一封诚挚的感谢要不是因为壁花网
"This is a letter of sincere gratitude because if it weren't
我可能永远也不会遇见我一生的挚爱
for Wallflower I would never have met the love of my life
和三个美好的男孩
and had our three wonderful boys."
我们有太多这样的人了大伙
We're getting way too many of these, people.
我们的理念是让他们支付月费
The idea is to keep them paying the monthly fee;
如果他们结婚了就不会这么做了
they won't do that if they get married.
不不
No! No!
推动新的应用伙计们
Keep pushing the new app, folks.
他们滑动点击勾搭
They swipe, they click, they hook up.
滑动点击勾搭
They swipe, they click, they hook up.
滑动点击勾搭
They swipe, they click, they hook up.
然后记住
And remember,
有一个照片挂在这上面你们就失败了
every time a picture goes up there, you have all failed.
好了
Okay.
这个地方真的是用来配对的
This place used to do real matchmaking.
但我们所做的只是让管鲍相交
Only things we connect anymore are penises and vaginas.
我知道
I know.
多棒啊
Isn't it great?
拜托
Come on.
我在看一个关于有一个碗里都是触手的视频
I was watching this video and just had a bowlful of tentacles.
然后你冲他们倒酱油然后他们
And you pour, like, soy sauce over them and they,
- 就苏醒过来 - 谢谢观看谢谢
- like, come back to life. - Thank you for watching. Thank you.
不你可以尝试把一个孩子当作大人反之则不行
No, you can try a child as an adult but not the other way around.
否则触手怎么可能是活着的
How can a tentacle be alive if they're not?
对如果罪犯长得好看这个就不重要了
No, it does not matter if the crime is adorable.
噢天呐那太有爱了
Oh my God, that is adorable.
我一会打给你好吗好的你好我是塞尔达瓦克斯
Can I call you back? Great. Hi, I'm Zelda Vasco.
- 我9：30的时候会到那 - 等一下等一下
- I'm here for 9:30. - Wait a second, wait a second.
你是图书馆的书吗
Are you a library book?
什么
What?
因为我带走你
Because I want to check you out.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
这是一个很好的搭讪台词
It's a good pick-up line.
是一个很好的搭讪台词
And it's a good pick-up line
当你搭她的时候你可以用
that you can use while you hit on her.
我没打算勾搭她
I'm not going to hit on her.
你不打算勾搭她吗
You're not going to go hit on her?
我不需要你帮忙
I don't need your help.
- 好吧好吧 - 让我帮她热热身
- It's fine. - Let me warm her up.
我知道做些什么了这叫迷失的男人
I got this great bit I do. It's called "Man Who's Lost."
好了看这个
All right, watch this.
不不不不
No, no, no, no.
我们不能做这个
We're not doing this.
我们不能做这个
We're not doing this.
你能告诉我公交车站在哪里吗
Will you show me where the bus station?
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢
Thank you.
这个
That's...
他带着我
He is taking me.
够了谢谢
Enough of that, thank you.
嗨我是安德鲁
Hi, I'm Andrew.
塞尔达
Hi. Zelda.
你在这里上班吗
Do you work here?
噢没错
Oh, yes.
我是我是在这里工作
I do. I do work here.
我能帮你什么吗
Can I help you?
对我来是为了一个网上预约的见面
Yes. I'm here for an interview about my experience on this site.
那你来错地方了
Oh, you came in the wrong way.
你想要恋爱研究室
You want the relationship labs,
他们有自己特别的入口
they have their own special entrance.
我们叫它小狗门
We call it the "Doggy door."
好的对不起我们之前见过吗
Okay. I'm so sorry, have we met before?
经典的搭讪台词
Classic pick-up line.
什么
What?
好样的
Well done, too.
但搭讪他你用不上
But you don't need one for him.
这个不是搭讪台词
That wasn't a pick-up line.
你能后退点吗大概四英寸
Can you just back up, like, four inches.
对不起我就行离得近一点
I'm sorry, I just like to be closer.
要不我给你看看研究室
How about I show you to the lab?
太棒了
Great.
就你俩是么
Just the two of you, right?
借过
Excuse me.
我们一会儿就回来
We'll be back in just a second.
好好享受你的走廊约会吧
Have fun on your hallway date.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry about that.
你在网站上进行的怎么样
How did your experience on the site go?
找到合适的人了么
Did you find any matches?
没一个像样的也没有
No, not even close.
这很好
That's great.
这不好我也不知道我为什么这么说
That's not great... I don't know why I said that.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
没什么好抱歉的
No, don't be.
我从开始就不想这么做
I didn't want to do it in the first place.
我朋友史黛菲帮我注册的我来这里
My friend Stephie signed me up, and I'm actually just here
其实是为了让她别白花钱
for this interview to try and get her money back.
所以你其实不是会网上约会的那种人
Ah. So you don't really do the whole online dating thing?
我现在其实完全不想约会
I'm actually not really into the dating thing at all right now.
- 为什么 - 因为我很忙
- Why is that? - I'm very busy.
我能问一下你是做什么的吗
May I ask what it is that you do?
我是个律师
I am a lawyer.
我听说过律师很忙
I've heard of that... lawyers are busy.
是啊的确
Yeah, they certainly are.
你是做什么类型的像海事法
What kind of law is it? Is it, like, maritime law?
不我是做公益性服务的
No. I do pro bono work
在一家不幸的白领公♥司♥工作
for an otherwise sinister white-collar firm.
我得告诉你了我就是一个职业的无偿工作者
I got to tell you, I am pro-pro bono.
我现在真的不想约会
I'm not really into the dating thing right now.
你记得我之前说过吗
Do you remember when I said that before?
是我当然记得
Yeah, of course I remember.
那你做什么来着
What does that have to do anything?