我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S05E08
Part 2
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:57 p.m.
The bathroom, the cold baster.
浴室取精 滴管注入
Vernon.
弗南
I mean...
我是说...
what if we eliminated the intermediary device?
我们何不放弃这些中间步骤
Are you suggesting that you and I...?
难道你是说我们...
Yes.
是的
I am.
没错
Give us that come, bro! We'll do it for real this time!
来吧 兄弟 我们这次来真的
We promise! What is wrong with you two?
我们保证 你们两个有什么毛病
She offers to have sex with me, then you try to intimidate me?
她提出和我做♥爱♥ 然后你还想恐吓我
I don't know what type of reindeer games
我不晓得你们在玩什么情趣游戏
you're playing, but I don't want to join in.
但我不想加入
Not in any of them!
全都与我无关
Great job, turd.
干得好 混球
I was this close to getting our fish back on the line.
只差这么一点 他就回心转意
By offering him your bod? You got greedy,
靠出♥卖♥♥♥身体 你太贪心
and now our golden goose thinks my eggs have expired!
现在到手的鸭子飞了
Don't blame this on me.
不要什么都怪我
You were enjoying the scam just as much as I was.
你也乐在其中
You said you felt like Annette Bening in The Grifters.
你还说你像在演"致命赌局"的安妮特·贝宁
You're the one that blew up our lives and put us
是你先毁掉我们的生活
in this situation in the first place!
置我们于这种境地
You didn't just nick an artery.
你划伤的不止是一条动脉
You nicked any chance of us being happy again.
你划伤了令我们重获幸福的机会
You were always a bitch, but you just got mean, Bec.
你是挺婊的 但这话也太伤人了 贝卡
Why'd you even marry me in the first place?
你当初何必嫁给我
I could be married to Tea Leoni!
我本可以娶蒂娅·里欧妮
You were in line with her at Jamba Juice! One time!
你不过是在果昔店排队时见过她一面
We shared a moment! She said, "Cool jacket."
我们说过话的 她说"外套不错"
Who knows where it could have gone.
没准就有后续呢
But instead, I ended up with a blackhearted witch
然而 我最终只娶到一个坏透的老巫婆
who wants nothing to do with me!
而且对我爱答不理
I only married you because you were a doctor
我嫁给你只因你是医生
and I wanted to make Jimmy jealous.
我想让吉米嫉妒
But you even ruined that
但你连这份工作都丢了
by becoming a giant, worthless zero!
成了个一穷二白的蠢蛋
What?
怎么了
Do you want to play a game with me?
你想和我玩游戏吗
Yeah, okay, but no pussin' out when I stomp you.
没问题 但输了不许哭鼻子
I'm an adult grown-up. That means some shit.
我是个成年人 有点混
This game?
玩这个
Are you even for real right now?
你认真的吗
Look at you.
看看你
You're just a chill little dude who hasn't been kicked
你只是个故作老成的小家伙
in the nuts by life yet.
还没受过生活的重击
But you will.
但早晚你会的
One day when you're least expecting it... blam!
当某天你最不期待的事发生... 砰
One second you're the envy of all the other docs,
你曾经是全医公敌
'cause you got a hot wife, vanity plates, two Apple watches
因为你有漂亮老婆 个性车牌 两块苹果表
and a podcast in the top three hundy on Stitcher.
还是个排名前三百的播客
And the next thing you know, everything's taken away
后来 一切都烟消云散
because your scalpel accidentally sliced open
因为你不小心用手术刀划开了
a woman's...
一个女人的...
juice box.
果汁盒
So you quit. End of story.
你被迫辞职 故事结束
Deal the things.
来吧
Ooh, I got "Chip on shoulder."
我拿到了 "肩上刺"
"Brain freeze."
"大脑冻结"
No prob.
小意思
Damn it!
该死
My turn. That's not...
轮到我了 不是...
Come on, let me get these brain shits out.
让我把这些脑子弄出来
But it buzzed. The shit's rigged!
但它响了 这玩具有问题
Let me go again! You're being awful!
让我重新来 小孩不能这样
But it's my turn! No!
但是轮到我了 不要
Getting the brains! I'm getting the brains.
把脑子取出来 我要取脑子
But it's my turn!
但是轮到我了
I'm getting the brains. I am a grown-up!
我要取脑子 我是大人
If you already have that 24-year-old lined up,
你既然已经找了个年轻女孩
why'd you ask us to come for the weekend?
为什么还邀请我们共度周末
You were the only people
我只想与你们
I wanted to share this weekend with.
共度这个周末
I thought we were family.
我以为我们是一家人
I'm sorry, Paul.
对不起 保罗
Here.
这里
Let me recalibrate it for you.
我帮你调吧
You know, at the end of the day,
其实归根结底
it's probably for the best.
这样可能是最好的
I mean, if I had your baby,
如果我有了你的孩子
we'd probably end up on Jerry Springer.
我们可能会变成杰里·斯普林格秀的话题人物
"Woman pregnant with sister's ex-husband's child."
"怀着妹妹前夫孩子的女人"
Also, you divorced Lindsay for a reason...
另外 你和琳德西离婚是有原因的
Not to then have her in your life forever.
你不想和她共度余生
You're right.
你说得对
This probably is for the best.
这可能是最好的结果
Doctor! What did you do?
医生 你在做什么
We're losing her!
她快不行了
Doctor!
医生
Dr. Barbara! Dear God!
芭芭拉医生 我的天哪
Giant, worthless zero! I wish I never married you.
一穷二白的蠢蛋 我就不该嫁给你
Just to make Jimmy jealous.
只想让吉米嫉妒
Hey, cool jacket.
外套不错
I'm Tea Leoni. I'm Tea Leoni.
我是蒂娅·里欧妮
Cool jacket.
外套不错
So sexy.
很帅气
Is that really Mercury?
那真是水星吗
Believe it or not, it's actually one of the few planets
信不信由你 它能在白天观测到
that's easier to see in daylight.
这在行星里少有
Want to see the stunning siren herself, Venus?
想看看维纳斯的美丽化身 金星吗
There she is.
她在那
Let me see. I want to see.
让我看看 我想看
Here.
给你
Amazing.
太神奇了
You have the same anti-helical folds as Lindsay.
你和琳德西都有耳廓折叠
How would you know that?
你怎么知道的
No. It's your ears.
不 看你耳朵知道的
Oh. Right here.
噢 就在这
Let me show you its terrestrial functions.
这还能看地面景观
We actually have a fighting chance
这里可能看得到
of seeing your house from here.
你家的房♥子
I mean... former house.
我是说... 之前的房♥子
I think I just saw...
我好像看到了...
I got to go.
我要走了
Vernon!
弗南
Nerd!
呆子
Good Lord! What did you do?
天哪 你在做什么
I threw this heavy-ass rock in,
我把这块大石头丢了下去
but then changed my mind at the last sec,
但在最后一刻后悔了
so now I'm doing this, which sucks! Help me!
所以才这样 糟透了 帮帮我
If I don't make it, I need you to do me a favor.
如果我死了 你得帮我个忙
You're gonna make it.
你不会死的
Listen, it's for Becca and Tallulah.
听着 是关于贝卡和塔卢拉
I want them to know I was a good man.
我想让她们知道我是个好人
Which is why I need you
你只要帮我
to delete my browser history and all my bookmarks
删除所有浏览记录 书签
and my Dropbox,
和云存储
maybe burn the laptop.
或者直接烧了电脑
Please, Paul! First thing, maybe even before you call 911.
拜托了保罗 先做这个再报♥警♥
Pull harder!
用力拉
Okay.
好了
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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