我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）

You're the Worst S05E06

Part 1 Oct. 14, 2020, 4:55 p.m.

# 我记得当时 #
I remember when
# 你心乱如麻 #
You were a mess
# 说要回顾 #
Said we'd look back then
# 这所有 #
On all of this...
太不可思议了
It's absolutely remarkable.
我从没见过这种事
I've never seen anything like this.
不可能啊
It should be impossible,
可我们每桌都试了
but we've tried every option.
保罗会破坏每一桌的气氛
Paul ruins every single table.
"无聊"桌还没坐满
See, there aren't enough borings for a boring table.
我们可以让他坐"老年痴呆"桌
I mean, we could put him at the Alzheimer's table,
这样他们就会忘记他有多无聊
and they'll forget how boring he is.
我不想让他来我的婚礼
Ugh. I don't want him at my wedding.
他就不能去别人的婚礼吗
Why can't he just go to another wedding?
格雷琴把保罗放下
Gretchen, put down the Paul.
真要命我们得休息会
This is insane. We deserve a break
准备婚礼无聊又烧脑
from the mind-numbing drudgery of wedding planning.
找点乐子
Something fun.
去比弗利山庄敲邮箱
Mailbox baseball in Beverly Hills?
在宽容博物馆嗑药
'Shrooms at the Museum of Tolerance?
去格里菲斯公园向高尔夫球手扔鸡蛋
Egging golfers as Griffith Park?
不有更好的
No. Even better.
- 约炮周 - 约炮周
- Fuck Week. - Fuck Week.
约炮周一周时间
Fuck Week. For a week,
我们可以随意约炮
we can sleep with whomever we like...
赞成
In.
总之随心所欲吧
You know, to get it out of our systems.
我懂赞成
Got it. I'm in.
太棒了
Oh. Well... wonderful.
最要紧的安全第一其他无限制
Ground rules. Safety is mandatory. Otherwise, no limits.
地点不限除了这里和芝乐坊的厕所
Location anywhere but here and the Cheesecake Factory bathroom.
那是我们的地盘下周日2点01分结束
That's ours. 2:01 next Sunday, it ends.
你以前做过这个吗
Have you done this before?
同意吗
Good?
约炮周
Fuck Week?
约炮周
Fuck Week.
我爱上的人是奇葩第五季第六集

星期一

看看你的包
# 我想压倒你 #
I want to lay you down
# 让我正面上你 #
So I can hit your split
# 你既想骑上来 #
You know you want to ride it
# 来吧骑上来 #
Come on and ride it
# 你想骑上来 #
You want to ride it
# 来吧骑上来 #
# Come on and ride it #
# 爽翻你 #
# Lay you down. #
格雷琴我和山姆那帮人闹翻了
Oh! Gretch! I have a sitch with Sam and the guys.
发张山姆的帅照
Just leak Sam's tuck shots.
你就能清静几周
That should buy you a couple weeks.
他们想让我宣传新歌♥
They want me to publicize their new track,
但是真的很差
but it's really bad.
像越南一样差等等越南差吗
Like, Vietnam bad. Wait. Was Vietnam bad?
我实在没时间帮你处理这事
Listen, I just really don't have time to hold your hand through this one.
吉米建议我们在一周内随意约炮
Jimmy proposed that we have sex with other people for the week!
- 哇 - 天哪格雷琴
- Oh! - Oh, my God, Gretch.
我们像过去那样钓凯子吧
Let's go day-dicking like we used to.
我们去巴尼餐厅
We'll go to Barney's Beanery,
宽容博物馆拉布里的有机超♥市♥
the Museum of Tolerance, Trader Joe's on La Brea...
那里有好多时尚奶爸
That's the one with all the hip fuck-dads.
还有鲁尼恩公园的肌肉男
And Runyon Canyon for fit dick.
卡特勒女士闹闹来了
Mrs. Cutler? Nock Nock is here.
让他进来吧
Send him in.
还有卡特勒女士是我妈
And, by the way, Mrs. Cutler is my bitch mom.
我尽快把合同签了
I have a quick signing meeting.
让他开心一下
Let me make this kid's day.
然后你我就直奔男人堆
Then you and I can head down to dick island!
下午两点鲁尼恩公园的狗狗喷泉边见
2:00 p.M., Runyon Canyon, by the dog water fountain.
记住格雷琴养金毛的男孩床品不会太差哦
And remember, Gretch, guys with golden retrievers eat pussy.
闹闹你好
Nock Nock, hi.
我是格雷琴很高兴见到你
I'm Gretchen. So nice to meet you.
坐吧
Have a seat.
我就开门见山了
I'll just jump right in.
酷博为全球的大艺术家
Here at Caliber, we do PR and brand management
做公♥关♥和品牌经营
for some of the biggest artists worldwide.
我们想和你合作
And we want to work with you.
- 恭喜你 - 好吧
- Congratulations. - Okay.
你会风靡全球的
Everyone will know your name.
顺便问一下你这艺名有出处吗
How did you get your name, by the way?
我一直叫这个
Been hearing it my whole life.
- 因为音同"敲门" - 不是
- Knock-knock jokes? - Nah.
我家没有门铃
We didn't have a doorbell.
也没有门
Or a door.
好吧那我们签合同吧
Okay. Uh, should we make this "Offish"?
好我会看的但要先听你的营销计划
Cool. I'll take a look at that when I hear your full pitch.
策略
Strategy,
目标艺术观
targets, concept art.
当然
Of course.
没问题我的全部计划
Sure. My full pitch.
好我们会准备
Great. We'll set something up.
操
Fu...
星期二
# 毒品之歌♥ #
Drug song
# 这是我的毒品之歌♥ #
It's my drug song
这不像你啊 ... "工作狂"
Well, this is an incongruous costume for you... "Person Who Cares About Work."
这份合同本该很好签然而不是
This signing should be a layup, but no.
这个乡巴佬像"创智赢家"里的大佬
The hillbilly marathoned Shark Tank,
美国电视节目创业者通过提出营销计划的方式获得富豪的启动资金
还知道"营销计划"
and now he knows what a pitch is.
伊薇特让我负责这人
And now that Yvette made me care about my job,
我必须签下他我恨
I have to land him, and I hate it.
约炮短♥信♥
Oh. Booty text?
是山姆他很生气
Sam. He's pissed he hasn't heard
他们的歌♥没被放出来
their song on the radio yet.
不好意思
Oh. Sorry.
- 这真是尴尬 - 不
- This is awkward. - No!
这是约炮周
It's Fuck Week.
等我搞定这份营销计划
As soon as I get this goddamn pitch done,
我马上去找男人爽
I'm gonna be balls deep in balls.
谢谢埃德加
Thanks, Edgar.
星期三
然后
Then,
等你的新视频面市那天
the day your new video drops,
广♥告♥牌上只有你的脸... 没有名字
only your face... not your name... Is on billboards.
人们会抬头看然后问...
People will look up and ask...
"那是谁"
"Who's there?"
答案是闹闹
Answer. Nock Nock.
不错你确实很努力
Good job. I can see you worked real hard.
太好了那我们签合同吧
Great. Then let's sign that contract.
听着格雷琴
Listen, Gretchen, there's something
有些事你得知道
you got to know about me.
我白手起家
I made everything out of dirt. Whole scratch.
十五岁就独自闯荡了
I'm out here alone since I was 15.
一路摸爬滚打
Mushing. Rectify.
"敲敲" "请进" 你知道吗
"Knock Knock." "Come in." You know?
而且我还有查尔斯
Plus, I got Charles.
我要带查尔斯去打排球了
I got to take Charles to volleyball.
我相信你格雷琴
I believe in you, Gretchen.
全心全意
Full heart.
怎么回事格雷琴
What the hell, Gretch?!
昨天我以为我走错了地方
I actually had to hike yesterday
所以只能爬了山
because I thought I went to the wrong side.
- 你没约到吗 - 我当然约到了
- You didn't get laid? - Of course I got laid.