我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S05E03
Part 2
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:55 p.m.
你是在威胁我吗
Are you threatening me?
我是说
I'm just saying,
谁帮你擦屁♥股♥上的汗
who's gonna dab your butt sweat?
谁在你吐的时候帮你拢住头发
Or hold your weave back when you're vomming up
你干大事前总会暴食一打雪球蛋糕
a 12-pack of Sno Balls you panic-eat before big events?
- 你 - 谁会帮你
- You? - Or slip Xanax in your bitch mom's
在你♥妈♥的♥伯爵茶里下药
Earl Grey so she'll
来让她冷静点... 俄克拉荷马
chill the fu... Oklahoma!
我们还有什么没聊过的
What is the one thing we don't talk about?
政♥治♥ 数学
Politics. Math.
那个遛鸟变♥态♥
That one crow who has it out for you.
你和马修·派瑞在科切拉音乐节上的事
What happened between you and Matthew Perry. Coachella.
你那刁钻的妈
Your bitch mom.
我那刁钻的妈
My bitch mom.
对不起
Sorry.
算了 没事 她不会来的
Anyway, doesn't matter, she won't be there.
- 为什么 - 我不会告诉她我结婚了
- Why not? - I'm not gonna tell my mom I'm getting married.
- 格雷琴 - 如果我告诉她结婚的事
- Gretchen. - If I tell her about the wedding,
她会喋喋不休 让我如坐针毡
she'll get in my head and I'll give myself a butt ulcer,
而当我在全县混双决赛的第七球场
and then when I'm puking up stomach acid all over Court Seven
吐得到处都是时
in the All County Mixed Doubles finals,
她又会说是我的错
it'll be my fault
说我不配和格雷琴奶奶叫同一个名字
for being such a total disgrace to Grammie Gretchen's name.
不 我做不到 先拖着吧
Oh, no, I can't do it. I'm gonna kick it.
拖着 拖到何时
Kick it? Till when?
不知道 光是看牙医
Don't know. I've been rescheduling
我就拖了快十二年
the same dentist appointment for, like, 12 years.
- 白♥痴♥ - 格雷琴
- Idiots. - Gretchen.
这不是看牙 这事非同小可
This isn't teeth, this is important.
作为你的伴娘 如果你不联♥系♥你妈妈
As your maid of honor, if you don't call your mom,
我只好亲自打给她了
I'll be forced to call her.
好吧 我会给她打电♥话♥
Fine. I will call her.
但她要是让我情绪失控
But when she destroys me emotionally,
收拾烂摊子的就是你
your dumb ass has to pick up the pieces.
你今天要招替补吗
Ooh! You're hiring the new Gretch today?
尽量吧 这些九零后
Trying to. These Post-Millennials
揣着高绩点和丰富的实习经历
with their high GPAs and multiple internships,
仿佛脑袋聪明 当几年免费劳动力
as if being smart and working for years for free
就能得到好工作似的
means you deserve an actual job.
埃德加 你来得正好
Edgar, you're just in time
帮我说服那些"特色人物"
to help me convince "Feature people"
我有权改编我自己的小说
that I can adapt my own novel.
我还以为你放弃了
I thought you weren't doing that.
起初是这样 但我后来意识到
Yeah, well, I've come to the realization
用劣等的媒介体验一把相同的故事
that there is some value in experiencing the same story
还是有些价值的
in a secondary, inferior medium.
就像做完烤鸡后
Like when you roast a delicious hen,
用剩下的骨头熬汤
then boil the bones to make a soup.
所以你还是冲着钱去的
Oh, so you're doing it for the money.
格雷琴似乎陷入了债务纠纷
Turns out that blockhead Gretchen is drowning in debt,
所以我得去个叫卡尔弗城的地方
so I have to get to something called Culver City
夺回我对小说的改编权
to pitch my take on my book,
我需要你的帮助
and I need your help.
没问题
Sure.
你说我来记
Pitch away.
不 我要你跟我一起去 假扮我的助理
No, I need you to come and pretend to be my assistant
给我撑面子
so I look important.
吉米 我现在是作家了 知道吗
Jimmy, I'm a writer now, remember?
- 我给你一百块 - 成交
- I'll pay you 100 bucks. - Okay.
我的椰子鞋又跌价了
My Yeezys plummeted in value again.
所以...
So...
你们为什么想做公♥关♥
why do you want to be a publicist?
其实是你让我踏进这行的
Actually, you made me want to do this.
嘻哈界的世仇都被你摆平了
You mediated the weirdest feud in hip-hop.
见到你是我的荣幸
It's an honor to meet you.
真会说话
Aw, that's so sweet.
- 送你走人是我的荣幸 - 等等 什么
- It's an honor to send you home. - Wait, what?
我们经费有限 养不起你 你野心太大
Our La Croix budget won't cover you. You're too thirsty.
你被"卡特勒"[淘汰]了
Bam! You got Cutlered!
公♥关♥的作用不在于窥探明星隐私
PR isn't just about learning celeb secrets
或是从他们的包里偷A醇面霜
and stealing retinol creams from their swag bags.
公♥关♥要的是权力
It's about power.
能控制住明星和他们不需要的东西
Power over celebs and the shit they don't need,
比如A醇面霜
like retinol creams.
3. 打给妈妈
下一轮筛选会更加激烈
Surviving the next elimination will be much harder
环节更多 费时更久
with lots of steps, which will take many hours.
走吧
Come on.
第二轮在酒吧 我得看看你们会不会玩
Round two's at a bar. I need to see if you can hang.
你来吗 小荡♥妇♥
You coming, sausage wallet?
- 小荡♥妇♥ - 不了
- Sausage wallet? - Uh, no.
这显然是测试 现在都一点半了
This is obviously a test. It's, like, 1:30.
没错 你被刷了 再见 骚货
You're right. It is a test, and you failed. Ciao, suck-butt.
不许抱她
Don't hug her.
她被"卡特勒"了 听着怪怪的
She was Cutlered. Ugh, I don't like it.
三点前给我想个新口号♥
Find me a new catchphrase by 3:00.
西蒙在挣脱流氓的同时
And as Simon runs from the hooligans,
也是在逃避自己
he's actually running from his own sexual awakening
被叔叔唤起的性觉醒
at his uncle's knee.
但在他能正视这件事之前
But before he can reckon with this,
他在樱草山
he finds himself
找到了自我
in Primrose Hill,
连绵的山景提醒了他
its gentle swells reminding him
有人需要他的拯救 那就是凯蒂
he has someone for whom to survive this night, Kitty.
我爱凯蒂
Mm. Love Kitty.
她是个很出彩的角色 迷人
She's an incredible character. Charming.
- 质朴 我喜欢 - 这就是她的电影
- Raw. Love. - It's her movie, really.
凯蒂的
Kitty's?
按现在的市场偏好 她绝对是完美主角
She's really the perfect protagonist for today's climate.
每个人都想成为凯蒂
Everyone is gonna want to be Kitty.
- 或者睡了凯蒂 - 同意
- Or bang Kitty. - Consensually.
双手赞同
Obviously consensually.
- 天哪 希拉 - 当然
- Jesus, Sheila. - Sure.
但我要说清楚 西蒙才是主角 所以...
But to be clear, Simon is the protagonist, so...
西蒙要逃离的
Simon's running
是他过去的心魔
from the hooligans from his past.
大家应该都认同
I mean, certainly we can all agree
凯蒂是个不道德的人物吧
that Kitty is a reprehensible character, right?
她幼稚 肮脏 不靠谱
She's immature, squalid, untrustworthy.
所以我们爱她
That's what we love about Kitty.
她的混乱生活是我们梦寐以求的
Her messiness is aspirational.
什么 爱她对周围所有人的极度依赖吗
What is? Her utter reliance on everyone around her?
还是她毁了她爸补鞋店的方式
Or the way that she bankrupts her father's cobbler shop?
我觉得你似乎不站凯蒂
I'm starting to feel like you're not Team Kitty.
我恨凯蒂
I hate Kitty!
他恨凯蒂的意思
Oh, what he means is that he hates Kitty
也就是他恨自己
because he hates himself.
错 我爱自己
Wrong! Love myself.
- 我恨凯蒂 - 正是如此
- Hate Kitty. - Exactly.
所以只有他能写出凯蒂这个角色
It's why no one else could write Kitty.
这种恨意
And it's that same
串联了凯蒂和西蒙
kind of hatred that binds Kitty to Simon.
也串联了吉米
And Jimmy to them both,
这两个角色就是... 他自己
who are both... well, him.
吉米
Jimmy.
吊袜带不一样
It's the garter belt.
该死 瑞秋 我说了站在那
Goddamn it, Rachel, I told you to just stand there
别说话 我知道吊袜带不一样
and be quiet. I know it's the garter belt.
把不一样的地方指给我看
Point to where you think it is.
我也是这么想的
Yeah, that's where I thought it was.
漂亮 瑞秋 这轮你过了
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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