我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S05E03
Part 3
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:55 p.m.
Nice, Rachel. You passed the test.
等等 所以你是想要我们帮忙吗
Wait, so you wanted our help?
闭嘴 一半的公♥关♥
Shut up! Half of PR involves
安静地坐在客户旁边
sitting silently next to your client,
都会被嫌弃
who will be annoyed by the very fact of you,
比如你的呼吸声就太重了 瑞秋
like how you breathe too hard, Rachel.
我们中没人叫瑞秋
No one here is named Rachel.
坏消息
Bad news.
搞半天我这位大老板
Turns out my big corporate boss
根本不是老板
isn't actually a boss at all.
- 他就是个门卫 - 琳子
- He really is a janitor. - Linds.
你不是觉得他是卧底老板吗
Did you think the janitor was an undercover boss?
有一次他不得不扮成卧底老板 这是数学问题
One of these times he has to be an undercover boss. It's math.
我可以把你的包放下吗 太重了
Can I set your purse down? It's heavy.
不行 多数公♥关♥都提着别人的垃圾
No. Most of PR is carrying other people's shit around.
这些小妹妹在这干嘛
Why are these basic hos here?
我的面试很细致
I am being thorough.
高盛集团的面试就有十个环节
Goldman Sachs has a ten-step interview process.
那高盛老总是不是也要把这些环节全过一遍
Oh, does Old Man Sachs have all those steps
来避免给他妈打电♥话♥
to avoid calling his mom, too?
好吧 小碧池们
All right, bitches.
新测试 干公♥关♥这行
New test. In PR,
你会时不时帮你的客户"拉皮条"
you are often asked to pull tail for your client.
在这间酒吧给琳德西找个炮♥友♥
Find Lindsay someone at this bar she can bang
兼男友
and realistically fall in love with.
- 但我们不了解她 - 去啊
- But we don't know her. - Go!
趁她们去给我找炮♥友♥
And while they find someone who makes my heart horny,
我们来练习给你妈打电♥话♥吧
let's practice calling your mom.
什么 不要
What? No!
叮铃铃
Ring, ring, ring.
- 嗨 妈 - 格雷琴
- Hi, Mom. - Hello, Gretchen.
我和你♥爸♥正在说你呢
Your father and I were just complaining about you.
嗨 妈咪
Hi, Mommy.
打电♥话♥来有什么事吗
Is there a reason you called?
吉米和我要结婚了
Jimmy and I are getting married.
真是出乎我意料
Well, I'm obviously aghast,
但你也老大不小了
but someone whose sell-by date has long since passed
找个需要绿卡的初代移♥民♥
might as well grab the first immigrant
也不是坏事
who needs a green card.
吉米爱我 而且他已经有绿卡了
Jimmy loves me and he already has a green card.
- 应该吧 - 肉毒杆菌注射预约了吗
- I think. - Did you schedule your Botox?
现在就去打 六月前还能恢复好
Do it now so your face settles before June.
现在起只许吃蒸鱼和蔬菜
And only eat steamed fish and veggies.
- 妈咪 我不想... - 行吧
- Mommy, I don't want to... - Fine!
你愿意一身赘肉地走上红毯我也管不着
Gallumph down the aisle a fat, wrinkled pig for all I care.
- 我没这么说 - 你是不是
- I didn't say that! - Have you just grown
成长之路太顺利了
so comfortable with failure
从没意识到你的失败
that you don't even notice it anymore?
就像家里有垃圾箱的人
Like how people who have litter boxes in their house
习惯了猫屎的味道一样
get used to the smell of cat shit?
什么 不是
What? No.
至少你现在是他的负担
At least you'll be his burden now.
- 我恨你 - 你一无是处
- I hate you! I hate you! - You've been nothing...
- 我恨你 - 你从出生起
- I hate you! - ...but dead weight since
就是个没用的负担
the day they cut you out of my uterus!
琳德西
Lindsay!
只知道喝酒
Oh, that's right, run to the bottle.
我已经挂电♥话♥了 你看不见我在做什么
I hung up on you. You can't see what I'm doing.
时间到了 把人带过来 碧池们
Time! Bring it in, bitches!
你没有限定时间
You didn't specify a time limit.
是吗 你被"卡特勒"了
Oh, well, you're Cutlered.
行不行
Yes? No?
选吧 琳子
All right, Linds.
要哪个
Which guy?
都不行 这就是他们挑的人吗
Neither. This is who they pick?
一个老处♥男♥ 一个穷光蛋
A wizard? Pocket shorts?
过不了
Hard pass.
你们都被"卡特勒"了
You're both Cutlered!
有用哎 只要主动出击
Oh, it works. You just have to attack it.
可以滚了 蠢蛋们
Thanks for no help with that, dummies.
给你妈打电♥话♥ 打
Call your mom. Do it.
我想问面试还要多久
Just wondering how much longer the interview is?
真正的面试还没开始呢
Oh, the real interview hasn't even started yet.
抢答环节
Lightning round.
一起嗨起来
Let's Coyote Ugly this bitch!
抓住她
Get her!
我们要不直接走
Should we just go?
这就是你在曼荷莲学到的吗 退缩
Is that what they taught you at Mount Holyoke? To quit?
你知道我的学校
You know where I went to school?
你们什么事我都知道
I know about all of you...
知道"野心"小姐在电通集团的实习
About Thirsty's internship at Dentsu;
知道"不沾酒"小姐去了杜克大学
about how No Drinks went to Duke;
知道你们所有的特殊技能
I know all about your special skills
知道你们会讲几国语言
and all the languages you speak,
知道你们那些"有趣"的爱好
and all the hobbies you think make you sound interesting.
攀岩 动感单车
Bouldering. Indoor cycling.
是谁高中时加入了女童军 黛比吗
Who stays in Girl Scouts through high school, Debbie?
别听她胡说 她是个精神病
Don't listen to her. She's a psychopath.
所以这些都算面试吗
So all of this was part of the interview?
唱歌♥ 打架
The singing, the fighting,
随便找个男人乱搞
the making out with the random guy?
没错 等会 那是个男人吗
Yes! Wait, that was a guy?
天哪 他的嘴唇好软
Oh, goddamn it, he had such soft lips.
你的客户可能会很难缠
Your clients will be terrible people
没有自♥制♥力
with no impulse control.
音乐家会把事情搞得一团糟
Musicians are babies who will shit all over you
之后还会大笑
and laugh about it.
所以你没醉吗
So you're not actually drunk?
我清醒得很
I am completely sober.
傻了吧 瑞秋
Fooled you, Rachel.
你被"卡特勒"了
Cutlered.
太丢脸了 他们骗我说了
What a sham. They trick me into describing
改写我作品的方法
how to adapt my work
这样他们就能让别人沿着我铺好的路
just so they can pass my clear roadmap along to some hack
摒弃所有诱人的色情描写
who will strip away all the heady eroticism
改编出一部奇葩女凯蒂的电影
and write a film about a quirky girl named Kitty.
你还是有可能得到这份工作的
You don't know that you didn't get the job.
他们在最后说了 "不错"
They said "Good stuff," At the end.
你觉得像你一样频繁被拒绝的人
You think someone who'd been rejected as often as you
会没点先见之明吗
would recognize when it happens.
糟糕 我还得参加深夜写作会
Oh, crap. I have to go in for a late-night writing sesh.
我说过我在为保罗·F·汤普金斯工作吗
Hey, did I tell you I'm under Paul F. Tompkins's wing now?
至少你知道
Well, at least you know where
该问谁要薪水
your next paycheck's coming from.
天知道我下本书的首♥付♥款
God knows when the first payment
和这本书的版税何时到账
for my next book comes in, or the royalties on Width.
与此同时 我还欠着房♥贷
And whilst I wait, I'll have to default on my mortgage,
卖♥♥了我那辆酷炫的跑车
sell my resplendent hot rod...
我觉得格雷琴点了那把火后
I don't think it's been street legal
这车应该不能卖♥♥了
since Gretchen set it on fire.
还要娶那个火红头发的奇葩
And then marry that self-same pyromaniacal redhead
小气又讨人厌
somewhere cheap and disgusting,
让人想到里诺市和某些植物园
like Reno or some botanical garden.
我还是觉得你会得到那份工作
I still think you're gonna get it.
如果他们给我工作
If they were to give me the job, it would probably
可能只是欣赏你
only be because of your offensive yet succinct
对我巨作的过度精简
oversimplification of my sweeping epic.
谬赞了
Thanks.
是我
Yes.
好 就这样
All right. Fine.
抱歉 吉米
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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