无耻家庭

Shameless S03E11

Part 2 Jan. 8, 2020, 3 p.m.

To my house, where I live,
我可受人尊敬了
like a respectable human being.
我把过去四年的
I have labeled the quarterly reports
季度报告用彩色标签
from the last four years
装订整理出来了
with color-coded tabs, stapled and collated.
还附上了双面复件以便存档
And I've included double-sided copies for the archive.
漂亮大♥师♥
Oh, dang, maestro.
我想问下密歇根州的办事处
I was wondering if you knew of any positions
还有没有职位空缺
opening up in your Michigan office.
我可以帮你问问你要走吗
Uh, I could ask. You leaving us?
我男友可能要去密歇根大学念医学院
My boyfriend might be going to med school at U of M.
不过还没定下来
We're not sure yet.
那真是太棒了
Wow. That's terrific.
只是你走了我们会很伤心的
We'll be sad to see you go.
我也一样
Me too.
不好意思
Uh, sorry.
不知道你这周你有没有空
I don't know if you're busy this weekend,
我家有个小木屋
but my family has a cabin.
距离这里以北大约半小时车程
It's like a half an hour drive north of here.
每年秋天我们家都会过去
We go every year during the fall,
在那里野营烤烤棉花糖
We camp, and toast marshmallows,
喝喝酒直到酩酊大醉
and kinda drink our faces off.
该死那个
Shit, so--
瞧我这拙嘴笨舌的
I'm doing this really, really badly.
我诚挚地邀请你和你男友
I am totally inviting both of you
还有你带去看垒球比赛的那帮小孩一起过去
and the pile of kids you brought to the softball game.
他们肯定能玩个痛快一共几个孩子来着
Real--they'd have a great time. How many are there total?
两个少年两个儿童还有一个小娃娃
Two teens, two preteens, and a toddler.
好极了我们有额外的帐篷
Perfect, I mean, we've got extra tents,
和防冻睡袋
We've got sub-zero sleeping bags,
孩子们可以挤一个帐篷
The little ones share a tent,
讲讲鬼故事什么的
tell ghost stories, while the adults
大人们可以围着篝火喝酒
just get blitzed by the fire.
很多公♥司♥的同事都会过去
And I mean, tons of people from work usually come.
很有意思的
It's great.
听起来不错
Sounds good.
我那几个弟弟可能要参加婚礼
My brothers might have a wedding,
我会问下其他几个的意见
but I'll check with the rest of the gang.
好的定了就告诉我一声
Yeah, cool. Let me know.
没问题
Okay.
那是什么声音
Hey, what's that, Liam?
是不是世界上最烦人的绵羊
Is that the world's most annoying sheep?
它在说什么咩
What's he saying? Baaaa...
-他们已经到了吗 -谁
- Whoa, are they there now? - Who?
-移♥民♥局的人 -没来
- The INS. - No.
那你干嘛打我电♥话♥
Then why are you calling me?
我买♥♥了双鞋现在坏了
I have this stupid shoe I bought, and it break.
我打电♥话♥投诉可他们听不懂我说的话
And I tried to call to complain, but they don't understand me.
你打给他们吧好吗
You call, yeah?
不行艾斯特法尼娅
No, Estefania,
只有紧急情况你才能给我打电♥话♥
this number's for emergencies.
我无聊死了史蒂夫
I'm bored, Steve.
每天就是坐这里看书购物
All I do, I sit here with textbooks, go shopping,
要不就是和那些鸡鸡很小的色鬼们乱搞
I get bad sex with horny boys
一点都不性福
with tiny pintinhos.
好好好
Okay, okay.
我待会儿就去商店
I will go to the store later.
-我要你过来 -好的
- Come over. - Okay.
先挂了来来来给你
Gotta go. Here, here, here.
那是什么那是什么利亚姆
What's that? What's that, Liam?
是只小猪呢
Is that a piggy?
还是一台"哼哼叫"的熏肉机呢
A filthy, snorting bacon machine?
牛叫和鸡叫你是不是也会模仿
Wow. Can you do cows and chickens too?
我可没你妈擅长
Not as good as your mom.
你的邮件
I have your mail.
有线电视费单房♥产税房♥租你的支票簿签名
Cable, utility, rent. Your checkbook. Sign?
我还替你拿了点私人的东西
I have personal things for you as well.
电视指南建筑文摘潮流家居
Tv Guide, Architectural DI-- Anthropologie.
这些不是女性读物吗
Is that for girls?
还有这个
I also have this.
密歇根大学的入学通知
University of Michigan enrollment notification.
一月开学
Classes begin in January?
你私拆我的信件这可是刑事罪
You opened my mail? That's a felony.
你说服艾斯特法妮娅和你一起走了吗
So you were able to convince Estefania to move?
那个
It's--um--
正在计划中正努力着呢你就别...
It's a work in progress. I'm working on it. Just don't--
菲奥娜肯定知道你的计划了吧
Ah, but Fiona's aware of your plans, I assume.
你可别太大意了
You're getting careless.
别惹祸上身
Don't.
我来得不是时候
Bad time?
没事早早地在组装婴儿用具罢了
No, just putting together some baby stuff way prematurely.
有事吗
What's up?
我需要你的意见
Um, I need your advice.
关于胎儿大学和小鸡♥巴♥的事
Well, if it's about infants, college, or tiny dicks,
我可没经验
I'm the wrong guy.
不是是...
Uh, no, it's, um--
是关于疯女人你以前就娶过一个
It's about crazy. You were married to once.
怎么曼迪发神经了吗
Why, is Mandy going a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs?
我觉得是她开车撞的凯伦
Yeah, I think she ran over Karen with her car.
-什么 -我觉得是她开车撞飞凯伦的
- What? - I think she--she ran over Karen with her car,
而且她那还有好多枪
and also she--she carries this like huge stockpile of arms--
等等等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
你是说你的现任女友
Your current girlfriend
开车撞了你的前女友
ran over your ex-girlfriend with a car?
可以这么说吧我
Signs point to yes. I mean, I--
我不知道她还会做什么
I don't know. I don't know what she's capable of.
老弟你要进入一级戒备了
Dude, you're at Defcon One.
你得赶紧想法子脱身
You need to get the fuck outta there.
怎么个脱法
Tell me how.
不能急
Very slowly.
要让她觉得是她自己想离开你
You need to make her think it's her idea.
你跟她保持距离
Keep your distance.
因为女人一旦掌权
Because once they get behind the wheel,
就没有回头路了
there's no going back.
好吧我经常不在
Okay. I mean, I'm-- I'm-- I'm gone a lot, you know?
凯伦家里需要帮忙所以
They need a lot of help over at Karen's, so--
利普等等等等
Whoa, whoa, Lip, wait, wait.
曼迪知道你要去那吗
Does Mandy know you're going over there?
知道我告诉她的
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I told her--
利普你不能告诉她这种事
Lip, you can't tell her that shit!
这就好比是在公牛面前挥红布
That's like waving the flag in front of the bull!
把车钥匙藏好
Hide the car keys,
别洗澡什么都别再跟她说
stop showering, and you tell her nothing.
不管你做什么利普切忌
And whatever you do, do not-- Lip.
不要让她上你
Do not let her bone you,
因为荷尔蒙会让她们更黏人
because that oxytocin stuff makes them adhesive.
懂了吗
You got it?
懂了
Yeah.
我不应该跟你说话
I'm not supposed to talk to you.
-菲奥娜和利普会生气的 -他们当然会生气
- Fiona and Lip will be mad. - Well, of course they will.
他们像对麻风病人一样对我因为我是个"坏爸爸"
They treat me like a leper because I'm "a bad father".
真能扯
Yeah, right.
我告诉你没见过我妈的辉煌年代
Tell you, you haven't seen bad parenting
都不知道啥叫糟糕的父母
till you witness my mother in her glory days.
她有一根被称为"惩罚棍"的木头
Had this piece of wood she called a retribution stick.
一面宽一面窄
Flat side, skinny side.
如果我犯的是小错比如多吃一块饼干
If I did something small, like steal an extra cookie
或者在她洗发水里尿尿打用宽面的
or piss in her shampoo bottle-- whack. Flat side.
但如果我做的是什么邪恶的事
But if I did something heinous,
比如在她午睡的时候把她的床点着了
like set fire to her bed when she was napping,
或者举报她在车♥库♥里聚众赌博