无耻家庭

Shameless S03E06

Part 5 Jan. 8, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

Oh, she's still alive?
茉莉其实是离家出走的
Turns out Molly's a runner.
怎么你就让她把她带走了
What, you just let her take her?
我应该阻止她吗
Oh, I was supposed to stop her?
不知道她出走应该是有原因的吧
I don't know, if she ran it was probably for a good reason, no?
或者没有
Or not.
我小的时经常离家出走
I used to run away all the time when I was little.
你就应该离家出走
My point exactly.
我爸爸离开家几天
My dad's out of town for a few days
我告诉米奇我也不回去了
and I told Mickey he could have the place.
我能跟你住吗
Can I stay with you?
我得在这个教♥养♥院♥里好好表现
I got to play it straight in this group home for a bit.
我可以晚上让你溜进来
Maybe I can sneak you in tonight though.
保证我不会被轮♥奸♥
Promise I won't get gang raped?
不能保证
Nope.
那我也去
Whatever, I'm in.
吃饭前你为什么吃糖
Why are you eating candy before dinner?
因为网上说黑巧克力中有一种氨基酸
'Cause it says here that dark chocolate has an amino acid
能增加精♥子♥的数量
that doubles your sperm count.
我没看过但是我妈说
I didn't read that one, but mama says
芦荟和大蒜也可以所以看呀
asparagus and garlic does the trick, so tah-dah.
如果我吃了我的尿得臭一个月
If I eat all that, my piss is gonna stink for a month.
我妈还会拿牡蛎来
And mama's bringing over oysters.
我们得想个比火鸡浇油管更好的受精系统
But we gotta think of a better delivery system than the turkey baster.
水枪
Squirt gun.
有点脏
Kind of messy.
吸管怎么样长的那种
What about a straw? Silly straw?
-雅各布 -到
- Jacobs. - Here.
维斯顿
And Weston.
-维斯顿 -到
- Weston! - Here.
晚安了芝加哥小杂种们
All right, good night, you shits of Chicago!
伊利诺伊州小混♥蛋♥们
Pricks of Illinois!
好好玩
Have fun.
你怎么搞到单人房♥的
How did you get the private room?
交了几个朋友
I made some friends.
以后你帮我溜进你大学寝室的时候
Is this what it's gonna be like
也是这样子吗
when you sneak me into your dorm in college?
有点不同
A little different.
我猜我室友会有点文化
I'm guessing my dorm mates would be literate.
你真是疯了
You are out of your mind.
你看见那个马尾巴了吗
Have you seen that fucking ponytail?
很有权力的马尾巴
It's a powerful ponytail, man. That's bullshit.
西格尔肯定能打过尚格·云顿
Segal could totally kick Van Damme's ass.
均为美国动作巨星
除非
Oh, unless-unless...
是《绝地双尊》里的尚格·云顿
It's Double Impact Van Damme.
那可是尚格双重云顿
'Cause that's some Van double Damme!
我想上尚格云顿
I wanna fuck Van Damme.
你疯了吗
Are you out of your fucking mind?
小凯只需要和你做
Kev is just gonna lie down with you for procreation,
又不是做♥爱♥
not sex.
有什么区别
What is the difference?
纯交♥配♥ 没人享受
It's clinical. So no one enjoys it.
那个火鸡浇油管里死了百万个精♥子♥
Millions of sperm died in that turkey baster.
这种方法数量更多
This will deliver the biggest batch.
数量多机率也就大
The bigger the batch,the better the chance.
不行宝贝
No, honey.
这是一趟通往《毛里·波维奇怪秀》的快车
This is an express bus to The Maury Povich Show.
我只是想让你得到一个
I want nothing more than to be able to give you the baby
你一直想要的孩子
that I know you want.
还有你应得的外孙
And the grandbaby that you deserve.
但我不能
But I can't.
这让我伤心欲绝
And it kills me.
求你了趁着你还在排卵的时候试一试吧
Please, just give it a go while you're still ovulating.
你家有什么烈酒有多少
What kind of hard liquor you got and how much?
这里真热
Damn, it's hot up here.
那是因为热空气往上走
That's because heat rises.
那为什么宇宙那么冷
Then how come space is so cold?
我来
I got it.
是谁敲门是谁敲门宝贝
Who's at the door? Who's at the door, baby?
滚弗兰克滚
No! Frank, no!
-等等 -你赶紧滚
- Wait. - You-- first of all, get out!
滚出去
Get out!
-听我说 -你不准进来
- Just hear me out. - You are not allowed in here.
-滚出去 -家庭服务部带走了我的孩子们
- Get out! - DFS pinched my kids.
我需要你假装成莫妮卡帮我把孩子弄回来
I need you to pretend to be Monica to help me get them back.
什么不行不行
What? No! No!
为什么我要帮你
Why should I do anything for you?
你把哈纳姆自己放着
You left Hiram all alone.
求你了
I am begging you.
作为一个知道失去孩子是什么滋味的人
As someone who knows what it feels like to lose a kid.
凯伦离家出走了
Karen ran away.
你能想象有人把她抢走的感觉吗
Can you imagine what it must feel like to have them taken from you?
这不是为了弗兰克好吗
This isn't for Frank, okay?
是为了黛比卡尔和利亚姆
It's for Debbie and Carl and Liam.
也许你该帮希拉宝贝为了孩子们
Maybe you should do it, Shelly-bear... for the kids.
算了吧小凯
Give it up, Kev.
不管多黑
You can't make it dark enough to deny
都躲不过即将要发生的事情
what's about to happen in here.
我也希望像你一样烂醉
I wish I was drunk as you.
但是我怕喝多硬不起来
No,I can't risk the whiskey-dick.
好吧开始吧
Okay, let's get this going.
别闹了妈
Knock it off, mama!
等等这个3K党的袍子怎么回事
Hey, wait, wait, wait. What's with the KKK costume?
我去年参加过一个婚礼
I saw them use something like this
看过他们用这个
at that super jewel wedding I went to last year.
作为避免肌肤之亲的屏障
It keeps the skin from touching. Acts as a barrier.
我觉得我像鬼妓♥女♥
I feel like a ghost prostitute.
就像珍妮弗·洛夫·休伊特的那个剧一样看过吗
You know, like that Jennifer Love Hewitt show. You seen that?
就是她演一个专门服务鬼的妓♥女♥
You know, where she's, like, a call girl for ghosts
还是什么的
or some shit.
不是那是两部不同的剧
No, that-- it's two different shows.
-好了你俩准备好了吗 -是的
- All right,you two ready? - Yeah.
等等我得先出去
No! Let me get the hell out of here first.
我不能看
I can't watch this part.
你还好吧
You...you okay out there?
我很好你呢
Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?
需要帮助吗
You need any help?
不我没事没事谢谢关心
No,I'm fine. I'm fine. Thank you for asking.
怎么不给我剪一个喘气的口
Why she didn't cut me a mouth hole?
我该怎么我的天呐
How am I supposed to-whoa! Hello!
看来下面是来客人了
Looks like I got a visitor down there!
该死的
God damn it.
矮油有人敲完门就想跑
Ding dong ditch. Somebody rang my bell and ran away.
我感觉我在上鬼马小精灵
I feel like I'm fucking Casper.
盖着这东西真的很难呼吸
Hey, you know, it's getting seriously hard to breathe under here.
我能拿下来吗
Can I take this off my face?
不不
No! No!
你能把弗兰克送去家庭服务部吗
Can you dump Frank at DFS?
我得去给卡尔送点东西
I gotta drop some stuff off for Carl.
当然没问题
Yeah,not a problem.
该走了弗兰克表演时间
Let's go, Frank! Showtime.
离我上次来有一段时间了
Been a while since I've been in.
也许我需要张新照片
Maybe I need a new picture.
我们去年有次嗨过头了
We had a bad meth run last year
那玩意的威力你懂的
and you know what that stuff can do to you.
网站上都能找到
They've got a website and everything.
现在你已经申请恢复监护权了
Well,now that you've filed your petition to reinstate custody,
我们需要你报名参加家长教育课程
we'll need you to sign up for parenting classes.
-家长教育课程 -很好
- Parenting classes? - Good.
同时我们会进行随机药检
Also there may be some random drug tests