小镇滋味

Santa Clarita Diet S03E09

Part 1 Oct. 14, 2019, 11:20 a.m.

早上好罗恩
Good morning, Ron.
早餐味道如何
How was your breakfast?
很美味
Delicious.
被转化后我一般
Since I turned, I normally
只吃炒腿肉你懂的
just eat scrambled legs. Because, get it?
你给了他一把刀
You gave him a knife?
还有一把叉子罗恩喜欢这样吃饭
And a fork. It's how Ron prefers to eat.
希拉喜欢大快朵颐我喜欢细细品尝
Sheila is messy and sexy, and I'm neat and petite.
我们都是上帝之子乔
We're all God's children, Joel.
当然了
Absolutely.
听我说我们要堵上你的嘴
So, listen, we need to gag you
反绑你的手
and tie your hands behind your back.
什么
What?
我今早要接受
I have an interview this morning
塞尔维亚骑士团领主大骑士的面试
with the Grand Prior of the Knights of Serbia,
不能让她知道我们家地下室有个活死人
and she can't know there's an undead person in our basement.
不然她可能会用她的宝剑灭了我们
Or she might slaughter us with her broadsword.
虽然我总是想到自己死在家中的画面
And while I always saw myself dying at home,
但都是安详地死在床上
it was peacefully in bed,
而不是挣扎着去拿电♥话♥时踩在自己的内脏上滑倒摔死
not slipping on my own guts trying to get to the phone.
但好消息是
But, good news.
我们会用这张由百分百爱尔兰亚麻制成的纸巾
We'll be gagging you with this napkin, which is made out of 100%
堵你的嘴
pure Irish linen.
真柔软
Ooh, soft.
真幸运
Lucky!
我有个主意
Hey, here's an idea.
你们把我解开
What if you unchain me
我在你们面前消失几小时
and I get out of your hair for a few hours?
你们很焦虑我也很焦虑
You're stressed, I'm stressed.
我觉得分开一下对我们都有好处
I think a break would do us all some good.
你想去见昨天计划好要转化的
You wanna go meet your Reddit friend Andre
Reddit网网友安德烈对吗
who you were planning on turning yesterday, right?
不是
No.
因为即便我已经答应了会去咬他
Because even though I promised to bite him,
你让我意识到这样做有多不好
you have made me realize how bad that is.
所以我改变心意了
And so, I will break my promise.
快放了我我保证今天下午会回来
Now, let me go and I promise I'll come back this afternoon.
抱歉在确信你不会到处乱跑
Sorry. We can't let you leave until
咬每个你在网上认识的怪胎之前
we're convinced you're not gonna go run around
我们不能放你走
biting every weirdo you meet on the internet.
这样很鲁莽会影响我们活死人的名声
It's reckless, and it makes all of us undead look bad.
手腕靠拢
Put your wrists together.
你不觉得
Don't you think it's odd
你老婆就是个活死人
that you're trying to join an organization
你还要加入一个致力于杀死活死人的组织
dedicated to killing the undead,
这样很奇怪吗
even though you're married to one?
如果我不成为骑士就会有别人追杀希拉
If I don't become a Knight, someone else will be hunting Sheila.
这样她就安全了
This way, she'll be safe.
听起来还是很矛盾如果你想听下我的建议
Still seems problematic. If you want my opinion--
抱歉我们有点赶时间
Sorry. We're kind of in a rush.
这些纸巾不是你奶奶送给我们的结婚礼物吗
Weren't these napkins a wedding gift from your grandmother?
是的吧怎么了
I think so. Why?
我刚发现这是我们第一次用
I just realized this is the first time we've used them.
第三季第九集
这次见面是怎么安排的
So what's our strategy for this meeting?
先迎她进屋留下个好印象
Well, we welcome her in, make a good impression.
该上学的去上学
And then those of us who go to school will go to school.
不是吧你说过我现在也是团队一份子
Seriously? You said I was part of the team now.
你是团队一份子亲爱的但你还是得毕业
You are part of the team, honey, but you still have to graduate.
有高中学历的骑士挣得远比
Knights with high school diplomas make a lot more
没有高中学历的骑士多
than Knights without high school diplomas.
-她来了 -记住
- She's here. - Now, remember.
她一路爬上了一个以杀死你妈妈那样的人为傲的
She rose to the top of an ancient organization that prides itself
古老组织的顶端
in killing people like your mother.
这个女人很危险
This woman is dangerous.
同样很重要别把艾比当小孩对待
Equally important. Don't treat Abby like a child,
让她在这个狠角色面前难堪
and embarrass her in front of this badass
她可以做我狠角色♥界♥的导师
who could be her mentor in badassery.
你已经是个狠角色了
You're already a badass.
但是抱歉这句话我必须得说出口
But, I'm sorry, I have to get this out of my system.
你太可爱了我真为你骄傲
Oh, you're so cute and I'm just so proud of you!
好了大伙
All right, everybody.
开门吧
Let's go.
你们好
Hello.
有何贵干
Can I help you?
我是佩特拉·布拉泽克塞尔维亚骑士团领主大骑士
I'm Petra Blazek, Grand Prior of the Knights of Serbia.
我们约好了
We have an appointment.
抱歉我是乔·哈蒙德
I'm sorry. I'm Joel Hammond.
你身后的阳光太刺眼我...
With the sun behind you, I...
快请进
Hey, come on in.
没关系我已经习惯了
Don't worry. This happens all the time.
人们听到"领主大骑士"后脑子里想的是一位
People hear "Grand Knight Prior" and they expect a...
一米八几的战士公主骑着一匹骏马
six-foot warrior princess riding a horse
手中挥舞着一颗燃烧的头颅
and swinging a burning skull.
可我呢我喜欢舒服的鞋
But me? I like comfortable shoes
和四门轿车
and a four-door sedan.
我是希拉这是我们的女儿艾比
Well, I'm Sheila. This is our daughter Abby.
-你好 -快请坐
- Hello. - Come, sit.
法定继承人艾比
Abby, the heir-apparent.
你吃过正宗的密尔沃基
Have you ever had a real Milwaukee
花生酱软糖吗
peanut butter fudge bar?
没吃过
No. I have not.
如果爸爸妈妈不介意的话
Well, if Mom and Dad say it's okay,
我们要改变这个现状了
then we're going to change that.
只有小孩有还是...
Is it just for kids or...
我发誓
I swear...
我总说会好好收纳
I always say I'm gonna get organized,
但从不付诸行动
but I never do.
找到了
Yeah. Here it is.
这是什么
What is that?
这个压塞机吗
Oh, the corker?
最爱这个了
Love this thing.
它是从17世纪杜布罗夫尼克旧城传下来的
It dates back to 17th century Dubrovnik.
首先控制住你的僵尸
First, you restrain your zombie.
然后用这个装置锁死住他的脑袋
Then, you clamp its head tight between these doohickeys.
然后
Then...
好啦它的大脑就被拉出来了
Hello! You pull its brains right out.
很有效率
It's very effective.
我喜欢这个
I like this one.
很合手
Feels good in my hand.
这也是我的最爱之一人们常说
That's one of my favorites. You know how they say,
"左耳朵进右耳朵出"
"In one ear and out the other?"
这个工具能把这个俗语
This turns that from an expression...
变为行动指令
into instructions.
好了艾比该去上学了
All right, Abby. Time for school.
妈妈我不想去上学
Mom, I don't wanna go to school.
我想留下来找个哈密瓜试试这个压塞机
I wanna stay here and try the corker on a cantaloupe.
我可以出去买♥♥一个来
I could run out and get us one,
至于你小姐要去上学了
but you, young lady, need to be on your way.
好吧
Fine.
很高兴认识你布拉泽克小姐
It was nice to meet you, Miss Blazek.
我父亲会成为一位非常出色的塞尔维亚骑士的
My father would make an excellent Knight of Serbia.
到那时我也会证明自己的价值的
And when the time comes, I too will prove myself worthy.
但我现在得去上学了
But I must now go to school.
我四点会带个哈密瓜回家
I will return at four with a cantaloupe.
要是到时你和压塞机还在
Should you and the corker still be here...
那就太酷了
that would be sick.
我喜欢她
I like her.
她身上有一股斗志终有一天
She shows the fire of a young woman who could, one day,
她会成为一名非常出色的生者世界守护者
make a very fine Guardian of the Living World.
不过还是先聊聊你吧乔