小镇滋味

Santa Clarita Diet S03E03

Part 4 Oct. 14, 2019, 11:20 a.m.

确保她会吃他的土豆沙拉
and make sure she eats his potato salad.
这太难搞定了
This is gonna suck.
我还是想救克里斯塔
I still wanna save Christa's life,
但我很讨厌他们有这么好的房♥子
but I hate that they have such a nice house.
如果我们都是不死之身
You know, if we were both immortal,
我们就能一直保持能赚钱的状态
our prime earning years could go on forever.
我们可以把整条街都买♥♥下来
We can own this whole block.
我记得你说过永生是个重大决定
I thought you said immortality was a big decision,
你会耐心等我的
and you'd be patient with me.
我说过吗这可不像是我说的话
Did I? That doesn't sound like me.
要是克里斯塔不在家怎么办
What if Christa's not home?
如果她正在里面被谋杀呢
What if she's in there right now, being murdered?
叮咚
Ding dong!
搞什么
What the hell?
你们不能就这样闯进我家里
You can't just walk into my house!
我们说了叮咚
Well, we said ding dong.
房♥地♥产♥经纪人都这样
It's a realtor thing.
不只有我这样
No, it's my thing.
我没开门
And I didn't answer the door
是因为我在宁静室里冥想
because I was meditating in my serenity room
不想搭理你们这种衣衫褴褛的混♥蛋♥
and didn't want to deal with poorly dressed a-holes like you.
你们家还有宁静室呢
This is with a serenity room.
我们很抱歉突然闯进来但是这事很重要
We're sorry to barge in like this, but it's kind of important
而且我们想让克里斯也过来他在吗
and we'd love to loop Chris in. Is he around?
他在上游泳课
He's at his swim lesson.
我们没时间绕圈了
We don't have time to explore it.
事情是这样的我们新来了个很棒的助理汤米
Here's the deal. We have this wonderful new assistant Tommy,
而且他知道我们之间有些纠葛
and he knows has been bad blood between us,
所以他想给你们带点礼物来缓和关系
so he came up with this idea to bring you a peace offering.
他随时可能带着礼物来
And he's gonna be delivering it any minute.
真的吗
Really?
一瓶酒还是一天温泉疗养体验
Like a bottle of wine or a spa day?
其实是土豆沙拉
Actually, it's potato salad.
如果你能当着他的面吃下就更好了
And it'd be great, if you'd eat it in front of him.
-滚出去 -知道了
- Get out. - We hear you.
并不是每个人都喜欢土豆沙拉
Not everybody likes potato salad.
但是那些喜欢的就爱不释手
Although, those who do, love it.
我才不会吃你们那个狗屁助理的狗屁土豆沙拉
I'm not eating your fucking assistant's fucking potato salad.
该死
Damn it.
该死他来了
Shit. He's here.
这真是太好了因为他很贴心
Which is great, because he is so sweet.
还有汤米超级敏感
Also, Tommy's super sensitive.
因为我们毁了你的午餐
And since we ruined your lunch,
他才坚持想拿食物作为和好的礼物
he's invested in the idea of food as a peace offering.
我连自己助理的感受都不考虑
I don't care about my assistant's feelings,
为什么要在乎你们助理的感受
why would I care about yours?
因为汤米英勇地服役过
Because... Tommy bravely served our country
我们都欠他一份感激之情
and we all owe him a debt of gratitude.
是的
That's right!
他曾经参加过沙漠雷鸣行动
He was in Operation Desert Thunder.
-暴风 -他曾经参加过沙漠雷鸣暴风行动
- Storm. - He was in Operation Desert Thunderstorm.
-去掉"雷鸣" -去掉雷鸣行动
- Drop the "thunder". - Operation Drop the Thunder.
沙漠暴风沙漠暴风行动该死
Desert Storm. Operation Desert Thunderstorm. Goddamn it!
老天谁管啊
Jesus Christ, who cares?
贝尔和塞巴斯蒂安你们怎么在这里
Belle and Sebastian, what are you doing here?
桃子和香草我们是来帮你的
Peaches and Herb, we came to help you.
真棒克里斯塔·考德威尔
Great. Christa Caldwell.
我给你带来了一点土豆沙拉
I brought you some potato salad.
我建议你吃下去如果你可以的话
I suggest you eat it, if you can.
我是说
I mean...
如果这对你们如此重要的话
if it's that important to you.
糟糕我弄掉了
Oops! I dropped it.
你们可以给我舔屁♥股♥了
I guess you two can lick my ass.
搞什么
What the fuck?
看
Look!
她在流血她在流真正的血
She's bleeding. She's bleeding real blood.
是啊因为你捅了我疯婆娘
Yeah, because you stabbed me, you psycho!
该死
God damn it!
她是活的撤退
She's alive? Scatter!
搞什么你就不能
Hey, what the hell? You can't be nice
对别人好一秒钟吗他是退伍军人
to a guy for one second, we claimed was a veteran?
你的伤口在抽搐吗我的在抽搐
Is yours throbbing? Mine's throbbing.
我不知道你们想搞什么把戏
I don't know what kind of gangster intimidation shit
来恐吓我
you guys are trying to pull,
但是雪利·辛格尔顿曾经毒死了我们的猫
but Sherry Singleton once poisoned our cat,
而我们仍然留在了联式房♥屋的市场上
and we still stayed in the duplex market.
原则房♥屋中介的
Chris and Christa Caldwell,
克里斯和克里斯塔·考德威尔
of Principal Residential,
绝不退缩
do not back down.
那就别惹我们
Well, don't fuck with us,
因为我会吃了你们的儿子
because I will eat your son.
什么
What?
这是爱尔兰的一种说法
Uh, it's an Irish expression.
意思是 "遮住太阳
It means "Block the sun
不让阳光照到你的庄稼上"
from shining on your crops."
我们赢了走吧
This is a win. Let's go.
我差点杀了一个女人一个活生生的女人
I almost killed a woman. A live woman.
因为你兄弟错了
Because your brother was wrong.
圣克拉丽塔没有活死人我还被捅了
There's no undead in Santa Clarita and I got stabbed.
如果再偏三英寸深六英寸
Three inches over and six inches deeper,
就捅到我心脏了
it would have gone into my heart.
我知道我搞砸了
I know. I fucked up.
你想让我看看伤口吗
Do you want me to take a look at it?
不别碰
No, don't touch it.
走吧走
Just go. Go!
-我收到了安妮的消息 -她怎么说
- I got a text from Anne. - Yeah, what did she say?
她说她很抱歉但是不会否认自己的信仰
She said she's sorry, but she can't deny her faith.
天呐
Oh, man.
这意味着她会继续向别人说你的事
That means she's gonna keep telling people about you.
她是个好人她是我的朋友
She's a good person. She's my friend.
我知道我知道
I know, I know.
你想要我陪你一起去吗
You want me to go with you?
不应该让我来
No, it should be me.
各位下午好
Good afternoon, everyone.
我是联邦调查局特工苔丝·罗杰斯
I'm Special Agent Tess Rogers with the FBI.
我知道诺瓦克校长今天早些时候跟你们说过
I know Principal Novak spoke to you earlier today
告诉了你们你们的环境社正在被调查
and told you your environmental club is under investigation
而且你们所有人都有嫌疑
and that all of you are under suspicion.
所有人
All of you.
我说清楚点
Just to be clear...
他说的都不对
none of what he said is true,
而且我特地告诉他千万别跟你们说
and I specifically told him not to talk to you at all.
抱歉你想我离开吗
I'm sorry. You want me to leave?
那就太好了谢谢
That would be great, thank you.
不客气
You're welcome.
孩子们这是做人的礼仪
That, children, is a lesson in manners.
所以我们没有被调查
So, we're not under investigation?
不根本没有
No, not at all.
我只是特工小组中的一员
I'm just part of a team of agents
我只是想弄清楚到底发生了什么
who are trying to get some information about what happened.
我会跟你们每个人单独聊聊
I'll be speaking to each of you individually
问问你们在大环保社区里都听到了什么
to see if you've heard anything in a larger environmental community,
这样会很有帮助
that could be helpful.
谁知道呢没准我们能一起抓住这个恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
Who knows? Maybe we'll catch a terrorist together.
有趣的事实
And fun fact...
我总是带着一点彩虹糖
I am never ever without Skittles.
我看到了点东西
I saw something.
真的你看到什么了
Really? What was that?
我看到一个大公♥司♥来到我们这里
I saw some giant company coming to my town
然后他们在我们的地下水里注入有毒的化学物质
and inject toxic chemicals into our groundwater.