废柴联盟（2009）

Community S05E04

Part 4 Oct. 19, 2020, 1:15 p.m.

Maybe that's what he wanted.
也许这正是他想要的
Or maybe he wanted us to know
也许他想让我们知道
we're no better off without him.
没有他我们好不到哪里去
Or no better than him.
至少没他过得好
He kind of nailed it, didn't he?
他的目的达到了不是吗
I didn't just masturbate in the study room.
我不仅在自习室「撸过」
I masturbated everywhere.
我在所有地方都「撸过」
Everywhere!
所有地方
Confession is good for the soul.
自白确实有益身心健康
You should try it sometime.
你们有空也试试
There's another round of questions if you'd like to continue.
如果你们不反对我还有一些问题
You want to give us a moment to sit in our own filth
你之前激起的公粪[愤]我们还没弄干净
Before you heap another bucket on us?
你居然还敢继续接着来
It's strange after all these years
我们都认识了那么多年
How much we've kept hidden from each other.
却还藏着掖着这么多秘密
You'd think by now we would have learned to be better people.
本以为我们早该进步成更好的人了
I think we got into this mess by thinking
就因为我们以为有「更好的自己」存在
there was such a thing as better people.
我们才会落得这般田地
Wait. That's it.
等等我懂了
If we're no better than Pierce,
如果我们并不比皮尔斯好
and Pierce is no worse than us, then that means
而皮尔斯也不比我们坏这说明
nobody's really that bad.
一开始就没有所谓的坏人
So what if we're willing to suffer and inflict pain
就算我们是为了蝇头小利
at the mere prospect of material reward?
而不惜令他人和自己痛苦这又如何
If we stop now, that doesn't make us better.
即使现在改邪归正我们也不会变得更好
It just makes us so dishonest that we would rather be poor
那么做只会令我们变得伪善
Than admit we're flawed.
我们宁愿装穷都不愿承认自己装逼
Pierce admitted he was flawed, and he died rich.
但皮尔斯既没装逼也不用装穷
Let's celebrate his life and death in the honest way,
让我们诚实地为他悼念
Not by saying fake nice things around a casket,
与其在棺材边假惺惺地说好话
But by admitting we're monsters
还不如承认「人不为己天诛地灭」
And clawing joyfully for some of his cash.
并理直气壮地偷花一点他的钱
So does anybody have anything left before we continue?
继续问答之前大家还有想说的吗
Let's empty our tanks of lies once and for all.
所有的谎话就在这儿一吐为快吧
I'm Jeff winger, and if I had my choice,
我是杰夫·翁格如果让我选的话
I would rather look at myself naked
我宁愿看自己的裸体
Than the women I sleep with.
也不要看枕边那个人的
I'm the one who hit Jeff's Lexus in the parking lot.
是我在停车场撞坏了杰夫的雷克萨斯
It wasn't a taco truck, and it was racist of me
不是卖♥♥墨西哥卷的小哥撞的
to improvise such an ethnically specific vehicle.
我更不该编这种带种族歧视的谎话
I only give money to homeless people
只有当身边有人同行时
when I'm walking with someone.
我才会施舍零钱给流浪汉
I've never been to Legoland.
我从没去过乐高主题乐园
I just wanted you guys to think I was cool.
我只想让你们觉得我很酷
I can be passive-aggressive sometimes.
我有时会消极对抗
Don't everybody disagree at once.
竟然没人反驳我
Oh, Lord, I did it again.
老天我又来了
When any of you chew gum, I want to punch you.
只要有人嚼口香糖我就想抽他
You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths.
嚼口香糖好比在嘴里开冲♥锋♥枪♥
It vibrates my skull.
嚼得我头骨乱颤
Everybody clear? All right.
大家都说完了吗好的
Mr. Stone, hit us with your grand finale.
斯通先生开始提问吧
May it be as brutal as we deserve.
让各种问题来得更猛烈些吧
Very well.
很好
Mr. Hawthorne's final round of questions.
开始霍桑先生的最后一轮提问
Britta perry...
布雷塔·派利
Do you know that you hate yourself more than you should
你是否知道你不该如此厌恶自己
And that your passion inspired me?
你的激♥情♥令我倍受鼓舞
No.
不知道
That's true. She didn't know.
是真话她不知道
To Miss Perry, I leave my ipod nano
给派利小姐我装满歌♥曲的ipod nano
filled with music to take life less seriously by.
可以让生活少些严肃
Oh, that's nice.
太温馨了
I also leave you this liquid nitrogen cooled cylinder
还有液氮制冷罐保存的
of my hyper-virile sperm
我超级雄壮的精♥子♥
in case your lesbian lifestyle one day wears out
以免你的女同生活过腻了
and you wish to raise an army of geniuses.
寻思着孕育一支天才军团
Shirley...
雪瑞
Did you know that you are not only a credit
你的贡献不能仅仅造福了
to your race and gender, but to our species,
你的种族和性别更造福了全人类
and that I was intimidated by your strength of character
我被你的骨气和商业头脑
and business acumen? Yes.
深深的震撼了必须的
To Shirley Bennett,
给雪瑞·伯纳德
I leave my spacious timeshare in florida...
我在佛罗里达宽敞的度假别♥墅♥
Where she can take what's-his-name
她可以带着某某男子
and however many children she has now.
还有生多少孩子就带多少孩子去
I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm.
我也给你留了一罐精♥子♥
Annie Edison...
安妮·埃迪生
Did you know that you were always my favorite?
我最爱你了知道吗
You mentioned it once, but--
你提过一次但是...
I leave you this tiara, which you once refused to accept.
我将此皇冠留给你你曾经拒绝接受过
It's the same tiara I used to wear
这顶皇冠曾是我戴过的
when my mother would verbally assault me
当时我妈妈用语言羞辱我
for not being a little girl.
说我怎么不是个小姑娘
Also sperm.
还有精♥子♥
Jeff Winger, did you know you're gay?
杰夫·翁格你是基佬你知道吗
No. Agree to disagree.
不是保留意见
To you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch
给你这瓶上好的威士忌
So that you're less tempted to drink
这样你就不会喝
this cylinderof even finer sperm.
我这罐上好的精♥子♥
Abed Nadir, did you know that you are insane
阿布蒂·纳德尔你是个疯子你知道吗
and nothing that you said ever made any sense to me?
你说的话我从来没听懂过
Yep. Here's your sperm.
对给你精♥子♥
Troy Barnes, did you know that you possess
特洛伊·巴恩斯你现在正在享受
the greatest gift life can give--
生命能给予的最棒的礼物
The heart of a hero-- and that it's up to you
英雄之心是否像我一样将它浪费掉
not to waste it like I did?
取决于你的决定懂了吗
I think.
似乎懂了
To Troy, I leave the obligatory sperm.
给特洛伊义不容辞地将我的精♥子♥留给你
Maybe it's because everyone else got one,
可能是每个人都有一罐
And because it's an old man's semen,
也可能因为这是老男人的精♥液♥
but, um, I'm kind of disappointed.
可是我有点失望
In addition, I am prepared to leave Troy Barnes
除此之外我准备将我所有的
my remaining shares in the hawthorne wipes company,
霍桑纸巾公♥司♥的股份给特洛伊·巴恩斯
currently valued at $14.3 million.
目前价值1430万美元
On one condition.
只有一个条件
You must first sail my boat, the Childish Tycoon,
首先你要驾驶我的船幼稚大富翁号♥
by yourself around the entire world.
独自环游全世界
What?
什么
Again with the bait and switch.
又是诱导转向法
When I was 23,
我23岁的时候
my father asked me to do the same thing
我的父亲让我做同样的事
to earn my adulthood and his fortune.
让我获得成熟获得他的财富
Of course I cheated and floated off the coast of belize
当然我作弊航行到伯利兹沿海
for a year doing coke with John Denver.
跟约翰·丹佛吸了一年大♥麻♥
I always regretted it.
我一直都很后悔
I'd like to give you a chance to do what I never did:
想给你一个完成我从来没有做到的机会
Become your own man.
独♥立♥成人做真汉子
Okay, I'm a lawyer, Troy.
好我是一名律师特洛伊
It should be possible
完全可以
to contest these conditions as unreasonable...
对这些无理条件提出质疑...
I'll do it. And Pierce can take his mind games
我会完成这样皮尔斯的各种计谋
and his sperm and he can put I'll do it.
和他的精♥子♥都可以... 我会完成
What?
什么
Troy?
特洛伊
Pierce was a crazy old coot, yeah,
皮尔斯是个老疯头子没错
But I think he knew something about me
但是我觉得他了解我
that even I didn't know until now.
有些东西我以前都没意识到
Because he's offering me something
而且他要给我一些
I've been searching for my whole life.
我终其一生追求的东西