废柴联盟（2009）

Community S05E12

Part 2 Oct. 19, 2020, 1:17 p.m.

Are you kidding?
不是吧
What...
什么...
I lost this my first week here.
我来的第一周就把这个丢了
Oh, who's the lucky...
谁这么幸运能...
It's my mom's.
这是我妈妈的
I started wearing it because--I don't know.
我戴着是因为我也不知道
Everybody dreams of settling down, right?
每个人都盼着能有个归宿不是吗
And because it fits.
而且这个大小也合适
She had huge fingers for a woman,
她手指比一般女的都粗
part of what killed her, really.
就是这点把她害死了
I'm not dreaming about settling down.
我可不盼着有什么归宿
Well, maybe you already have.
也许你已经有归宿了
You're teaching, and you like it.
你在教书你也喜欢教书
You love Greendale.
你喜欢格林德尔
No, I love scotch and myself.
错了我只喜欢威士忌和我自己
I tolerate Greendale.
我能忍♥受格林德尔
It's a good school.
这是所好学校
That's why there's no need for this to get sentimental.
所以我们没必要搞得紧张兮兮的
This inspection is going to be the most boring thing
布雷塔和特洛伊约会之后
to happen here since Britta dated Troy.
最无聊的事就是这个审查了
All right, no story.
好吧没故事
Wait.
等等
If there's no story, what am I explaining?
要是没有故事我在解释什么呢
I'm in a story.
我就在故事里
Okay, think, Abed, think.
阿布蒂思考
How do you shake a story?
怎样拆穿一个故事
The answer
答案
is in the teacher's lounge.
就在教师休息室里
Here he comes, here he comes. Okay.
他来了他来了知道了
Hi, there. My name is Ronald Mohammed.
大家好我叫罗纳德·默♥罕♥默♥德♥
Go ahead. I've heard them all.
随你们怎么想我早习惯了
The city of Greendale has sent me here
格林德尔市政♥府♥派我来
to assess this campus' level of liability.
评估这座校园的负债水平
Now, what do I mean by liability?
负债是什么意思呢
Well, the city defines liability
根据政♥府♥定义
as any asserted or non-asserted perturbation
负债是指由任何有资质当事方引起的
by any qualifying party.
任何确定及不确定的扰动
What's a party?
当事方又是什么
A party is a person or a group of persons
当事方是指一个人或一群人
or an event celebrating a person or a party of persons'
还可以指为一个或一群人开的派对
birth, marriage...
庆祝生日婚姻
Don't panic, Jeffrey.
别紧张杰夫瑞
Hmm? I'm fine.
什么我没事
I'm the only one who's not panicking.
我是最淡定的一个了
Oh, please.
拜托
You can lie to yourself, but don't lie to me.
你可以自欺欺人但别想蒙我
But the city defines a dog as any living entity
但市政♥府♥规定任何有四条腿
with four legs and a tail,
和一条尾巴的生命体都是狗
so raccoons, bears, mountain lions, mice--
所以浣熊熊美洲狮耗子
These are all just different sizes of dog.
这些都是不同大小的狗
What do I mean by "size"?
这里的「大小」又是什么意思
I'll tell you a story.
我给你们讲个故事
What's that supposed to mean?
你说这是什么意思
I know how much you feel for the campus, Jeff.
我知道你有多在乎这座校园杰夫
I know how much you feel in general.
我还知道你有多少感情
And I know you think it's a weakness,
我知道你觉得有感情是弱点
but believe me, it's your strength.
但相信我这是你的长处
You got something in your teeth.
你还真铁齿铜牙
Mm-hmm, you got something in your chest.
你得学会流露真情
400,000 gallons of liquefied horse meat.
四十万加仑的液态马肉
Here I come.
我来了
Just...
有点
"And you shall find that salt is the taste
你会发现别人面包
"of another man's bread,
味道是怎样的咸
and hard is the way up and down another man's stairs."
也会发现别人台阶是怎样的难爬
Dante.
但丁的
Let's proceed.
我们继续吧
No!
不要啊
It's always a story.
每次都是有故事的
Everything is a story.
所有一切都是故事所需
Wait. Wait. Wait. Story feeds on conflict.
等等故事发展需要矛盾冲突
If I stop resisting, it'll stop being a story.
只要我不抗拒这就不是故事了
No, Abed.
不阿布蒂
Me with a beard?
长胡子的我
Keep fighting the story.
继续抗拒这个故事
Keep fighting it until it falls apart.
继续抗拒直到故事崩溃
I'm right.
我猜对了
I mean I'm wrong.
不对我错了
I mean I'm right. I mean I'm wrong.
我是对的我是错的
I mean I'm right. I mean I'm wrong.
我是对的我是错的
I mean I'm right. I mean I'm wrong.
我是对的我是错的
Unsubscribe.
省省吧
For the final stage of my appraisal,
在评估的最后阶段
I am going to randomly select one of your vending machines
我将随机选择一台自动售货机
to see if it can be rocked using human strength
检验它是否会在人力作用下
enough to tip and crush me.
被晃倒然后压死我
Now, in the U.S., each year, six people die this way,
美国每年都有六人因此死亡
and five of them are insurance appraisers,
其中五位都是保险评估员
so I take this very seriously. Here we go.
所以我很重视这项检查我们开始吧
Okay.
好了
Sorry we're late.
抱歉我们迟到了
Hey, look. It's Ronald Mohammed.
看哪是罗纳德·默♥罕♥默♥德♥
How about that name?
这名字起得真不错哈
All right, Ronald, what's the damage?
好了罗纳德有多糟糕
How much is this scampy, little hole in the earth
我们今年得为这个小破地方
gonna cost us this year?
花多少钱
Well, your gas leak is repaired,
你们煤气泄漏的问题已经解决了
all your fire exits actually lead outside,
所有消防逃生通道的确都通向室外
and I am told that no new species
我还听说过去一星期
have been discovered here in a week.
都没人发现新生物了
I have to say, I was brought in here to estimate
我不得不说我本是来评估
Greendale's liability, but at this point in time,
格林德尔负债水平的但现在
I'd describe this campus as an actual property asset.
我认为此校园是合格的物业地♥产♥了
This property has value.
这地♥产♥值钱了
Best news ever!
前所未有的喜讯
This property has value. It has value.
这地♥产♥值钱了值钱了
That means we can sell it! We can finally sell it!
就是说我们可以卖♥♥了终于能卖♥♥了
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
等等等一下
Press "stop" on Dave Matthews.
把戴夫·马修斯的歌♥停下
What did you just say?
你刚说什么
We can start courting businesses to unload this school
我们能找公♥司♥把这所学校
on the private sector.
当私营机构处理了
What do you mean "unload it"?
「处理了」是什么意思
This is a huge chunk of real estate,
这可是一大块不动产
which generates no tax revenue
完全没有税收
and takes money from the education budget.
还接受政♥府♥教育拨款
That's because it's a community college.
那是因为这是社区大学
Well, excuse us for taking longer
原谅我们反应慢
to see that was the problem.
才发现问题所在
Maybe we're not as smart as you.
也许我们没你聪明
I mean, we only went to Yale.
毕竟我们不过是耶鲁大学毕业的
Oh, no, you didn't.
好吐槽
Yes, I did.
可不是
Oh, hey, we should call T.J. Maxx right away.
我们可以给TJ马克斯百货商店打电♥话♥了
Dude, I told you. This jacket looks fine.
伙计我说了这西服很像样
No, to talk about selling this place.
不我是说谈卖♥♥学校的事
Oh, right. Yeah, T.J.Maxx, Marshalls.
哦对 TJ马克斯马绍尔[服装店]
What about Ben & Jerry's?
本杰瑞[冰激凌品牌]怎么样
Oh, Richie, you're my friend,
里奇你是我的朋友
But that is the last thing you need.
但这种东西你最要不得了