废柴联盟（2009）

Community S05E03

Part 2 Oct. 19, 2020, 1:15 p.m.

...and no squealing.
不许鬼叫
Okay, squeal.
你还是叫吧
Real Neil here,
我是真♥相♥帝尼尔
five days into the return of the Ass Crack Bandit.
投菊大盗兴风作浪之第五天
It's alive!
血淋淋的现实啊
Since we last spoke,
自上次之后
three more victims have caught the quarter,
又有三名受害人被投菊
with no end in sight.
此痛绵绵无绝期啊
Safety pants, 100 bucks a pop.
安全裤一百块一件
All sandwiches $5.
三明治全场五刀
Sorry, no change. Blame the bandit.
抱歉不找零要怪就怪投菊大盗
Here's a song that's been shooting up the request line
这首主题曲的大众传播速度
faster than coins are dropping.
比硬币滑落的速度还快
** It said quarter to five, but it was quarter to ass *
*你说是25分币其实是投菊之币
** You thought your plumbing was safe *
*你以为你的菊花很安全
** But your jeans were half-mast *
*可你的裤子让菊♥门♥开了一半
** Another coin down the drain *
*又一枚硬币投入菊瓣
** Now, that's some change that won't last*
*如今再也没人找零钱
The nature of the Ass Crack Bandit's crimes
投菊大盗犯罪行为的本质表明
would suggest that he's angry or just fell in love.
他要么气疯了要么爱疯了
We know that he hates money or loves it
他应该恨透或者爱极了硬币
or doesn't care about money and hates butts or loves them.
也可能对硬币无感只是恨透或爱极了菊花
Abed, you're special.
阿布蒂你有异能
Can't you just stand at the scene of the crime
能不能站到犯罪现场
and see what happened?
还原一下案发场景
I see a man...
我看到一个男人
using a social disorder as a procedural device.
利用社交障碍为作案手法
Wait, wait, wait, I see another man.
等等还有一个男人
Mildly autistic super detectives everywhere.
到处都是轻微孤僻的超级警探
Basic cable, broadcast networks.
有线电视广播网络
Pain. Painful writing.
好痛痛苦的文字
It hurts.
好心疼
Okay, ooh, la la. Hickey, what have you got?
够了汉基你怎么样
Heartburn. It doesn't help me catch criminals.
胃灼痛对我抓捕罪犯没什么帮助
Okay. I didn't want to take drastic measures,
我本来不想采取严厉措施的
but I've cooked up a little something.
但我还是鼓捣出来点小玩意
Chang?
昌
You better put a quarter in that crack, Mr. Bandit.
大盗先生来放硬币吧
Professor Hickey.
汉基教授请吧
Gotcha!
抓到你啦
whoa! Ha, what do you think?
不错吧觉得怎么样
I think this is spending too much money on a crime
我觉得对每次成本只有25分的犯罪行为来说
that nets you 25 cents a pop.
你的投入过高
Ah, no, no. This was free.
不不这个没花钱
Then I think you just admitted you already owned a fake butt.
你这是承认你有一个假屁♥股♥
"I am the mad hatter, if hats were butts.
「拿菊花比帽子我即疯菊花
I am neither left nor right. I am the space between.
既不左也不右稳稳当当居中♥央♥
To me, you're all like ants
我看呐你们就像行军中的蚂蚁
marching to class, freaks on parade."
游♥行♥中的怪胎」
I mean, why mix metaphors? Ants don't have butts.
搞什么比喻啊蚂蚁没有屁♥股♥的好吗
Wait a minute.
等等
Ants do have butts. No.
蚂蚁有屁♥股♥的不是说这个
These are Dave lyrics.
这是戴夫的歌♥词
Dave? Dave Matthews.
哪个戴夫戴夫·马修斯
Hard-core fans call him Dave.
死忠粉都叫他戴夫
Oh, excuse me for being alive in the '90s
抱歉我活在90年代
and having two ears connected to a heart.
我有两个耳朵一颗心
Okay, so all we need to do is assemble a list
行了我们要做的就是列个名单
of which Greendale teachers are Dave Matthews fans.
看看学校老师中谁是戴夫·马修斯的粉丝
Guess we better get to work.
这就开工吧
Done.
搞定
Thought that would take longer.
还以为你要找上一会呢
So please approve the Dean's new security measure
请大家支持院长的新安全措施
called "Troy's Law,"
「特洛伊法规」
because a camera in the bathroom...
因为在厕所装摄像头
is better than a quarter in your butt.
总好过菊花沟中夹硬币
As we've seen, the Ass Crack Bandit
我们现在都清楚了
can be defeated by using the three "B"s:
只要坚持「三小」就一定能战胜投菊大盗
belts, briefs, and buddies. Good.
小皮带小内♥裤♥和小伙伴很好
The bandit always gets his victims when they're alone.
独自一人容易受害
Bend over with friends over.
朋友弯腰你也跟着弯
There's safety in numbers.
人多力量大
I got cracked!
我被投菊了啦
He's under the bleachers!
他在座位下面
Everyone remain calm, please!
大家别慌
All right, free-for-all!
别乱
Where you been?
你去哪儿了
I questioned Guterman. We can cross him off.
我盘问了古特曼我们可以排除他的嫌疑了
At the time of the first cracking,
第一起投菊事件发生时
he was chaperoning Greendale's science dance.
他正在给格林德尔科学舞会当监督人
The student that attended can vouch for him.
出席的那个学生可以为他担♥保♥作证
I checked out Mrs. Plimpton.
我查了普林顿夫人
Airtight alibi. She's dead.
完美的不在场证明她死了
Next on my list is this one.
名单上的下一位是这个
Bublitz. We're close, I can feel it.
巴布里茨我们要破案了我感觉得到
This extra long churro tastes good in my real mouth.
这加长油条在我的真嘴里尝起来不错呢
May I help you?
找我有事吗
We'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay.
如果可以的话希望问你几个问题
He's bolting!
他逃跑了
He's there!
他在那
If you're going to confiscate this, know one thing.
如果你们要没收这个要知道
It's a mild, kind sativa, perfect for playing guitar.
这是一种温和的大♥麻♥ 特别适合弹吉他时用
There's been another...
又有一起
What the hell?
搞虾米
Destroying classrooms?
毁坏教室
Secretly investigating teachers behind my back?
背着我调查老师
Someone has to investigate the faculty,
总有人得行动起来调查全体教员
but you're like a single-celled organism...no nerve.
可你就像单细胞生物一样没种
Annie, you're suspended.
安妮你被停课了
You can't do that!
你不能这么做
Don't tell me what I can't do.
我做什么用不着你告诉我
What do you think you are,
你算哪根葱
Cosmo's July quiz?
玩「Cosmo」七月刊小测试吗
She was trying to help you.
她是想帮你
Let me ask you two something.
我问你俩一个问题
Let me be, like, the 50th person at this school to ask,
问过这个问题的算上我都有五十个人了
What is this, huh?
你们什么情况
What is this creepy business? What?
你们这是搞什么猫腻呢什么
I think you two like to partner up on cutesy capers
我觉得你俩扮可爱联手破案
so you can hold hands in the dark
是想在黑暗中大手拉小手
and address your urges in semi-acceptable scenarios.
在半推半就的情节中释放你们的欲望
Whoa, not cool!
嘿过界了哦
You not cool! You unprofessional!
你过界了你一点都不专业
I'm punishing you, Jeffrey.
我要惩罚你杰弗瑞
Starting next week,
下周开始
you are the new coach of the water polo team.
你要开始担任水球队的教练
What? That's right.
什么没错
Every morning, in the water...
每天清晨在水里
Craig Pelton, Dean and assistant water polo coach.
克拉格·派尔顿院长及水球队助理教练
What?
什么
This is the Ass Crack Bandit.
我是投菊大盗
I find it funny that you ever thought you could catch me.
你认为你能抓住我真是很好笑
Oh, that's very interesting. Please continue.
太有趣了请继续
I've enjoyed our game of cat and mouse.
我很享受我们之间的猫鼠游戏
It's funny how close your two little helpers came to catching me.
你的两个小帮手差点抓到我也挺好玩的
I liked watching them run in circles.
我喜欢看他们绕圈跑
Although sometimes I wonder,
尽管有时我在想
are they chasing me as an excuse to get near each other?
他们来追踪我是不是在找借口厮混
I mean, get a room already.
我是说赶紧开个房♥吧
We're friends!
我们是朋友