把妹大作战（2014）

Undateable S02E01

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 3:32 p.m.

Oh, dude. Hey.
哥们
Oh, uh, I need to tell you something,
我得跟你说件事
and I really -- I don't want you to freak out, okay?
我真的不想要你惊慌失措好吗
What is it?
什么事
I'm not sure how to say this, but, uh...
我不确定该怎么说但是
You're wearing a turtleneck.
你穿着高领毛衣
Oh, wait. Hold on. Is someone forcing you to wear it?
等等是有人逼你穿的吗
Ooh, blink if they're listening.
如果他们在偷听那就眨眨眼
Nicki just sent this as a little gift.
尼基刚送了这份小礼物
Nicki, uh, was my girlfriend till she moved away.
尼基之前是我女朋友然后她搬走了
And then dumped him.
然后甩了他
Point is, we FaceTime every night,
关键是我们每晚都视频聊天
and I wanted to show her that I was wearing it.
我想给她看看我穿着呢
Oh, that's so sweet.
太贴心了
See? Candace gets it.
瞧坎迪斯懂的
It'll be so much easier for her to move on
如果她觉得你没有下巴
if she thinks you don't have a chin anymore.
那她就更容易翻篇了
Me? No, yeah, I work out.
我吗我健身的
Three nights a week -- cardio hip-hop.
一周三次有氧街舞
Oh, what's wrong?
出什么事了
He's dancing like a "Peanuts" character.
他跳舞就像是《花生漫画》里的角色
No, he's -- he's trying to flirt with my friend Erica,
不他想跟我朋友艾丽卡调情
but it's not going very well.
但进展不顺
Were you done with that beer?
你喝完那杯啤酒了吗
No. But I don't mind.
没有但我不介意
She's like the sweet little sister I never had.
她就像是我未曾拥有的贴心小妹妹
Shelly, you've got a little sister.
谢利你有个小妹妹啊
Yeah, but she's a bitch.
是啊但她是个泼妇
Text me if you want to hang out after work.
如果你想下班后一起玩玩就给我发短♥信♥
All right.
好
Bye, Danny.
拜拜丹尼
All right, man, look, I'm gonna tell you something
好了哥们我要跟你说一件事
that you've only heard once before,
你之前只听过一次
And it was that time
那时候
you fell into the dolphin tank at the aquarium --
你掉进了水族馆的海豚水槽
Brace yourself.
振作起来
She wants to have sex with you.
她想跟你做♥爱♥
No, she doesn't.
才没有
She just wants to hang out after work.
她只是想下班后一起玩玩
The bar closes at 2:00. Where do you think she wants to hang out?
酒吧两点关门你觉得她想在哪里玩啊
Hopefully in them tight-ass jeans.
希望是在他的紧身牛仔裤里
Look, I'm not looking for a relationship, okay?
我不想谈恋爱好吗
Nicki and I, we're still kind of, you know --
尼基和我我们依然...
Look, Nicki is seeing other people --
尼基在跟别人约会了
Probably naked.
可能上♥床♥了
And I'm sure they all look better than you.
他们肯定都比你帅
Besides, Erica just got out of a relationship herself,
而且艾丽卡自己刚结束一段感情
so she's probably down for a one-night thing.
所以她也许想搞一♥夜♥情♥
Women aren't into that.
女人不想那样
Sometimes we are.
有时候我们想
Okay, one-night stands are like fast food.
一♥夜♥情♥就像快餐
Sure, you feel guilty the next day,
你第二天会觉得内疚
but sometimes you just need something cheap
但有时候你就需要廉价的
you can enjoy in your car.
可以在车里享用的东西
I'm no stranger to the one-night stands,
我很熟悉一♥夜♥情♥
all right?
好吗
I know how it works.
我知道是怎么回事
Go to a party, you meet a pretty girl,
去参加派对见到一个靓妹
you're like, "Sup?
你说哟
Want to try some sex?"
想做个爱吗
So you've never had a one-night stand.
所以你从来没有过一♥夜♥情♥
I only have one-night stands.
我只有过一♥夜♥情♥
I mean, sure, I'd love a two-night stand,
当然我想要两夜情
but they usually call it after the first.
但第一次之后她们就叫停了
Occasionally during it.
偶尔是在做的时候
You need to get back out there. Come on. It's time.
你得重返情场是时候了
Okay, you know what? What the hell.
好吧管他呢
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna text her.
我要给她发短♥信♥
"My dearest Erica..."
最亲爱的艾丽卡
No, no, no.
不不
Nuh-uh.
不行
You get six words, three of which must be
你只能说六个词其中必须有
"Slap that ass."
打屁♥股♥
"Erica? Justin.
艾丽卡贾斯丁
Tonight...
今晚
Slap that ass."
打屁♥股♥
Perfection, huh?
完美啊
That's my butt.
那是我的臀部
Love the confidence, but we use professional models.
喜欢你这么自信但我们用的是专业模特
Well, then, I just got drafted to the pros,
那我刚成为专业模特了
because that's my ass.
因为那就是我的屁♥股♥
Huh. It could be.
可能呢
I mean, some day.
我是说以后
If you work a lot harder.
如果你更努力地健身
That's my ass, damn it. Look.
那是我的屁♥股♥ 该死瞧瞧
Disrobe and strike the pose, please.
请脱掉衣服摆出姿势
Yeah, the dimples do line up.
腰窝的确一样
When I told the gym manager it was my butt,
我跟健身房♥经理说那是我的屁♥股♥时
he called me a liar.
他说我是个骗子
It's not fair
这不公平
because I've been working really hard on my body.
因为我真的在努力健身
I've been drinking less.
我喝酒少了
What?
什么
You said to bring the whole bottle.
你说拿一整瓶酒
I was joking.
我那是开玩笑
Oh. But since it's here...
但是既然都送来了
You know, I don't think I can go back in there.
我觉得我没法回去了
Seeing that poster will just make me too sad.
看到那张海报会让我很难过
Okay, that gym doesn't deserve to have
那家健身房♥不该在墙上挂上
any part of your body on its walls,
你的任何身体部位
especially your sweet, little bottom.
特别是你的小屁屁
We're gonna get your ass back.
我们要夺回你的屁屁
But when we do, you're gonna have to return it
但是到时候你得归还给某个黑人姑娘
to whatever black girl you stole it from.
你是从她身上偷来的
Erica texted back!
艾丽卡回了短♥信♥
Erica texted back!
艾丽卡回了短♥信♥
It's on. It's on.
约上了
What happens now? Do I get a haircut?
现在怎么办我要去理发吗
Do I need her father's permission?
我需要她父亲的许可吗
Last night was amazing.
昨晚棒极了
I wish you were there.
真希望你在场
You know, the walls are so thin,
墙壁好薄
I kind of feel like I was.
我感觉我就在场
By the way, did I hear spanking?
顺便说一句我听到了打屁♥股♥的声音吗
Briefly, but I asked her to stop.
有那么几下但我让她停手了
The key to a one-night stand
一♥夜♥情♥的关键是
is that when she leaves, you just let her go.
她离开时你就让她走
Now, you don't want to date her. She doesn't want to date you.
你不想跟她约会她也不想跟你约
So don't say or do anything to lead her on.
所以别说或者做引诱她的事
Hey. I'm gonna take off.
我要走了
Cool.
真酷
You did a great job last night, Bae.
你昨晚做得真棒宝贝
Forgot my keys.
忘记拿钥匙了
Sorry.
对不起
I feel so stupid.
感觉好蠢
I should say something to make her feel better.
我该说些话让她感觉好过些
No. Think "Braveheart."
不想想《勇敢的心》吧
Hold.
等等
Hold.
等等
Hold.
等等