凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E02

Part 3 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

查克叔叔的背怎了养了顺便问一句
How's Uncle Chuck's back been doing, by the way?
你知道
Uh, well, you know.
等着保险公♥司♥
Waiting for the insurance company
批准椎间盘突出的赔付
to approve the surgery on his bulging disc,
他们说这是实验性手术
and still saying the procedure's "experimental."
我是说他们知道他用得上
I mean, they know he needs it.
我不知道有什么可实验的
I don't know what the big experiment is.
所以没错
So... Right.
他基本上就躺着要肉丸三明治
He's pretty much laid up asking for meatball subs
还有加冰威士忌
and whiskey rocks from the couch.
但是没关系
But it's fine.
你还在给他配止痛药吗
You still, uh, dole out his pain meds, or...?
查克说这让他感觉像是小孩儿
Chuck says it makes him feel like a child,
让我管着他所以
having me be in charge of him, so...
是
Yeah.
他坚持说他自己应付得来
He insists he can handle it himself
我也不想再吵了
and I don't wanna argue anymore.
艾丽森
Allison.
你要放弃了吗
Are you giving up?
你什么意思
Uh, how do you mean?
B
B--
这是怎么回事
What's going on here?
你看着一副泥石流的样子
You like like 10 miles of bad highway.
这是我新的最爱
It's, uh, actually my new favorite.
上面还有污渍
Oh, it -- it's got stains.
我知道
I know.
我系胡安
I like 'em.
好吧
Okay.
其实这件汗衫其实是个
Thing is...this sweatshirt is actually a--
我的意思是你的身材这么好
I mean, you've got a good shape going on under all of that.
别放任自流
Don't just let yourself go.
你自暴自弃对凯文不公平
It's not fair to Kev to just give up.
对凯文不公平
Not fair to Kev?
听着我应该穿霍利巷的矫形鞋
Look, I should be wearing orthopedic shoes
来环节我的足底问题
from Hawley Lane for my plantars,
但是查克说那让我看起来像是夜班护士
but Chuck says they make me look like a night nurse
来给他换尿布
coming in to change his diaper.
所以我怎么做的
Mm. So what do I do?
我去了趟超♥市♥ 买♥♥了双平底鞋
I go over to Target, I get myself nice flats.
在我自己的时间去解决足弓问题
I deal with my arches on my own time.
你知道你用不着那么做的对吧
Okay, well, you know you don't have to do that, right?
因为那简直是疯了
'Cause that's -- that's crazy.
不亲爱的
No, honey.
这就是婚姻
That's marriage.
凯文看到你的新形象了吗
Uh, h-h-has Kev seen this new look?
不好
No.Oh, good.
不我就只是在这穿
No, I just wear this here.
因为我感觉冷
Oh.'Cause I -- I get cold.
是是
Yeah, yeah.
好吧
Well, okay.
我去买♥♥个暖气
I'll pick up a space heater from Lowe's.
让你暖和起来
Warm you right up.
一看到他们我就知道
...the minute I saw them!
他们拿走了我知道他们干的
They took it! I know they did!
这是怎么回事
What's going on here?Oh!
我有种不好的预感
I've got a terrible feeling about something.
来问问看好不好
Let's check it out, shall we?
Alexer 我的东西在哪
Alexer? Where's my stuff?
怎么回事你说就管用
What the hell? It works for you!
不是Alexer
Well, it's not "Alexer."
是Alexa
It's "Alexa."
我就是这么说的
That's what I'm saying.
Alexer
Alexer.
Alexer 我的东西呢
Alexer, where's my stuff?
我那里做错了
What am I doing wrong?!
说英语
Speaking English.
试试这个说Alexer
Okay, try this. Say "Alexer."
Alexa
Alexa.
这就对了
There ya go.
Alexa 我的东西在哪
Alexa, where's my stuff?
一个快递今天被投递给凯文
One shipment was delivered for Kevin today.
有猫腻
Foul play!
我的呃贝利切克连帽衫我所拥有的
My Belichick hoodie -- the closest thing
最接近孩子的东西被偷了
I have to a child -- was stolen!
你不想要孩子
Ugh. You don't want children.
记得吗你说那会转移你的注意力
Remember? You said it pulls focus
让你没办法关注生活中真正重要的东西
from what really matters in life --
你的呃需求
your needs.
那件汗衫本来是作为我的实验案例的
That sweatshirt was gonna be my test case --
我的骄傲和宝贝
my pride and joy.
结果它现在可能被塞在邻居的柜子里
Instead, it's probably stuffed in the neighbor's closet.
寒冷孤独
All cold and alone.
都不知道我在找它
Not even knowing I'm trying to find it.
它知道的凯文
It knows, Kev.
该死的外国人把我哥们都整崩了
Damn foreigners are tearing my boy apart!
皮特来了飓风你都怪外国人
Pete, you blame hurricanes on foreigners.
你确定是他们干的吗
Are you sure it's them?
也许是邮递员弄错了
Maybe it was just a mistake with the mailman.
艾丽森你站在哪边的
Allison, whose side are you on?
理智那边
Sanity's.
要做的事情很明显
Well, it's obvious what has to be done.
把联合包裹快递公♥司♥烧了
Set UPS on fire.
不把邻居家烧了
No.Set the neighbors on fire.
不
No!
尼尔我们不让你再玩火了记得吗
Neil, we don't let you do fire anymore, remember?
我知道
I know.
不过
But still...
火苗
the flame...
在呼唤着我
she calls to me.
我们得来个独♥立♥战争重启
We have to have a Revolutionary War reboot!
我喜欢重启
I love a reboot.
这几乎赶得上高速公路巡警的重启了
This is almost as good as the new "CHiPs"!
反抗军对红衫军
Rebels versus Redcoats.
偷走那件汗衫和波士顿大屠♥杀♥一样糟糕
Stealing that sweatshirt was as bad as the Boston Massacre.
要更糟
Worse!
你们对肉桂味口香糖也是这么说的
You guys said the same thing about cinnamon gum.
太辣了
It's too hot.
口香糖就该是清凉爽口的
Gum is meant to be minty and refreshing.
开战了
It's on!
小帕去理发店
Pat, go to the salon.
把剩下的烟火筒拿来
Get those leftover Roman candles.
我们需要火♥药♥ - 收到
We're gonna need ammo. - Roger that.
你把烟火放在理发店
You left the fireworks at the salon?
想用的场合那么多
There's so many times I wanted to use them!
我们不让你玩火了
We don't let you do fire anymore!
我们走
Let's go, men!
我们还有胜仗要打
We got a war to win!
对
Yes! Ow!
疝气
Oh! Hernia!
好了我没事
Alright, I'm good!
你还好吗 - 我没事
You alright? - I'm good!
我们是男人
We're men!
美♥利♥坚♥
U.S.A.!Ow!
美♥利♥坚♥ 美♥利♥坚♥ 美♥利♥坚♥
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
怎么了没什么
What's up? Nothin'.
因为我等不及要给你看
'Cause I've been dying to show you, uh --
给任何人卡 - 能等等吗
Just, like, show someone. - Can it wait?
我得去理发店找到
I gotta get to the salon and start looking
那些烟火筒它们被放在
for those Roman candles. They're buried
架空的隔间里我至少得碰三次头
in the crawl space somewhere and I'm gonna hit my head