凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E05

Part 1 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

帕蒂没有你我的人生没有任何意义
Patty, I can't live without you.Oh!
珍这是艾丽森艾丽森这是我妻子珍
Jenn, this is Allison. Allison, my wife Jenn.
帕蒂·奥康纳吗我是伍斯特警局的塔米·瑞吉维警探
Patty O'Connor? Detective Tammy Ridgeway, Worcester PD.
你知道那次行动的目的吗
Do you have any idea what that bust was about?
你知道为什么这辆车会被报失吗
Do you have any idea why this car was reported stolen?
凯文你报♥警♥了
Kevin, you called the police?!
我还能怎么办
What was I s'posed to do?!
我都联♥系♥了你一整天了
I've been tryin' to reach ya all day!
这种幼稚的事他能干得出来
That's the kind of juvenile crap he does!
而你只是当观众哈哈大笑
And you just watched him and laughed!
那些药是给他准备的
I need those pills for him.
因为我要杀了凯文
Cause I'm gonna kill Kevin.
不你才不会呢
No, you're not.
我会的
Yes, I am.
你只是一时在气头上而已
Nah. You're just having a time.
帕蒂我不是一时生气我认真的
Patty, I'm not "having a time." I'm serious.
我要杀了他然后伪装成吸毒过量
I'm gonna kill him, and I'm gonna make it look like an OD.
好吧
Okay.
怎么了你别觉得受到了冒犯
What? That's -- That's not exactly an insult.
毕竟你就是你有你的性格
I mean, you're like -- you're you.
我可是刚从两个警♥察♥手里把你救出来
You mean the person who just saved your ass from two cops?
对但你没有袭♥警♥ 我们也没有在逃
Yeah, and it's not like you shot 'em and we're on the lam.
你低声下气地搞定了
You asked nicely.
你大概是一时脑热嘴上逞能但其实
Maybe you talk -- or think -- a big game, but come on.
等真的摊上事了你就是个
When it really comes down to it, you're, like...
壁花小姐
wallpaper.
最温和友善的那种
In the nicest way possible.
我的话惹你生气了
Are you mad at me now?
对
Yes.
也不对我只是
No. I just...
你说得对
You're right.
可能我就是一时脑热吧
I think I am just having a time.
糟了
Oh, shoot.
你能看到这片淤青吗
Can you notice this bruise?
这是那个卡车司机倒到你身上时伤到的吗
Oh, what? You mean where the giant trucker fell on you?
挺明显的
Yeah, it shows.
你完了
Shoot.
我该怎么跟凯文解释呢
How am I gonna explain this to Kevin?
艾丽森你觉得我会整天寻思
Allison, you think I'm walking around wondering
怎么跟尼尔解释我们家有把枪吗
how I'm gonna explain a random gun in the house to Neil?
错
No.
我直接把它埋后院里
I'm gonna bury it in the backyard
什么都不用解释
so I don't have to explain anything.
遮住就好了
Cover it up.
发挥你犯罪高手的才华吧
Some criminal mastermind you'd be.
艾丽森
Jenn: Allison?
珍
Jenn!
嘿嗨
Hey! Hi!
你好啊姐妹最近好吗
Hey, girl. How are you?
很好我很好
I'm fine. Fine.
这家店真的不错对吧
This place is great, right?
同意我很喜欢这家店
Totally. I-I-I love it here.
这个粉底很适合你
That foundation's perfect for you.
遮黑眼圈效果一流
It's so good for under-eye circles.
并不是并不是说你需要遮
Not that -- Not that you need it, of course.
谢谢
Thank you.
见到你真开心
Oh. It was so good seeing you.
咱们有空约咖啡好吗
Let's get coffee soon, okay?
- 没问题 - 我先走了拜
Sure. Sure. Okay. Bye.
这个怎么卖♥♥
how much is this?
30刀
$30.
你没开玩笑吧
Are you serious?
认真的
Yes.
出门右拐有家屈臣氏
There's a CVS down the street.
不用没事
No. That's -- That's fine.
我买♥♥了
Um, I will take this.
- 当然可以 - 麻烦包起来
Of course. Please.
还要再看看别的吗
Is there anything else I can get you, ma'am?
不了今天先买♥♥这个
No. That's -- That's all for today...
谢谢
ma'am.
这色号♥ 不会吧
Oh, come on.
嘿科特
Hey, Kurt.
你好
Hi.
你真美
You look... perfect.
是吗我感觉光彩照人呢
Oh, yeah. I feel radiant.
科特今天是星期二
Kurt, it's -- it's Tuesday.
我知道
Uh-huh.
这是凉的啊
Oh. That's cold.
是
Yeah.
我们星期二一般不见面的
We don't usually hang out on Tuesdays.
我知道
No, I know.
只不过我想破一次例
I just, uh, I thought I'd make an exception.
我们好好谈谈
So we could talk.
好吧
Okay.
也许你已经在公路旅行的时候考虑好了
Maybe you got some thinking done on the road?
我们的事
About us?
你忘了
You forgot.
我向你求婚了
I proposed.
但是你把这事忘了
And... y-you forgot.
不不我没忘
No. No, I did-- I didn't forget.
我是说
I mean...
我是准备考虑一下的
I-I really -- I mean to think about it.
我确实考虑过
I did think about it. I just --
但讲真我其实不知道
The truth is, I didn't know why
你为什么要求婚
you had to propose in the first place.
我们这个样子已经三年了
I mean, we've been doing this for three years,
我觉得很好
and it's fine.
很好吗
It's fine?
是啊
Yeah.
这很好你懂的
It's good, you know?
我不觉得缺点啥
Nothing was wrong.
我不懂我们为啥要打破这个状态
I don't know why we should mess it up.
因为我不想一辈子
Because I don't want to just stand still
就这么原地踏步
for the rest of my life.
为什么不咱俩都不喜欢运动
Why not? We both hate exercise.
别闹了帕蒂
Patty.
我没向你提什么奇怪的要求
I'm not asking for anything weird.
我的要求是正常的
What I want is normal.
正常人都会这么做
It's what normal people do.
正常人
Normal people.
就因为我想按照自己的想法生活
So, I'm not normal because I want to live my life
我就不正常了
the way that I want to?
听着如果你想停留在这个状态那
Look, if this is the way you want things, then...
你知道我不能再这样下去了
yeah, I-I -- you know, I can't do it anymore.
如果我们永远都不会结婚
If we're never gonna get married...
不会
No.
我们不会结婚的
We're not.
那咱俩结束了
Then we're done.
好的
Fine.
最后祝你
You know what?
一辈子傻呵呵烂在凯文家
Have fun rotting at Kevin's house.
你们看起来挺温馨啊
Well, this is cozy.
对我被锁得死死的
Yeah. It's a tight fit.
你们在搞什么啊
Hey, well, what's going on here?
呵我们的女嘉宾来了
Ah. The women of the hour are here.
艾丽森你能乖乖坐下来吗
Allison, would you be a doll and sit down for a second?
好吧
Okay.
这是唱哪出凯文
What is this, Kevin?
别紧张
Oh, no big deal.
我只是有个问题要问
Just got a question.