凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E02

Part 6 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

- 艾丽 - 嘿
-Allie. -Hey.
- 时间不早了 - 是底部其
-Uh, it's late. -Yeah, sorry.
你还好吗
Um, how are you?
我不知道我怎么回答这个问题
Uh, I don't really know how to answer that question.
我知道我该说我没事
I know that I am supposed to say, "I'm good.
你怎么样
How are you?"
再多说就不礼貌了
Anything more than that is just rude.
没人想知道你怎么样
No one actually wants to know how you are.
只不过是在说
It's just a way of saying, "Hello.
我很好你怎么样
I'm good, how are you?"
但是我其实想要
Uh, but I actually wanted to...
谈谈
talk.
和我谈吗
To me?
是
Yeah.
以为你是生气了还是怎么了
Thought maybe you were mad or something.
我为什么要生气
Why would I be mad?
对
Right.
当然
Sure.
你想要被咖啡吗
You want a coffee or something?
在这一夜之后我想说加威士忌的咖啡
After the night I had, I'd say an Irish coffee,
但是我不想逼你这么做
but I don't want to make you do that.
我能挺过去
I can muscle through.
不我实在是不礼貌
Well -- No, I was being -- I was being rude.
不可能
Impossible.
我乐意调
This is really for me.
我曾经喜欢给你调酒
I used to love mixing drinks for you.
还记得我们的汽水龙舌兰
Remember our, uh, white trash margarita?
对
Yeah.
黄佳得乐龙舌兰
Yellow Gatorade and tequila.
加上马拉奇斯♥诺♥樱桃
With a maraschino cherry.Ugh.
在我调过的所有酒里面这杯名列前茅
Of all the drinks I miss, that one's pretty high up there.
谢谢你
Thank you.
所以你想要谈谈
So, you wanted to talk?
是
Yeah.
谈什么
About?
不是天气
Something that isn't the weather,
我婶婶的足病或者和邻居的宿怨的事情
or my aunt's foot ailments, or the feud with the neighbors.
我过去的十年都
I've had the worst...
过得很糟
decade, really.
我不敢相信
Like, I can't believe how much time
这么长时间以来我什么都没有说
I've spent talking about nothing.
现在我觉得我终于有话要说了
And now that I feel like I actually have something to say,
我所拥有的最接近
um, the closest thing that I have
在乎我的人是一条狗
to someone who cares is a dog.
我在乎
I care.
那是因为
Just that you knew me before --
你在我小的时候就认识我
W-When we were younger.
我有过朋友对吧
I had friends, right?
是
Yeah.
是我感觉他们都有JKL
Yeah, I feel like they all had names
打头的名字
that started with J, K, and L.
凯蒂凯莉劳伦琳赛
Katie, Kelly, Lauren, Lindsay --
朱莉 - 对
Julie. - Jess.
他们喜欢教堂
They liked church.
爱得不行
They loved church. Mm.
你在游泳队的朋友
And your friends in the swim team.
不
Well, no.
那些女孩并不喜欢我
Those girls didn't really like me.
我曾经有点
I was a bit --
争强好胜
bit competitive.
曾经
"Was"?
好吧
Okay.
我有在餐馆的人
And I had the people at the restaurant,
我还有你
and I had you.
我不知道什么时候和其他人隔绝开来
I just don't know when I got so isolated from everyone.
希望你在过去的十年在这
Wish you'd been here for the last 10 years.
我不确定那会有什么帮助
I mean, I'm not sure that would've actually helped.
为什么
Why?
认为自己和其他人隔绝的人
People who think they're cut off from everyone
通常是自己主动竖起壁垒
are actually often walling themselves off from the world.
好了能别往那个方向说下去吗我这周已经
Okay, can we not? 'Cause I've already
拒绝过一次心理治疗了所以
turned down therapy once this week, so --
行好没问题
No, yeah. Sure.
我就是说
I'm just saying,
你说你希望我在这
when you talk about wishing I'd been here...
但你才是那个离开的人
you're the one who pulled away.
我离开
I pulled away?
我是说早在我结婚之前
Okay, I mean, you were gone
你就疏远了号♥码
way before I got married, okay?
我们怎么谈起这个来了
Uh-- How are we talking about this?
我就是想要找个人谈谈
I just wanted someone to talk with.
是吗
Did you, though?
因为在我看来你就是想要有人
'Cause from where I'm sitting, you wanted someone
听你说话然后点头应和
to listen and nod and agree with you.
你知道吗
You know what?
我收回
I take it back.
我很好你怎么样
I'm good. How are you?
什么我们被抢了吗
Wha-- Have we been robbed?
说得没错
That is absolutely correct.
为什么不报♥警♥
Shouldn't we be calling the police?
单纯的艾丽森
Oh, simple Allison.
这是我的计划的一部分
This is all a part of my master plan.
你上次这么说的时候
Okay, well, the last time you said that,
我们得把橡树砍倒了才救你下来
we had to cut down the oak tree to get you out of it.
那棵树碍眼了三百年了
That tree was an eyesore for 300 years.
保罗·列维尔（独♥立♥战争革命家）种的
Paul Revere planted it.
听着
Just listen.
保安系统拍到了邻居
The security system picked up some of those damn neighbors
昨晚在屋外游荡
lurking outside the house last night.
真的吗
Really?
你怎么知道是他们
Wh-- How do you know it was them?
他穿着连帽衫
Uh, he was wearing the hoodie.
真不容易宝贝
That's tough, babe.
谢谢你
Thank you.
但是在我把一窝儿臭鼬往
But as I was trying to lure an entire family of skunks
邻居家地下引的时候
under the neighbor's house,
我意识到安保录像给了我足够的证据
I realized that that security footage gives me all the ammo
来找保险公♥司♥索赔
I need to go to the insurance company.
所以嗒哒
So, ta-dah!
凯文我们说好了在扑克把你的
Kevin, we agreed you'd give up magic
耳膜捅破之后你就不玩魔术了
when that playing card punctured your eardrum.
艾丽森我想赞同你都听不到
Allison, I can't even hear you to agree with you.
这就是保险的魔力
This is the magic of insurance.
我跟那个人说了我被盗的连帽衫
I talked to the guy about my stolen hoodie
好友所有这里其他被偷的东西
and all the, eh -- wink -- other stuff missin' here.
那个人今天晚些时候会来接受所有物品的索赔
Guy's coming down later today to take claims on everything.
电视韦德·博格斯新人卡你父亲的骨灰
TV, Wade Boggs rookie card, your father's ashes.
凯文 - 我开玩笑的
Kevin. - I'm just kidding.
他不值几个钱
He's not worth anything.
不我是说这不是诈骗吗
No, I mean, isn't this fraud?
不可能
No way.
我们的东西确实不见了
Our stuff is actually missing.
如果你到尼尔车♥库♥里看看
I mean, maybe if you went over to Neil's garage...
可能都在那但是谁知道呢
Ugh....it might all be in there, but who knows?
反正不是我
Not I!
对不不不你也不知道
Y-- No, no, no! And not you!
我不去尼尔的车♥库♥
I am not going in Neil's garage.
我要戴比尔出去
I am taking Bill out.Whoa, whoa.
比尔是谁你要把他带到哪去
Who's Bill, and where are you taking him?
比尔是我给狗起的名字他在哪
Bill is what I named our dog. Where is he?