凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E01

Part 5 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

大家
Kevin: Everyone!
大家听我说
Everyone!
挺好了
Listen up!
这是我玩过的最棒的派对
This has truly been my best party yet!
结婚纪念日快乐
Happy anniversary!
也是什么人的结婚纪念日吗
Oh. Is it somebody's anniversary?
- 恭喜 - 谢谢
Congrats!Thank you!
不过我也想在派对上
But I also wanna use my party
跟大家分享一件人生大事
to share some news about a life-changing move.
艾莉森人呢
Where's Allison?
你能过来吗她在哪儿
Can we get Allison up here? There she is.
站上来宝贝
Come here, babe.
来这里很好过来吧
Come on up. Yeah, up here. Come on.
我们感谢大家今天赏脸能来
Uh, we both want to thank you all for coming, uh,
但尤其要感谢哈里森先生
but especially Mr. Harrison.
对特里
Yeah. Terry.
因为特里刚刚给了我一个
Because Terry has just offered me
一生难得的机会
the opportunity of a lifetime.
特里要把我从电缆部门调到光纤部门
Terry is moving me over from cable to fiber optics.
大家都知道这意味着什么吧
So, you know what that means.
别等等
No.Wait.
- 你是说 - 对尼尔
Are you saying...Oh, yes, Neil.
我们决定留下来了
We decided we're staying.
是吗
We did?
这桌子不是陶器坊的吗
I thought you said this was from Pottery Barn.
他喝醉了他不会记得自己说了啥
He's drunk. He's not gonna remember this.
我们会搬家的我们要走我们要走
We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going.
天啊
Ow! God!
卧♥槽♥ 卧♥槽♥
Crap! Mother eff--
我的天
Patty: My God.Oh.
想骂就骂吧
Just swear.
卧♥槽♥听起来更糟
"Eff" is so much worse.
你是出来发脾气的吗
You throwing a little tantrum out here?
就是出来透透气
Just getting some fresh air.
信箱惹到你了吗
Oh. And the mailbox offended you.
这是开派对
It's a party.
不是送你上刑场
Not death row.
你就不能试着
Do you ever think about maybe trying to have
找找乐子
just a little bit of fun?
我不是说让你去吸冰什么的
I'm not talking about scoring crack or anything,
不过放松一下喝杯硬苏打总可以吧
but maybe indulge in a hard seltzer?
我没有庆祝的心情
I don't feel like celebrating.
哦对我犯傻了
Oh, right. Silly me.
我们都应该为芭比娃娃失去了
We're all in mourning 'cause Barbie lost out on her
- 她梦想的房♥子而伤心 - 跟房♥子无关
Dream House.It's not about the house!
我就是很累
I'm just s-so tired.
懂大家现在都不睡觉了
Yeah. Who sleeps these days?
拜托我是指心理上
Oh, Jesus, I mean mentally.
你不心累吗
Aren't you?
我起床去发廊
I wake up, I go to the salon,
然后回家跟男人们一起看比赛
I come home, I watch a game with the guys.
中间陆陆续续喝点咖啡
In between, there are a few Dunkie's coffees
吃一包薄荷醇
and a pack of menthols.
你不介意这种生活吗
You're okay with that?
大家都知道自己10年后的生活会是神马样
Everyone knows what their life's gonna look like in 10,
20年后
20 years.
只有洗衣机广♥告♥会告诉你生活会改变
Pretending things'll change is how they sell washing machines.
- 我就是 - 努力得很心累
I'm just -- I'm tired of trying.
我觉得我怎么做都不够
I feel like nothing I do is ever enough.
我真的认为如果我可以去别的地方重新开始
I really think if I could start over and go somewhere else
把一切都做对
and just do everything right this time,
就可以最终
I can finally be...
满意了
like, done.
是不是很疯狂
Is that insane?
你知道每周有多少人来到我的美发店
You know how many people come to my salon every week
以为就卷发能解决所有问题
thinking a perm will solve all their problems?
我是说
I mean...
也许你是疯了
maybe you're insane,
但你不是一个人
but you're not alone.
说我疯了是你对我说的最友善的话
Calling me crazy is the nicest you ever been to me.
不客气
You're welcome.
但是这不只是卷发
But this isn't just a perm.
我不要放弃我不能
I'm not giving up on this. I can't.
我可以让凯文明天去银行
I can get Kevin to that bank tomorrow morning.
我不在乎他是不是还
I-I don't care if he's still
在喝酒
taking pulls off a handle of tequila.
我知道看上去不是这样但是我知道怎么治凯文
I know it doesn't seem like it, but I know how to work Kevin.
他是能做成事的
He's capable of stuff.
我让他记住了我们的纪念日
Like how I got him to remember our anniversary.
你只需要让他以为是他的点子
You just have to make him think that it's his idea.
你知道吗我们还可以
You know? We can still --
天呐艾莉森
Jesus, Allison.
什么
What?
得了吧醒醒吧
Come on. Wake the hell up.
就根本没什么我们
There's no "we" in there.
你怎么知道的
What the hell do you know?
没人觉得我们会搬走但是我向你保证
Nobody thinks that we're leaving, but I promise you --
账户空了
The account's empty.
什么
What?
每周攒下的钱
The weekly savings thing.
没有了
It's gone.
不可能因为我开户的时候
That's not possible, 'cause I was there
就在场
when we opened the account.
那是十年之前然后你让他管钱
Like 10 years ago, and then you let himkeep track of the money.
因为我不会管钱
'Cause I'm bad with money.
你觉得他就会吗
You think he's better?
得了吧这个家里这周
Come on. How many times a week
收了几次快递
does a package come to this house?
你只需要留心观察
All you gotta do is pay attention.
他不会动那个账户的钱的
He wouldn't go into that account.
几年之前他因为倒卖♥♥运动纪念品
A few years ago, he got into some hot water
欠了债
trading fake sports memorabilia.
他问尼尔要钱尼尔自然就找到了我
He asked Neil for money, who of course came to me.
他说你什么都没有
He said you have nothing.
但是我们是要离开的重新开始
But we were gonna leave... start over.
他说情况会有改观
He said that things were gonna change.
情况从来就不会有改观
They were never gonna change.
他们从来就不会变
They're never gonna change.
对不起
I'm sorry.
该死
Fuck!
你为什么不给我给我看看你的本事
* Why don't you gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme what you got?
因为你知道宝贝那可是不少
* 'Cause you know, baby, that is quite a lot
快来给我给我给我看看你的本事
* Come on and gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme what you got
因为你知道宝贝我需要你的所有
* 'Cause you know, baby, I need what you got
Oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah
给我给我给我你的所有
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme what you got
当你与我耳鬓厮磨
* When you're making love to me, dear
当你对我的耳边细语
* When you whisper into my ear
我爱你我爱你
* I love you, I love you
在你说话的时候我下定了决心
* When you're speaking it, make up your mind
你让我神清气爽
* You make me feel so fine
给我给我给我你的所有
* Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme what you got
因为你知道宝贝
* Hey, hey, hey * 'Cause you know, baby..
那是乱丢垃圾亲爱的
That's littering, sweetie.
你会惹上麻烦的
You can get in trouble for that.
给我你的本事
* Gimme what you got
因为你知道宝贝我需要你的所有
* 'Cause you know, baby, I need what you got
对
* Oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah
我是个坏司机我承认
I'm a bad driver. I've accepted that.
我是个坏司机发梢开叉还地包天
I'm a bad driver with split ends and an overbite.
当我丈夫和我在一辆车里的时候他说